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How to Create Your Boldest Career w/ Christie Hunter Arscott

We live in a world today where change is the norm, and it may feel like you are constantly being asked to embrace uncertainty and take risks that feel uncomfortable or downright terrifying in order to achieve your goals and aspirations. I have always found that my biggest rewards in life have come from the biggest risks I’ve taken, but I also know how terrifying those moments can be, and can think of times in my life when I didn’t take a risk I felt called to take and later regretted it. 

So today my guest is going to help us create a whole new mindset around risk and teach us how to make bold moves that help us grow and accomplish our dreams. Christie Hunter Arscott is a woman who walks her talk. What she is going to encourage you to think and do today is something she lives authentically every day. She’s also ALL about creating the most expansive career and life possible, both for herself and all of the clients she serves who work with her directly or read her book. 

Christie is an award-winning advisor, speaker, and author of the book Begin Boldly: How Women Can Reimagine Risk, Embrace Uncertainty, and Launch A Brilliant Career. A Rhodes Scholar, Christie has been named by Thinkers50 as one of the top management thinkers likely to shape the future of business.


Show Notes:

[4:22] – We think about risk as something we need to minimize, which causes us to hold ourselves back.

[6:07] – Christie noticed that the most successful people she admired thrived because of their hunger for risk.

[7:42] – We’ve been conditioned to play it safe and while we shouldn’t go live recklessly, risk taking should be intentional.

[9:45] – As women, we tend to try to avoid failure.

[11:13] – The concept of evolving is what changed Christie’s outlook on taking risks. We are in a constant stage of experimentation.

[12:20] – Risk, reward, refine, repeat.

[14:03] – Failure is linked to a bold life and career.

[16:10] – Christie shares the most life changing ah-ha moment she has ever had.

[17:07] – Confidence is not the biggest indicator of success. The most successful women leaders don’t show up confident everyday. It’s not a prerequisite.

[18:03] – Show up courageously. If we wait till we’re confident, we will never begin.

[20:13] – Readiness isn’t a feeling. It is a decision.

[21:06] – How you phrase things will either illicit action or inhibit action.

[24:08] – Christie explains how we look at risks to decide which are the right ones to take.

[25:04] – The risks or bold moves that are worth taking are the ones that have a motivation that matters.

[27:31] – What is the reward? Ask what the reward is for risking, the reward for not risking, and the reward you want.

[30:15] – What is the cost of inaction?


Connect with Christie:

LinkedIn  |  Instagram

Begin Boldly: How Women Can Reimagine Risk, Embrace Uncertainty, and Launch A Brilliant Career

Links and Resources:

Instagram  |  LinkedIn  |  YouTube

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Hello, hello well we have a very special different type of interview for you


today and I say we because we’re doing something on the podcast that we haven’t really done before and so if you’re


listening to my show She Sells Radio you know me I’m Elyse, I’m your host but we


are also joined by an incredible guest slash co-host because Diann’s going to


be producing this for her own show as well so Diann you want to say hi and introduce yourself


this is Diann Wingert of the driven woman entrepreneur podcast and I guess we are kind of co-hosting today but it’s


all a big experiment so let’s have fun it is and I’m I’m excited for this for a


number of reasons and I think Diann you were just sharing with me before we hit record some really big takeaways that


right away I think our listeners can, can benefit from so I want to get into


those in a second before I do I’ll give just a little bit of context for the interview and what we’re you know what


we’re doing here so this can make sense because I know we’re both going to be airing this on our respective shows and


so I was looking a little while back I was doing like a little bit of online stalking and just looking for top


podcasts for female entrepreneurs and your show came up like right at the top of the ranks and first of all that’s


impressive because there’s so many shows out there for female entrepreneurs so you have built something really really


incredible and I remember researching your show and looking into your audience and I was


like oh my gosh like I love her no BS approach I love how direct she is I love


her street cred too and thinking that your audience was in many ways there was


overlap between your audience and mine and you obviously work with a lot of female entrepreneurs coaches consultants


solopreneurs which we’ve got quite a few of those who listen here too and I thought wouldn’t it be fun to do a swap


and so we had actually arranged to do a podcast swap for tomorrow and then my


sweet husband Jason because tomorrow at the time of this recording tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day he was like hey babe you’re free all a Valentine’s Day right


