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How to Embody Vixen Energy w/ April Roberts

If you want to step into some serious feminine power, this episode is for you!

My guest today is April Roberts, founder of the Vixen Gathering. April did all the “right things” for career success like attending law school, becoming a highly regarded financial planner, and getting entrenched in very masculine dominated industries. A hard-working, fearless leader, April and her team believed in a relational approach that puts the goals and desires of the client above all else. She always felt a great responsibility to help people, to empower them to change their lives. April thought she was doing that by giving them financial peace of mind. She didn’t realize that in giving so much and refusing to receive, she was slowly losing her feminine power.

Several years ago, she found herself at a crossroads of continuing down the expected path for success, and choosing real fulfillment and happiness. She chose to make a complete life pivot to follow her passion and help women return to their true selves so they can live their best lives.

Show Notes:

[2:16] – What makes people step forward? This question has been important for April.
[3:34] – April describes her experience in law school, at a top law firm, and how she realized it wasn’t the fulfillment she expected.
[5:56] – When she found herself living in Italy and wasn’t able to practice law anymore, she had a lot of searching to do as her entire identity had been wrapped up in her work.
[8:06] – She was able to speak Italian, but there’s a difference between speaking a language and really communicating with it.
[10:44] – Being available to listen was an impactful skill that April learned she had.
[11:46] – We all will have a crossroads moment when it comes to fulfillment.
[12:46] – April shares how she learned about feminine energy and how she integrated it into her life.
[15:02] – The first time she learned about the ripple effect of her energy was when she took her mother to a concert that was really important to them.
[18:02] – What does the word “coach” mean?
[19:24] – April explains the reason behind the name The Vixen Gathering.
[20:51] – If you are experiencing burnout, you are probably working in your masculine energy.
[22:19] – There are several feminine superpowers that are all things the world needs right now.
[24:10] – When it comes to meeting with clients, April recommends taking the time to focus on the feminine energy.
[26:30] – Meditation doesn’t have to be complicated. Even taking a short walk is impactful.
[28:36] – Microtraumas in our past cause us to disconnect and we don’t even notice it.
[30:50] – Make sure that you have pleasure scheduled into your week.
[32:21] – Oftentimes the topic of self-love is perceived as a “soft” topic but April emphasizes its importance.
[34:27] – If you are feeling exhausted and like you have nothing else to give, then you are definitely not focusing on self love. You have to practice self forgiveness.
[38:29] – April describes the Vixen Gathering and what you can gain from joining the groups and masterminds.

Connect with April:

Links and Resources:

DM me on Instagram @elysearcher

0:02

Welcome to She Sells Radio if you want to step into some serious feminine power

0:08

today’s episode is for you my guest today is April Roberts she’s

0:13

the founder of the Vixen Gathering and I’m gonna let her tell you more about her backstory shortly because I could

0:20

relate a lot I think you’ll be able to as well but let’s just say that from what I already know April did all of the

0:27

air quote right things for Career Success like attending law school

0:32

becoming a highly regarded financial planner getting very deeply entrenched

0:37

and very masculine dominated Industries and several years ago really found herself at a Crossroads of kind of

0:44

continuing down that expected path for success or choosing what would be what would

0:51

lead to True fulfillment and happiness and has made a complete life pivot to

0:56

follow her passion and to help women really return to their true selves so they can live their best lives so April

1:02

welcome to the show I’m so excited to have you hey Elyse thanks so much for having me

1:08

well you know in the pre-chat you and I were talking about just how I think how

1:13

common our mission or how similar our missions are but in different ways and I want you to share kind of your journey

1:20

because I think so many women can relate to I checked all the boxes I got the

1:25

degrees I did the things and yet it wasn’t in alignment right so share a

1:31

little bit more about your path starting off and leading up to this point and kind of what took you to that

1:36

crossroads several years ago yeah it’s a great question so one fascinating question for me is always

1:43

what makes people step forward right like I remember in high school I would spend my Saturdays taking Practice Act

1:49

exams because I knew I wanted to go to a good college I mean I could have been out having a good time with my friends

1:56

and you know so I don’t know where it started the strive to like really have

2:01

the best and try to be the best at everything I did but I mean I remember it always being there and so yeah I went

2:09

I went off to Vanderbilt and you know then all my friends went and got great jobs I went on to law school at Notre

