How Healing Trauma Will Grow Your Sales w/ Amy Van Slambrook

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Welcome to She Sells Radio I am so

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excited to bring you my guest in this

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conversation today about I know we’re

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going to cover a lot but I’m fairly

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certain we’re absolutely going to cover

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how inner healing will transform your

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business results and I have to tell you

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too so just for context

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the first time I ever did inner child

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work

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I thought it was going to be such a

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bunch of hooey I was kind of like

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kicking and screaming and like really

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this is what you want me to do to help

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elevate my business results

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and then I did it

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and I realized how insanely important it

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was

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I realized how much I was limiting

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myself with old belief patterns old

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thoughts that I picked over the years

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and how much of those old patterns had

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been influencing my business and

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limiting what I was bringing in and

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limiting how much I was putting myself

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out there and as I’ve been on kind of my

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own path and journey of healing trauma

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and doing the inner work

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it’s been such a catalyst for the growth

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that I’ve experienced that now I have

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all my clients do it a lot of them will

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also enter into it with the same kind of

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skepticism of why is this happening in a

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business training program or the sales

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training program and then they go

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through the transformation and they’re

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like oh my gosh I didn’t realize what a

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missing link this was in my success and

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so today I’m bringing you a real expert

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in the space of healing lifelong traumas

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transforming your pain into your power

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as she said which I love so my guest

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today Amy Van Slambrook is really

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leading the field in this space and

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she’s the coach she’s a psychotherapist

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for entrepreneurial women and couples

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she’s a top 200 Christian influencer and

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has trained personally with experts like

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Dr Daniel Amen to bring really

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cutting-edge coaching and healing

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solutions to high achieving entrepreneur

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course so Amy welcome to the show I’m so

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excited to have you and I know this is

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going to be a really enlightening and

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empowering conversation for me and for

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all of our listeners as well oh Elise I

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couldn’t be more thrilled to be here

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today speaking to you and your audience

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you and I have had so many beautiful

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conversations about this and I will Echo

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that the first time my therapist started

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doing this kind of inner child healing

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work with me which was over

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22 years ago I had the same sort of

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reaction like did you really uh oh okay

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was this a little person that’s gonna

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like enter the room do I have an

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imaginary friend what what does this

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have to do with anything and it is it

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continues to be just such a Cornerstone

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of of everything that I do for women so

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thank you for this opportunity oh for

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sure well and I want to dive in today

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and from a scientific and from a

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psychological standpoint help our

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listeners really understand

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why and how this work matters if they

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haven’t had their own experience of it

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yet and why it will directly impact your

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sales and your career results but before

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we do that I’d love to give some context

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of your own Journey because I know what

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you know for for so many of us and for

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you included right it’s like that own

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our own personal Journey will so often

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influence the gifts that we’re able to

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bring into the world and the

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transformation we’re able to help others

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create and so you had your own journey

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in the space of trauma and healing and

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so I’d love if you could kind of share

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just some of that backstory of what what

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was life like growing up or what

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happened along the way to get you really

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interested in this work and we’ll we’ll

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take it from there absolutely well

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as God has often had to do with me

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and my my faith and spirituality are a

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big part of my life so you’ll hear me

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referring to that often

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but whatever that is for you replace

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that word it was in the year 2000 and

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God has used various what I call two

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by fours in my life where it’s like he

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he needs to shake me to get me to wake

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up and I was getting ready to do my

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normal 5 30 a.m workout and got in the

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scale and realized I weighed what I did

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when I was nine

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and I was 28 and at the time my eyes

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were finally opened to the fact that I

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really had been battling anorexia and I

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was also not missing any days of work

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and I had an active corporate career and

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nobody on the outside while they could

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see the physical ramifications of what I

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was doing and trying to get my attention

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I felt like nothing was wrong you know

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and I had certainly been through therapy

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before but what I was about to embark on

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was really what therapy is and so at

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that moment I woke up and I realized I

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had probably about three more weeks to

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live

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and I in that moment took in my mind

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God’s hand and decided I was going to

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heal and at that moment I wanted to help

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the world you know because I was

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deciding to to take care of whatever was

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at the root of this and I started a

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journey with a really skilled therapist

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named Holly Finley and she runs a

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beautiful eating disorder clinic out in

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New Mexico

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and she helped me to see that the

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tentacles that had gone through my life

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and woven their way through my life were

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really all trauma rooted all of the

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dysfunctional relationships I’d had

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multiple times

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the issues with my own career where I

