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How to Be Unapologetically You in Your Business
Sometimes, inspiration comes from the car, so today I’m bringing another important reminder for you from behind the steering wheel.
As I am working with amazing clients, I’m seeing myself mirrored back at me. And sometimes that feels uncomfortable! I credit a lot of my success and happiness to becoming aware of how I was hanging on to old patterns through the inner child work I have done and continue to do. But no matter how much work I’ve done, my inner child pops up for me.
Has this ever happened to you? All of a sudden, those old needs to fit in, to be validated or accepted from the outside, just come out of nowhere!
So this episode is all about what I do in the situations that these old patterns still come through and what you may need in those moments the most.
Show Notes:
[1:29] – Initially when Elyse did inner child work, she was skeptical but remained open to it.
[4:01] – Although she credits a lot of her success to the inner child work she has already done, Elyse explains that it is a continuous journey and things still pop up for her.
[5:48] – Elyse shares some of the details of her upbringing that impacted her mindset.
[7:17] – There was always a part of Elyse that wanted to fit in but she felt like she couldn’t when she was growing up.
[10:03] – No matter how much work we do on ourselves, these things can still come up but maybe in more subtle ways.
[11:17] – The transformation is an inner shift.
[14:08] – When this desire to fit in or things you are seeking from outside of yourself, you can acknowledge your inner child and tell her that it’s okay.
[16:05] – Sometimes Elyse sees herself mirrored in her clients, especially when she sees other women seek validation outside of themselves.
[17:20] – The tactical part is the easy part. It’s the inner work that makes the quantum leap and it is much harder.
Links and Resources:
DM me on Instagram @elysearcher
hello friend and welcome to She Sells Radio so once again I’m feeling inspired to record for
you as I drive I actually I just had a bit of an awareness and I was gonna go do like an Instagram
reel and call it a day and then I really felt like number one I don’t want to wait until I
can pull over and record a reel um to talk through this and also like I just think it’s I think it’s
something that’s going to benefit from a bit of a deeper conversation and so here it is and I don’t
know how long this is gonna be it may be short it may be long but you know I thought when I first
worked with a mentor several years ago who had me do inner child healing work I was like what in the
world does this have to do with sales what in the world does this have to do with me increasing my
revenue and hitting my goals and then I I was like you know what I’m open like I’m always so
open I’m very coachable with the mentors I work with because I figure I’m paying them I want to
be you know I want to be open to their perspective and that they may see something differently for me
so I was open to it I did it and it was some of the most transformational work that I’ve
done it was really hard to be honest because it showed me how much I’ve been holding on to
um from childhood and from you know just not great Dynamics with like Mom and Dad and I say all of
this with so much love because I feel like I have a very good relationship with both of them today
and yet like all of us right there were things that needed to be
sorted out and things that I was holding on to and so when I did it it felt at
first very heavy and very depleting and that I felt this like Freedom come up
this emotional Freedom that I hadn’t experienced before and that was really that became a key piece
of what I think to kind of what got me unstuck and from going from like spinning and stuck at
the same level financially for over a decade just suddenly having some pretty huge Quantum leaps
pretty fast I really credit becoming aware of the ways in which I was holding on to Old patterns
and holding on to Old beliefs about myself that I had picked up on you know when I was much younger
um I credit so much of it to that and it’s been a lot of different things but that’s definitely been
one of the things and you know so I’ve continued to do work in this area on myself and with my
clients like over the years since I experienced the power of the transformation of my life but
even just you know I had a bit of a like aha today from I think a combination of things I was doing
um and I wanted to share how this continues to come up and how it’s not like a check the box and
you’re done type of Journey with rewiring some of these things but that’s okay because it gets to be
beautiful right so as I record this today earlier today we hosted the first day of the aligned for
abundance incubator and it was so powerful and it was so shifting and it’s like it’s the first time
I’ve done something specifically like this like a three-day um live experience where we worked
specifically with the women on money it’s all about financial abundance and empowerment and so
I’m not sure if we’re going to be offering I shouldn’t say this in a recording
my team is going to be like what did you do it’s probably available to get the replay of
um it may be a slightly higher rate than for everyone who signed up for it in real time but uh
go to elisearcher.com abundance incubator and check it out and see what’s there for you because
it’s it’s been really really good but with all of that I shared with the women who were there