2:15

Dame and I remember you know even I wanted to get a degree a PhD in

2:21

Communications because my goal was okay we have all these super smart people that can’t communicate well and I want

2:27

to help them communicate their brilliant ideas to the world but of course you know my parents were paying for college

2:33

and in their opinion that wasn’t going to pay the bills like being a lawyer was right so it’s interesting to see how we

2:40

get like shifted down certain paths when we’re not completely certain with what we want so I went on to law school not

2:47

knowing if I wanted to be a lawyer and after one year I was like okay I’m gonna find a way to use all of this because I

2:54

mean it is not easy in law school even though I had a good time and um you know

2:59

I I did choose to balance my life in law school I was not law review I wasn’t top

3:05

of the class but somehow I found myself getting a job with the top firm in Atlanta and I went to work there and you

3:12

know I loved everything intellectually about what I was doing but sometimes when I realized like factually what was

3:20

going on it wasn’t fulfilling my soul so even though you know here I had a job

3:26

with the best team at the best law firm in Atlanta and this is really everything

3:32

I thought I wanted and I realized that something was missing oh you really I just want to pause in the process you

3:38

started to realize that was that because I know for me I spent years numbing before I let myself realize that

3:46

you were aware of it yeah time I realized it was when I emailed a partner at 3am in the morning and he was

3:54

like second in the entire worldwide firm and he responded back and I was like I

3:59

don’t know if I want that to be my life when I’m 40 something um yeah yeah so it was that and you know

4:06

I mean this was 2001 when I started practicing law we had to dress a certain

4:12

way we still had to wear pantyhose there was this big debate if we could wear open-toed shoes are you kidding me oh my

4:19

God the pantyhose I’ve never been able to wear pantyhose for I just feel like my legs are suffocating for the life of

4:24

me I can’t that would have been it for me okay keep going I just no it’s so funny so I mean

4:31

is on our team you know if you were a young fairly attractive female or just

4:37

female one by one I felt the leader of the team was picking you off because he

4:42

assumed you were going to get married have a family and be you know of limited value like you really weren’t

4:47

partnership track so I made it two years before I had that conversation and I

4:53

just immediately understood what was going on and I had a new job within two weeks I just knew I wasn’t going to deal

5:00

with that um so I moved to another firm where I was happy in the meantime I decided to

5:05

get married to my then fiancee who was Italian long story short you know

5:11

immigration is a real issue even if you’re Marrying an American citizen and we ended up moving to Italy so

5:18

interesting kind of I I didn’t really choose that path I mean I did choose it

5:23

for the best of my marriage and my husband so I found myself in Italy where I couldn’t practice law they didn’t

5:30

recognize my law degree and suddenly I was like okay how do I make myself valuable right because you’ve always

5:37

been valuable so your whole I just want to pause and kind of connect with that your whole identity has been wrapped up

5:43

in this role in this achievement and suddenly you literally can’t do it what

5:48

was that like like for you personally was that a big struggle it was you know at first I thought it’d

5:55

be fun I mean I’m moving to Italy I’m moving to Milan you know it’s great I made a lot of friends there but then I

6:03

found something out about myself really quickly like I’m either very driven or I’m very good at doing nothing so

6:12

yeah which is probably the first time in your life you’d had the opportunity to meet that part of yourself right if

6:18

you’d been so driven forever and ever and ever yeah so I feel myself reading a lot of books learning how to cook Italian you

6:25

know looking for jobs but not really looking for jobs because I was so overwhelmed I really didn’t know what to

6:32

do and um yeah so that was really interesting and made me dig into myself

6:39

I ended up teaching English to professionals lawyers Executives and

6:44

Milan um and so yeah that’s where that tracked wow okay so what happened from Milan I

6:53

mean I don’t know I know unfortunately my

6:59

ex-husband had a substance abuse problem that I didn’t know about till we moved back there so I found myself in a new

7:06

country without my career um without my identity and dealing with this problem wow so another thing I

7:13

learned about myself in Milan was it was really important for me to express myself and communicate because when

7:20

you’re in a country you know I spoke Italian but I couldn’t communicate the same way I could in English so I

7:27

understood how having those deep meaningful conversations with people like that that was probably more a part