I was like it’s a Tuesday and I generally like I love you I I appreciate the romance I


generally have things planned but he had some stuff planned for us throughout the day and so you were flexible and it was like hey let’s hop


on today and let’s let’s record one episode together and and I’m excited


for this Sunday and you had pulled these three powerful kind of bits of learning that I think right away like we’re gonna


give some context for who we both are for each other’s audiences but right away I’d love if you you want to dive in


and share some of what you shared with me before we were recording because I thought it was so powerful absolutely you know very infrequently do things go


exactly as we had planned in our business in our lives so when the unexpected happens and something you’ve


been very much looking forward to like our interview exchange our pod swap had


a threat of being cancelled it was either going to be an opportunity to indulge in disappointment or shift into creative


problem solving and Elyse provided the opportunity to do door number two so I


think one of the takeaways for how we made this happen in the way that we made it happen is that we always have the


opportunity to respond instead of react but not only that if we never take risks


and exercise vulnerability we’re never really going to know what level of trust


and self-confidence we’re capable of I have to be clear this is our very first meeting even though we’ve had a few


email exchanges so did it require a little bit of trust and a little bit of vulnerability to take the risk and do


something I’ve never done before which is a co-hosted interview you better believe it but I am here for the growth


and the learning and lastly I’m always intrigued by the possibility that I can get the same or even better


results with less time and effort and it would have taken us twice as long to record two separate interviews so I’m


here for all of it I love all of that so much I don’t know do you know Laura


Meyer by any chance not yet uh you two should know each other she’s been a guest on the show she said I think you


two would be super aligned but she said to me something a while back about just networking and getting


to know people and she said I don’t do General networking which I I don’t really do either like to me like there


needs to be a purpose there needs to be an intention but she said if I do I record it I’m like hey let’s record it let’s make it a podcast interview and


she’s built a very successful business that way as well just with being very intentional about networking and


relationship building and so I think to your point of how do we get the same or


better results with less time and effort it’s all about efficacy right which you want to be thinking about for the growth


of our businesses so why don’t why don’t we do this because again we’re kind of ebbing and flowing here and we’re having


fun and we’re figuring it out as we go so I know my listeners will appreciate


that and yours probably will too I think people like an authentic conversation but Diann let’s give some background


on you share a little bit more about who you are what you do what I know you transitioned from therapist into coach


right so I’d love to hear a little bit more about that Journey for my audience actually there was an earlier transition


my very first career was in medical sales so I got trained how to sell to smart


people mainly Physicians I had a second career as a psychotherapist and a


professor of social work I was in that career for quite a long time the last five years of it was in a private


practice where I mainly worked with powerful women at that point I realized I had kind of


outgrown the role of being the support person and I wanted to be the person who would


start challenging people so what the way I phrase it is I shifted from focusing the conversation on problems to


possibilities because as a coach I can be much Bolder I can be more


confrontational but in a good way and instead of accepting someone’s limiting


beliefs about what’s going on in their life I could directly challenge them and say now we both know that’s not true


so the type of coaching that I do really helps people who are really ready to let


go of whatever is holding them back and you and I both know oftentimes that’s not the lack of skill it’s the lack of


Will and the mindset so true it’s so true and you said


something I want to Circle back to a bit or we could do you know we could dive into now just the


your Readiness to transition from being sounds like I think you said the support person writer the person behind the


scenes to really being in the center stage I know that for me was when a lot


shifted in my life and it took a lot to get there it took like a lot of getting fed up with not living I talk


about like the fullest expression of myself um and there’s definitely a lot of elements of playing small in that and


then I know for our community too that is that’s a Common Thread is that


people are done playing small yes maybe you can Riff on that a little bit and


talk about what you see with with your clients and in your own life like how that transition occurred and was it


scary to finally say no like I’m gonna step into the spotlight of my own life and do this


thing big well I will say one of the things that I think served me is that


it’s undeniable that with the passage of time as a woman fewer opportunities are coming your way so I last worked for


someone else when I was in an executive position running a large mental health agency and the CEO that I reported to


was both incompetent and unethical and since I am neither of those things that presented a problem now at that time I


knew based on my age and my stage of career if I went out looking for another job it was very likely that I was going


to experiencing something similar or worse so I needed to bank on myself and


start my own business for the first time in my early 50s I had zero experience


running a business I was going to have to generate all of my own referral sources and get people to pay me


directly for something that I had been paid in indirectly through government contracts for so it required what I now


