How to Advocate for Yourself with Brandi Frazier
Nothing happens by mistake and meeting Brandi Frazier is an example of that. I actually met Brandi because she was my neighbor and we were both pregnant at the same time. But as I grew to know Brandi better, I learned that not only is she an amazing mama, but she’s also a total boss. Today, she joins the She Sells community and is empowering us to advocate for ourselves even if we are not feeling confident yet.
Brandi Frazier is a Mama, Wife, Speaker, and Master Educator who is passionate about empowering women in all areas of life. Brandi has spent many years as an innovative business sales and leadership expert who has diligently worked to create more engaging and results-driven organizations. After many years of training executives, managing teams, and speaking in corporate America, Brandi found a new passion, a new purpose, and a new why: Bee Empowered Mama. Bee Empowered Mama provides community, onsite training, coaching, workshops, and educational content for all things motherhood and in the workplace for women. Bee Empowered Mama also specializes in teaching women how to advocate for themselves during pregnancy, postpartum, and beyond.
In this energetic episode, Brandi inspires us with her personal stories that sparked her new why and how advocating for herself literally saved her life. She is a powerful speaker that will have you hooked on every word and you’ll be listening to this over and over again to get you pumped up and feeling confident to be the expert of you.
[3:04] – Welcome to the show, Brandi! Elyse and Brandi reflect on how they met.
[3:58] – Brandi describes her background in sales and how her bubbly personality led to her discovering her love for it.
[5:01] – As time went on, Brandi found herself in corporate training, speaking, and international teams training.
[6:36] – Brandi was motivated to go hard so she could slow down and enjoy her pregnancy. Covid certainly changed things for her as well.
[7:53] – In any scenario in your life, if you feel that you are not being treated the best you possibly can be, you should leave.
[8:32] – Brandi learned through her pregnancy that she needed to advocate for herself.
[10:04] – Because she knew she is the expert of her own body, Brandi explained why she monitored her blood pressure and how she continued to advocate for herself.
[11:40] – As a result of using her voice and knowing her body, Brandi learned she could have died.
[13:10] – After her experience, Brandi used her knowledge from her career to teach other moms how to advocate for themselves with Bee Empowered Mama.
[14:26] – Trust how you feel because you are the expert of yourself.
[16:01] – In the workplace, authority figures make some people feel less confident.
[18:11] – While this confidence and advocating for herself is inherent to Brandi, it isn’t for everyone. Build confidence with positive affirmations.
[19:10] – Seek the company of other confident people.
[20:58] – Fake it until you make it and then you will become it.
[23:01] – Pick who you want to be. Brandi gives an example of something she advises teams to do in her training.
[25:09] – You are the director of your own movie.
[26:26] – Brandi shares her number one tip for cultivating “owning the room.”
[28:29] – After pumping herself up and praying, Brandi knows she’s going in to have fun and communicate the things her audience needs to hear.
[29:30] – Looking good makes you feel good. When you feel good about your appearance, it reflects the inside.
[31:34] – How can you practice embodying enthusiasm?
[33:18] – Becoming a mom is Brandi’s biggest accomplishment. She has learned to grant herself grace.
[35:18] – Stop comparing your journey to someone else’s.
[35:59] – Brandi explains the BAR Method.
[37:49] – Celebrate the little things all the time.
Links and Resources:
Connect with Brandi:
Elyse Archer (00:02):
Welcome to she sells radio. So today’s guest Brandi Fraser is so much fun and is, is different from any of the other guests I’ve had on so far, which I’m so excited about because we actually met as neighbors several years ago when we were both very pregnant at the time. And what I found in my own journey is that when you’re pregnant, you look for other pregnant people to bond slash commiserate with. I remember one day, uh, Jason, my husband came running home to me and he was like, oh my gosh, I met this awesome pregnant couple they’re out walking through the neighborhood. They’re amazing. And we’re going to be best friends because that’s just like what you do when you’re pregnant. You’re just like, you’re pregnant, we’re pregnant. We’re going to be friends. So fast forward several months, we both have our babies and we’re hanging out at the pool together.
Elyse Archer (00:51):
And it was the first time I really got to like spend some quality time with Brandi. Cause we were both pregnant over COVID and um, we’d always hang out as couples. And so I find out, I find out so much about this woman. I’m like, oh my gosh, how have you not been on the podcast yet? And I had to get her here. So Randy is incredible. And you’re gonna, you’re going to hear more about her journey in a moment, but she’s a speaker. She’s been a corporate sales and leadership trainer for some mega brands. Um, she’s a, she’s a professor and she started this incredible business as well called be empowered mama, uh, which is based on her experience, giving birth to her super cute son, Zachary. And so, you know, I was just like, where have you been all my life? How did I not know all this about you?
Elyse Archer (01:35):
And we gotta get you on the podcast. So, you know, today, because we’ve got a mixed audience who listened to this, we’re going to talk mainly about building confidence and advocating for yourself in your sales and your career. But Randy’s definitely going to sprinkle in some mom tips for those of us out there who are moms or who want to be moms. And it’s really about owning your worth and owning your value. And I know so many members of our community want to, they want to strengthen that skill set in themselves. So Brandy, welcome to Cecil’s radio. We are so excited to have you today.