7:33

of me than being a lawyer so I mean I think you can relate I know you’ve

7:39

shared some parts of your life but always when we’re faced with challenges I think it’s when we learn who we really

7:45

are for sure yeah for sure yeah ah so

7:51

you obviously came back to the States yep yeah ended up leaving the Italian husband in Italy after a couple of years

7:58

of struggle coming back practicing law and then uh it was kind of funny I I

8:03

moved to Mississippi where I’m from originally and I’m a city girl so I was like what am I doing back here but you

8:09

know I I’d sold everything given up my career I I kind of had to start again from scratch and so I went to my parents

8:16

house and I was practicing law and at night I would go to my dad’s Financial

8:22

seminars because he needed help so I just thought it was fun to you know greet people see them set appointments

8:29

for him like I love people I was happy to be back in the U.S talking to people

8:34

and so I’m practicing law by day and doing this with my dad at night and you

8:40

know my life was in turmoil so I thought wow this could be more fulfilling I could actually help people with their

8:47

future instead of as a litigator I always inherited problems to fix right right so I made that change and was

8:55

interesting to me is when I found myself becoming a financial advisor in 2008 Of

9:01

All Times wow I’ve you know you have those moments in life where you look

9:06

back and you see that everything’s led to this moment yeah and one of the

9:13

greatest things I did was teaching English and Milan because you have to be an active listener all day long which

9:20

you know here you are actively listening to me and I’m sure you can explain that by the end of the day when you’re not

9:27

used to it it’s exhausting it used to be it’s a good point because it used to be before I’d kind of built up that skill

9:33

set yeah yeah sure and it’s a skill set to you know to build up and so I

9:38

realized and it was nice because this was a nice feminine energy I was bringing to my dad’s Financial practice

9:43

looking back I didn’t realize that then okay and so you know I’d sit in those

9:49

meetings and I’d listen and then he when he was doing the plan would be like yeah but you know the wife said this or the

9:54

husband said this I think they’re concerned about this and so his financial practice doubled over the next

10:01

year it was really amazing oh wow just from using that skill set and really

10:08

getting under the hood right and being available to listen that’s incredible yeah it’s quite

10:14

incredible yeah and he was the expert he had all the knowledge he had been a CPA previously I

10:20

didn’t know anything at that point but I knew how to listen um and I loved getting to know people it

10:27

was really beautiful I mean in that position you really become a part of people’s lives so I was grateful moved

10:34

to Houston started our office here in 2010 and um actually just two months ago

10:40

I stepped down as CEO of that financial planning firm which was another big step

10:45

so that’s kind of how we find ourselves here oh my gosh well and this is where

10:51

I’m so interested to kind of talk about your journey because I know you know you

10:57

shared that it was I guess a couple years ago that you really found yourself at that crossroads of like what am I gonna what am I gonna do right and I

11:03

think everyone if you haven’t experienced it yet you will being at that crossroads of

11:10

this is what I thought my path was this is what I thought my identity was and yet it’s not bringing that like Soul

11:18

fulfillment and purpose how did you so I know and I want to talk more about what you do now and the work you do with

11:23

women how did you start like how did you even stumble across feminine energy let’s

11:29

start there when you’re when your background is in law and financial services like okay it’s a foreign

11:35

language right people haven’t even like they don’t even know what that is in those Industries for the most part that’s a sweeping statement but it’s not

11:43

talked about a lot so how did you how did you get into this space um you know I think mainly because I had

11:51

a coach who helped me through 2020 and he talked about it a lot and his his key

11:57

was really to help us tune into our intuition and I didn’t realize that I was really good at tuning into my

12:03

intuition which made me a good lawyer and made me a good financial planner right and a good English teacher

12:10

um but you know I hadn’t realized that it’s really interested I I’ve been asked

12:15

to speak in front of groups before and they’re like hey I want you to talk on this and I’m like I don’t know anything about that and then you have to

12:22

deconstruct what you do so that you can share it with other people because a lot

12:27

of times we have these super powers that we don’t give ourselves credit for right and someone else recognizes it and so

12:34

you have to take that moment and say wow how is it that I do this and that’s when

12:40

you start thinking about it in reverse engineering yeah so okay so you kind of

12:45

started to come across it in the process of working with this coach Under the

12:50

Umbrella of intuition how did your life start to change as you learned about

12:55

masculine versus feminine energy and you started integrating that into just your way of being in the world