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felt like I was hitting a ceiling or

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worse yet I felt apathy you know

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shelving those goals and seeing well you

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know are they really that important and

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just trying to fit into a quote-unquote

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normal life when all of my childhood I

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knew that I was meant to have an

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extraordinary life but I was trying to

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fit into this you know why isn’t this

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working and she helped me to see that

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behind

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all of those unhealthy patterns in my

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life including the anorexia trauma was

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the root of it

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and she helped me to uncover things that

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I’d really I’d spoken some about Elise

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but I never tied them to trauma I

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thought well yes I was sexually

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assaulted in high school but is that

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really trauma yes I went through you

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know some emotionally abusive

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relationships and she helped me see that

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is trauma there isn’t any woman that

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comes into my space that doesn’t say

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yeah but it isn’t as bad as so and so

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and so and so and there will always be

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that relativity

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but what she helped me to embrace

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and really start to be able to give

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voice to were my own words was my own

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experience because often trauma makes

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our experiences like a silent movie we

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will remember that they happened but

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there’s no emotion it’s like yes we can

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say as if I just went into the grocery

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store and I was sexually assaulted by a

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man I was dating at the time same

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emotional

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context until we start to really really

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touch

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that part of our brain and our heart and

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the inner child was the the sort of

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conduit for that you know

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really giving voice to that because

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my abuse

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started when I was five and again I had

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a silent movie of it but all of a sudden

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and this happens for a lot of women and

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so I hope this gives context as well

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we’ll remember one trauma but often

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other traumas are a little bit fuzzier

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you know and and so I had some memory

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but literally it was like this sort of

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tidal wave all of the emotions came back

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at once when we started to open that

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portal if you will and she helped me to

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make sense of it and see how that had

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really laid the the template if you will

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it’s like a notch in a sapling tree

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after that Notch happens all of the

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other rings are shaped by it and so

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every other relationship was shaped by

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that very first incident of being

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molested by someone outside of my home

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when I was five

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and suddenly and I will I have my

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picture of little me sitting on my desk

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that was when we started to talk

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through the voice of the inner child and

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I worked with her for about 15 years

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weekly and it was the most incredible

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experience of my life

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and it helped me to come home to myself

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it was the hardest work I have ever

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done

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but she also helped me connect to my

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calling and my purpose and I keep

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getting to do that right the the work is

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never really done once you start the

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Deep work you don’t just check it off

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the box right it gives us many

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opportunities and still does as I’m

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leveling up in my business and in my

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relationships

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yeah I wanna I wanna pause you and

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there’s a few things you said there Amy

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that I think are really really relatable

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to the women in our communities so one

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thing that you said

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early on was you your experience was one

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of and this is going to be roughly

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paraphrasing but like feeling like you

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were too much right so your dreams were

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too big your vision was too much yada

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yada whatever what we all I think for

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the women who I work with personally in

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our community and from what I hear

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from the community that is so much of

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the women’s experience within this group

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is it’s truly in some way shape or form

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along the way they picked up on the

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belief system that they were too much

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and that can’t I’m curious is that in

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and of itself a trauma like where what

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I’m curious is that tie-in with trauma

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because someone may also be listening to

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your story and say

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well again it’s the comparison thing

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right I wasn’t molested I wasn’t

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sexually assaulted I didn’t have

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something like that and I also know and

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I’m not an expert on this but I know

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there’s a lot of research into micro

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traumas and how everyone has some sort

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of trauma so can you speak specifically

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to is there a sort of universal trauma

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that women who feel like they’re too

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much go through that sometimes they may

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not even realize was going on for them

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hopefully that question makes sense the

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way I phrase absolutely it does and I’m

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so glad you brought this point out at

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least because that’s sort of a what we’d

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call a secondary trauma you know it’s

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it’s it’s a minimizing of your identity

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it’s it’s a minimization of who you are

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and often that originates with some sort

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of experience trauma of varying levels

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you know we talk about Big T trauma and

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Little T trauma and we collectively as a

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society went through a trauma over the

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pandemic you know we are still figuring

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out whether it’s Big T Little T or how

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many traumas were a part of it but

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basically there’s no one who escaped it

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at least in the continental U.S and

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European countries and and most of Asia

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and so you know it is that denial of our

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identity

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because usually there’s a moment

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either directly with the perpetrator

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or when you may have tried to get

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intervention where your voice was muted

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now the perpetrator plants the seed

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of both self-doubt and

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hyper self awareness

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at the moment of saying I am taking