Brandi Frazier (02:07):
Yes. I’m so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh. I’m so excited.
Elyse Archer (02:12):
I know we were catching up in the pre-check cause we, so we moved away. We were neighbors for a while and you know, we moved away a couple months, so it’s like, it’s the first time we’ve been able to really catch up. And you were telling me just more about being empowered and how it’s going and the moves you’re making there. And I was like, I gotta hit record, like stop talking because this is all so good. I gotta record this so everyone can hear. So here’s what I would love. If you can share please, a little bit of your backstory, um, maybe a little bit of your journey, like in corporate sales and sales training, and then how you became so passionate about helping women advocate for themselves and what, what led to the creation of the empowered mama? Yeah.
Brandi Frazier (02:53):
Yes, yes. So, oh wow. Let’s take it back. So for years I think I’m going to date myself. I say how many years before a long time. I mean, it’s always been sales like from like my first job all the way throughout college. It’s always literally been, Brandy’s always in sales. I think, you know, the biggest thing is having that high energy, but we personality. They automatically put you in sales. Now you’re thinking of, do you love this? And you’re just kind of here because you fell into it, but I loved it. I’m like, oh, I love this piece. So all of the jobs that I’ve had throughout my career always tailored to me doing sales management, developing people on how to sell me, of course, killing sales goals, because you had to build that there in order to train people on it. And then over the years, truly just getting into fortune 500 companies that truly valued women who are in powerful positions, women who are in leadership positions, but at the same time fighting for these positions because I am a woman to be real with you.
Brandi Frazier (03:48):
So I, I found myself excelling very, very fast. I would come in as one role and within a year, I’m in a whole different bracket tax bracket group within that time. And I thrived off of that. So, uh, that got me ultimately into doing corporate training. I knew I loved it. I love to teach people how to sell, develop leaders, develop executives, do one-on-ones take teams to the next level that gave me that high because when you’re passionate about something you get high. So I did that for many years. And then, you know, as, as time changed, I started to getting into more speaking engagements because I think if you train most likely, you’re going to love to speak. I think those two go hand in hand. And lastly, as I kinda got to the peak of my career, I got to become an international master educator. So what that is is just fancy term for you train internationally and domestically. Right. Sounds so good.
Brandi Frazier (04:43):
But it allowed me to go internationally and do training for teams and it was just a game changer. So I loved it. And I would say this, you know, that is something I always felt in my blood, in my veins, that sales is always going to be me. Leadership is going to be me. I fast forward, I got pregnant and we had our very first baby, me and my hubby plan, this, this special, amazing baby. And we were trying, and when we got pregnant, we were like, okay, let’s go. Prior to that, I was literally, like I said, doing consulting sales, training, leadership, flying out every single week I would teach at Kennesaw state university. And then that same evening have my suitcase in the car. And my husband’s dropping me off at the airport and picking me up two days later, it was nonstop.
Brandi Frazier (05:27):
I would say the word for that quarter Q4. Cause I do believe in finishing Q4. So strong was endurance. I had to endure, I was enduring so much. My endurance was at an all time high and I got pregnant and that’s one thing I wanted to do. I wanted to go as hard as I could so I can enjoy my pregnancy, being able to relax postpartum. And that just drove me to just motivated me to do more that pregnant boom, pandemic it. We were like, this is not what you and I both know we oh, okay. You’re not going to see everybody, but you’re pregnant. So, okay. So throughout my pregnancy, I definitely was doing, of course no traveling. I did some virtual things, but I wanted to enjoy it. I worked so hard and I wanted to relax and put my feet up. I ended up going to, uh, confirm a pregnancy.
Brandi Frazier (06:14):
Cause I have to give you all the real on this, on this podcast. I have to give you the real. Um, and I went to see my OB and she had been in my GYN for a few years. So, you know, the relationship I thought was great. It turns out not to be what I thought it was when you’re going for a GYN visit you’re in and out. I don’t need the personalization. You do what you do for your annual exam. And you’re out for that piece. My husband and I wanted that intimacy, that connection. And she was just so dry. She didn’t answer any questions. And this was on the very first appointment with her. And I said, wait a minute, this couldn’t be it. I felt like, you know, I had to put on armor, every appointment that I went to to just prepare myself for whatever she was going to give.
Brandi Frazier (06:53):
And one thing that made me stick with her and I would tell anyone whether it’s in the workplace, wherever, wherever you’re at, if you feel as though you’re not getting treated the best way that you possibly should be and what you feel you deserve do not stay. I stayed because she promised she would deliver my baby. One thing we know within this new world, you see a million OBS and midwives, and guess what whoever’s on call will be the person who delivers your baby. And I didn’t want that basketball were to, you know, throughout my pregnancy. I had to literally advocate for myself for everything, for tests to be ran to, you know, just go through the back and forth of what, what I felt needed to be done in terms of my care, using the most powerful instrument you have, which is your voice, right?