13:02

so for me it actually started differently I I started getting called to make I like to call it a ripple

13:09

effect I don’t like to use the word impact because it’s a very masculine word but I like to imagine where like

13:15

the pebble being dropped into the pond and you know will affect other people who will affect other people and I mean

13:21

that’s the ultimate goal of Vixen Gathering that we have this like Love Fest of badass women loving each other

13:28

loving the world and making an impact and making that Ripple but you know at

13:34

first it did not start masculine versus feminine it just started that I knew I wanted to make a difference in a

13:40

different way and it came up like three different times over a period of three

13:45

years I like to joke that I’m a slow learner um

13:51

plenty of those lessons in my life been more than three years very slow learner in a lot of areas

13:58

and so the last time came April of 2020 and so it was crazy I the first time it

14:04

was 2017 and I was at Madison Square Garden I took my mother to the Andre Bocelli like Christmas concert and you

14:12

know it was really it was something I want to do for her so we had like fifth Road tickets and she was like having the

14:17

time of her life and I just looked around and saw the people and I was like wow like could you imagine like having a

14:25

ripple on this many people and that was the first time like I really thought to that level right and then it came up I

14:33

was actually in strategic coach and you do a life extender exercise and it was like oh well if you had all these extra

14:39

years what would you do and I was like speak at Madison Square Garden that was probably 2019 and then 2020 so

14:49

imagine it was April of 2020 we know what the world was like then I already had one company I’m managing and trying

14:55

to keep afloat keep my always employed you know my it’s also a financial crisis

15:01

we do Financial advising um and I was reading a book you are the

15:06

one by coot blackston and the first chapter said you know no one’s coming to save you like it’s up to you and I was

15:15

like okay and then his dream was to come to the US and speak at Madison Square

15:20

Garden so oh wow I was like chills all

15:25

right that’s the third tap I got it so I had no idea what I was going to do I just knew I was being called to do

15:32

something different and so I started asking for things and asking for things

15:38

was not something I was good at prior to 2020. I think we all had a lesson in it

15:43

in 2020. um and so you know I just started telling people hey I really you know I

15:50

mean here I am thinking I want to be a keynote speaker and we’re in the middle of a pandemic with everything shut down

15:55

today Vision doesn’t always make sense when it comes but

16:01

that’s part of the process right yeah so I started asking people hey do you know

16:06

anyone who can help me do this do you know anyone who can help me do this and I started getting set up on Zoom calls

16:12

and I found myself talking to a lot of other women in the same position as me

16:18

around the country and the conversation was like wow you know I thought I was

16:24

successful I thought I was part of the boys club and to me I thought I had

16:30

arrived and suddenly 2020 like tore that narrative apart yeah and so we all were

16:37

like okay what’s my identity now and what do I do and so to begin I didn’t

16:43

understand I was only going to work with women it just kind of LED there through the conversations I was having and I

16:50

realized you know here I have all of these women that I’m speaking with who

16:56

want to make a difference they want to change their lives and they want to go into transformation and I’m someone who

17:02

thrives on change and transformation so I just started thinking how can I help

17:08

guide this transformation really facilitate it like I don’t know about you but I hate the name coach like I’m

17:15

not an expert right I’m on the journey along with you it’s just that maybe I’ve given it more thought than you have and

17:22

so I can facilitate this conversation to help you find your truth and for me

17:27

that’s what coaching is got it got it no that makes a ton of sense and then from

17:32

that share a moment we’re going to give you time at the end to tell people where they can connect with you but I’m just I

17:37

think I love the name Vixen Gathering I think it’s also so unique coming from

17:43

your background I know you and I were again we were talking in the pre-chat about like when you go into a financial

17:48

services firm and what you really want to teach is like feminine energy but that’s not necessarily the language that

17:54

you’re going to use in there how do you navigate that and I love how bold it is it’s in mix and Gathering I just think

18:00

it’s awesome so thank you how did that how did that name come about

18:06

so I have to give credit I was working with someone to help me come up with a logo and actually a gentleman came up

18:13

with the name but the picture but the thinking behind it is uh the

18:19

Vixen is the female fox and the female fox is actually more attractive than the

18:24

male Fox which is not the case with no species of animals like most species the male is more attractive and attracts the