um some things that I just like I hadn’t really tapped into about myself before or I hadn’t quite
put like two and two together quite as powerfully as I did today and I shared about you know growing
up um number one I was like quite the nerd and I think that’s part of why I love the work I get to
do now because we grew up in a super academically like rigorous household um and just for context
now I did not go to these schools but like my parents went to Harvard and MIT and Harvard was
my mom’s second choice which is hysterical to me by the way that makes me laugh that was her backup
School and so I grew up with a very very brilliant smart parents and in a household where it was all
about academics it was all about intellectual mind and what I know now is that the intellectual mind
is responsible for you know three to five percent of our results Max but it was all I was focused
on for so long and I was just so focused on like being the good girl getting the good grades um of
course fitting in as a teenager became important for me but I was you know I was quite nerdy
um and I didn’t quite feel like I fit in like I definitely was not one of the quote-unquote cool
girls um I like I had friends I kind of had like a lot of friends from a lot of different groups
but um I was never like one of the most popular kids I was like smart I had good friends from
different groups but there was definitely always a part of me that like so wanted to
be one of the most popular um girls and that was yeah like it just wasn’t the case and I was also
like and I I do so much work now on body image and self-love and self-worth regardless of your size
so I just want to acknowledge that before I say this I will say growing up you know a child of
the 80s and supermodel culture and I loved Beauty and I loved fashion and I wanted to be a makeup
artist for so long and I remember comparing myself to like the model of beauty back then which was
everyone looked a certain way like stick skinny
um you know very made up all of it and I never looked like that like I wasn’t big big but I I
was I wasn’t even probably pudgy I think looking back on it I had a pretty distorted self-image
um but I wasn’t skinny and I remember thinking if I could just like look a certain way
then I’d be more accepted then I’d be more powerful that or not more powerful that’s I didn’t
care about that that I cared about being liked then I’d be liked Etc and so all of that to say
that part of me like I’ve done a lot of work on healing that part of me the part that feels the
need to fit in the part that feels the need to be liked because actually there’s a great
deal of me that’s like quite contrarian and wants to go against the mold of what
mainstream society says is possible should be possible how we’re expected to act how we’re
supposed to show up like I disagree with most all of it um and yet that part that
like wants to be accepted and wants to fit in and sometimes feels scared to show up and say
what she really thinks she’s sometimes still like comes up and so I just had an awareness
from a situation from earlier today where that was happening like on a deeper level
and I wanted to share like what I do in those moments because I had to get really conscious
and aware of it wasn’t about the circumstance that was presenting itself it was about
my perception of me and it was about the part of me that was still hoping to be liked and hoping to
be picked by somebody else and hoping to be told I was good enough and again it doesn’t matter how
much work you do on these things like these things can still come up and they can come up in sneakier
ways or more subtle ways like the more work we do on them but they still can come up and I see this
hold women back so much when it comes to career and money and clients like this was another part
of the conversation in the incubator today and it’s a big part of what we worked on at our most
recent retreat and Sedona is picking yourself like if you are waiting to be picked by someone else
and a lot of this was inspired by an article Seth Godin wrote like back in 2011 if you’re
waiting to be picked by someone else if you’re waiting for your clients to come to validate
you if you’re waiting for money to show up to make you feel abundant if you’re waiting for
the dream opportunities to come to tell you that you had a good enough message or a good
enough idea you’re going to be waiting a long time because that’s not how it works and so we
have to learn and remember and sometimes remember again and again and again that the transformation
is an inner shift and the work is an inner shift and in my own experience when I stop looking for
validation outside of me and I started really like owning who I was and loving who I was like
not just saying it and it was a process of I for a while I just said it to myself I said
I love you I think you’re amazing I’m proud of you before I actually felt it
and sometimes that is the process and it felt so foreign and so strange at first
but I’m here to tell you that type of work if you do it enough you will start to believe it and it
will radically shift your self-image which in turn as your self-image shifts and you see yourself
as someone who is worthy and deserving of more your results will shift to mirror that as well
but so that was a big part like I said of the conversation today in the incubator and something
I’m going to be going deeper in um with the women over the next couple of days as well is just any
sort of seeking outside of us for worthiness validation fitting in like you’re enough
