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[3:45] – Think about what expands and what restricts you.
[5:22] – Elyse has had a journey from restriction to expansion in three areas in her life: health, relationships, and money.
[7:02] – When it came to health, Elyse dug deep and realized that her restrictions were hurting her.
[9:53] – Elyse shares some challenges in a previous relationship that were restricting to the relationship itself.
[11:37] – You will ever restrict your way to expansion, especially when it comes to money.
[14:53] – Making this shift takes a willingness to re-evaluate everything you have ever been taught.
[17:01] – A new sales script isn’t what got Elyse more and her process of shifting her mindset took time.
[18:59] – It’s always an inside game first and it is an ongoing learning experience.
[20:24] – Things can shift radically and quickly for you if you make the decision that you are no longer available to struggle in this area.
[21:18] – The first step for Elyse was to start trusting herself. She had to look at other areas in her life when following her gut instinct had played out.
[22:53] – Drop the ego. Everyone is special and no one is special.
[24:38] – Shift how you talk to yourself and recognize how powerful you are.
[25:31] – Practice feeling abundant first.
[26:34] – You don’t have to be perfect in this. Even the smallest shift can have a big impact.
[27:41] – Ask yourself if your thoughts, decisions, and actions are restrictive or expansive.
[31:43] – Money scarcity is a very well disguised and clever way of playing small and staying stuck.
[33:43] – So much energy is wasted on small and scarce thinking.
[35:22] – The Aligned for Abundance Incubator is a three day live coaching intensive designed to melt away what’s blocking your next level. Click here to register.
Welcome to She Sells Radio I am excited for today’s conversation. And you know, I think I recorded the past couple of solo episodes in my car while driving, just Femina, like, no f given get it done type of mode lately, I’m actually stationary, if you’re watching the video for this, I’m actually stationary in my office today, we’ve got the vibe set, we’ve got the candle, we’ve got flowers, the boys are out of the house, I think they’re at the park right now. And I’ve wanted to share some concepts today that I’m actually thinking about in a different way in a newer and more different way than I’ve ever thought about in my life before because I feel like I am breaking through to a new level of consciousness in my own life right now, too. In many ways, and I want to speak specifically today about making that shift like truly making a permanent shift in your life from scarcity thinking and scarcity mindset to abundance, thinking, an abundant abundance mindset, and what that’s looked like in my own life, and even things that now again, it’s like some of these things I’m, I want to take you with me on the journey as I experienced this myself, because I truly think the areas that we have struggled with the most in our lives are the areas where we are meant to teach where we are meant to help others where we are meant to serve. And I know one of the biggest parts, at least of my adult life that felt like a struggle was scarcity thinking, not trusting myself with money, feeling anxiety around money, not feeling like I could ever master it. And and so it’s been quite a journey. And I’m continuing to learn and experience the energetics of money at deeper and deeper levels. I’m experiencing the shifts that happen in life as I just decide that money is so normal and automatic for me and that there’s always more than enough. But it didn’t start off that way. And I see now how the path has kind of led up to this. And so I want to share with you. Oh, just from the heart today, like some things that I have shared for a while but maybe with a new context and things I’m like just now thinking about. But you know, I, I come to you. And I actually just did a like maybe 30 minutes before this just recorded a really cool conversation that we’re going to do as a podcast swap. between myself and a fellow coach consultant, her name’s Diane Winger. She’s awesome. So that interview will be coming out within the next few months. And we were talking about relationships and using does this relationship expand me or does it restrict me or forced me to fit into a smaller box kind of as the litmus test for what’s going to stay and what needs to change it it got me thinking about just this overall concept of expansion versus restriction, and which story you’re living out. In, there’s generally kind of three core areas of life and from how I’ve been taught like three core schools of life that we find ourselves in at any given time. And it can be health, it can be relationships, it can be money. Sometimes you may have all three in your lifetime, sometimes it may be one more than another. But what I realized is I was just reflecting I wrapped up the conversation with Diane and I went and I took a break and had a snack and sat outside and I realized how much the story of my life in all three of those areas had been one of restriction versus expansion. Until I kind of caught on until I made the shift until I up leveled my consciousness and decided that I was going to say yes to my expansion. And I’ll give a little bit of context if you are newer to the show are not familiar or you know some of these things. I don’t know that I don’t think I’ve ever shared what I’m going to share about relationships here today. So you know, when it came to health, like a lot of my journey, I’ve had a journey in each of these areas. I’ll say that I think money has been like my primary school in this lifetime, but I’ve definitely had, I’ve had lessons in each