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control the the the reason the body

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keeps the score was written you know

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Bessel Van Der kolk is someone who I

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studied with and he’s extraordinary

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it is that the body is prevented from

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doing what it would naturally do at the

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moment of trauma and so we literally

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hold that physically

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and so you are by doing that that means

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your actions are too much

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your identity is too much your pain is

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too much your words are too much if

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you’re being silenced your discomfort is

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too much

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and there’s a very strange message

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that you are not enough at the same time

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yeah so the real the real quandary is

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it’s it’s

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feeling too much and not enough and

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never a point of fitting in

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and so we are in this constant Battle of

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do I mute do I do I you know accelerate

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do I mute do I make my voice louder oh

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wait I better mute it oh but I need to

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be louder because it’s it is this

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constant debate in your own mind how do

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I escape this horrible pain wow and it

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didn’t matter if you were moving from

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one school to another that can be a

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micro trauma or a macro trauma depending

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on how upsetting it was sure it doesn’t

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matter if it was a hurtful word from a

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teacher who looked at you and was

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horribly critical

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to being molested it’s really about how

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your heart interpreted the experience

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that’s how trauma is defined it’s how

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your emotional Safety and Security was

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interrupted by the actions or words of

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another person got it that’s so cool

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does that help yeah it helps a ton it

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helps a ton and I would imagine and

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again this is why I’m so excited to have

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this conversation with you because I

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study this like just for fun but I don’t

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have a degree in it right so I’m it’s

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fun to talk with a real expert

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especially between those ages of zero

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and seven when the analytical mind isn’t

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formed right is that when we’re

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accumulating that’s why the inner child

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work is is so important right because

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we’re accumulating a lot of

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beliefs perceptions about ourselves from

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others because we don’t have those

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analytical filters to say wait that’s

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not true like that teacher just said

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something about me but that’s not

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actually true is that is that a kind of

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a piece of it as well yes and and it can

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even happen in adolescence you know

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we’re forming what’s called our our

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self-concept and if we have a stable

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self-confidence we can evaluate the

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words of the other of another person and

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say oh well

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they may say that but I know who I am

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and that happens later on that is after

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some abstract thinking has been able to

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form which is late adolescence you know

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before then we’re still wanting to have

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trust and and know who we can trust in

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our environment we’re still trying to

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understand you know that we are not the

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cause of everything our egocentricism of

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course has to get resolved and yet part

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of us can get Frozen

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in certain ages it’s it’s called an

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emotional arrest so someone can get

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emotionally arrested at a certain point

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in their life

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sometimes we see this especially with

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men who seem very juvenile

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and and yet they aren’t clearly

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they’re 35 and yet they have the

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emotional capacity of a 15 year old but

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it can be true for us as well

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and that constant sort of

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self-evaluation that’s that’s actually a

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form of dissociation that can happen

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that is it is low level but it’s

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pervasive you know that you’re you’re

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both observing yourself and trying to be

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in the moment at the same time and and

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that causes a lot of self-consciousness

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especially in our business a lot of

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self-doubt a lot of inability to judge

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if a decision is right or not or feel

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confident in our presence

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and that’s something that I want to love

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the segue here because that’s exactly

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where I wanted to go with you next was I

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think someone can be listening and it’s

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pretty easy to put two and two together

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of okay of course if I’m emotionally

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arrested at age seven and I’m bringing

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that energy into my business of course

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there’s going to be limitations there

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there’s going to be maybe some ceilings

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that I’ll hit

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but from your perspective can you go

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deeper into that because I in my own

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experience I did not expect to unlock

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such Next Level leadership let me say

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this I’ve got a lot to learn still in

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that space in terms of leadership and

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growth but what I will say is I unlocked

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whole new levels in myself in terms of

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leadership Financial earnings capacity

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Etc that I didn’t know were in me once I

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did the work and so I’m still obviously

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on this journey but I was surprised at

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what a difference it made and what a

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true career impact it had as well so I

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think that’s what I’d really love to

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hear from you is what are some of the

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real business career applications of

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this like if we’re willing to go in and

18:37

do the work how can we expect things to

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transform

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right well you know the women I work

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with now often will come to me and say I

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want to be come my next level CEO you

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know and they’re they’re having success

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in business it’s not that they aren’t

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but they know there’s so much more

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inside of them and often that’s the

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Sensation that you have when there’s

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locked and unresolved trauma or unhealed

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pains or wounds even the word trauma

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although now we’re a lot more

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comfortable with it you know even two

