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Mastering Authenticity in Sales

I am diving into a powerful conversation with my client and dear friend, David Ray, who’s recently launched his first book, Inner Sales Child: Unlocking Sales Success by Tapping into Childhood Wisdom! Together, we explore the transformative journey of embracing authenticity in sales and life, drawing from David’s personal experiences and insights shared in his book.

We unpack the importance of authenticity in sales, navigating the gap between our internal selves and external personas, and the profound impact of fear and judgment on our journeys. David shares valuable strategies for creating an environment where sales can naturally occur and emphasizes the significance of integrating masculine and feminine energies in our approach.

David and I also discuss efficiency in sales processes, uncovering the vital few actions that drive results and exploring ways to work smarter, not harder. As David opens up about his creative process, the significance of storytelling, and the unexpected opportunities that arise from embracing authenticity, you’ll find inspiration and actionable insights to propel your own sales journey forward.


Show Notes:

[1:26] – David expresses gratitude to me for my support and encouragement throughout our shared journey.
[3:26] – David emphasizes the importance of authenticity in sales and its impact on building trust and rapport.
[6:12] – I share my journey of rediscovering my authentic self in my sales career.
[7:59] – Fear held David back in his career and from sharing his story, until he realized that fear is a choice.
[9:48] – David encourages us to embrace vulnerability, emphasizing that those who judge likely haven’t experienced similar struggles.
[12:36] – Embracing empathy and understanding in sales, regardless of gender, leads to deeper connections and better results.
[15:19] – Balancing masculine and feminine energies in sales emphasizes both outcomes and the journey to achieve them.
[18:08] – I highlight David’s childhood story, linking it to efficiency concepts crucial in sales consultation.
[19:17] – David discusses the importance of establishing and evaluating a personalized sales process for efficiency improvements.
[21:56] – Sales doesn’t have to be a constant grind; focus on core elements for efficiency and growth.
[24:28] – Prioritize family and focus on making people feel valued in both personal and professional endeavors.
[27:14] – Learn how to contact David.
[29:48] – David feels that sharing personal stories through audiobooks and recording with authenticity sparks creativity and opportunities for growth.
[31:17] – I strongly encourage listeners to grab a copy of David’s book!
[33:12] – Receive my free guide on increasing your closing rate by 50%!


Links and Resources:

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Inner Sales Child: Unlocking Sales Success by Tapping Into Childhood Wisdom
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Welcome to She Sells Radio this is going to be such a fun episode because I get to bring to you one of my clients one of


my dear friends who I have gotten to witness do some pretty incredible things


over the past few years including publish his first book which is called inner sales child unlocking sales


success by tapping in childhood wisdom which if you’re watching this video on YouTube you can see him holding it up so


cool David Ray welcome to She Sells Radio it’s such an honor to have you and


your book is incredible I’ve been reading through it um preparing for this and I just I love how you are bringing


people back to the truth of H of who they are and how that can positively influence their sales process so I’m


super excited to have this conversation with you today awesome thank you so much Elyse I can’t tell you how much I


appreciate being here today but also your support encouragement and belief in


me uh for those who don’t know I have been working with Elyse for a number of years and she has seen the Genesis of


this idea and to be able to see it through its conclusion and to see what’s next and we’ll talk a little bit about


that today I couldn’t be more excited so thank you oh my gosh it’s this is so fun so you know what I want to just Dive


Right In because I feel like as I was reading through the book it’s it’s super actionable and so almost every line I


was reading I’m like man that could be a question that could be a question so I want to dive in and and pull out some of


the core themes that you talk about so our listeners can get the most out of this and one of the core themes


obviously is authenticity in sales and know I I I know the word authenticity


can get thrown around a lot and people like oh what is it am I you know how much does it matter but here’s what you


say which I think is so true is that people buy from people they know and trust and the first step toward creating


trust is being ourselves and here’s what I know


is that that can be hard for people to do I think most everyone on the planet


has a point in their life where they realize there’s a gap between how they’re showing up on the outside and


how they feel like they have to be the image they have to portray to be successful to be safe Etc versus who


they really are on the inside and how they really feel about themselves and so in sales oh my gosh I mean this can be


even more intense because we either feel like a lot of times as women we feel like we have to be perfect


or you may feel like you’ve got to know all the answers and put on a front in order to be successful so why isn’t that


the case and I don’t know how big of a question this is maybe this becomes the entire interview who knows but how do we


overcome that if we don’t feel comfortable being 100% ourselves yet no


so lots to unpack there um you know a few things just to to get out you know from the start you’re absolutely right


and I’m glad you picked up on that is being kind of the central theme of the book um for me what was such a challenge


early in my career is I felt the need to have a personal identity and a professional identity I felt like I


needed to come across a different way you know at work in front of clients in front of co-workers and that really


created this divide in Who I Really Am versus how I was perceived by so many people that I was working with and that


ultimately created that impostor syndrome that you hear so much about you


know within a lot of work um what I’ve you know often found though is you know when you look at sales and you look at


success and what do you need for not just immediate success but sustainable success it really does come down to that


authenticity and establishing our Rapport creating trust you know differentiating yourself those are all


key aspects of a success successful sale there’s a tongue twister but they’re all linked to authenticity so think of you


know who are you why are you doing this what makes you different and also how


can you make others feel because that’s a big key it’s not just about what can you sell them how can you come across


what kind of feeling what kind of uh emotion are you going to you know evoke you know within them you because you


want to make them feel heard invalidated understood appreciated you want them to


feel like you know you are present and that you are their only client when you’re speaking with them you you don’t


want it to feel like this is a sale in fact something my grandfather father pop for those who haven’t read the book he


is a key character uh within my book and one of the reasons that I am in sales


today one of the big things that pop used to always say is when it comes to sales don’t try to sell anything just


provide value just try to find ways to help people overcome a problem that


they’re having if it happens to lead to something that you can help with that ultimately turns into a sale fantastic


but if you lead with that value Centric mindset of just trying to help people and make their lives better it makes you


feel more fulfilled it also lowers the barrier of entry with your potential client because they don’t feel you know


always on guard like they have to protect themselves from here’s the pushy salesman coming in they just see a


friend a you know a colleague you know oftentimes who really just wants to help


and to me I think that’s a a really important aspect of sales that often gets overlooked is you know don’t try to