Brandi Frazier (07:33):
Voicing and speaking up. And I think a lot of times, you know, as women, we don’t use our voice enough because we, we feel as though we should trust the subject matter experts. They’re the shades, right? We call them whether it’s in the workplace, whether it’s in the hospital, all of that. And the white coat syndrome is real. So we want to know that that’s true. However, you’re the subject matter expert of you? You know, I am the summit of me, the shimmy of me. So no, you’re the subject matter expert of your self and your body, your career, whatever it is, you’re at where you’re at in your life, you know yourself better than anyone. So trusting you at all times. And I did that fast forward. I had an amazing labor and delivery. Guess what? She didn’t even end up delivering my baby. She lied to me. So I ignored all of that girl for nothing. But baby got here, had an amazing labor and delivery pushed my son out in 20 minutes. Okay. 11 contractions. And I felt like a boss. You are a boss.
Brandi Frazier (08:34):
I did it 13 days later. Okay. We go home and we had the baby. 13 days later, I felt a slight, just tingling sensation, a slight pain behind my left eye. And I said, ah, this felt really weird. Rewind back in my second trimester, I bought a blood pressure cuff because I’m very aware of my family history. Granted, I worked out, I’ve never had any blood pressure issues or health issues because I’m that person who’s like in the gym. So, but I still was just feeling as though every four weeks is not enough for any woman to just check her blood pressure and her vitals. So I would check mine often when I had that, that little pain behind my left, I decided to go check my blood pressure. And it was a lie, Elise astronomically high. It was like 1 65 over 1 0 6, whoa, that’s not normal.
Brandi Frazier (09:18):
So I call my doctor and I go into the office. This is the same one who I had been fighting with back and forth, but she’s still my OB. I go in and she has her nurse manually take my blood pressure. She takes it. And then she comes back and she’s like, okay, sweetheart. Uh, your blood pressure is normal. It’s like one 17 over 72. That’s it? I said, well, let me, let me say this though. At least, you know, even at my Hopi is it’s never that low, like back to the value of knowing yourself absolutely. And knowing you better than anyone else. And I told the doctor, I said, no. I said, Hey, I’m going to be honest with you. I think your, your nurse has taken inaccurate blood pressure readings. And she said, wait, what? I said, I think your nurse is taken an accurate blood pressure readings.
Brandi Frazier (10:01):
She said, there’s no way. That’s no way possible. Of course she’s not. I said, okay, well, can you take it for me? Why would I take it when she just took a Brandy? I don’t. I said, no, I want you to take it. Here’s the thing. At least I want to be wrong. This isn’t great. I gave you wrong. So she said fine. So she takes my blood pressure. I’m sitting there hoping I’m wrong. I’m like, hope she’s actually right. Because you know, it is what it is. She takes off her mask releases the cuff steps back. And she says, you were actually right. It’s actually higher than what you said, Brandy, this is postpartum preeclampsia. If you hadn’t come in here today, you could have died from a seizure or stroke over the weekend. Brandy, if you had not come in here today, you could have died from a seizure or stroke over the weekend.
Brandi Frazier (10:43):
I need you to get to Northside hospital right now. Um, do not go home with the baby, have your husband take you straight there. And um, we need to get your blood pressure down right now. And I said, wait, what? So at least if I hadn’t opened my mouth and use my voice and know my body and said anything, I could have been sent home to my sweet boy and my sweet husband. And that made it back. You get what I mean? So that there, I have chills even telling the story. And that’s what birthed the new purpose in me because I spent three days in a hospital and they were the three worst days of my life. My baby couldn’t come up there. My breast are in Gorge because you know, you’re pumping and you’re trying to like, I’m a brand new mom and I’m in so much pain.
Brandi Frazier (11:22):
And I said to myself, I called him the name of the Lord at 2:00 AM. I said, Lord, help me. What is going on? Why is this happening? But it had to be me. Who else was I going to be? He said, I needed to use you in a new area, Brandy. So I needed you to go through this. So after those three days, I said, you know what, how many moms were being sent home? I never want anyone to have to go through what I went through. Any woman to work, regardless of what’s going on for you to not be able to use your voice and stand up for yourself in any and every situation. That’s what birth be empower mama. So this same passion for training and development, sales, leadership, building people and taking teams to the next level, igniting passion. Guess what I put in that into moms. Now I’m putting that into women in the workplace. I’m putting that into women in motherhood because that’s where it should be. We need help there. All these executives will be just fine. I want to be able to help women to do that. So that’s what Burke B and power Bama, which focuses on all of those.
