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How to Be Unapologetically You in Your Business

Sometimes, inspiration comes from the car, so today I’m bringing another important reminder for you from behind the steering wheel.

As I am working with amazing clients, I’m seeing myself mirrored back at me. And sometimes that feels uncomfortable! I credit a lot of my success and happiness to becoming aware of how I was hanging on to old patterns through the inner child work I have done and continue to do. But no matter how much work I’ve done, my inner child pops up for me.

Has this ever happened to you? All of a sudden, those old needs to fit in, to be validated or accepted from the outside, just come out of nowhere!

So this episode is all about what I do in the situations that these old patterns still come through and what you may need in those moments the most.

Show Notes:

[1:29] – Initially when Elyse did inner child work, she was skeptical but remained open to it.
[4:01] – Although she credits a lot of her success to the inner child work she has already done, Elyse explains that it is a continuous journey and things still pop up for her.
[5:48] – Elyse shares some of the details of her upbringing that impacted her mindset.
[7:17] – There was always a part of Elyse that wanted to fit in but she felt like she couldn’t when she was growing up.
[10:03] – No matter how much work we do on ourselves, these things can still come up but maybe in more subtle ways.
[11:17] – The transformation is an inner shift.
[14:08] – When this desire to fit in or things you are seeking from outside of yourself, you can acknowledge your inner child and tell her that it’s okay.
[16:05] – Sometimes Elyse sees herself mirrored in her clients, especially when she sees other women seek validation outside of themselves.
[17:20] – The tactical part is the easy part. It’s the inner work that makes the quantum leap and it is much harder.

Links and Resources:

DM me on Instagram @elysearcher

hello friend and welcome to She Sells Radio so  once again I’m feeling inspired to record for  
you as I drive I actually I just had a bit of an  awareness and I was gonna go do like an Instagram  
reel and call it a day and then I really felt  like number one I don’t want to wait until I  
can pull over and record a reel um to talk through  this and also like I just think it’s I think it’s  
something that’s going to benefit from a bit of a  deeper conversation and so here it is and I don’t  
know how long this is gonna be it may be short it  may be long but you know I thought when I first  
worked with a mentor several years ago who had me  do inner child healing work I was like what in the  
world does this have to do with sales what in the  world does this have to do with me increasing my  
revenue and hitting my goals and then I I was  like you know what I’m open like I’m always so  
open I’m very coachable with the mentors I work  with because I figure I’m paying them I want to  
be you know I want to be open to their perspective  and that they may see something differently for me  
so I was open to it I did it and it was some  of the most transformational work that I’ve  
done it was really hard to be honest because  it showed me how much I’ve been holding on to  
um from childhood and from you know just not great  Dynamics with like Mom and Dad and I say all of  
this with so much love because I feel like I have  a very good relationship with both of them today  
and yet like all of us right there  were things that needed to be  
sorted out and things that I was holding  on to and so when I did it it felt at  
first very heavy and very depleting and  that I felt this like Freedom come up  
this emotional Freedom that I hadn’t experienced  before and that was really that became a key piece  
of what I think to kind of what got me unstuck  and from going from like spinning and stuck at  
the same level financially for over a decade just  suddenly having some pretty huge Quantum leaps  
pretty fast I really credit becoming aware of the  ways in which I was holding on to Old patterns  
and holding on to Old beliefs about myself that I  had picked up on you know when I was much younger  
um I credit so much of it to that and it’s been a  lot of different things but that’s definitely been  
one of the things and you know so I’ve continued  to do work in this area on myself and with my  
clients like over the years since I experienced  the power of the transformation of my life but  
even just you know I had a bit of a like aha today  from I think a combination of things I was doing  
um and I wanted to share how this continues to  come up and how it’s not like a check the box and  
you’re done type of Journey with rewiring some of  these things but that’s okay because it gets to be  
beautiful right so as I record this today earlier  today we hosted the first day of the aligned for  
abundance incubator and it was so powerful and it  was so shifting and it’s like it’s the first time  
I’ve done something specifically like this like  a three-day um live experience where we worked  
specifically with the women on money it’s all  about financial abundance and empowerment and so  
I’m not sure if we’re going to be offering  I shouldn’t say this in a recording  
my team is going to be like what did you do  it’s probably available to get the replay of  
um it may be a slightly higher rate than for  everyone who signed up for it in real time but uh  
go to abundance incubator and  check it out and see what’s there for you because  
it’s it’s been really really good but with all  of that I shared with the women who were there  
um some things that I just like I hadn’t really  tapped into about myself before or I hadn’t quite  
put like two and two together quite as powerfully  as I did today and I shared about you know growing  
up um number one I was like quite the nerd and I  think that’s part of why I love the work I get to  
do now because we grew up in a super academically  like rigorous household um and just for context  
now I did not go to these schools but like my  parents went to Harvard and MIT and Harvard was  
my mom’s second choice which is hysterical to me  by the way that makes me laugh that was her backup  
School and so I grew up with a very very brilliant  smart parents and in a household where it was all  
about academics it was all about intellectual mind  and what I know now is that the intellectual mind  
is responsible for you know three to five percent  of our results Max but it was all I was focused  
on for so long and I was just so focused on like  being the good girl getting the good grades um of  
course fitting in as a teenager became important  for me but I was you know I was quite nerdy  
um and I didn’t quite feel like I fit in like I  definitely was not one of the quote-unquote cool  
girls um I like I had friends I kind of had like  a lot of friends from a lot of different groups  
but um I was never like one of the most popular  kids I was like smart I had good friends from  
different groups but there was definitely  always a part of me that like so wanted to  
be one of the most popular um girls and that was  yeah like it just wasn’t the case and I was also  
like and I I do so much work now on body image and  self-love and self-worth regardless of your size  
so I just want to acknowledge that before I say  this I will say growing up you know a child of  
the 80s and supermodel culture and I loved Beauty  and I loved fashion and I wanted to be a makeup  
artist for so long and I remember comparing myself  to like the model of beauty back then which was  
everyone looked a certain way like stick skinny  
um you know very made up all of it and I never  looked like that like I wasn’t big big but I I  
was I wasn’t even probably pudgy I think looking  back on it I had a pretty distorted self-image  
um but I wasn’t skinny and I remember thinking  if I could just like look a certain way  
then I’d be more accepted then I’d be more  powerful that or not more powerful that’s I didn’t  
care about that that I cared about being liked  then I’d be liked Etc and so all of that to say  
that part of me like I’ve done a lot of work on  healing that part of me the part that feels the  
need to fit in the part that feels the need  to be liked because actually there’s a great  
deal of me that’s like quite contrarian  and wants to go against the mold of what  
mainstream society says is possible should be  possible how we’re expected to act how we’re  
supposed to show up like I disagree with  most all of it um and yet that part that  
like wants to be accepted and wants to fit in  and sometimes feels scared to show up and say  
what she really thinks she’s sometimes still  like comes up and so I just had an awareness  
from a situation from earlier today where  that was happening like on a deeper level  
and I wanted to share like what I do in those  moments because I had to get really conscious  
and aware of it wasn’t about the circumstance  that was presenting itself it was about  
my perception of me and it was about the part of  me that was still hoping to be liked and hoping to  
be picked by somebody else and hoping to be told  I was good enough and again it doesn’t matter how  
much work you do on these things like these things  can still come up and they can come up in sneakier  
ways or more subtle ways like the more work we do  on them but they still can come up and I see this  
hold women back so much when it comes to career  and money and clients like this was another part  