sell just allow it to happen naturally create an environment where a sale can happen rather than forcing


something I want to come back to that because you talk about that in the book too that was actually a question I wanted to ask I’m glad you brought that


up you know I think about as you’re talking about this when I first got into


sales and I was in my early 20s and um selling yellow pages to start so I


always feel like a dinosaur when I say that moved on to yeah right moved on to digital media and did well in that but I


just remember feeling like I had to be someone completely different than who I was and


being really motivated to be successful and top of the leaderboard um but just


feeling this massive Gap in the image I was putting out versus how I was feeling


inside and it wasn’t until I did some of the work that you now that you teach and that you talk about in the book and


really it’s it’s kind of a returning to who you really are at your core and realizing that that person those ele


ments that we had and that we embraced maybe as kids or when we were younger that we put away or that we thought


would it make us successful whether it’s the Curiosity the play The Connection relationships


creativity that when we return to that we can actually create far more sustainable success but I’m and that


really helped me make that shift and it’s certainly been a journey but I’m just thinking about for someone


listening who and maybe they’re like they’re like me and they’re like I was in my early 20s and I was just


like you know the Gap felt so huge where do you where would you even


start if you feel like you’re if someone’s listening and they’re saying holy moly okay I know there’s a gap but


I don’t I don’t feel safe being myself with other people I don’t think I could be successful I don’t like parts of


myself where would we even start with that yeah so a couple of interesting things there um


and really what you touched on is fear and and fear is something that held me


back for a long period of time within my own career it actually held me back from telling this story I have been sitting


on inner sales child uh inside of me for 15 almost 20 years because I was scared


and what was I scared of I was scared of judgment I was scared of rejection I was scared of failure um I actually came


across this quote I just wanted to to read quickly um watching uh movies uh a


week or so ago and it’s a movie After Earth with Will Smith and it talks about fear and I think this really kind of


hits you know right on the head you know what fear is so he says fear is not real


the only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future it is a product of our imagination causing us to


fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist that is near Insanity


now do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice o that


really kind of hit home with me because I I recognized I was worrying so much about something that hadn’t even


happened yet I was playing all these scripts you know from you know people


are going to hate this they’re going to judge me they’re going to think that I’m a failure this message isn’t going to


resonate and there was so much of me in this book so much of me my family my thoughts my my own fears that I happily


shared I didn’t want to be judged but what I came to realize you know as a


couple things one again fear isn’t real I can choose to succumb to this emotion


or I can power through it and actually help create you know the reality that I seek but the other thing I’ve noticed


since sharing all of this even through the process of creating as well as after the book came out people only judge when


they haven’t done what you are trying to do if if they’ve actually done the work


and if they’ve actually gone through the same thing they’re not going judge you for it they’re going to empathize with you they’re going to support you they’re


going to inspire you they’re going to validate yes me too I feel this let’s let’s you know work together on this let


me see how I can help you maybe we can help each other you know through this process so don’t run away from that fear


recognize that there are more people that are in the same boat you know than you may realize it’s kind of like uh


when we were in elementary school and you would always have a question everyone always had a question question


but you were scared to ask the question and you were so happy when someone else asked the question because you had that


same question you just didn’t want to raise your hand and ask it and be viewed as oh well he doesn’t know but it it’s


very much the same thing go out and try it go out and you know speak a lot of the stuff into existence show up as


yourself have the confidence to do that because by doing that not only are you stepping into the life you want you are


inspiring others whether you realize it or not to do the same wow yeah and I


think it it it speaks directly to authenticity as well because we lose our authenticity when our Focus gets


distorted and gets focused on what others going to think what are they going to say I love what you said about


the Judgment piece that people only judge when they haven’t done what you’re doing and often when they want to do


what you’re doing but they haven’t done it yet and I is it pree brown who talks about in the arena I think it was a


Teddy Roosevelt original quote but was talking about are the people in the arena with you cuz they’re never going


to be the ones who judge they’re going to be the ones who uplift and support and yeah anyone who judges is jealous


right they want to do what you’re doing and they’re they’re projecting that so I’m glad you you did that work to get


this out into the world right because you and I were talking in the pre-chat about just everything that’s happening for you maybe we’ll talk about that at


the end so if um if someone is listening and they’ve been sitting on writing


their book or getting their message out into the world they can maybe hear just even early on some of the doors that are


opening up for you now that you’ve launched this work because it’s powerful but I want to ask I want to I want to go


a little deeper first you mentioned this earlier and I think this is a a really


interesting dialogue to have so you talk about making the shift from making a


sale happen to creating an environment where a sale can happen so can you speak to that a little bit more and what do


you mean by that sure so you’ve touched on this a little bit you know already um you know in in


our interview today but something that you and I have actually spoken at length about in the past masculine energy


versus feminine energy um when you first mentioned it to me years ago I had no


clue what you’re talking about I’m thinking I’m a man I’m in sales I’m just going to go through and just do what I


do you know and what I’ve since you know come to realize is the importance of


being more empathetic being more open having a softer side if you will to to


sales you know buying or finding a way to connect with people at a more meaningful deeper level rather than


trying to construct a sale um the engineering mindset that I had and for


those uh who don’t know my story I actually started as an engineer in my career I was always good at science and


math and it was just natural to go into that it wasn’t until I had a VP of sales at a company I worked for that


recognized maybe I had a little something extra that he took a chance on me in a sales role that I started you


know down my sales Journey but early on I tried to take more of that rigid Force


sales process check all the boxes if you do this you will be successful in sales


approach not saying that that’s necessarily bad or wrong but you have to temper that with a more emotional


connection connection you know with your clients you have to be able to understand that when you talk to a


client especially in a B2B sales like I am in they have a business pain but they


also have a personal motivation for why they do what they do um maybe it’s to advance within their career maybe it’s


you know to to get you know that you know higher visibility and validation that they’ve always wanted maybe they


want to you know change and go in a different direction but you know what whatever it may be tapping into not just


the business motivation but the personal motivation can really help win them over as a champion and a long-standing client


so trying to temper how we do sales and understand that if you’re you know


female and are looking to you know improve your sales maybe you need to embrace a little bit more of the


masculine energy you know into your approach but if you’re you know a man looking to to go into sales what I have


found is creating that open environment of trust trust and understanding has


been you know far more beneficial and productive for me in sales than just


trying to go in knock a door open and make a sales happen yeah which is so


much of how I was raised early on in sales how I think a lot of us are especially if you come from a more


hardcore sales background and it’s so um it’s it’s all about the result which obviously we need to have a result right


we we need to have that um but to your point d what I I love about what you shared and I especially appreciate from


the perspective of a man speaking to integrating that masculine and feminine energy because even women when I mention


that a lot of times they’re like what are you talking about that was my response uh the first time I heard that