Elyse Archer (12:15):
Oh my gosh. Hello, body chills. Isn’t it crazy how the things that feel like the lowest lows are the most challenging, they’re literally the setup for what you’re meant to do next. I think it’s such a powerful reminder, but here’s what I want to know because I, I know myself and I think in that moment, I wouldn’t have, I don’t know that I would have pushed back. Like I would have said, okay, well, I guess there must be something else. And I’m going to trust you because you’re in a white coat, you know, with the blood pressure reading. And so I want to know from you like, wow, what, how did you do that? How do you have the confidence to advocate for yourself in a situation where there, and I want to tie this in with the workplace too, right? Cause it’s, it’s all tied together. How do you have the confidence to advocate for yourself when there’s someone standing there saying I’ve got more authority than you? I’m right. You’re wrong. Be like, how do you do that?
Brandi Frazier (13:09):
Good question. And I’ve gotten that question a couple of times, I’m going to be so real with you. I think the biggest thing is I trust me more than anyone else. I am the subject matter expert of me. I know when something is off, I know when something is not right. And I know when it doesn’t feel right. I think a lot of times we as women, we don’t trust what we naturally have. We have that mother’s intuition is real as a woman, that female intuition, it’s real trusting, whatever that little voice is saying inside of your mind or that feeling in a top of your stomach and your chest. Because in that moment you feel it, but you just do, you decide to ignore it or you just go forward. And then most importantly, I think something, some things when it comes to and being confident, it’s just a natural thing that was built in you.
Brandi Frazier (13:51):
Like I didn’t have it easy growing up. I think the biggest thing for me was always making sure that, you know, I, I I’m being strong. I am doing what needs to be done. And just most importantly saying, no, I’m okay to challenge you because I’m okay to be wrong. But I feel as though if I have a question about something, I’m going to ask you about it, we’re going to be respectful. We’re going to be, you know, of course, courteous to each other. But at the same time, no, I feel as though I want to know more. And I think the competence piece comes from a kid because I’ll tell you this. I do not play bullies. I was that little girl, like five, six years old, seven, eight. My mom would tell me, standing up for kids. Like we were, I I’ll never forget, like in the second grade.
Brandi Frazier (14:30):
And they were trying to bully this little girl off of the slide and I’m that person like, no, you’re not gonna do that. So then I get put in time out because, and then they were like, Brandon, you were helping, but you can’t yell at them. I think it goes back to just innately having competence. But most importantly, trusting you because that, that peace in that work, when in the, you know, the doctor’s office with the white coat syndrome, that doesn’t scare me. That’s not a fear thing that, you know, I think a lot of people, uh, you know, give into in the workplace as well. I didn’t go in my career or get, as far as that I’ve got in without advocating and using my voice and standing up for myself and questioning who supposed to be in authority and challenging. You know, those were the things that I felt that you know, were important for my success.
Brandi Frazier (15:21):
So it wasn’t going to stop there. So I think when we talk advocacy, it’s not just in healthcare, it’s over in the workplace too. And then I’ll give you this last one, knowing for flat the black maternal death rate for women, I have no choice, but to open my mouth when at the end of the day, black women are dying three to four times likely than any other race. So with knowing these little things, you’re like, no, if I don’t, my life depends on it. And you have to think about it. Your future depends on it. Whether it’s something you feel like you should just let go, don’t let it go because I would rather, you know what? I would rather have you mad at me than me mad at me. This is the worst feeling. I love
Elyse Archer (15:58):
That. And me
Brandi Frazier (15:59):
Elyse Archer (16:00):
I love okay. So I love that. You just said that because here’s, what’s powerful about this and this is what I so appreciate about this conversation. It sounds like for you in your life, like, you’ve always been like, just, you go for, like, you, you say what you think you advocate for yourself for others, which I love. And I also know not every woman has that pattern, at least inherent in her or man for that, you know, for that nature, we, we do have a mixed audience that listens to this, but that was not how I was brought up. I was, I was brought up to, um, to kind of shrink and to, um, to be very concerned about other people’s feelings. Like even more so than mine. And I there’s people listening who can relate to you and people listening, who can relate to me. But if that’s not inherent in our nature, like, I love what you said about, I’d rather have you mad at me than me mad at me? If our conditioning is well, I’ll just suck it up and deal with it so that somebody else doesn’t feel uncomfortable. What are some, do you have any advice for like tactical steps we can take or even just any shifts a woman can start to make if that’s not her default mode yet?
Brandi Frazier (17:08):
Oh my gosh. Absolutely. I think the biggest thing is truly getting an igniting your confidence. I think it’s a confidence thing too. As much as we don’t want to say, like I am so confident, but when it comes time to show it, we shrink, right? That’s the biggest thing. I think really igniting what I like to call a boss mentality. This boss mentality is this. And it’s not a boss where you would think you have subordinates. People are reporting to you. It’s a mindset. It’s the way you act. It’s the way you look at yourself. It’s the way you feel. A boss is truly in any situation. What cool, calm, collected in control. It’s the way you kind of just feel. And this is something that starts with number one, starting positive affirmations. If we’re going build confidence, if we’re going to say, Hey, you know what?