of these three. So with health you know, my journey was one of them. not liking my body like comparison, others, feeling lack of confidence feeling not beautiful, like all of the things. And the path that I took to try to control that. And to try to be more acceptable, more beautiful, more loving or more loved was absolutely one of restriction. And that manifested as an eating disorder and really restricting what I was eating. And it wasn’t until I shifted my level of consciousness. And it took me 17 years like, I have a track record of having a relatively high pain tolerance and a lot of areas which I’m realizing I don’t have to have. So that’s another part of the journey, to probably another conversation for another day. 17 years of restrictions, stuckness not trusting my body not liking my I mean, I really honestly think it’s taken a couple of key significant moments in terms of body and health. But I can tell you, the thing that finally made the shift, it wasn’t that I like finally counted my calories, right, and restricted enough to get the body. It was, I got under the hood, and I realized the thing that was the issue was that I had been so suppressing who I was suppressing my instinct, suppressing my feelings for so long that I was trying to control anything outside of me. And that just happened to manifest as food. And if I can, quote unquote, you know, restrict enough in this area, then I’ll be happy, then I’ll be loved, then I’ll be successful. Didn’t work that way. So my relationship now with my health, and with my body is so much more about what feels good in the moment, which feels so much more expansive, like I pretty much eat what I want. I, I mean, I’m not gonna go like walk on a runway, tomorrow, probably about especially nine and a half months pregnant. Although that would be a good runway, we need to make that. But I feel good about my body, I feel good about myself. It’s not that there’s not still stuff that comes out. But like I don’t obsess at all. Like that. That’s done, that chapter of my life is done. And I’m confident in my choices there. And so that it was very interesting to me to see how I thought restriction was the path when it came to body love and health. And it was actually allowing myself to expand into the fullness of who I was, and experience like, really deepen into what feels good in this moment. What does my body need, and creating that beautiful, expansive relationship? The second area with relationships, and I want you to just as I share this, like, check in with yourself, Am I living out stories of restriction or expansion in any of these areas, we’ll get to the money in a minute. With relationships, you know, I just kind of had this. I think it’s because I don’t think about it a lot. I share it, probably more on social around the podcast, like the marriage that I had before. Jason because I think there’s a lot of women in our community who have either been in a similar situation, and maybe are going through what art can just, it’s just, it’s a part of the story that’s important to tell. But I don’t consciously think about this, like ever during the day. So it kind of it came up like actually forget I had before, because I just I’m so in love with my life, and my guy and all of it now. But this was a part of the journey. And I thought about it after the conversation about that I
just had with the podcast interview we pre recorded about does this relationship expand or constrict me. And so in the previous relationship I had, I remember because this person was a recovering alcoholic. And all this is all due respect to anyone who has been on that journey is going through that journey. I remember one of the things that was so challenging for me in that relationship was that there had to be so many rules about what this person could or could not do, in order to kind of stay within the confines of what was safe, or what was what would keep him sober. And I felt like I had to play in that very tiny little box as well, which was not aligned with how I was wired. I wanted to go out I wanted to be social. I traveled for work, and it was like all of those things would cause a lot of trigger. to my partner. And again, it’s not about making this person wrong at all. But it’s about realizing and remembering. And I thought back to oh my gosh, in that relationship, I so felt like I had to be in this tiny little box in order to like, keep the peace in our home. And it was the opposite of what my soul was craving and needed at the time. And so I just looked at that, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, I had that journey play out to of restriction and thinking that some way somehow I’m going to have this expansive love life and this relationship that where I have to literally restrict myself and who I am, in order to try to keep the peace. So so that’s another area right, where we can live out the story. And then the third area with money. And I, I truly do not believe you will ever restrict your way to expansion. When it comes to money, you will not if what you desire is a more expansive financial situation for you restriction, fear scarcity, pulling back in the energy of fear is not the way to go. I am not saying that you need to go on a bender, because I used to do that too. Because again, I didn’t have stable energy when it came to money or when it came to any really. So I used to go like, not a ton, but I would do a little bit of binge shopping was never like a huge part of my story. But I definitely didn’t trust myself with money. I’m not saying to go on like a shopping binge and just buy a bunch of crap to buy a bunch of crap that’s not aligned. That’s not what I’m saying. But what I am saying is that if you think the path to you expanding financially, is