18:31

female and then if you just read like characteristics of a vixen it’s really

18:36

unique and interesting and then another part was I thought it was playful because we all need to be a little more

18:43

playful I think in our lives like we get responsibility piled on us and we forget just to like have fun and be playful and

18:51

the third thing was I actually wanted to women to reclaim their sexuality I mean you know first thing my call my

18:59

trademark attorney told me was like you know there’s a porn company called this and I was like exactly we’re taking the

19:04

name back thanks yeah yeah gosh so so needed so important I I want

19:13

to speak with you for a moment about We’re not gonna go super deep just for time but I want to I want to speak to

19:21

how a woman can tune in more to her feminine energy if she has not really

19:27

explored it before I know a lot of the women at least by the time they come into our programs and I’m working with

19:33

them directly a lot of them have been in such masculine energy for so long they often don’t even know it so they’re kind

19:39

of like where do I start right so what would you say to a woman who hasn’t thought about this much before but

19:45

something in it is speaking to her yeah it’s interesting you asked that I’ve started doing Vixen happy hours

19:51

with business women and when we talked about they were like what’s the feminine energy can you tell me more about this

19:57

so it’s really um fun but I think if you feel tired if

20:03

you don’t feel excited about going into work like if you have signs of burnout it probably means you’re operating in

20:11

your masculine energy and then other things that have come up with clients of mine are you know

20:17

especially working at home a lot of people are working at home and I brought

20:22

up this idea of I’ll bring up this idea of transitioning and they’re like oh yes it’s so hard to go be a wife or a mother

20:29

because you know it’s just on the other side of that door right there right so all this energy is at home I think

20:36

before it was easier because you’d go from the office to home and you’d do something on the way and you transition

20:42

and so I think people are conceptually understanding the difficulty they just

20:47

don’t call it masculine and feminine energy yeah that makes a ton of sense that makes a ton of sense and I think

20:55

when you’re in your feminine you’re you’re flowing I mean people want to talk to you right like I like to see you

21:02

become more attractive I mean I I laugh because when I’m on vacation I just

21:08

notice like men running to open the door or just men and women wanting to chat

21:13

with you but you know how do you feel when you’re relaxed and you’re just receiving from people that’s your

21:19

feminine energy and that’s when you’re calling people into you which is what we do in our feminine energy and so the

21:26

thought is you know you don’t have to do that just when you’re playing a role

21:31

that’s traditionally female why can’t you do that at work as well because you

21:37

know feminine superpowers are communication collaboration listening

21:43

receiving holding space for people having a deeper conversation and these

21:49

are all things the world needs now which is why I think it’s so important for

21:54

sure what’s like one thing a woman could do on a daily or regular basis to really

22:00

tap into her magnetism and into more of that natural feminine energy when she’s kind of just in the day-to-day

22:08

I think um number one is awareness as you know like that’s 50 of the battle so

22:14

I think just start watching and asking am I in my masculine or feminine now and just start seeing the difference and

22:22

then the next step is learning to transition so here’s you know one example I found myself one time at the

22:28

beginning of my last relationship in the middle of the day like sending a quick text to my you know then boyfriend who

22:34

is visiting yeah and I looked down I was like oh my gosh I just wrote that to him

22:40

and then I wrote P.S and I put it in a much more like flirty feminine version and so you’re gonna say you texted like

22:46

an employee or something or something by accident no it was just like following them it

22:53

was something simple like hey wanna go for a walk with me but like I’m like that’s not exciting so then I was like

23:00

yes I’d love to go for a walk and I’d love you to join me like winky face kissy face right so yeah really

23:07

different owns and so I learned okay if I’m texting someone not from work take a

23:14

moment take a breath put a smile on your face and like send the text because I

23:19

think it happens when we’re in go mode we’re in masculine energy when we’re in go mode so how can you stop you know I I

23:27

challenge our advisors hey 10 minutes before you go in with a client don’t do anything else go meditate pray whatever

23:35

you do and just focus on the person you’re about to meet with and how you can make a difference for them I love

23:41

that so much yeah and you know that’s going into feminine energy men can do it

23:46

as well there are certain Financial meetings that need feminine energy like getting to know a new prospective client

23:52

you know guiding them on life decisions there’s part of the work that’s masculine the analysis numbers Etc so