Brandi Frazier (17:51):
I don’t want to be her anymore. I want to be to the next level of who I know I’m called to be right. You’re starting in pouring that into yourself. What you’re saying, which you’re reading, what are you looking at? What are you listening to? Those are the things that start just subconsciously and starts to build. The next thing, seek out people who are like that because it is contagious. If you are around people who have this confidence and this aura, you’re like, I can’t help, but to be bold and walk in the door, you want to make sure your crew, you have some of them sprinkled in there too, because your crew is everything. Who are you putting around you? Who is this community? Because you can’t help, but to feel it. And that’s, I’m telling you, that’s what some of my friendships are.
Brandi Frazier (18:31):
I have friends who are even just like this great. Natality competent or still kind and loving, but they give me a different side of what I am, but I give them this and just to watch each other thrive is amazing. So check your community on your crew. Put those people around you, but then lastly, practice it. Do not do not sit there and say, okay, I’ve done the reading. Brandy. I’ve done the listening. I’ve added a couple of friends branding me and you become friends. Okay? I got it now. And then it’s time. And you’re like, no, I can’t.
Brandi Frazier (19:00):
No I’m not ready. No, you practice it. And you put yourself in situations where, you know, you have no choice, but to show up as this competent boss, amazing woman, and watch yourself thrive. The more you put yourself in it, the more you’re going to start feeling it. And then pump yourself up, talk yourself up. You are the best at it. You are amazing. No, one’s going to tell me that. And I think the biggest thing is when you have the competence piece, a lot of times people will say, well, am I come off a little cocky or a little arrogant men do it all the time. They’re walking in and they don’t even know half love my men. Who’s listening. We’re not talking about y’all, there’s all their special ones grow. But the ones who come in and they don’t even know anything and they still get the job done, they still get more money.
Brandi Frazier (19:44):
See, no you’re going to go in. But here’s the difference you do. You know, so much, you have so much in you. This is who you’re supposed to be because you wouldn’t be trying to seek out ways to be it. If you know, you’re not, if you didn’t know you’re supposed to be this, so I would start there. And then last but not least one more fake it until you make it. And then you will become it, fake it until you make it. And then you will become it because you will be come. This woman that you’ve always wanted to be, but you guess what? You might have to fake being her a little bit. And I’m not saying, well, Brady, that’s not being genuine. No, no, no, no. What you’re doing is faking it for you so you can easily start switching. It’s not what anyone else thinks. I’m not there to art. This is not really her. Don’t worry about them. Fake it until you make it. And you will naturally become it. That’s how you start building that up from don’t just those couple of steps. I got so many more.
Elyse Archer (20:37):
Okay. Like Mike dropped everything you just said because, and what I love too about the, the last part of what you said, the fake it until you make it, that was something for a long time. I didn’t really get, and I’d be like, oh, that seems kind of inauthentic. But what you said, there is exactly what I’ve practiced in my own life. And it’s created insane results, which is do it for you because you’ll only will always create the reality for ourselves. Like we’ll live out who we think ourselves to be. Right. So if you think if your subconscious belief system and your view of yourself is I make this amount of money. I, you know, I don’t speak up in meetings. I just kind of take what I get in life. Like, that’s what you’re going to get, because that’s your view of yourself, right?
Elyse Archer (21:21):
So you almost have to, I, I, when I talk with my clients about it, it’s like, it’s like acting like you have to act. You have to like, act like the person you want to be, but it’s for you. It’s not to try to like put on a front for anybody else so that it actually becomes, you start to see yourself as that person. And it takes time and it takes discipline and persistence. But once your, once your subconscious and your view has accepted and your viewpoint of yourself has shifted. Like that will become your reality because you’ll start doing things differently. It’s so, oh, it’s like everything. It’s everything.
Brandi Frazier (21:54):
Yes. I could not agree more. I’ll tell you. So when I, when I train teams or if I’m doing like any type of masterminds or even one-on-one the biggest thing I say is this pick who you want to be. Okay. Granted, of course, I don’t want to, I want to be individual. Okay. Who do you look up to in terms of, and why? Right. Is it their confidence, their stage presence, all of that. I love how you just said acting, because I say that where you come in and anytime you step foot in the workplace, wherever you’re at on stage to train, to develop your business online and you show up you’re on stage. So you’re always performing, right? So until the curtains come down, you are on. So knowing that you’re on show up as that person, who would, I love Beyonce, right? So for me things, of course, I love her music, but it’s her confidence. It’s just her Baba. Boom. It’s just the way she just carries herself. I’ve always loved her throughout the years. What would be on say, do you know? I said, what would Jesus do? What would be
Elyse Archer (22:55):
Brandi Frazier (22:55):
Lord your number one. So just say, no, I want to show up like me. I say that day, and this is an example I’ve used. What would she do? She would come in, she would flip the hair. She would walk in shoulders, back, chest out, pasture amazing. And she would own it. Who do you want to be? And we do an exercise like that when I’ve done sales training, because think about it. Sales are the exact same way you are putting on a show. This is a show. And this is a show that literally can lead to more income, can lead to changing lives. Whatever that dynamic is. So since you’re on stage, who do you want to show up at? And you’ll start taking off some of those characteristics, you’re not taking on them. They are them. You don’t want to be them, but some of those things you see, you can embody. So that’s, what’s helped. I loved how you said acting because when you’re selling, when you’re leading people or you’re developing yourself, we are on stage. And then you get to go back home and be branded. Like I say that when I walked through the door, I’m whoever I want to be that day. Then I’ll go home and get B Brandy who needs to come down decompress for lax. And she’s still high energy, but she’s still a different type of energy. Yeah, absolutely. I couldn’t agree more with you on the acting piece.