from an energy of restriction, making financial decisions from an energy of restriction and lack and scarcity. It is not. And I know in my own life, and in my own journey, I I would make myself wrong, I would make myself wrong for leveraging credit cards, I make myself wrong for debt I would obsess over every last dollar in the bank account, it was again it it’s like counting calories is the same thing. Right? And it wasn’t until I stopped making myself wrong for the bigger, fuller life and experience that I wanted. And started to believe it was actually possible for me to expand into that, and gave myself permission to make quote unquote, mistakes with money to figure it out as I went, but to not be so fatalistic and like, I like count it like holding, right that like holding clenching type of energy. And I started to allow money to flow more in my life, that things started to really shift. And so just checking in again, is any part of any of those three areas but again, we’re going to talk specifically about money today. Are you thinking that you’re going to restrict your way to abundance? Are you thinking that you’re going to restrict your way to expansion because guess what, too, that’s so much of what’s taught, when it comes to money, like just save, you know, save your coffee, money, save everything you possibly can like cut the coupons do this do that, that energy, unless it’s spiritual guidance to do it. I’ve never gotten the spiritual guidance to do that. That’s not the way to true lasting expansion, and abundance. It’s just not, but it is culturally ingrained. So this journey of you going from restriction to expansion of you going from scarcity to abundance. It requires a great level of awareness. It requires a great level of being willing to rethink everything you’ve ever been taught. I was just sitting with Jack this morning and reading him a book. And it was about being different. And one of the pages it’s called Wii U. So shout out to our community member and my friend Megan, for sending that book does because it’s a fabulous book, if you have a kid, by the way, get it. But the page was about being different. And what I said to him as we looked at it was like, this is 100% Right? General rule of thumb for life is if you see everyone going in one direction, you go the other. Like that’s just the rule of thumb. That’s My rule of thumb that’s thing has always worked for me. I didn’t used to be that way I didn’t used to trust myself enough that much. I used to very much want to fit in and do what everybody else was doing. But that’s that’s not that’s not the path. I completely lost my train of thought of what I was talking about was stuck. Oh, you have to question everything. You have to be willing to question everything you’ve been taught about money, success results, how it works, because guess what this stuff has been? Like, who taught it to you? Are they living an epic life? Do they have a lot of money flowing in their life? Maybe. But if it’s like the majority of the population, no, right. And I go back to this, and I want to talk about this. And I know especially if you’re listening for the first time, you may be like, Oh, I thought this was a sales podcast. Yes. And the thing that finally got me unstuck from over a decade, of get continuing to get the same results, which were just scratching the surface of what I really wanted, in my sales, and in my life, it’s not like I was doing bad, like I was doing, quote, unquote, well, by most people’s standards, but I wanted more for my life. And the thing that finally helped me do that it wasn’t that I got a better sales script, it was that I shifted myself identity, healed my relationship with money, and started seeing myself as someone who was worthy of way more, and because my identity shifted, my results naturally shifted to match it. So it is always always always an inner game. That is 95 to 98% of the work. So with all of that being said, I wanted to so first, I was just take note, like, what stories of restriction Am I playing out right now, when it comes to any of these three areas, but specifically looking at money, like where am I currently restricting thinking that some way somehow abundance is going to come from that you can’t bring one type of energy into a scenario and expect a different result. You can’t bring scarcity thinking in to your financial situation and expect abundance out of that. It’s not how it works. But it is an inside game first. So the key and the shift is going to be you figuring out how to shift your energy to one of abundance before the physical abundance has manifested in your world. Because then by law, because of the thoughts you’re thinking, the feelings you’re feeling, and the energy you’re emanating out, your outer world must mirror back to you the energy you’re putting out. So I’m going to share with you a few ways that I made that shift, because the thing that finally got me unstuck, and helped me start to experience a very different relationship with money and helped me get out of the old programming of just nervousness and an anxiety and fear about money. No matter what the number was in the bank account. It was I had to learn how to align myself with abundance first, how to align my energy with that first. And then from that place, that my physical world shifted. So it was it’s always an inside game first. And I will share it was a journey, it’s something I still consciously do this work today, it is very rare that I have anything pop up that, like gets me triggered around money. It’s not really a thing for me anymore. It’s not to say there’s not still moments where I’m like, Oh, I get to work through it. Like, the conditioning was deep for so long. But it’s a very, it’s a much faster turnaround.