I thought it was strange and out there and I thought what does this have to do with my success um and for men too they


they often have that same response and what is so powerful is we all have both


types of energies in us right but m masculine is goal oriented it’s outcome


driven it’s the process it’s the result which is important and and then feminine is more about me masculine is the end


result feminine is about the process it’s about the journey it’s about the experience it’s relational um I think


our society has gotten completely wrapped up


in what’s the result and we we don’t even pay attention to the process that gets us there and I was I was moved when


our almost four-year-old now it’s just crazy he’s in monu and I was learning about the Monas training curriculum and


when a kid makes a piece of art in a lot of schooling or in I just even when I


was growing up like what’s the feedback that they get when they share it with someone else it’s like oh that’s


beautiful or oh that’s not that good it’s all about the result but the question that the teachers ask in


Monas is what was it like for you to make that how was the experience of


making it and it’s not about the result like the result will take care of itself so to


your point I was just thinking about that while you shared that concept of the creating the environment where the sale can happen it’s let’s let’s focus


on not just the result but also what’s the process like to get there and how


can we create the best possible process and experience along the way that will


if we focus on the right things create ultimately enough sales to you know for us to hit our goals and Beyond


so aside there yeah anything you would add to that yeah so I I I think that’s a perfect marriage between the masculine


and The Feminine because you can actually do all of that goal oriented metric based you know process creation


but you can actually do it alongside your client to make sure that their feelings their expectations are a part


of that and it creates this really great collaboration that I think strengthens a


relationship yeah absolutely I love do yeah coming alongside the client being the adviser definitely you know you


share I was laughing as I read this story and knowing you I thought oh yeah I bet he did this but it made me laugh


you share a story um about as a child taking the telephone apart which I’m thinking now if I saw one of kids taking


a you know obviously a different type of telephone but taking it apart I would say what is going on so anyway shout out


to your parents because they obviously supported you but you took it apart then you meticulously put put it back


together with fewer parts and that that I think inspired or helped introduce


some of the concepts of efficiency and I know that’s something that you’re big on I know that’s something that you coach


and consult clients on as well in your work and I think today obviously so many


distractions so many interruptions unneeded but sometimes feelingly needed


operational work and part of the sales process how do we how do we start to get


more efficient in our work and I know that could be a dayong seminar but maybe just one or two pointers that you can


share for someone who wants to become more efficient in their sales process sure so I think first and foremost it


starts with having a process you have to have something documented down you understand what steps you’re taking on a


regular basis once you have that recorded then you can do some work to


unpack how is this furthering the sales process is it pushing it Forward is it


effective or are you just spinning wheels are you wasting time and what I mean by that is there’s a lot of tried


andrue sales methodology out there and I’m not sitting here hating on process by any stretch but just because it


happens to live in a book or this is what you know so and so’s manager said this is what you need to do to be


successful in sales it may no longer serve you or it may work for other people but it just doesn’t resonate with


who you are in your particular approach so it’s important to take the time to look at what activities are you doing


what are you doing with regularity which ones are working once you figure out which ones are working so that would be


your Effectiveness then you can go one step further and start looking how are you doing those effective things are you


doing it in an efficient manner are there some steps that you can cut out maybe there are some different tools you


can Implement maybe there’s an opportunity to hire an assistant to Outsource some work um you know maybe


effective scheduling so you’re not traveling all over the place you know meeting with different clients you can


meet more within the central location so all different types of things that you can do to make the effective things more


efficient but it starts with understand the process understand which things are effective then you can really work in


the efficiency side of things I think far too often people immediately say I need to be more efficient and they start


on that side and that’s where they really get tripped up without starting to look first at


well what actually matters and moves the needle and then how do I become more efficient in those things yeah it’s the


it’s the 8020 rule right which is very eye openening if we do that and look and I did this a while back and I realized


there’s like three core things out of maybe 15 or 20 General types of things


that I do every day that have actually created most of the revenue for our company and so when you look at that and


everyone has the same scenario you just have to look at it but if you can look at that and hone in on those vital few


those one to three maybe core effective things you do and then and this is the


part I haven’t done yet or haven’t thought about intentionally which I’m excited to how do I make those core few


more efficient things start to get exciting and probably start to multiply right so


yeah yeah something else interesting and I know you’ve shared this multiple times since we’ve spoken but also on your your


social sales doesn’t have to be this long drawn out time consuming you know


24 by7 grind no you know we really can


you know reduce everything down to its core elements just a few simple things


that you need to do to be successful in sales and you know you can really focus on you know like you said that 8020 rule


just get really clear and tight on that process really drive the efficiency there and you’ll find you’ll open up so


many opportunities you know to to do other things just so much more time available maybe you reinvest that back


in your business to further grow it maybe you look at you know other elements of your life you know personal or professional that you want to invest


in as well so um definitely uh you know does not have to be you know that I’m


busy all the time I’m stressed out and I don’t know what to do next I don’t have time for this if you feel that you’re in


sales and you don’t have time to do anything else it’s a really good indication that you need to take a look


at your process and start to figure out which things are just wasting your time because there are a lot of time waste


when it comes to sales huge absolutely huge and and I think the other thing too


for someone to look at if they resonate with that is the whole busyness is a badge of honor thing to me it’s a it’s a


cover up for insecurity it’s a cover up for inadequacy raising my hand to someone who used to use it um it’s a


it’s let me be so busy so I feel like I’m in demand so I feel like I’m valued and um and really that’s it’s a great


opportunity for some inner work around that too and you talk about this in the book it’s about working smarter not


harder and um but that’s a shift we have to make in ourselves so um I want to ask


one final question before we tell people where they can get the book and how they can connect with you further you know