affectionately referred to as a major boss-up because I needed to go from


being a boss in an organization to being the boss of my own life and carving my


own path of course it’s scary it’s absolutely terrifying but you’re absolutely right about reaching that


point of being fed up I describe it as just being sick of my own I don’t know


if it’s okay for me to swear I I have an explicit rating oh good I have an explicit rating on my podcast so I can


express myself however let’s get me one if I don’t have one yet let’s be ready well at least at least for this episode


but I I literally had to get sick of my own at least I literally had to get sick of hearing myself say to myself and


to others why I can’t do something that I hadn’t even tried to do and there’s


something about the gift of Aging where you realize you know you know


if not now when because there will come a time for all of us where it’s going to


be a lot harder and you will only have more time to accumulate more excuses so


that was go time for me oh my gosh yeah it’s so interesting the parallels


there’s obvious differences but parallels too and your experience in


mine and you know my community who listens for the most part is like familiar with part


of my own story was I was stuck at the same level for 10 years and like couldn’t break through a certain income


threshold was kind of living like a good but not a great super fulfilled life and


for me too it was the perspective shift mine was a little earlier in my journey


I think I was like 45 when it happened but it was the perspective shift of like


I’m not getting any younger no one is coming to save me I realized how much I


was waiting for someone to come give me permission and validation yes did that


like did you have that aha too where it’s like who am I waiting for I don’t even know I think I think that’s part of


our cultural conditioning I mean it’s no mistake regardless of what generation you’re in that women have been


culturally conditioned to be nice to accept what’s given to us to be


satisfied with what we have and when we want more more money a bigger position


more responsibility more freedom more creativity we are labeled all kinds of


negative things including the most famous One the letter that starts with b and ends with so I think


part of what we need to experience what I experienced and I’m certain what you experienced is that instead of looking


to others to tell us who we are what we could be what the fullness of our


potential looks like and that it’s perfectly okay to go after it and have


it we have to make that an inside job because even if you’re lucky enough to have a mentor


you’re you are still going to reject what he or she says until you


internalize it so I think that’s something I really want more women to understand sooner than I did


not only is nobody coming to save you and no one’s coming to empower you but


you have to be willing to take full responsibility for doing that yourself


because you will get pushback and you will get shade and you will get hate even from other women and you got to be


ready for that oh my gosh yes I’m curious so I’ll share kind of like a


little piece of my journey there that I want to ask you about this so in my journey when I made the


decision to stop playing small and I had a good like it was a good life I was the


family was you know taking we were I share numbers just because it’s like


helpful for context sometimes that’s part of what I find helps my audience but like we were doing like low


six-figure income like everything was fine I’m good I had like a four month old at the time and I just had this kind of


download of it’s time to stop playing small because there was still these desires on my heart that I found myself


saying no to I wanted to retire my husband from his he was working night shift at a hospital like he wanted to


study to go to medical school and I wanted to be able to retire him so that we didn’t have to rely on his


income for our life and uh wanted to play a bigger game with giving and


charity and wanted a better lifestyle like I’m not ashamed like I wanted a better lifestyle you know six figures doesn’t get you what it used to get it


that’s for sure and it was this like awareness of


oh crap like I’ve I’ve been playing so small and again to what you just said


I’ve been the only one limiting myself and I felt I kind of just prayed in that


moment it was like guide me like whatever I need to do God Source Universe would guide me and I will do it


very quickly got the nudge to make a it was massive for me at the time it was


half of what I made the whole last year an investment in coaching with a woman who specialized in helping women become


seven figure earnings like Mom specifically it felt petrifying but when I decided to do it I told no


one like I told almost no one I told it because I knew enough that to your point if people won’t understand it was like


if I bring this up with anyone they’ll say you’re crazy what are you doing you don’t have the money for that


that was the thing that after I made that decision within six weeks my income


10xed and it it has continued to grow and build from there but if I had


stopped and asked for permission or asked other people’s thoughts like the only people I told were my husband and


my best friend who’s on a similar growth path if I had asked anyone else they would have said you’re crazy what are you doing so when you made that decision


to say yes to yourself and to step out on your own did you tell a lot of people or how did you kind of safeguard that


dream and that vision from being watered down by other people’s doubts


excellent question this is very likely because of my childhood trauma history


but I’ve come to understand that I have an enormous capacity to tolerate pain


and to that point I think I stayed in situations many kinds of situations over


my lifetime much longer than I should have much longer than I needed to much


longer than it was healthy because I had become so strong it was almost like a badge of honor that