24:00

really if you can go back and forth between the two you’re a better financial advisor interesting yeah and

24:07

it’s just one of the biggest things I’m taking from what you’re saying is that intention in the transitions you know

24:15

it’s um which takes such a level of self-awareness because just like you said like I’m recording right now and my

24:23

son is right outside the door with our Nanny and it’s like I’ll I will leave and I will go immediately into that

24:29

space and if I know in my own life I often like I just get up and go because

24:34

you’re like oh my gosh I can’t wait to see so and so or it’s time to do that but I did a um a social media post about

24:40

this the other day because I noticed things were feeling heavy like to an

24:46

extent beyond what they normally do and I was looking back at my past few months and it’s like it’s been almost all

24:53

masculine energy like Building Systems Operations team and those are all needed and good but I had gone so heavy into my

25:01

masculine that I literally told my husband that I was like F this I want to

25:06

sell everything let’s move into the RV let’s just go dry it let’s go live somewhere in nature where we don’t have

25:12

to like do anything right I mean that was literally like that sounded so good on that day and then I thought I may

25:18

have let it get a little too far not that there may not be a day when I do that because I don’t know we’ll see

25:24

that to me it was such a reminder uh I was so deep in my masculine for so long yeah no I totally agree and I think end

25:33

of day the transitions are most important so in your example what if you just had a candle in there that you

25:39

liked and you lit it and you did the meditation or you said a prayer or you did a couple of yoga poses right for me

25:46

a 20 minute walk is magical like it doesn’t have to be an hour hour and a half it’s just it’s so crazy when I’m

25:53

walking now I can feel my hips like open up at a certain point and I know I’ve

25:58

transitioned I can like feel my body opening I want to start paying attention

26:03

to that okay I’ll have to try that out I’m pretty pregnant right now so my hips are always feeling okay

26:08

I’ll look for something

26:13

but that’s one thing too that I think to your point April like when you start to get back in touch with your body which I

26:20

don’t know about you I was disconnected for so long you start to notice all these cues it gives you and it’ll like

26:26

tell you when you’re there and when you’re not so yeah you know I work with my coaching

26:32

clients on that um our Gatherings are awesome because you know it’s small group coaching and so that’s more life

26:38

stuff and it’s so amazing when you’re in there talking about your stuff and you

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realize everyone else has the same stuff right it’s just like it makes you feel I

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don’t know not alone it’s just there’s a magic in the group I can’t I’m sure you’ve experienced I can’t fully explain

26:56

it um but yeah I so I always encourage them to get in touch with their body because

27:01

again I had a coach that helped me get in touch with my body and learn to listen here and there and it’s so hard

27:08

for women a lot of women have had a traumatic pregnancy or you know you have people who’ve recovered from cancer like

27:15

a lot of things have happened and it’s amazing how many women share with me they feel their body betrayed them and

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so they have to like repair this relationship with their body before they can take the next step

27:28

totally absolutely and even though I don’t know if you’ve read um patriarchy stress disorder by Dr Valerian she’s

27:35

been on the show too but it’s like these micro traumas like little things that we

27:40

don’t think are a big deal but that literally we move out of our bodies into our head to stay safe right so whether

27:46

you can say consciously I’ve had a big traumatic experience or I don’t know that I have epigenetically your ancestors have so

27:53

that’s encoded in your DNA or you have these little things that are like micro traumas that happen growing up and we

27:59

don’t realize how much we disconnect from our bodies so yeah I have a funny

28:04

story on micro trauma so I was doing some Shadow work with the coach Cindy Ola and uh it came up like the sense of

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responsibility I have for everyone and you know when I was a kid I never got to

28:17

be a kid not that not that you know I had a great wonderful life you would think but like I was precocious and

28:24

entertaining so the adults always wanted me at the adult table like I never got to sit at the kids table and this came

28:31

up in my work and I was like wow I just never got to like be a silly kid right I

28:36

was always expected to like take care of everyone and perform and be the one on show and then I was talking to my aunt

28:43

about it and she goes that’s so funny because your cousin’s seeing a therapist because she always had to sit at the kids table so

28:50

wow yeah yeah oh my gosh I’m having a

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bit of an aha like I may go need to do some therapy moment myself because I’m realizing not for the same reasons but I

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never I’ve known I didn’t feel like I could be a little kid for a long time but I also know in my adulthood now it’s