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years ago it was like no I don’t I don’t

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have any trauma that’s for people who

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are really needing inpatient care and

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who are not able to function so we see

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this in our business when we set poor

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boundaries with our clients with

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ourselves with our time

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with our offerings when we’re

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constantly feeling kind of like yeah

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this is okay for now but I’m waiting for

19:35

the bigger thing you know where we’re

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always in an approximated State you know

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when you are an over giver when you are

19:44

just giving and giving and giving and

19:46

all of a sudden you just reach that

19:48

point where you almost get angry like I

19:51

have nothing left I am poured out and

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that becomes something that you see is

19:56

absolutely necessary to client

19:57

satisfaction to serving at a left that’s

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part of your definition of Excellence

20:02

you know where we have to be put on the

20:06

altar of something in order to be

20:09

valuable and that can come up in a host

20:12

of different ways and that is of course

20:15

one of the primary messages of trauma

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you are sacrificial and so by doing that

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we sacrifice but we do it at our own

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detriment

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you know because when we over sacrifice

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we starve the world of our bigger

20:31

presence we starve the world of our

20:33

bigger voice you know when we neglect I

20:36

talk about strategic self-care because

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it isn’t about a mani pedi or a massage

20:43

which can sometimes be part of it but

20:46

it’s about asking what do I need and

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what you will find in business is you

20:51

will feel a numbness and your clients

20:55

will always be the greatest teachers

20:57

right they will tell you what you are

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either neglecting or maybe need to pay

21:04

attention to or what you’re doing well

21:06

you know but it is that sort of muting

21:10

of what you need and being numb do you

21:14

go all day and never take a break never

21:16

take you know even a bio break or you

21:20

need to eat

21:21

self-sacrifice is a huge component of it

21:24

and yet you never quite get Beyond you

21:28

never see what you think it’s going to

21:31

bring in you know the the equation is

21:33

never finished

21:36

you’re doing a plus b but wait

21:38

where’s the income I’m working myself

21:40

into the ground but why am I not growing

21:43

and we we develop these sort of what

21:45

I’ve seen as real equations in life and

21:49

and that isn’t where success comes from

21:52

you know success comes from our

21:55

embodiment of who God made us to be and

21:59

who you are meant to be and we get to

22:02

keep working and working until we

22:04

finally hit that and when you hit that

22:07

it is by doing the Deep work of coming

22:10

home to yourself and starting to not

22:12

self-abandon

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and I’ve had various times in my career

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and continue to every time I want to up

22:20

level where I am faced with huge areas

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of self-abandonment that I thought oh

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I’ve got this covered right but I was

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doing it in very in very small ways but

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very

22:34

very pivotal ways in in where I was

22:37

headed with my business you’ll have

22:39

anxiety sleepless nights things like

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that those are all Hallmarks of having

22:46

unresolved trauma interesting

22:49

so obviously we can’t do the full deep

22:53

dive in today’s interview just because

22:55

of time but I’m curious in terms of kind

22:59

of where to lead people from here so

23:02

if someone’s listening they’re relating

23:05

okay I 100 identify with a lot of what

23:08

Amy just said I think there can

23:10

sometimes be the fear of

23:14

I’m gonna have to devote my whole life

23:15

to this now and I’m gonna have to like

23:17

give up a year you mentioned like your

23:19

15-year experience with your therapist

23:22

so there can be that fear of how am I

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going to get anything done and how am I