I could stick it out now I realize well that’s a great way to waste your whole


life proving how strong you are instead of leveraging that strength to make your


life better and the lives of people you care about so I I would say that understanding that


it’s saying yes to yourself will seem like you’re saying no not only


to other people but saying no to who you’ve been and I


now believe because a lot of the work that I do is around uncovering your zone of genius with that comes the


understanding of all the upper limit issues that you have that keep you in


place whether it’s in a dead end marriage a dead-end job stuck at an income platform plateau and so forth you


have to be able to understand when you think these thoughts it’s not because they’re true


it’s because your ego is trying to keep you safe


trying to keep you alive we should be teaching these Concepts in elementary school because by and large unless you


are in personal development or coaching the fact that you are thinking all the


time and that everything you think you believe even though ninety percent of it is absolute worthless crap is completely


foreign to you my gosh this is so true this is so true


our little guy is uh two and a half now we’ve got another one on the way in like two weeks and I am I’m like now that I


know that but most of my life I didn’t know this stuff now that I know it I’m like brainwashing it consistently yeah


affirmations like all this stuff because we are being brainwashed especially the first seven years of our life right and


then we take it over for ourselves like you’re I always say that when you’re born your brain is an empty field of


fertile soil so the seeds that get thrown at that brain in the first seven years are going to sink deep because


there’s nothing else planted there and they’re going to have very deep roots which become the neural Pathways of your


future thoughts so later on you can completely unbrainwash yourself but the


thoughts that show up naturally in your brain that seems so true to you because you can never remember a time that you


didn’t think them you will have to fight those like your life depends on it because the happiness and satisfaction


of your life actually does depend on it I just wish we’d known sooner but we’re making up for Last Time by spreading the


good news now it’s it’s one of those things where once you realize it you’re like oh my gosh when you know you know


right you know you know yeah yeah exactly so one of the there’s two things


you said there that I would love to go deeper in


and stop me at any time because I get excited and I’m gonna like take I want to find out so much more from you so


stop me at any time if you’re like no we need to read it and don’t forget don’t forget I’m supposed to be interviewing you too right


and flowing so it’s all good but you said two things that stood


out to me a lot one was the capacity for suffering and then two was that like 90


of our thoughts were kind of BS right and that’s probably generous it’s probably more than I do it probably I


know I was like how can I go deeper with three of that because it’s it’s so true once you learn that just because you


think a thought doesn’t mean it’s true it’s a little trippy and it also takes a great deal of self-awareness to be able


to stop the thoughts in the moment yes how do you


the capacity for suffering resonated with me because just today I even noticed in some things in my life now


where I was like I’m tolerating something’s taking longer than I desire them to take and I’m kind of okay with


it and not that there’s not a timing to things and a rhythm and process of being the match for what you


want but I was like I feel like my tolerance threshold for things taking a


while in certain areas of my life is higher than I want it to be and my pain tolerance I know I’ve also


similar to you like put up with a lot of stuff over the years that


didn’t feel good was painful Etc and I’m happy to share what I tell my


clients to do but like what is your process for noticing and catching the thoughts and for redirecting and for


shortening that suffering and pain tolerance any any tips for that yeah a couple


things to discuss that I think are important I had a pretty serious car accident


years ago when I was still in my medical sales position and wasn’t able to work


for a year that began a journey of chronic pain that I have been living with for now


more than half my life after they had tried all the pills all the procedures 12 hours of traction a day


cauterizing my nerve endings you know you name it everything short of neurosurgery because they said my spine


was too delicate and they wouldn’t touch me with a 10-foot scalpel times three three people said that so I’m like okay


no surgery I learned that meditation


could be helpful for someone with chronic pain that led me on a path to


actually embracing a Buddhist philosophy in my life so I have been learning to


observe and manage my mind for almost 20 years and I will tell you not only has


it helped with the chronic pain in fact most people who know me don’t even know I live with chronic pain because first


of all it’s not very interesting to talk about unless you want to play the victim card which I most certainly do not but


also because I manage really well with it the other thing that’s helped me with enormously is ADHD


because I am able to observe my thoughts as they’re happening and that has helped


a lot with impulsiveness and rejection sensitivity and some of the other things I mean I don’t have to tell you in sales


dealing with rejection dealing with the anticipation of possible rejection is


key so I’ve done a lot of work around rejection sensitivity and also just


thinking of each of my thoughts is like a thought bubble if I have rapid thoughts if I’m really


excited I’m having an ADHD moment I think of it as like opening a can of soda and all of a sudden you know the


bubbles are all right there sometimes it’s just one thought Bubble at a time or like a balloon but I’ve