you mentioned pop a little bit earlier in the interview but I know he was such a big influence on your life and was my


guy he was your guy yeah I know and even when you and I were coaching together


like I know we talk about him a lot and his influence and his um energy in your life even now right so I think it’s


powerful what you’re doing to continue his legacy through this work but just giving you know honoring him uh through


this interview what would you say is the number one life lesson that you learned from pop that you’re grateful you


learned I’m going to give you two because I know this is a little bit more from a professional slant and I want to


make sure we touch on that because there there is one from from that but from a personal standpoint Family First that


that is the greatest lesson I learned from him he always made time for his family no matter how busy he was no


matter what he was doing everything he did from a professional stpoint it was always family focused he always knew no


matter what he was doing that was his why that that was the core to who he is that no matter how stressed he may have


gotten during a day uh no matter how busy he may have gotten no matter how far he could have been taken away from


his family just you know with meetings or business travel what have you he did everything for his family and with his


family and mine so that was a key foundational element of who he was at its core and that’s something that I


have certainly embraced and I try to live my life you know as such yeah the


other thing and I’ve touched on this already and it’s how you make someone


feel is more important than what you sell know why we like to think that our


product or our service is revolutionary or the most amazing thing ever at the end of the day it’s how how do you make


someone feel do you make them feel you know important validated understood you


know are you helping them you know at the end of the day you know are they you


know in a better place you know because of you and do they feel comfortable reaching out to you even if it’s hey I


don’t know if you can help me with this but I know you and I trust you can can you just give me your thoughts and


perspective that that type of dynamic you know seeing him embody that every


time he would go meet with a customer and I was lucky enough to be alongside him to see that that’s what I’ve tried


to tap into my entire sales career oh that’s powerful well I think his his


legacy right leaving some of those lessons behind along with a lot of others is um it’s very cool that others


will get to learn from him and take some of those lessons like you did getting to Shadow him actively just through reading


your book and you are now creating your own legacy with this work and with


impacting um a lot of lives with it so share let’s do this because I want you to share where people can connect with


you and how they can get the book I also would love if you could share for a minute because you’re doing some really cool coaching Consulting speaking and um


maybe even just share for I would love for anyone who’s sitting on writing their own book hasn’t launched it yet to


maybe hear how things have manifested quickly for you with this um as a result


of the book so if you don’t mind sharing that too I think that would be great for people to hear no happily and and thank


you for this opportunity so to connect with me uh the best ways currently our


Instagram uh at David Ray uh my LinkedIn as well that’s a great way to connect


with me as well as send me an email David bl-


the reason I say currently is I am in development of my website for blue Derby


Consulting and it’s an umbrella that I’m using to launch a number of different


Endeavors that have really all been inspired by and created by the launch of


inner sales child things such as sales training uh


speaking engagements um I had uh a group do a book club you know on inner sales


out and they invited me to come out and speak on that um I have been Drafting


and developing a new series of monthly newsletters to help not just sales reps but also sales managers increase


engagement with their sales teams you know by providing them a monthly theme with some key topics some rhetorical


questions to help Drive engagement as well as some links to some outside sources that I think May supplement a


lot of their sales meetings because what I found like a lot of salespeople these weekly sometimes


monthly sales meetings they’re really dry boring a lot of people don’t engage it’s oftentimes they’re being talked at


this is a great way for them to have a much more open collaborative discussion on topics that are Central to improving


different aspects of sales so I’m really happy about you know launching that as well um so be on the lookout for blue


dash I’m hoping to have that launched within the next few weeks and uh really look forward to getting that


out there to just evangelizing the message of authenticity and how tapping


back into our authentic selves our unique approach what makes us different


can really be the path forward you know to success you know within sales yeah


and for those who are interested in inner sales child as the book it is available now as ebook as well as


paperback on Amazon uh at the recommendation and gentle nudging of a


lot of friends and family I’m in the process of recording an audio version of


that as well talk about stepping out of your comfort zone good for you people


need it yeah they they really do need it and what I found is I’m very audiobook focused as well especially when I have


windshield time and at first I was thinking oh well I’ll just you know let some service read this no it it has to


be me this is my story no one’s going to tell like I would so um starting the


process of getting that done which the cool part is not just the work on the


blue Derby side I’m already uh planning out my next book so part of this whole


creative process it’s inspired me in so many different ways I see so many different opportunities which it’s


interesting you talk about how quickly things can manifest because as I told you I sat on telling this story for many


years out of fear when I finally got around to doing it doors and


opportunities just started opening up for me things that I never even dreamed about so what I would tell anyone if you


have a story to tell a picture to paint a song to sing a business to start what


whatever it may be even if you don’t know how to get from A to Z it doesn’t


matter just start it don’t wait for the right time don’t wait for someday someday never comes there’s no someday


on the calendar trust me I’ve I’ve looked for it just go ahead and start and just recognize that it’s going to


change you and change everyone around you for the better in ways that you can’t even possibly imagine so please


just just do it yeah oh my gosh what a great what a great tone to complete on I


really um I’m just so happy and excited for you with what you’ve done with this book it really is powerful I encourage


everyone go get go get a card copy get the Audi book once that’s available


that’s that’s super exciting and that’s a great Act of service on your part to do that and the lessons that you’ll take


from it will they’ll they’ll help you not just in sales but in life we’ll put it that way as well so um David thank


you so much for coming on today and for sharing your wisdom and just again huge congrats on the launch of the book it’s


really exciting awesome no at least thank you so much um I can’t thank you


again for just all the help all the support all the inspiration you over the past few years and more importantly the


friendship I I I really do appreciate that and I would be remiss if I didn’t say congratulations on permission to be


powerful so as one author to the next I’m very happy it’s fun to launch a book


isn’t it it’s almost surreal when you see your name on Amazon for the first time and you’re like whoa the first time


I I ordered my copy and I actually held it in my hands it’s one of the most powerful


feelings I’ve ever felt to know that I created this yes oh my gosh I know that feeling I feel exactly the same way it’s


so cool um well to you my listener I know you enjoyed this conversation um


and you got so much out of what David had to share so we will link all of his contact information in the show notes go


check out the book go get the book connect with David on LinkedIn check out his website and um I really really trust


that your is inspired from this conversation as I was as always thank you so much for being a listener of She