Elyse Archer (24:01):
Well, and that’s, I remember when I, I don’t know who, I first really started hearing this concept from, but it’s, it works. It’s just remembering like you are the director of your own movie and really starting to think of your life like that. And because we can, we can get into an energy of like, oh, things are happening to me where we get passive about things. It’s like, oh, other people are in control of my reality. It’s like, no, like literally, if you think about it, like you’re scripting your own movie and how do you want things to go? And who are you as the star of your own movie? It’s like, life gets really exciting and things will shift around you. People will shift around you. Things will shift. Cause it will always match your outer world will always match who you’re being inside.
Elyse Archer (24:39):
So it’s it’s oh my gosh. It’s so good. And I want to talk with you about something you just said. There was just talking about like walking in and owning a room and this is one of your skills. Like you just do this, you walk in and you shine and you capture people’s attention and it’s not like you don’t have to open your mouth to do this. You just do it when you walk in and I’ve seen you do this. And so here, like how do we start to cultivate that skill? Whether it’s walking into a sales presentation, whether it’s walking into a networking meeting, like how, what are some of the things that maybe you’re maybe you’re unconsciously competent in this space? Cause he doesn’t do it all so much. And it’s, if we’re trying to get competent in it, how do we start to do that?
Brandi Frazier (25:20):
Oh, you get started. Do you know what? Um, I think, you know, okay. I’m going to give you one of my number one things I do because let’s go we’re dropping gyms today. Yes. Is this before any type of event networking, leadership meetings, sales meetings, training, speaking, engagement. I don’t care what I’m walking into anything. Well, I know I need to show up and Brandy has to arrive. I literally take for a walk in the door, whether it’s in my car, whether it’s in my AirPods, I put on my theme song. You have to know what is your theme song? What is that soundtrack that literally makes you boss up? What is this soundtrack that you put on? You feel like list go. Like, what is that song? Everyone has at least one. And a lot of times when I’m not talking about that jazz music or a date night song.
Brandi Frazier (26:08):
No, no, no, no. I’m talking about that song for you. That just gets you turned up. I put that on and I literally stand there or sit there. Depends on where I’m at. And I’ve thought about, I close my eyes. I just feel it. I let the song play all the way through no interruptions. This could be even in an airport where I’m traveling because a lot of times I’ve find myself jumping in a car and I’m having to go and I’ve cut it very close to where I literally had to jump out of an Uber roll right in and hook up and present. But guess what I was doing in that Uber, normally I have conversations. Like I have like gender conversations.
Brandi Frazier (26:42):
I’ve had clients built and established clients, just all communicating and just building a relationship. But that’s not that. So I’ll say, Hey, you know what? I would love to talk to you more. I got to jump on something. They’re like, oh, okay, fine. We didn’t even know you ladies. Okay. And I’m like, well, I was going to get to know you, but it’s okay. Put all my songs and that’s what I do. And when you hear that and you take your AirPods out or you turn your car off in that moment, you should start to feel different. And then I pray, I pray and I say, Lord, speak through me, whatever I need to do, build this confidence in me. Just let me say whatever they need to hear delivered through me. And that gets my mindset and I kind of center myself. And then I walk in and I say, you know what? I’m going to have fun.
Brandi Frazier (27:24):
I don’t go in thinking I have to go to work or I’m going to work or I have to do this. I go in and I have fun. And I’m going to be so honest with you. At least I don’t get nervous at all before presentations. I don’t. And people say, that’s weird. How are you? Not only thing I’m nervous about is technical stuff that I can’t control when it comes to me, I’m not going to be nervous because I’ve already pumped myself up. I’ve prayed about it. And I’m here to have fun. I’m here to change the game. Everyone will lead different today. And when you think of that, that alone makes you walk in competent and you walk in and I’m not walking slouched over because I’m still big on this. So that the communication side of me, right? The communication piece, I’m very big on non-verbals like, I probably looked like a Creek because I would literally watch people’s non-verbals with clients, with trainings.