I have learned to hit the pause button most of the time because if I don’t I’m


going to make an impulsive decision an impulsive judgment an impulsive reaction


that later on I’ll wish I had handled differently so part of this is just


simply maturity and and being on the planet more years but also accumulating


experience with what it feels like to almost want to blurt something out and


then taking a breath instead if I wanted to interrupt you because you


had something really juicy I wanted to grab a hold of and swing I don’t want to dominate the conversation so I just have


my little notepad over here I’m going to write it down it’s not like one thing it’s a lot of little things done


consistently over time so that I don’t have to do things impulsively because


I’m afraid of missing the opportunity more opportunities will come my way


that’s one of my affirmations so I don’t have to act on everyone which means I


can live with a lot less anxiety and fomo wow that’s so powerful that is so


powerful it all adds up too like all of these lessons you know how it is they just kind of layer on themselves and


then you realize I’m making better decisions I’m more satisfied with the decisions I’m making and I can see


myself thinking small as it’s happening wow and stop it in the tracks now that


was not always so most of the time it the awareness comes after the fact but if you don’t get too


discouraged and you don’t give up you don’t decide oh this doesn’t work if you


keep at it you can absolutely get ahead of even some of your thoughts and


anticipate okay I’m leveling up in this scenario I know exactly what thoughts to


anticipate and watch for so when they happen I’ll be like I am so ready for


you you’re not getting in here and messing with my mind I saw you coming and you are not welcome at this party


and I use a lot of metaphors and analogies and humor because otherwise it


can feel it can be very fatiguing to be managing your own mind let’s face it we’re always


thinking and when you don’t like the thoughts that are on speed dial it’s some work to change them but so so worth


it it really is it’s uh it’s mental gymnastics yes you will feel fatigued at


the end of the day yes actively do you do you write them down like that’s what


I do I actually have a note on my computer and my phone that’s like these are the old personality thoughts to know just so you know


when they pop up what they are do you write them down or how do you track them and kind of have that foresight of oh


yeah this is going to come up so that you’re ahead of the game well I use the app think up


um okay okay it’s an affirmations app it’s one that I recommend a lot people do not need to get the paid version you


can get the free version it allows you a small handful of affirmations but what’s cool about it at least you’re gonna love


this you record them in your own voice and the reason why that’s powerful is


because that’s the voice you’re talking to yourself with yeah so you’re


literally able to override those automatic negative thoughts by choosing


new thoughts so how I use it is both to if I don’t like the thoughts that I’m


thinking naturally I already know what they’re going to be I do something that’s like the opposite


I record those in the app and then I just allow it to play in the background


kind of subliminally while I’m getting ready in the morning maybe while I’m working out while I’m doing my nighttime


routine walking the dogs because the programming gets in there even if I’m


not consciously listening to it and I also have a hit list what I usually call


a list of like frequent flyers the thoughts that I have literally been thinking all of my life that aren’t true


were never true and yet still somehow they keep showing up but the difference


is I’m on to them and they used to control me so good I love the frequent flyers


because it makes it a little comical almost which I think sometimes we have to do with this stuff I have to use a


lot of humor in my life because things changing your life


changing your mind changing your business unblocking and unlocking your own


potential make no mistake it’s work so I


use humor to lighten it up and to offset some of the heaviness of it because even


helping people do that work can feel heavy to me so there’s my husband can’t


understand with the nature of the work that I do why he hears so much laughter coming out of my home office but to me


that’s a superpower when you can confront painful realities in your life or the life of someone you’re working


with with affection and respect and lack of


judgment and humor I think it’s a powerful combination so powerful it’s so


powerful and let me pause too because I feel like I have 20 more questions for you but I also I realize that with how


you’ve trained and conditioned your thoughts and holding back from the impulses you may have questions that you


want to ask or so let me pause and I’ll just redirect over to you for if there’s anything we’ve talked about so far that


you want to go deeper in or anything you want to ask me otherwise I can keep going forever with questions for you but