These days, it’s a much shorter refractory period, than it was and money has become a beautiful relationship in my life. Money has become a powerful relationship in my life, money has become something that I know just mirrors who I’m being and how I’m thinking. And so so it’s a process, right? So I don’t want you to like listen to this and be like, Oh, I do this. And then like, I never like I do this process in a week. And then it’s done. Like I don’t think that’s realistic to say if you’ve had money, hangups or scarcity thinking for a long time. So I want you to be really loving with yourself and really gentle with yourself through this. But I do want to challenge your thinking in some areas and also invite your brain to the possibility that things could shift radically for you in this department and quickly. If you made a decision that you were no longer available to struggle in this area. And that you were going to do what however it took to shift because that is what it took. For me, it took a firm, committed decision where I had to put a lot at stake, a lot of money at stake, to work with a particular mentor, a lot of self limiting ideas, restrictive ideas about who I was all of that. And from that place of committed decision, the shift will happen, and the shift will come. So I want to share with you kind of three, three core things that helped me shift from scarcity to abundance mindset with money, the first thing I had to do was, I had to start truly trusting myself. And in order to do that, because I had a story that I was irresponsible, I had a story that I couldn’t trust my desires or my instincts. So in order to do that, I had to look at other areas of my life, because I couldn’t find them quite yet in money. But I had to look at other areas in my life where when I had followed my gut instinct that it had played out the right way. And so for me, it was looking at things like when I decided to leave that old relationship, and it felt petrifying, but my gut was like, you have to go, you know, six months to the day that I made that decision I met Jason, like, you can’t make this stuff up. You know, it required trusting myself fully, completely when I didn’t know what was on the other side. But I could look at that. And I could say, that is evidence that when I trust myself, I when you know, or getting help for the disordered eating, that felt scary, I also made an investment in working with a coach and a mentor at that time. But because I had trusted the nudge, and made a decision in favor of my expansion, rather than restriction, it played out really beautifully. And I finally shifted something. So I had to start to look for evidence of how I could trust myself in other areas and then say, well, if it worked there, why wouldn’t it work here? Right, again, question everything. The second thing, I actually had to get humble, and your ego will tell you so many reasons why you’re different, or why you’re special. Not to say you’re not special, I think everyone is special. And no one is special. At the same time, it’s both and you are special, and you are not so special, that you can’t have a financial transformation, you are not so special that the same that if you actually listen and follow what I’m saying here, or follow anyone who’s had a money transformation that resonates with you, that you couldn’t have the same result. Now your ego will tell you, Oh, you’re different, you’re special, you’re this, you’re that? Well, most of your thoughts are gonna lie to you anyway. Okay, so just get that right, we accept that reality. And then we just remember it’s a, it’s a preservation mechanism. It’s all about keeping you where you are, because that is what the brain views as quote unquote, safe, I may not be thriving, but at least I can survive. Like, at least I know, I’ll be alive in this scenario, even if I’m suffering deeply. So I actually had to drop the ego and realize that I wasn’t special or different. And then if other people could have big financial transformations, or make a lot more money, I could, too. And so I started changing how I spoke to myself. And I started che, I want you to listen, because you’re probably hearing themes between me. And if you’ve listened to other people who talk about financial transformation, like true lasting from the inside out, they probably all say very similar things. So I had to look at okay, everyone is saying the same thing. Maybe it’s just time I actually get behind it. When I say everyone, I don’t mean following the crowd. I mean, the people who actually have the result that I want. That’s those are the people I listened to. So drop the ego, and I shifted how I was talking to myself, I would look at myself in the mirror, and I would affirm myself, I would be positive to myself, I would start to help like start recognizing how powerful I was, I would start recognizing that I was good at certain things where before all the thoughts had been self critical. And I started to come to grips with the fact that I was really no different from someone else. And I didn’t have some like some on what I want to say. There wasn’t this wall that like I couldn’t break through and penetrate. To get on the other side. It was all self imposed. It was all self imposed. So that was a big part of it. And then the third is to was to really