Brandi Frazier (28:09):
How are they taking things in? And I adjust whatever I’m presenting or the conversation to their non-verbals. So your non-verbal is everything. Remember we said fake it until you make it walk in with your shoulders back, head up, right? Wear that outfit. That makes you feel good because I believe this. If you look good, you feel good. You feel good. You do great work. You look good. You feel good. You feel good. You do great work. Look the part look, and don’t put on something. That’s uncomfortable. A lot of the problem we as women, we want to put on, maybe those jeans that fit two summers ago or that blazer that we know isn’t it anymore. We know, look good. Invest in yourself, invest in your outfits. Because when you know you look good on the outside, it reflects inside. So those will be just a couple of things that add personally, do that. Get me walking into a Roman, guess what? They’re going to know. Brandy’s there. And that’s how they need to know you. They need to know, at least as arrives, Ashley’s arrived. Monica is arrived, but Nestle, oh, she’s here. Hey. And he say, hello? Just like that.
Elyse Archer (29:06):
Yeah. Or every bit of that. What is I have to know, what’s your theme song. Oh my.
Brandi Frazier (29:12):
Because it’d be unsafe. You know what? It’s not even BSA. It’s not, it’s a song called boss. Right? Right. It’s called boss by T-Pain and Rick Ross. I love it. Listen to that song. And the song is like, I’m the biggest buff that you’ve seen thus far a
Elyse Archer (29:33):
Brandi Frazier (29:33):
Cause it was so big. And I feel like I hear it more and more at conferences now. I’m like, people know my song, like stuff like that, but you hear it more at conferences now, but that is my song until further notice.
Elyse Archer (29:44):
I am. I love that. That is your song. I absolutely love it that I make, because I don’t have a theme song yet. I may borrow that.
Brandi Frazier (29:57):
And let me know how you feel after you do another mastermind and all the amazing things or do I like, and just let me know, Brittany, this is how I made me feel.
Elyse Archer (30:05):
I would love I’m going to play it right after this. I’m so excited.
Brandi Frazier (30:10):
I love it.
Elyse Archer (30:11):
So I want to, this is so amazing. This is, I’m like, I’m so fired up, just listening to you. And I think for everyone listening to just listening to Brandy’s energy and her enthusiasm and it’s like that, right. And if that’s not your natural state, um, you don’t do something. It doesn’t feel out of alignment. It feels out of alignment for you, but like how can you pour more of that into you and who you’re being and how can you practice that? Um, when you’re in your sales conversations and when you’re in critical conversations with team and, and just practice embodying that. Right? Cause that’s, I think one of the most empowering things we can learn is like, nothing about us is really set or fixed. So if there’s a way you’ve been showing up that hasn’t been of service to you, maybe it was the old Jew, but it’s not, it’s not coming where you’re going, practice something new and give yourself permission to shift and give yourself permission to like, to try and to almost act it out and see how it feels for you. Like put it on for size. So, um, I wanna, I wanna wrap up by asking, because this is so good and I’m already like, okay, we’ve got to have you back on the show for more and selfishly, I get to hang out with you more.
Brandi Frazier (31:18):
Elyse Archer (31:18):
I love it. I want to close by asking just a little bit about what you’ve learned as a mom. Um, you know, confidence as a mom. Cause Zachary is he’s 14 months now. Right? Um, he and Jack are so close in age and it’s so fun. And you were, um, you were the friend where, when you and I were connecting initially, you were, you had so many mom tips for me. And I was like, I’m not like I’m not on the mom blogs. Like I don’t, I don’t follow. I felt like it was such this wealth of knowledge and information that I can so see your passion and your heart for this, like this chapter in your life now. And I love it. And I’d just love to know, you know, for, for anyone listening, who is a mom or who wants to be a mom, um, what are some of your best tips that you’ve learned in your journey so far, just for, you know, confidence in yourself as a mom?
Brandi Frazier (32:07):
Ooh, I would say the biggest thing. Um, first and foremost, I would say becoming a mother was the biggest accomplishment that I’ve ever done. And as a person and as you know, a woman who is, you know, that, that person in a workplace, you know, you, you get promoted, you chase career, you chase your dreams. You, you, you get high off of going to that next level and changing lives. I was like, what would talk this like director level was that for me? And then when I got that, I’m like, okay, what’s next? It was becoming a mom that there was the game changer. There’s nothing, I’ve done nothing. And I’ve done a lot in my career that compares to being that baby boy’s mama. My sweet baby boy, Zachary. So I would say that first, the next thing is granting grace. I’ve learned so much over this time that my sometimes type a personality with planning and making sure things go according to plan does not matter when it comes to this sweet boy and granting myself so much grace, as I learn in, if he learns and as I grow and as he grows and as my family grows granting or so grace, I would say, as you go into this new chapter of Romy hope because the work life and, and, and mama live in white flight, you really truly are always searching for a balance.
Brandi Frazier (33:21):
I don’t really think it exists. You just try to pour in different cups in different areas and fill your cup at the same time. But I would say, grant your grace as you navigate the grant yourself, grace, as you navigate this new area, grant yourself, grace as a mom, when things don’t go according to plan, whether it’s at work or whether it’s at home, know that for a fact, that everything is going to be okay, hug yourself, love on yourself and treat yourself so, so, so good because as moms, we can be so hard on ourselves because we’re looking at milestones, they’re looking at what am I, baby’s not up to that. What is going on here? That mama getting to go and travel and do that? How does she have a nanny? Or how can I afford this? I can’t do these things. Stop.