29:09

like just relaxing in like that silly version like she doesn’t come out to play as much as I would like and I know

29:16

that the version of me that feels like it needs to like take care of everyone and be like hyper masculine

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um I don’t know she likes to come out and play a lot so side note we’re not going to make this a

29:29

therapy session for Elyse but it’s just interesting when when you start to realize these things right and you do

29:35

the work like you do so so like a small challenge for you is just do something every day when I’m at

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my financial planning firm you know we have the candy for the clients and it’s like little Hershey’s so I’ll go grab

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one chocolate a day and that’s my moment to remind myself like okay I don’t have

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to be so serious I don’t have to eat carb free all the time and this and that like I just take this moment to like you

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know I like to tease people put a little bit of pure pleasure in your day and sometimes that’s it and when you

30:06

schedule your week make sure you have pleasure scheduled into your week for

30:11

sure yeah and we could all definitely schedule chocolate like I know that I can make time for chocolate every day so

30:19

you know I want to take a moment on one other thing before we talk about where people can connect and find out about

30:26

you know everything you’re doing April I know one of the things that you’re really passionate about teaching women

30:32

is around self-love and I know I want to acknowledge I know at least this is maybe my

30:38

my perception so I’m just gonna say it from my frame of mind I used to really

30:44

dismiss anytime somebody said oh this is going to be a conversation about self-love because I feel like like it

30:51

just seemed like such a soft topic and I will say you know I just had a birthday a couple weeks ago and I really

30:57

set the intention that this year it’s about two things it’s about freedom and it’s about self-love

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and that is now it took me a long time to like really make this a big priority

31:10

in my life but it is now and I want to hear your take on it and your the kind

31:16

of your own Journey around that and we’ll we’ll take it from there but I just I want to open up for a conversation about that yeah I love

31:23

talking about self-love so one I think it’s one of the hardest concepts for

31:28

women to grasp and Implement in their life like I mean I still work on it on a daily basis and two I think it’s

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possibly the most important for them to implement so um and the reason is this you know we

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should be receiving as women like if you imagine this beautiful circle of like giving and receiving it should be a full

31:51

circle I even do a meditation imagining like hula hoops around me of energy where I’m like giving and receiving

31:57

because I mean think back to some time you tried to give something to someone and they’re like nope don’t want it

32:04

thank you and it doesn’t make you feel good right so so many times as women

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because we’re so worried about taking care of everyone else we stop that energy flow and that’s not good for the

32:16

person giving and it’s not good for us not to receive so the first thing women

32:22

can do is start saying you know I tease my clients next time you get a compliment or someone offers something

32:27

in your head you go hell yes like that may not be what you say outside but yeah

32:32

we have to train ourselves to do that but you know if you’re not filling up your cup how can you be the best mother

32:39

how can you be the best wife how can you be the best coach right and if you’re

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depleted you don’t have as much to give to people and it’s not authentic and

32:52

that’s why I say if we think about women loving ourselves and loving each other what a great ripple effect that would be

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because we know that women want to take care of everyone and give to everyone like that’s a given right that’s not the

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problem the problem is receiving and loving ourselves and if we fill that up

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think how much more we can give absolutely

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how do we how do we do that I mean this is where like how do you know that

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you’re living in self-love with yourself you know I don’t know if that question

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is clear but maybe you know what I mean by it and you can decipher it a bit like how do we know when we’re there well if

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you’re having what I call dirty talk in your head then you’re not there meaning constantly you know beating yourself up

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oh I could do this I could do that so if you feel exhausted like you have nothing

33:46

else to give then you’re definitely not in self-love you know I’ve read multiple

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articles in the last few years about Gen X women and how they’re absolutely depleted on sleep and part of it is this

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giving giving giving and not receiving and not loving so what’s interesting is

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before you can love yourself you have to forgive yourself so you have to practice

34:11

self-forgiveness and it’s amazing the things that start releasing and then you

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can start filling yourself with love so every day in my meditation I just repeat

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three times like with my hands on my heart I forgive myself I love myself I accept myself and you know for months

34:30

nothing really happened like I do this every day I’ve been doing this since January and then suddenly I think around

34:36

April like something just changed and I felt it starting to fill up

34:42

um and then I think just focusing on unconditional love I mean think about if you’re loving everyone else you know