but I’ll pause and thank you Yes actually I know that there there’s a lot


of noise in the coaching industry about about six figure this six figure that


six figure the other thing and you already acknowledge that actually when


you have a family in most parts of the country U.S Canada six figures isn’t exactly putting you on


easy street right you also said that you were stuck at an income Plateau for 10


years and that just became your Norm it sets your expectations it set what was


possible for you it set your your lifestyle and your husband’s career


and then something changed so You Now teach other people how to do that what do you think were the most


surprising and unexpected things that you learned in that coaching program


that started to open your mind to the possibilities for you absolutely that’s such a great question and for me the the


transformation let’s say people will hear sometimes like oh my


gosh you 10 extra income in six weeks yes and I had been stuck for 10 years trying to figure out how to do it and


not able to do it so or didn’t take the right steps to do it and the steps were mental so I always just want to preface


that with like any time you hear overnight success or overnight this or that remember that there’s much more to


the story than there was but to your point Diann like my what I know now


because part of the process for me was I’ve been looking outside for the


solution I’ve been hiring mentors coaches trying every sales script doing all the


Tactical things all of the matter on matter approach and no matter what I did I always felt


like I couldn’t break past that income threshold I always felt anxiety about


money I always was afraid that it was going to go I was always afraid when it came time to


pay my bills I had just a lot of low-grade anxiety going on with a lot of different areas financially


and the impetus for making that decision to change and I think when we’re really


ready to change it usually requires some type of a burn the ships type of


moment where it’s like you’re giving your subconscious such a strong command that no this is happening and it usually


has to be backed up with some sort of big quote-unquote risky action or thing where


you’re burning It To The Ground like this is happening or or I’m gonna figure something else out right like I’m going


all in on this uh but not having that plan B and so a mentor I was working with like


right before then right at the time had had me do this exercise that I think was actually a Kathy Heller original


and it was called your five dream lives and it was for whatever reason it just struck me because she had me look


at if you could have any five dream lives what would they be and you think back to


what did I want to do in childhood what have I been saying you know at some


point I’ll do but not yet and for whatever reason it wasn’t like


the moon was lined up in any direction or everything was perfect timing in my


life it just struck me differently as I looked at these dream lives and there


was kind of an element of sadness as I looked at them that was like oh my gosh you know I had wanted to


sing that was always a vision of mine but I stopped singing publicly after I was sexually assaulted in college


I wanted to be a philanthropist but I always had the quote-unquote excuse of well I don’t have enough money


I wanted to play on a much bigger level in my life than I was playing and I started looking at people who had


actually executed on things similar to the dream lives that showed up for me and I realized


number one many of them were younger than me or they had more challenging situations growing up


and it was kind of just this revelation of maybe it was being a new mom too I think that helped shift my perspective a


bit but this revelation of like I’m the only one who can do this for myself


and so when I made that commitment and that decision to just do whatever it took to get out of my own way and to


finally confront the limiting beliefs about money and potential and who I was


what I knew in that moment was you know that of course asking the universe


answers it’s like the next day the coaching opportunity with this Mentor showed up when I said yes to it


and I didn’t tell her this but it was I knew that just literally making that


investment in myself that I didn’t even I had to put the deposit on a credit card I didn’t know how I was going to


pay for the rest I was petrified again I was the breadwinner for the family I thought am I putting us in financial ruin by doing this but the pull was so


strong it was almost as if the person I had to become to even pay


for that and to say I am worthy of investing at this level because I had never


done something based on self-worth where I’d held back from investing in myself or held back from really what I really


wanted because I realized I didn’t feel worthy of it and in that moment that declaration it was like it almost didn’t


matter what she taught me or what we did together the person I had to become to


just confront the money demons was going to be a radically different woman than who I had started off as so I would say


through a combination an incredible Mentor through a combination of her mentoring we did a lot of inner child


work which at first I was like what does inner child have to do with making more money it has a lot to do


your child I dug deep into a lot of Joe dispenza’s work at that


time as well and I love how you said meditation has made such a big impact for you because it did for me too


a lot of work on the energy of money and so it was all the inner work it was


that was what really catapulted my journey and realizing it was never about the exterior it was about my self-image


and how I I’d wanted to be a million dollar business owner I had wanted to like have the life and the impact


that came along with that but my identity didn’t match that and so it was the process of reconditioning my


identity to start to see myself as someone who not only could do it but was worthy of it and I think that’s a big thing