23:27

going to move forward in my career if

23:29

I’m simultaneously healing trauma so

23:32

what does that what does that look like

23:35

from a real life application standpoint

23:38

is it can we do both simultaneously and

23:41

how much time I know you can’t say how

23:43

much time is involved because it’s

23:44

different for everyone but give someone

23:45

like a real healthy perspective of what

23:47

it truly looks like to take this on and

23:49

continue to thrive in their career and

23:51

the things that matter to them oh I’m so

23:54

glad you asked this Elise thank you

23:56

because you know what I kept doing

23:58

honestly Ayo is a lot younger

24:01

and B I kept making unhealthy choices

24:06

and so you know what I have learned is I

24:09

I would not trade any of those

24:12

experiences because I kept learning

24:16

different lessons and every single one

24:18

of them has been brought into my office

24:21

and I’m able to speak to the struggle

24:24

that that woman is having so they were

24:26

real gifts

24:28

and my process now

24:32

helps women feel the effects within a

24:36

week or two you know I go deep very

24:39

quickly and then we’re able to see

24:42

transformation very quickly you know I I

24:47

tell women when you’re ready to do the

24:49

Deep work

24:50

you know we create an atmosphere of

24:53

safety for that

24:56

but it’s the only way I know how to

24:58

describe it is that the women and and

25:01

couples I work with say I feel alive

25:04

inside and I never even knew I was dead

25:08

and and it goes from black and white to

25:12

color and often it just can take some

25:16

time to build that trust and Rapport and

25:19

safety and that’s all your inner child

25:22

trying to judge the environment like is

25:25

this is this okay to be doing is it all

25:27

right for me to come out of of silence

25:30

and really present myself but

25:33

you know I work typically in six

25:36

months to year containers depending on

25:39

what what a woman is really looking for

25:42

and the support but what is amazing is

25:45

that almost immediately

25:47

results start happening in your business

25:50

I was working with a woman who is at a

25:52

nine figure company and even then we

25:56

dealt with things like scarcity mindset

25:58

we dealt with things like

25:59

self-abandonment and boundaries and her

26:02

business totally transformed in a matter

26:05

of months after being in business for

26:08

over a decade because of the work that

26:11

we were able to do and our identity our

26:15

person shapes the whole way our business

26:18

happens so you can’t change even an inch

26:22

without your business starting to

26:24

transform to yeah I think that’s such a

26:27

great thing for for women to remember

26:31

right is everything in your life it’s a

26:34

mirror of you you’re business whether

26:37

you’re an entrepreneur whether you’re in

26:38

sales that’s a mirror of you your

26:41

financial results it’s a mirror of who

26:42

you’re being your relationships your

26:44

customers it’s a mirror of who you’re

26:46

being so as you are willing to shift and

26:49

grow and allow the the truest expression

26:52

of you to come out in her fullest power

26:54

you will it can’t not get better it

26:58

can’t not improve around you so this is

27:02

this is so powerful and I know there’s a

27:05

lot more layers to it as well so someone

27:09

is listening and they want to connect

27:11

with you further learn more about your

27:13

work get involved in your world Amy

27:16

share some of the best ways for people

27:17

to get in touch from here absolutely

27:19

well Instagram is my happy place so it

27:22

is me in the DMS that’s a great place or

27:25

you can you can send in a request for a

27:29

consultation call and we can have a

27:30

brief

27:31

um breakthrough strategy call those are

27:34

at least 30 minutes to depending on you

27:37

know what is coming up I really am I am

27:40

so LED and so those are generous spaces

27:44

I have a beautiful podcast and at least

27:46

you have been a guest and I hope we can

27:49

get you on there again the elevated

27:51

podcast so you can find me there and I

27:55

will also be sharing a free strategic

27:58

self-care guide with your audience so

28:00

that you can get some help in the

28:02

interim until we may be able to speak

28:05

voice to voice so hopefully one of

28:08

those will feel like a good fit for a

28:10

first step amazing yeah and we’ll link

28:13

everything in the show notes there as

28:15

well for someone to go and check out and

28:17

so thank you for doing this work this is

28:20

this is the important work and this is

28:22

this is really where the transformation

28:24

happens

28:25

just it’s so true it’s from the

28:27

inside out so thank you for the work

28:30

you’re doing thank you for coming on and

28:31

just I think shedding light in so many

28:34

ways to something many people may

28:36

intuitively know but not either not have

28:39

experienced or not be able to put like

28:41

the science or the logic behind it so I

28:44

think this was really really helpful for

28:46

for me and for so many of our listeners

28:47

as well so thank you so much Amy this is

28:50

this is such a pleasure oh thank you

28:52

Elise and thank you for your beautiful

28:55

transparency and vulnerability in

28:57

sharing the power of this in your own

29:00

life and in your own business because

29:03

your voice has healed many I already

29:06

know that and so

29:08

just thank you thank you for the ways

29:10

you give well thank you so much well to

29:14

you my listener we will link all of

29:17

Amy’s resources in the show notes go

29:20

connect with her I can just all I can do

29:23

is reiterate in my own life the profound

29:25

transformation that happened and really

29:27

this is what a lot of I attribute my own

29:31

Quantum Leap of feeling stuck for ten

29:33

years to suddenly feeling in flow alive

29:36

like I was receiving what I wanted out

29:38

of life this is what I attribute it to

29:40

so go get connected with Amy with her

29:44

resources thank you as always for being

29:47

a member of the She Sells community and

29:48

a listener of She Sells Radio and I will

29:51

see you in our next episode. Bye for now.