Sells Radio and I’ll see you on the next episode bye for now


Welcome to  She Sells Radio I am so excited for the conversation that you’re going to get to hear today uh one because it’s


an incredible topic and two I get to have this conversation and bring you uh


two of my favorite people on the planet these two have quickly become just some women who I absolutely admire adore I


think are incredible I’ve got Erin and Serit Attwood on the podcast for you today so we are going to be talking


today about how to cultivate undeniable confidence which is such a Hot Topic in


our community and I don’t think I’ve ever spoken with a woman who didn’t want to grow and improve in this area of her


life myself included I’m always looking to grow my confidence my self-belief my self-empowerment and you are going to


get to learn from two absolute experts who walk the talk in this area today so


let me tell you a little bit about my guests who they are who you’re going to be learning from and then we’re going to dive in so Erin and Serit are the


co-founders of immun of strength a health wellness and self-discipline movement for high performers which if


you are listening to this podcast I am 99 100% sure that you identify as a high


performer Aid and have helped thousands of women worldwide become the most confident version of themselves by


creating mental and physical strength they they help driven women discover the


gaps that are holding them back from reaching their Highest Potential in all areas of their life mastering their


health Fitness discipline and mental fortitude so they never have to be on a diet which also we love and these two


body transformation experts have over 25 years of combined experience in the health and fitness space they’ve been


featured on listen to this muscle and fitness hers magazine the Discovery Channel which I didn’t know by the way


is incredibly cool and more so Erin and Serit welcome to She Sells Radio I am so


excited to have you both today I think that’s the best anybody’s intro us before well at leisa’s voice is


like it’s a radio voice


baby  She Sells Radio, She Sells Radio I didn’t think about it when I was


naming the show what a tongue twister it was going to be for other people you all get it though you you get it you’re with me I’m so happy to have you both you two


are just such bright lights in the world and like I was saying um in the intro


you two really embody what we’re going to be talking about to today and so I


want to dive in we’ll we’ll kind of weave throughout the conversation a little bit more of both of your backgrounds and how you got into this


work but I just want to start right off with this topic of undeniable confidence


what does this mean to you and why is it something that you’re so passionate about in your own life and then also


helping other women cultivate in their lives too I I don’t know about you but I don’t


know a single person who wakes up and is like I hope I’m not confident today I hope that I’m scared to do everything


today I hope that I am afraid of people I hope that I hope that um I’m I’m I’m


concerned about people judging me and so I feel like you


know everybody is everybody wants what they want here on this Earth whatever it


is and if we don’t have confidence we will have a very difficult time getting


it whatever ever it is that we want if you’re afraid to talk to somebody if you


are concerned with what people are thinking about you if you feel like


you’re not living up to your potential you just don’t show up in the same way


you you’re show even just your physiological Vision like the view is


your shoulders are slumped heads down you know um it’s low energy and so it’s


really hard to go after what you want when you’re in that position and so it’s so powerful because it’s like hey we all


everybody wants to be happy period and one of the ways that we get happy is by feeling like we’re getting what we want


yeah a lot of people think on the surface it’s a car a house a family or whatever but it’s something that those


things give you that’s internal that you really want fulfillment love you know


some kind of satisfaction and so if you want to get those things you better up your confidence confidence gain yeah wow


amen amen Ser anything you add to that yeah yeah so to me confidence is


leadership you know if you look at any leader they the I believe that the


greatest leaders and I actually heard this today when I was listening to a segment is that the greatest leaders


exude confidence and also humility at the same time I believe that it’s it’s


such a like great way to describe it because confidence gives you the courage


to play a bigger game yeah right like for your audience like whether it’s you


know generating greater income expand expansion in life right like money


touches every part of our lives like you got to have the confidence to believe it you got to have the confidence to get


after it and you got to have the confidence to believe that you’re worthy


of receiving it yes yes I’m curious for both of you


because someone who’s watching the video or listening to you talk they’re going to see both of you or hear even just hear the intonation in your voice and


like these women are confident like you absolutely are and I feel that from you


and I want to hear your perspective on cultivating this if someone’s listening and they’re like I’m in a place where I


don’t feel really confident maybe I’ve never felt confident in my life or maybe I’m confident in certain areas and not


in others so there’s all these different different ways this can play out in our life but have you both always felt like


you were naturally confident it’s totally okay if you have I think some people are maybe boring with that um but


if not maybe tell us about a time when you didn’t feel confident and how did


you start to cultivate that in yourself and transform that for yourself so good great question


go yeah so first and foremost for a longer portion of my life I did not feel


confident but I always knew that I was different and I always knew that I was special so that’s what made me believe


that I could become that so I believe that the gateway to confidence is


self-discipline now something to note about confidence is that while in


general if you see me nowadays you will see a confident version of me and the


thing about confidence is that it’s really perishable so every single day our confidence is back to zero right


that’s why I’m a firm proponent in discipline because discipline allows allows me to continuously gain my


confidence especially during difficult days when I do not feel confident in myself I have this thing that I can look


back at and it is how I showed up for myself I believe that without discipline one cannot be confident because when


we’re disciplined we’re being ethical and we’re leading in Integrity with our


word and when we’re not leading with discipline then what ends up happening is we’re not been true to ourselves


right so that touches our self for wow wow I’ve never I want to just pause Aon


before you add in um your perspective on that I don’t think I’ve ever heard it said that way that confidence is


perishable that’s that’s super interesting to me and it makes sense too


um because if we think about it that way it’s like every every single day we have the opportunity to show up we have the


opportunity to um do better I mean even I’m just thinking about in my own life


yesterday I I’m an early riser and I set the alarm early and I like you both do


this too but for some reason I didn’t get up with the alarm I don’t know if it didn’t go off I don’t know what happened but I woke up late and I


[Music] was we’re gonna we’re gonna go with that


we’re gonna go with that we’re gonna go with I didn’t hit it without paying


attention but I woke up late and then the whole morning was like I don’t cuss a lot on PO but it was like a show


like I’ll just call it what and I felt off but this morning I woke up woke up early on time got all the things in got


the workout in and feeling so different as a result of that so it was like back to Ground Zero today so I think that’s


also a blessing that we get to start again at zero every single day right so


yeah so Ain anything you would add to that on either just like a time in your life when you didn’t feel confident how


you overcame that what your own personal Journey has been with that yeah I think


I’m thinking about this when I was so I think there’s also a difference between confidence and


ignorance because I’m thinking about when I was a little kid it would have looked like I had confidence but I


actually probably just didn’t know if I was being judged I was just ignorant I had no clue like kids just I I wouldn’t