34:49

imagine yourself as your child or your coaching client or whatever I mean I

34:55

just recently went through a breakup you know it was my choice it was based on my core values etc, but you still you get

35:00

your heart broken you’re raw you have to cry you have to grieve right and I just

35:05

remember in making that decision I was like okay if I was my coaching client

35:11

what would I tell myself because again it’s not giving advice it’s asking and

35:16

when I went through my core values I realized I wasn’t being true to myself in this relationship even though it

35:23

seemed amazing and wonderful and I was with this amazing person and to the

35:28

world it looked great and so you know I just thought gosh what if I was someone

35:34

I loved or cared about what advice would I get myself and so I think if women can

35:39

start to do that I don’t know I think that’s the beginning for me it started at a Tony

35:45

Robbins thing where he told us to imagine ourselves as a baby and a meditation like we were rocking

35:50

ourselves oh my gosh I know I was bawling like I couldn’t stop I was just

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like why don’t I love myself but like and so you know that was 2013 and I’m

36:04

still in the journey it’s like one of the most difficult things we’ll do but I I think it’s what we’re on Earth to

36:09

learn personally I was working last year with the shaman and she um and it’s like

36:16

maybe this is everyone’s Journey when I asked her about kind of like my life Journey she was like it’s very much self-love and I was like really is that

36:23

but maybe it’s literally because it’s everyone I don’t know I think we all you know we all get to kind of have our own

36:29

past but I completely agree with you I’ve not met one person who feels like they have it figured out in that area so

36:35

and I appreciate what you saying too about keeping up with the practice until it clicked because

36:42

we can tend to dismiss something if we don’t get an instant result so yeah that is oh that’s beautiful I’m so

36:51

yeah go ahead what were you gonna say no I was gonna say I agree and you know being an entrepreneur I don’t know if

36:56

you’re familiar with the Colby but I’m like a nine quick start which means I won everything yesterday thanks yes

37:04

and so you know especially for us women who are running companies entrepreneurial minded creative minded

37:11

like it’s very hard the process is very hard but I mean the process is the

37:17

beginning of self-love and change so we have to like find a way to stick to it yeah absolutely absolutely

37:25

this is this is so fun this is so powerful April I know women are going to want to connect with you and find out

37:31

more about what you’re doing and how they can get involved so we take a moment and share a little bit more about that yeah thanks Elyse

37:38

um so our website is vixengathering.com it’s

37:43

b-i-x-e-n-gathering.com and on there you know we do I do one-on-one coaching we

37:49

have our small group Gatherings which I mentioned as just magical you know it starts with a values Gathering which is

37:56

defining your own personal values so you can make better decisions

38:02

um and then the other thing that we’re doing are masterminds which are exceptionally cool and I didn’t realize

38:08

women wanted all women masterminds I know you do them as well

38:13

um so it’s constantly amazing to me that this is something they really want the safe space and you know I have to say

38:20

The Mastermind might be my favorite because they’re we’re working on our Consciousness or really relationships

38:26

and our leadership in all aspects of life and the idea of a mastermind is you

38:31

know to emotionally mentally physically and spiritually All Rise together and so

38:38

that’s just a really unique experience um our you know we started one in

38:44

Houston that’s local and then I’m also in February launching an international version for CEOs and business owners so

38:52

really looking forward to that so exciting and so needed so so so needed

38:58

as a member of a mastermind and a facilitator as well it’s like it’s one of the best things you can do for

39:04

yourself so um so we’ll link everything in the show notes April thank you again for your for

39:10

sharing your story and just for making the personal choices in your life that you did to lead so consciously to be an

39:17

example for others so so so so appreciate you thank you Elyse thank you so much for

39:23

having me today and as always it was beautiful and wonderful speaking with you absolutely absolutely so to you my

39:31

listener go connect with April check out all things fixing Gathering I’m so excited about it and I just want to

39:37

thank you for tuning in to today’s episode and remind you that if you are a woman looking to break through your

39:43

first six figures you can head over to elysearcher.com 10K Club to learn more about our signature program to help you

39:49

do that you can also head over to elysearcher.com to check out all of our other programs offerings and free

39:55

resources to help you grow in your sales your abundance and your life thank you as always for being a part of the shoe

40:01

sales community and I’ll see you on our next episode bye for now



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