um it’s not the path to it’s not the path to the Quantum Leap people were in there and they’re like
how did you do what you did so fast I’m here to tell you it wasn’t tactical it was not it wasn’t
what I was doing it was who I was being I finally got it and I finally stopped apologizing for who
I was for the fact that yeah you know what I am a little bit nerdy and I like it and yeah you know
what fitting in with mainstream is actually not what I want because I don’t agree with much of
what’s mainstream um and started to really just lean into like falling in love with myself and
my ideas and my Brilliance and my energy and my body even though like that had been a big
thing for years and from that place of energy of massive self-acceptance and massive self-love came
more inspired ideas and actions and um worthiness around receiving what I wanted
it translated to my business it translated to my personal life like everything really
started to shift there and so today when I noticed some of those old patterns coming
up like it’s it’s not a super long process for me anymore usually to do any sort of like inner child
resolution or healing but it was just a noticing of like oh like I see you teenage Elise I see how
much you want to be accepted I see how much you want to be the cool girl I see how much you want
to be popular like I see how much you want to fit in and I love you and those things that you’re
seeking through the outer World whether it’s you know the love the attention the praise the
um the yeses from clients the money like that’s not it we’re not going to wait for those to come
in order to feel good like I literally talked to myself like I probably sound like a lunatic
I’m talking like in the third person um I don’t actually I don’t know second person third person
I talk to myself and all the people when I do this work on myself not correct grammar I know
um but I had a little chat with myself and just reminded
my inner teenage Elise of what she needed to know in that moment and to know that it
was never about fitting in and to know that it was never about being accepted or liked
by everyone but the bottom line was how do you feel about yourself right and how are
you celebrating yourself and so I just I want to share these pieces of the journey because I’ve had
I’ve got like the most amazing group of clients right now I’ve always had the most amazing group
of clients like I’m always Blown Away by who the women are in our community and shout out to my men
too because we got a lot of men in the community I’m launching something special for you fingers
crossed later this year so stay tuned on that because so many of these principles are Universal
um but all are welcome here always always always all are welcome I want to be very very clear on
that um but it’s just been a lot of like I’ve been seeing my old self mirrored in quite a few of my
clients lately in terms of where they are in their journey and the like like if just the seeking
outside of yourself for money for validation for worthiness and I’m here to tell you it is 100 an
inner game it is 100 an inner shift and this is what I think when when we can really get
this this is why I’m so passionate about sharing this like am I here for the Tactical yes can we
have those conversations 100 and like to me that’s the easy part um you know sharing with the women
today like I’m gosh hopefully I can share this I think I can share this I’m blessed and honored to
um well can I share I’m not going to share it yeah because I don’t know if I can share it
oh so I’m about to say and I’m like uh I think I need to wait okay anyway I’ll share something soon
um that was a pretty cool acknowledgment but anyway all of that to say the Tactical yes
is important the Tactical I am here for it uh to me the the sales process part the marketing
The Branding like that’s kind of the not to downplay it but that piece is the the easier part
it’s not the part that for me and for the women I see real radical shifts for it is
what has actually created the Quantum Leap it’s when we can get under the hood and understand
that you can have the best tactical process in the world and yet if there is a part of
you that feels unworthy your level of income will never exceed your level of self-worth
if there is a part of you that doubts or questions yourself or doesn’t trust yourself you’re gonna
spin you’re not going to take the action that is required to get to where you want to go you’re
not going to trust your desires you’re not going to lean in in that way and so the real
transformation comes in the real Quantum Leap comes when we are willing to do the inner work
and when we’re willing to get under the hood and deal with the 95 to 98 that’s driving our results
which is our subconscious belief systems about who we are what we’re worthy of
what our identity is ETC and so I just wanted to share that to hopefully encourage you hopefully
um you know edify you a bit and remind you that it’s a process and a journey it’s not
necessarily done for any of us ever but the more we can be self-aware about what’s
going on and just notice when our inner child or inner teenager is showing up
and make those shifts and realize what we’re really needing in that moment is a little bit
of love to ourselves than everything shifts pretty fast and pretty powerfully so with that my friend
I am complete I am going to go in and be with my family I hope you enjoyed this thank you as
always for being a listener of she sells radio and I’ll see you on our next episode bye for now