I wouldn’t I don’t know if they’re confident or ignorant because they’re little children they don’t know right


they don’t understand judgment or you know criticism or anything like that and


so I think as we grow up we create filters and I I in my own personal


opinion if I were to have one I don’t think anybody’s born with confidence I you know because we all


lack it at some point in time yeah every it’s called


insecurity everybody has them yeah so is anybody really born which this is good


news if you’ve never felt like a confident person like if be it true or not I don’t know make it your story and


believe it that nobody’s born with confidence and yeah if that’s the case


that means that anybody who is confident has developed the skill and if they’ve developed the skill then you can develop


the skill M and I really do believe it’s born out of action born out of following through


with our word when you say I’m going to go to the gym and you don’t that’s like somebody saying yeah we’re going to go


on a date you show up at 5:00 pm and they don’t yeah do you trust them anymore do you have confidence in them


that they’re going to do what they say they’re going to do no so the same is true for us if we say I’m going to do X


Y or Z and then we don’t one time okay but then when it happens again and again


again and again and again it’s hard to believe ourselves it’s hard to have confidence or trust that we are going to show up in any certain way that is


admirable you know yeah so what I’m hearing from both of you is it really like discipline is that path right and


so if somebody is listening and maybe they don’t think they’re a disciplined person or maybe I know you know you all


serve high Achievers we have women and men who would identify as high Achievers who listen to the show as well but maybe


there’s maybe there’s a part of life where they’re not following through on their word to themselves and they like


keep breaking that promise whether it’s getting up and working out whether it’s you know certain business goals or


financial goals and like in this area I’m struggling with discipline I know you all have an incredible app that you


were just telling me about um in the pre- chat too that you bu like helps people instill those disciplines I know


how much that discipline is a focus of what you teach but so I I know there’s there’s probably beyond the scope of the


conversation today in terms of what you teach with helping with discipline but what’s something someone could start


doing now to start creating greater discipline in that area where maybe they’re struggling with it to start


building up that confidence I want okay I want to say what not to do first okay let’s do that I love that you just led


to it you said to start building up which means that super smart you don’t


just have you build yeah if you’re handed something


thing you don’t you haven’t built the tools the discipline the skills the


anything to maintain it to keep it yeah so this is the idea of where people go


on like a diet they’re like I haven’t eaten good I’ve eaten burgers and pizza


and ice cream and wings for the last not that wings are the worst thing but whatever you get it for the last hot


dogs for the last you know 10 years of my life and all of a sudden I’m going to do keto it like it just doesn’t you got to


graduate to that you’ve got to earn that and so if you’re asking like what can somebody do the smallest thing that you


truly believe in your heart you could do it for the rest of your life right now so what’s like a step right so


people will be like in our world they’ll say you know I’m gonna work out six days a January 1 I’m going to the gym six


days a week but they haven’t for years yeah so what if you could go two times


and you could just be really good at going two times for like three months


yeah and then and then you go three times or four times you look back at your life people underestimate what they can do in a


year because they want everything like I would say everybody but our society our


culture is like Amazon Prime get it delivered tomorrow yesterday yeah so if we can take take a look at like what’s


one thing I truly believe I could do it for the rest of my life and not feel like I’m suffering start there just get


really good at it prove to yourself you can be consistent then this is how our app works too then you build then you


add got it so it’s a sustainability piece and I love that question of what’s something I could do for the rest of my


life because that it puts it in perspective and it’s a clarifying question as well right it helps you see


what am I really like what am I going to be honest with myself about versus where am I just like blowing smoke and I’m not


there yet so yeah s anything you would add to that yeah and then with regards


to the rest of my life something that’s just important to discuss as well is that if you can


based on your current world viiew you saying if like this is something that I


can Implement for the rest of my life doesn’t mean that it becomes your ultimatum like so many times I hear


people talk about ultimatums and it’s like let’s not do that because the intention is to evolve and then what is


the most sustainable for you once you evolve from point A to point B right so like in the Contex of movement if let’s


say at least right like you got two kids and of course like they they take up a


lot of time and all of that let’s say if you know for sure that based on your current state like you can commit to


moving for 15 minutes every single day like you know all in then awesome let’s


do that and then the concept that I’m getting into is called building the chain


so think think about think about like from a big picture standpoint right it’s like


if you were to go and sell a chain okay it was a Golden Chain would you want it


to be like heavy and long or would you want it to be like little like let’s say


if your life depended on it like your your family’s Legacy how heavy and what


would be the worth of that chain so your discipline is like building a chain every day when you follow through with


that intention you get a loop added to your chain oh and every and then the


next day when you do you get another loop and another loop right so like for us we created a measurable system in the


app it measures things for you where you’re able to where you you are progressed based on the size of your


chain you know what cool interesting yeah I’m thinking about the chain okay let’s say one day you don’t uh oh now


you can’t continue your you got to start a new chain but that doesn’t mean you lost what you


built and I think a lot of people think oh I screwed it up so now I’ll just go


completely the other way but it’s like oh no no no you still have whatever wisdom you built you still have whatever


lessons you learned you still have this this chain still exists just because


you’re G to start a new one doesn’t mean that you don’t have what you already built so just take that forward with you


and now build an even better CH yeah yes I love that I feel like what you’re


speaking to here is something we talk about a lot in the community too it’s just just continually increasing your


level of Consciousness right so everything that is so I think we can get when someone’s a high achiever sometimes


they get caught up in perfectionism which I think is a mask for a lot of fear and like oh I’ll just you know I


messed up one day I’ll throw the whole thing out the window what you’re saying here is no you still you you’ve evolved your Consciousness to a whole new level


with every link you’ve put in the chain and then Ser to your point as well it’s


like maybe there’s a habit or a discipline that’s going to serve you well at this point in your life but then you reach another level of Consciousness