practice feeling abundant first, before the physical results had happened. And this can be the hardest one and this is why Joe Dispenza his work had been was and continues to be so impactful for me and why I always like to come back to it when I’m ready for a big uplevel. And, frankly, all the time, because you have to realize that your body gets addicted to the stress chemicals, like my body was addicted to chemicals of fear of anxiety, and it would fire off thoughts to trigger more of those chemicals to be released like an addict. And so it’s literally a process of reconditioning the body out of old scarcity, feelings and thoughts, and into thoughts and feelings of abundance, into feelings of calm, safety, security, relaxation, peace. And I had to consciously recondition my body. Now, the bigger financial results started happening when I was still in that journey. So I just want to affirm you like, it doesn’t, you don’t have to be perfect with this, okay, a little shift can make a big difference. And hopefully, that’s encouraging, because I look back, you know, a lot of this journey for me was two ish years ago, which is crazy, because it feels like a long time and not a long time. A lot of this journey for me of like, really experiencing profound transformation was about to a little started a little more than two years ago. And I look back at who I was then and there was still so much like, naive naivete is that the word there was still so much to learn? I’m always learning like, every day I’m learning, but I also I have a depth of wisdom now that I didn’t have them and yet still. Huge amounts of money came. Because I was feeling abundant. I mean, that’s it, I trained my body to feel abundant. I trained my thoughts to be more in alignment with abundance than lack and scarcity. And so the so the litmus test I would use throughout that process is like, is this thought expansive or restrictive? Is this feeling expansive or restrictive? Is this decision with how I’m about to use my money expansive or restrictive? Looking at that, and looking at the situations in your life? Is this situation expansive or restrictive? Anything, again, I want to kind of come full circle here. Anything that is in an energy of restriction is not going to move you to your expansion. So you can play with that as you make the shift. And it requires a great deal of awareness. It requires a great deal of listening to your thoughts, being conscious of your thoughts, questioning your thoughts. Is that true? Is that not? Does that? Is that in alignment with expansion, does that feel expansive? Or does it not? Because if it doesn’t, it is not your highest and best truth? And it’s not what’s going to get you to where you actually want to be. So with that, I think that is let me just check sexually put a couple notes on this. Yeah, and the the final piece, I would say, and that I want to share with you about something really exciting. It’s an opportunity to go deeper into this work. The final piece I would say, on this is it is a journey. It’s a journey. Every single day. In the morning, when I’m doing my morning time, I’m asking myself, Who am I becoming? What is the highest expression of myself I can be today? What am I like? What am I moving away from
and I’m actually in a really interesting period of my life right now where I know the vision for where I want to go, I’m not clear on all the steps of it yet and that’s okay. But I’m I feel like because I do this work and because I know that you don’t get what you want in life, you get what you are. So I’m very focused on being a match for the woman who has what I desire. I’m almost in this like weird. It’s hard to explain, you may have experienced it, I’m in this weird space right now, that’s also kind of exciting. Where I feel like I am my I don’t want to say future self because I don’t want to put it in the future. Like I actually am feeling very aligned with her right now. I have my newer self coaching my older self, on what to do in certain situations and the next moves to make in order to align with my next level of abundance and what I’m calling in, so it’s kind of like there’s this version, and then there’s this version, and I can see both of them but I’m relating more to the newer version that had felt quite aspirational for quite some time and pretty out of reach. I feel like her, like I know, there’s still lessons to learn, there’s still plenty that I get to do to evolve along the way. But I feel like I’m her coaching the old self. And it’s just like a little bit of a period of time lag of, you know, the outer world catching up to mirror. The inner. With that being said, coming back to this is work that gets done every day. Every morning, I’m asking myself that every morning I’m working. And then throughout the day to I’m working on identifying more and more with this woman that I imagine is someone who has the next things that I desire in terms of career impact, of course, financial flow, family life, happiness, health, all of it. So it’s definitely a process that requires a great level of awareness. I want you to think about, I want to leave you with one final thought, and then I’m going to share this invitation for you. Money scarcity, is a very well disguised and clever way of playing small and staying stuck. This is one of the