of the conversation in the incubator today and  it’s a big part of what we worked on at our most  
recent retreat and Sedona is picking yourself like  if you are waiting to be picked by someone else  
and a lot of this was inspired by an article  Seth Godin wrote like back in 2011 if you’re  
waiting to be picked by someone else if you’re  waiting for your clients to come to validate  
you if you’re waiting for money to show up to  make you feel abundant if you’re waiting for  
the dream opportunities to come to tell you  that you had a good enough message or a good  
enough idea you’re going to be waiting a long  time because that’s not how it works and so we  
have to learn and remember and sometimes remember  again and again and again that the transformation  
is an inner shift and the work is an inner shift  and in my own experience when I stop looking for  
validation outside of me and I started really  like owning who I was and loving who I was like  
not just saying it and it was a process of I  for a while I just said it to myself I said  
I love you I think you’re amazing I’m  proud of you before I actually felt it  
and sometimes that is the process and it  felt so foreign and so strange at first  
but I’m here to tell you that type of work if you  do it enough you will start to believe it and it  
will radically shift your self-image which in turn  as your self-image shifts and you see yourself  
as someone who is worthy and deserving of more  your results will shift to mirror that as well  
but so that was a big part like I said of the  conversation today in the incubator and something  
I’m going to be going deeper in um with the women  over the next couple of days as well is just any  
sort of seeking outside of us for worthiness  validation fitting in like you’re enough  
um it’s not the path to it’s not the path to the  Quantum Leap people were in there and they’re like  
how did you do what you did so fast I’m here to  tell you it wasn’t tactical it was not it wasn’t  
what I was doing it was who I was being I finally  got it and I finally stopped apologizing for who  
I was for the fact that yeah you know what I am a  little bit nerdy and I like it and yeah you know  
what fitting in with mainstream is actually not  what I want because I don’t agree with much of  
what’s mainstream um and started to really just  lean into like falling in love with myself and  
my ideas and my Brilliance and my energy and  my body even though like that had been a big  
thing for years and from that place of energy of  massive self-acceptance and massive self-love came  
more inspired ideas and actions and um  worthiness around receiving what I wanted  
it translated to my business it translated  to my personal life like everything really  
started to shift there and so today when I  noticed some of those old patterns coming  
up like it’s it’s not a super long process for me  anymore usually to do any sort of like inner child  
resolution or healing but it was just a noticing  of like oh like I see you teenage Elise I see how  
much you want to be accepted I see how much you  want to be the cool girl I see how much you want  
to be popular like I see how much you want to fit  in and I love you and those things that you’re  
seeking through the outer World whether it’s  you know the love the attention the praise the  
um the yeses from clients the money like that’s  not it we’re not going to wait for those to come  
in order to feel good like I literally talked  to myself like I probably sound like a lunatic  
I’m talking like in the third person um I don’t  actually I don’t know second person third person  
I talk to myself and all the people when I do  this work on myself not correct grammar I know  
um but I had a little chat  with myself and just reminded  
my inner teenage Elise of what she needed  to know in that moment and to know that it  
was never about fitting in and to know that  it was never about being accepted or liked  
by everyone but the bottom line was how do  you feel about yourself right and how are  
you celebrating yourself and so I just I want to  share these pieces of the journey because I’ve had  
I’ve got like the most amazing group of clients  right now I’ve always had the most amazing group  
of clients like I’m always Blown Away by who the  women are in our community and shout out to my men  
too because we got a lot of men in the community  I’m launching something special for you fingers  
crossed later this year so stay tuned on that  because so many of these principles are Universal  
um but all are welcome here always always always  all are welcome I want to be very very clear on  
that um but it’s just been a lot of like I’ve been  seeing my old self mirrored in quite a few of my  
clients lately in terms of where they are in their  journey and the like like if just the seeking  
outside of yourself for money for validation for  worthiness and I’m here to tell you it is 100 an  
inner game it is 100 an inner shift and this  is what I think when when we can really get  
this this is why I’m so passionate about sharing  this like am I here for the Tactical yes can we  
have those conversations 100 and like to me that’s  the easy part um you know sharing with the women  
today like I’m gosh hopefully I can share this I  think I can share this I’m blessed and honored to  
um well can I share I’m not going to share it  yeah because I don’t know if I can share it  
oh so I’m about to say and I’m like uh I think I  need to wait okay anyway I’ll share something soon  
um that was a pretty cool acknowledgment but  anyway all of that to say the Tactical yes  
is important the Tactical I am here for it uh  to me the the sales process part the marketing  
The Branding like that’s kind of the not to  downplay it but that piece is the the easier part  
it’s not the part that for me and for the  women I see real radical shifts for it is  
what has actually created the Quantum Leap it’s  when we can get under the hood and understand  
that you can have the best tactical process  in the world and yet if there is a part of  
you that feels unworthy your level of income  will never exceed your level of self-worth  
if there is a part of you that doubts or questions  yourself or doesn’t trust yourself you’re gonna  
spin you’re not going to take the action that is  required to get to where you want to go you’re  
not going to trust your desires you’re not  going to lean in in that way and so the real  
transformation comes in the real Quantum Leap  comes when we are willing to do the inner work  
and when we’re willing to get under the hood and  deal with the 95 to 98 that’s driving our results  
which is our subconscious belief systems  about who we are what we’re worthy of  
what our identity is ETC and so I just wanted to  share that to hopefully encourage you hopefully  
um you know edify you a bit and remind you  that it’s a process and a journey it’s not  
necessarily done for any of us ever but  the more we can be self-aware about what’s  
going on and just notice when our inner  child or inner teenager is showing up  
and make those shifts and realize what we’re  really needing in that moment is a little bit  
of love to ourselves than everything shifts pretty  fast and pretty powerfully so with that my friend  
I am complete I am going to go in and be with  my family I hope you enjoyed this thank you as  
always for being a listener of she sells radio  and I’ll see you on our next episode bye for now
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