I’ve just found your level of income will never exceed your level of self-worth so I will I’ll pause on that but those


it was really the inner work piece no it totally makes sense and I I think one of the things that I’ve been able to lean


on a lot with my background as a psychotherapist when people talk about transformation


I don’t think enough of them talk about identity crisis because the reality is


as you level up in whatever way you choose to do so


leveling up in your income leveling up in your impact leveling up in the size of your team


you know what whatever your goal is you literally are going to have an


identity crisis which is part of addressing those upper limit issues because the person who


thinks the thoughts that become those upper limits is the person that you are


and have been up to this point so the notion that you could claim a new


identity for yourself and not experience something


potentially terrifying in the process I think really isn’t helping people


understand why it’s so important to get the right kind of support


I know there are people who are able to do this on their own some of them become extremely popular celebrities


but to actually stop being the person that you’ve been


and the person that you’ve always thought of yourself as and allowing yourself to evolve into a


new identity if you think about that it would be like what if you had like a traumatic brain


injury and you woke up in the hospital and the doctor said could you tell us


your name uh you know you literally won’t know who


you are until you have some practice at that new level so I think it’s just a fascinating


thing to consider and that’s why I’m sure you would agree why meditation has been so helpful because


I mean at least what I’ve understood and what I’ve learned in following the Buddhist path for almost 20 years is


that identity is a construct anyway and so you practice non-attachment to


all things including that identity which I think helps a lot in the evolution of


it but something I really want to ask you about and I see it holds a lot of


women back who maybe have allowed themselves to think I want that I want that Million Dollar


business I want that Global impact I want to retire my husband I want to send


my kids to private school I want to be generous in my giving whatever the driver is I think a lot of women hold


themselves back because of fear of envy and what I call ambition shaming I would


love to hear your thoughts about that oh yeah juicy right it is now I want to


hear your take on it too because no no no you go you go you go


I do want to I want to hear your thoughts on that yeah you know it’s it’s so funny


I was speaking with some members of my Mastermind the other day and we just got back from this retreat in Sedona and


they were sharing something that I could relate to as well where people were asking them like how


was it and it was a couple women who said this they’re like I wanted to say like it was amazing and it was


transformational and I’m thinking like I’m thinking here about myself and they said but I found myself holding


back from saying how it really was and be like oh it was it was really good it


was nice yeah because yeah yeah because they didn’t want to whether it’s


outshine whether it’s make someone else uncomfortable or seen full of themselves


and I’ve absolutely had that come up in my life as well you know I


the fear of Envy peace and the ambition shaming I think at this


point I’ve curated my circle enough to where


it’s not something that comes up a lot in my own life but I do I have seen


where I will absolutely hold back from sharing whether it’s a big win or whether it’s a certain yeah a win a


success because there’s this like oh who is she gonna think she is type of vibe


with it so I don’t know if I have the perfect answer for that I know in my own life it’s been


find the people like I know my husband my mentor like my dear girlfriends like I’ll share with


I think knowing that whatever judgment someone puts on you is really a judgment


they have about themselves and we can know that consciously it doesn’t mean that we don’t still fear putting it out


there our successes are going for what we really want but yeah to me it’s I’ve always I’ve


learned to be very careful about who I share with and what I share but I’m curious to know your thoughts now


because I feel like you probably talk about this more than I do and I’m very intrigued well I think because a lot of people I


work with deal with rejection sensitivity in order to be able to stand out


I think like show up stand up speak out you gotta be able to take up some space


own who you are accept who you’re not and be Unapologetic about all of it and


of course that takes a lot of inner work but if part of what you’re showing up for


is the fact that I am incredibly grateful for the life that I have I am


incredibly grateful for all of the lessons that I’ve learned even the really painful ones because they


contributed to me becoming the person I am I wouldn’t be this person had it not


been for all of that but I am keenly aware that as an intelligent educated


successful woman who happens to be also tall and well spoken


I have been told all of my life, Elyse all of my life starting from maybe early


High School that I’m intimidating 


caused me along with other feedback that I internalized to want to shrink myself


to want to hold back to take up less space I mean everything from the I’m not


going to wear heels anymore two I’m not going to wear bright colors too I’m not going to raise my hand I’m


going to give other people a chance well I I eventually couldn’t hold back I eventually felt like I can’t sit here