questions that actually freed up a lot of my energy and help me make a lot of shifts, because I never even considered it when it came to money, because so much after I got past the like trying to control the body, then I got into like trying to control money, energy. And when I stopped and asked myself the question of what would I be thinking about right now, if I wasn’t constantly obsessing about money and how to make it? I was like, Oh my gosh, I don’t know. Because it was so like, such well worn neural pathways that had been fired again, and again and again. And it was like default mode, programming for my brain. And so part of you making the shift and really aligning with your next level of abundance is you start to think thoughts of the person who is at the level that you desire to be at. So if you already had the money, the sales the clients, you wouldn’t be thinking about how to get them. Right, you would like what would you be thinking about, I want you to actually stop and ask yourself that. And as I thought about that, for the first time, and I looked at it was like, Oh my gosh, like I’d be thinking about so many more expansive things like impact, like service like, contribution, like experiences, like giving, like joy, and it almost makes me it does, it makes me sad and emotional. Although I think everyone’s journey is perfect, I think my journey has been perfect for what my soul has needed. But to think about how much energy is wasted and expended in this small limited thinking, being, like stuck on a hamster wheel, when it could be so much greater. Right. And this is probably a deeper rabbit hole than we have time for. But more and more I’m open to like, it’s a bit of like The Matrix, right? Like if you just stay stuck thinking about how to make the money and how to take care of the bills. And yet like you never actually stop and look up at what’s going on and who you are and what how powerful you are. So that’s another podcast for another day. I’m not going full on conspiracy theorist yet or ever, because I don’t think that that’s a good use of time. But I am saying question everything. Question your thinking. Question what you have assumed to be true and look at where have the repetitive thoughts are where I have the repetitive experiences of scarcity kept you in a small restrictive box that has I did a podcast episode about this a while back like it was your comfort zone and it is now your cage. Right? Like really look at that and question that. So with all of that being said, if you’re listening to this in real time, next week, so February 20 through 22nd. I am hosting a live three day experience. I’m so excited for it. It’s virtual but it’s live called the aligned for abundance incubator and this is The live I don’t know when I’m going to do another masterclass incubator 3d experience after baby comes, there will certainly be another I’m just not quite sure, like energy wise when I’m going to be up for him. I wanted to do one last thing before baby gets here that is really about with the newest level of understanding that I have around abundance, and how I have managed to turn off years of conditioning around scarcity and around limiting beliefs about who I am what I’m capable of. And really shifted to a whole new identity and persona of a wealthy woman, a woman who has what she desires, a woman who trusts herself with money, a woman who is continuously expanding and pushing the edge of what’s possible for her and the edge of the limits of her belief. And I want to share with you to the greatest level of my understanding now and it’s deeper than it ever has been. What I know now about how to align with abundance, whatever your next level of financial abundance is this year, whether that’s you want to break through six figures multi six, seven beyond seven, I don’t care. It’s going to be a three day experience. It’s going to be a journey, you can register at Elise archer.com/abundance incubator, it’s also personalized. This is something that I’m very big on and that I think is really different and special about this community is that I have everything we do it’s not like you’re a face in a crowd. And I really care about that deeply that like you’re seeing you’re heard your personal story and journey is seen. So when you register you’ll get an intake to fill out I do review those now get it like registered now so that I have time to review it. But it is everything I do is personalized to the beautiful souls and people who are participating in it. And so again, Elise archer.com/abundance incubator, I will be doing live personalized coaching with everyone who’s there live. If you are not able to join live the whole time you still want to register because you’ll get the replays that way and you get lifetime access to the recordings. And I think it’s going to help you make a lot of big shifts and have some big lightbulb aha moments in areas where you may have felt stuck for a very long time. So again, Elise archer.com/abundance incubator, I hope to see you there. Let me know what showed up for you with this episode. This was some fresher things for me in terms of my newer levels of understanding and I hope it spoke to you and I hope it served you so thank you as always, for being a member of the community. I’ll see you on our next episode. Bye for now.