and it’s okay what’s the there’s something new that I’m going to add in there’s something I’m going to evolve into so it that that progression that


growth that expansion is continually increasing our level of confidence to higher and higher levels that maybe we


didn’t even know were possible 1,00% and that’s why like that’s why diet dieting


or just simply working out is not the solution because it’s some it’s a mechanic it is not a solution yeah


solution is having a bigger picture perspective and like you said a higher


level of Consciousness right it’s just like when it comes to let’s say s sales


or enrollment it’s not just about nailing your pitch like that is yeah right it’s not just about like


negotiating that’s a mechanic it’s about having if you really think about it a a


higher level of consciousness with regards to how you show up in the world


and how you implement emotional intelligence awareness connection


intimacy right all of it yeah and that’s and and that’s why and that’s when you


land the message more powerfully that’s all it is it’s an more it’s an energy


and and an internal work more than it is a mechanic yeah totally this is why we we resonate so much because it’s it’s


like we teach the same thing in different Avenues right different parts of life so because it’s all enrollment


so like what we do is we teach people how to be enrolled in themselves when you enrolled in yourself you you can AKA


confidence I love that enrollment in yourself yes you can enroll anybody on


anything like watch someone confident like they don’t need to be like they don’t need to know the ins and outs


about like the the details of the product it is their energy yes yes right


100% 100% yeah I want to say one thing and then I have like one other topic I


want to I want to ask you both about um as it pertains to confidence so one


thing I would just add on to this kind of my own personal reflection is I don’t think it’s a bad thing to not be


confident in certain areas because I I I think if we’re completely confident in


every area now I think we can get Confidence from something outside of us something bigger than us like knowing that even if we are new in an area we


can figure it out and master it but I think if we’re continually pushing and evolving ourselves in any new area we


haven’t mastered yet we’re not necessarily going to feel completely confident and yet so iuse I I will also


look at okay if there’s an area that I am I don’t use the word struggling in but an area that I haven’t mastered yet


or I don’t have that complete confidence yet it’s it’s not a bad thing it means I’m growing as well it’s more of an opportunity to grow rather than like a


doing something wrong type of thing so side note that I would just you know add into this conversation but the one other


area I want to ask you both about we started to go down this path towards the


beginning and I know we’ve got just a bit of time here before you all go on for your live streams I want to be on you I want to honor that maybe we’ll


have you back for a fuller conversation about this but overcoming the fear of judgment as we confidently put ourselves


out there so good oh my gosh so good oh my gosh I I want to hear your


perspective on this because this is like I was talking to a a client yesterday a


new member of our community and she’s a singer she’s a singer she’s a wonderful performer she’s in sales as well and we


were just talking about she had been like putting herself out there last year on social and got some judgment and got


some nastiness and I shared this with you all like last year like my heart got


hurt and some scenarios that felt like judgment and felt like G like it just


didn’t feel good how do but I also know there is something being cultivated in me within that so I think


something it’s always working for us even when we have those moments of judgment or feeling like people are um


looking at us a certain way how do you all approach that how do we maintain that confidence as we’re putting


ourselves out there if we’re bumping up against any sort of fear of judgment or maybe you have been judged in the past


and you feel nervous to put yourself out there oh this is so good and I would


even say inevitable we are Al the the beautiful thing about


human beings is that we’re all different and the challenging thing about human beings is we’re all


different and so that means my opinion is not going to match your opinion and what you do and the way that I think


that you do it might go against my morals or ethics and that doesn’t I


think I I really want to like provide a solution in the mind around this but the


the truth is that it is not easy and um it’s just something that gets you


become more okay with the more you experience it so don’t avoid it but also


don’t go out there and like be an i a-hole and like try to get people to hate you yeah be if you’re being


authentic truly authentic there’s going to be somebody that does not agree that


doesn’t like it or is just angry and wants to say something to somebody that makes them feel better um now I do


believe that there is feedback that can be very constructive I think it just depends on


who it’s coming from yeah where is the criticism or judgment as we feel it


coming from because if it’s from somebody I love and I trust and I admire


and we’ve known each other for a long time and they say hey I think like this felt a little bit out of line


I will actually take that and I’ll think okay let let me evaluate and reflect on


on that maybe maybe there was a better way that I could have done this or maybe it was the wrong timing for this it


wasn’t necessarily the wrong thing it was just bad timing yeah and so I think


that it’s good to look at that but then also to say I heard somebody say I think it was Alex horos who was like if if I


wouldn’t if you wouldn’t be invited to speak at my funeral I’m not I don’t care about what you have to say to say and I


was like that’s I mean that’s very powerful in in essence like the same thing right right and with judgment too


I think it’s good to be mindful of ourselves because usually other people are a mirror because what we are seeing


in them is only part of them it’s not the it’s out of context just like


somebody may take something that you do or say or whatever on social media out of context this happens to Super famous


people all the time this happens on the news all the time it’s so manipulated and they’ll take like one little piece


of what somebody said that is so out of context has nothing to do what the actual situation was about but will


paint them in a really terrible light yeah so if somebody’s also judging you or criticizing you understand that


you’re only seeing a fraction of them as well so it doesn’t help for the like to


just have the same attitude and behavior towards them I I still get to learn how to be better at this yeah um and so it’s


kind of like if what you’re seeing in them is something you’re familiar with because that’s the reason that that’s


the piece of them that you’re seeing yeah and so then look back at you and


say why is that what I’m pulling out of like recently this is vulnerable but we


were very uh we went through a lot of challenging times at the end of last last year very challenging probably the


most challenging experience that we’ve had and it was so challenging because it


felt like my character is being


misinterpreted and then shared in interpretation yeah and I


can’t do I’m helpless yeah I can’t I’m not going to go to try to defend myself I know who I am I still slept at night


every night yeah because I know who I am however it felt it feels like betrayal it feels like you


know heartbreak whatever you want to call it so recently I noticed myself and


I started reflecting on this I’ll let you talk in a second I started reflecting on this


every time I got a message from somebody I hadn’t heard from for a while or every time I got there was an email I don’t


know if you experienced this but it’s like it was so heavy at one point that it’s like I’m like trying to prep myself


is it going to be something and I’m like where I need to let this go and expect


for great things to be coming my way not complaints not um negativity not


whatever else like yeah and so it’s like I for myself to have an expectation that