Brandi Frazier (34:00):
The comparison. One thing I’ve learned too is whether that, and it’s so crazy how the things you learn as a mom is the things that you need to apply at work, to stop comparing to where someone else is at in their journey, whether it’s in the workplace and they’ve gotten it promotion, whether their baby is doing front flips and drop kicks, and mind is just scooting. Like, I don’t know, but stop the comparison. But then lastly, trust myself even more because you get this brand new little person that you’re responsible for. And a lot of times you can feel like I can read so much stuff, but what if it doesn’t apply to this baby? What if it doesn’t work? But trusting and saying, I keep saying subject matter expert, but I’m the expert on my baby. I’m the expert. I am the expert. I know what’s best for him.
Brandi Frazier (34:42):
And what’s going to be the best outcome for him. And I’m going to take my chances and do it. So trust yourself throughout all the process of everything and my last tip, oh God, I have so many, but my last one would be referenced something called I say the bar method. So I created this. The bar method is not, margarita is a wine, which is this right? When it comes to any decision you make in the workplace or for your child and your family, the bar B is this the best option for me and my family is this the best option for me and my family, whatever you’re suggesting I need to do, or whatever opportunities throw my way. Is this the best option? A what are the alternatives? What if I don’t want to do that? What if I do want to stay home?
Brandi Frazier (35:24):
What if I don’t want to travel and move to Minnesota for work? What are my alternatives? And lastly, what are the risks? If I say no, if I don’t do it, what are my risks? So think about that and apply that it worked, apply that with your babies, because I do it all the time. When things are ran across to me or things come in, they’re presented to me for an opportunity or with my son. I’m like Barre method, best option alternatives. What are the risks? Okay. Now I can make a decision because I feel confident in that decision. So reference our member. If you don’t remember anything else, I said, reference the bar method and apply it to work into your family. And lastly, enjoy it. This is so amazing. And you’re even more powerful now because you have a new superpower. We put a Cape on.
Brandi Frazier (36:06):
When we became a Lama, like a cake came on the, I didn’t know, someone put around my neck. I said, what is this? It’s going to choke you sometimes. You’re like, you look on the back of it. Like, oh, I am a superhero now because I’m doing it. So be proud of yourself, encourage yourself and celebrate all wins. Even the smallest thing to the hugest thing that can happen. And that always did that with my team. I don’t care if you walked in and said, Brandy, I saw one today. I know my goal was seven, but I did one less go. Yeah, you did less. And you’ll guess what? My baby actually picked up a spoon. He didn’t use it, but he picked it up last year. He had a baby boy celebrate all wins in life. Embrace the journey, level yourself and appreciate those around you. And just know you can keep getting things done like a boss.
Elyse Archer (36:56):
Oh my gosh. I just adore you. I have no, I usually have some like nice wrap-up to this. And I’m just like, I just adore you. Like, I can’t say anything.
Brandi Frazier (37:07):
Elyse Archer (37:08):
Thank you. Thank you so much. That was so empowering. And um, and I know that, you know, the whole show wasn’t about being a mom, but just for me as a new mom to like hearing that from you, I was like, oh yes, I I’ve receiving all of that. And, and um, I want to go back and listen to that again and again. Oh my gosh, Brandy, where can everyone connect with you? Please tell everyone about your social, where they can find out more about the empowered mama and what you’re doing there and, um, and where they can find you.
Brandi Frazier (37:37):
Of course. So you can find us on Instagram, Facebook, wherever you type in wherever your social outlet is at feet and power mama’s. So B E and powered mama, please connect with us there. Uh, we do so many different things. Stories are always amazing. We do Friday pop-up stories. I’m doing real more and more real now. So it’s getting fun, but educational, but still fun. But most importantly, everything from merge to masterclasses and you get it there first. So be empowered mama on any social outlets. And of course, www be empower mama.com too, but social to engage and be okay with sliding in my BMS. I welcome the BM slide slide in there. I’ll always respond. So absolutely. And this has been amazing.
Elyse Archer (38:22):
Thank you so much. And we’ll link in the show notes. So sites and it’s B E so be empowered mom with bee, um, has to be so thank you so so much. And I just, you know, as I reflect on this interview and how I’m going to show up differently, I love just the practicing and the, um, like, how do I want to show up in this moment for others and for myself, right? And really using your voice as the, the gift and the tool that it is. So, um, I would love to hear, you know, for you, as you’re finishing up listening to this, what’s your biggest takeaway tag, Brandy tag me on social, take a screenshot of, um, of this episode. We’d love to hear what your biggest takeaway is. And like Brandy said, slide into her DMS and let her know what’s up for you right now. So, all right, my friend, Randy, thank you so much for coming on. This was brilliant. And, um, for you, my listener, thank you so much for being part of the [inaudible] community. I’m so grateful for you and we’ll be back next week with another incredible episode. Lots of love. Bye for now.