and listen to all these people saying things that aren’t adding to the conversation


or they don’t really know what they’re talking about I I have to break out of this box


and I think something that’s helped me a lot personally is recognizing if you’re


keeping yourself small if you’re holding yourself back if you’re settling for less if you’re


tolerating too much if you are diminishing yourself in any way


because you fear other people’s judgment I got news for you sister


they’re already judging you they’re judging you anyway it may not be for


what you’re trying to avoid but they’re already judging you because the people that are preoccupied with


judging you are dissatisfied with themselves it’s a


great distraction so you can never satisfy them enough to make judgment off


the table so you might as well be you and equip yourself with the skills to


care a whole lot less about them because they were never going to be your people


anyway and that takes some learning especially because sadly sadly some of those people


may be friends and family members I think one


of the biggest level UPS in my life to be honest with


you is letting go of people I’ve outgrown hmm


yes it is hard because you realize that your


circle becomes much much smaller much deeper much richer


and I’m okay with that because what I was willing to sacrifice


to have more people who weren’t really there for me who I didn’t feel safe


being all of me with I had a very close friend for like 25 years


and I kept feeling this growing discomfort because I noticed when I was


struggling when I was hurting when I had a failure she was right there but when things were


going better and better and better I got nothing but shade or even she


would turn on herself and criticize herself by comparing unfavorably to me and I finally said


this is a conversation I should have initiated a long time ago we can’t be friends anymore and I don’t want you to


guess why I’m going to tell you exactly why that was really really hard because I’m not unkind right but I didn’t want


to just ghost or fade or you know dial down on you know the dimmer switch and


just not be as available I I wanted to say your Envy has killed our friendship so this is


where it stops for me that isn’t something everybody needs to do but


you’d be the first one to agree that having a curated circle is immensely


important to maintaining your new identity as an expanded evolved version


of yourself wouldn’t you say so true and I think one thing two things I would actually


take from what you just said and kind of how I think about it is one is a lot of times we say Well


they’re gonna judge well who are they even because oftentimes sometimes it is


someone that we know and they’re in the Inner Circle whether it’s family or friends and you can pinpoint them


but oftentimes it’ll also be like who random people on social media people you


don’t even know I mean we kind of group people together in our minds so just getting really clear on who are these


people that I think are judging me and do they matter or not but this the second piece that I would add in there


too and it’s really just something I thought about while you were talking is perhaps a good litmus test for a


relationship of any sort is am I expanding like is this a container that


I feel that I can keep expanding into or am I feeling like I have to shrink and looking at that as a litmus test for the


quality of any sort of relationship in your life and if it’s one you can expand into beautiful and if it’s one where you


feel like you have to shrink and play small and downplay and minimize it’s time for some adjustments and that


that’s excellent criteria yeah yeah well and kudos to you for having that


conversation because most people probably that I’m sure that was uncomfortable for you to do but the


directness I think Clarity is kind and the directness there is is powerful too so


we could keep talking forever but we’re not going to because we promised each other we would keep this because it


wasn’t one of the goals here is that we were going to be efficient and do more with less I think we did it though I


think this was something conversation absolutely yeah no this is beautiful why


don’t why don’t we do this do we want to share where people can connect with us to to learn more and to engage further


I’ll have you go first Diann okay if you like


the sound of my voice and what I have to say with it and you are not already listening to The Driven woman


entrepreneur podcast this is your personal invitation to do so you can find my website at diannwingertcoaching


and I’m on most of the socials but actively growing my connections on


LinkedIn amazing amazing which is maybe where I reached I’m like did I reach out to you


on LinkedIn or Instagram because those are kind of the places I hang out I think it was insta Instagram okay cool


cool beautiful and I would say the same thing so my podcast is She Sells Radio


and people usually come in looking for sales tips and advice and then they find


out it’s a lot of deeper work and conversations like this which was so much fun today, is my


website and I am primarily on LinkedIn and Instagram but I’m everywhere at Elyse Archer so


this was so fun thank you we’re always selling aren’t we I think everything is sales I really do


and I’m always so bummed when I hear how many women say they hate it like have you ever convinced a kid to eat broccoli


but bam you’re in sales the hardest sales job of all time. I’m


learning no lie no lie well thank you for suggesting this for


making it easy and fun and I will absolutely do it again same here. Thank you so much.

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