this person really doesn’t mean to harm for these people they don’t mean to harm


they just don’t know what they don’t know and I don’t know what know so we can leave it at that and I’ll continue


to be authentic if you’re sleeping at night I’ll tell you you don’t have a problem you know you and and you’re


confident in you yeah it’s where you’re like you think that they’re actually


right where maybe you get to like dig into yourself a little


bit wow oh my gosh I feel that so much everything yeah s i i want you to add in


um and I’ll just the the piece about everyone being a mirror is so true so when we can have


that higher level of Consciousness when we’re receiving judgment from someone else if it’s triggering us if it’s snaring us emotionally it’s like there’s


something there um that we get to explore a little bit Ser what would you what would you add on to


that th this is where discipline comes into play because reputation is what you


and you said this the other day reputation is what people say about you character is what you build you are so so


when I lean on my discipline every single day and even like you had a tough


year last year we had a year last year and it feels like you’re going through all this noise or like Wilderness or


whatever you want to call it the reason why Aon and I could sleep at night is because we knew deep down


that we LED with Integrity now how other people choose to perceive us and and


look at us because we are leading with integrity that’s their perception of


life I cannot I cannot control how other people perceive me you know for me what


I know is that I show up as my most confident self when I lead with


Integrity with myself and with the higher power and when I do that and when I follow through with what I said I was


going to do and where my intentions regardless of how uncomfortable they are


are in alignment with the greater good and where it is that I want to go then ultimately that’s all that matters and I


know that the rest will be taken care of could feel sucky in the moment but that’s why one of the things we say is


that greatness was wasn’t meant to be [Laughter]


convenient something that really gives me peace too is knowing like you know for


whoever’s listening if you believe in God or you believe iner power I know


it’s between me and God yeah and if I feel good about that what is anybody


else’s opinion including my own you know wow there’s the thumb do you see it you got you’ve actually had


two thumbs up you missed it the other way Zoom likes our conversation it’s G


[Laughter] us for anyone listening uh we got the


zoom thumbs up twice twice in this conversation so we trying to make it happen before the call didn’t happen


boom just let it happen organically so yeah just remembering big picture big picture between you and God um man this


is this is so good there’s like so many other caps I would love to take this


conversation out I know we’re at time and I want to honor um but you you all have a live stream five days a week that


people can catch by the way so I’d love if you share that CU I know you’re about to go do that but maybe you can share um just how people can get involved in your


community share about your app I know you’ve got a quiz that people can take too if they really want to take this


conversation around discipline right and figure out where can I strengthen myself where can I grow my confidence you have


these five pillars that you teach that you address in the quiz so I’ll let you talk about it but please share how could


someone connect further in get in your energy and become part of the community if they want to yeah thank you for the blessing of


inviting people into our world too yeah we have so the quiz that we have is something


that I mean everything’s going to be on Ain and depending on when you’re listening to this it might


already be up it might not but Ain um there’s a quiz there and


maybe it’s into show notes or maybe not I don’t know um but we do the first


three weeks of the month we go live usually Monday through Friday unless we’re traveling or something like that


um and it’s on our Facebook group uh we just live stream from our Facebook group which is Erin and Serit


and we talk about all different kind of things yeah like every normally normally


it’s with regards to like building a sustainable lifestyle and achieving high performance and then uh Thursdays are


normally guest interviews and then Fridays are fun fridays where we kind of like talk about what happened this week


and what what the heck we’re up to and just I call it what the Friday oh what the


it’s kind of better and so so this quiz it’s a you know how like have you


ever felt I’m I’m speaking to you and the audience have you ever felt that you’re like man I know I could be more


discipline but what does that look like right it it’s like or I know I could be in better shape or have better


energy or how but so the question is how do we make it tangible


so our system works because we we give you a number one we we look at you as a


whole person it’s not just a diet it’s not just a workout we look at you as an entire like body mind and soul right so


like the Five Pillars that we we teach and teach you how to apply are based on


movement nutrition recovery mindset and mental toughness


and it’s all backed up by discipline right so it’s like for anyone who’s thinking like like man I know I could be


more disciplined but what does that look like like imagine if you ever like took a quiz that could like literally give


you a score this is your discipline score like tell you where you’re at that’s exactly what arise is all about


like it it asks you behavioral questions and the intention of that is for you to learn about yourself okay like when it


comes to my discipline where am I at to where I know I could be based on like high level standards with regards to


nutrition where am I at based on where it is that I want to be and it’s principle based it is not you know like


you gotta be keto or you gotta be vegan so it doesn’t matter what your preference is those are just mechanics


it’s from a higher level standard like where are you at in terms of consistency


so what we what’s the next step for you right the value of squiz which I believe


is probably going to be in your show notes or something along these lines and thank you for providing that for


audience is to give people a level of awareness because we cannot change what


we’re not aware of right where am I at with regards to these pillars so that


you know when you take the qu you’re like okay so my score for discipline is this out of this and then we give you


action steps so that you’re able to continue to rise up and rise up and rise up amazing that’s so oh my gosh that’s


so helpful after you after you see your results too it also gives you like what


what can’t what are some things that I can do I can start doing right now for every pillar to prove from where I’m at


right now so it’s tangible yes we love that we love tangible we love it’s it’s


a solid system it’s tangible that’s amazing so yes thank you so so much so


um for everyone listening that we’ll link the quiz and the show notes we’ll link Erin Street’s website everything you’re doing you’ve built a


phenomenal community and I think again there’s such alignment between what like if you like what we talk about here on


the podcast then you absolutely want to connect with Aon and Serene and get in their energy


and they’re going to help you elevate on the side of Health Fitness Wellness mental resilience toughness like you all


are just amazing so I know you’ve got to go do your live stream and go serve your community but thank you both so much for


being here so much love to you both um and just so grateful for you so thank you I can’t wait for part two I know I


know we I feel like we like opened up a lot of different conversations I want to come back and go deeper in so we’ll have you back again um but thank you so so


much so much love to you both thank you right absolutely all right to you my listener oh my gosh please go connect


with Ain and ser you are going to be so glad that you did so grateful as always to have you as a member of the She Sells


community as a listener of She Sells radio and I will see you on the next episode bye for now


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