Wealthy & Worthy Part 1

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Welcome to She Sells Radio this is going to be such a fun episode because I get to bring to you one of my clients one of

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my dear friends who I have gotten to witness do some pretty incredible things

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over the past few years including publish his first book which is called inner sales child unlocking sales

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success by tapping in childhood wisdom which if you’re watching this video on YouTube you can see him holding it up so

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cool David Ray welcome to She Sells Radio it’s such an honor to have you and

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your book is incredible I’ve been reading through it um preparing for this and I just I love how you are bringing

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people back to the truth of H of who they are and how that can positively influence their sales process so I’m

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super excited to have this conversation with you today awesome thank you so much Elyse I can’t tell you how much I

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appreciate being here today but also your support encouragement and belief in

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me uh for those who don’t know I have been working with Elyse for a number of years and she has seen the Genesis of

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this idea and to be able to see it through its conclusion and to see what’s next and we’ll talk a little bit about

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that today I couldn’t be more excited so thank you oh my gosh it’s this is so fun so you know what I want to just Dive

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Right In because I feel like as I was reading through the book it’s it’s super actionable and so almost every line I

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was reading I’m like man that could be a question that could be a question so I want to dive in and and pull out some of

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the core themes that you talk about so our listeners can get the most out of this and one of the core themes

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obviously is authenticity in sales and know I I I know the word authenticity

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can get thrown around a lot and people like oh what is it am I you know how much does it matter but here’s what you

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say which I think is so true is that people buy from people they know and trust and the first step toward creating

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trust is being ourselves and here’s what I know

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is that that can be hard for people to do I think most everyone on the planet

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has a point in their life where they realize there’s a gap between how they’re showing up on the outside and

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how they feel like they have to be the image they have to portray to be successful to be safe Etc versus who

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they really are on the inside and how they really feel about themselves and so in sales oh my gosh I mean this can be

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even more intense because we either feel like a lot of times as women we feel like we have to be perfect

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or you may feel like you’ve got to know all the answers and put on a front in order to be successful so why isn’t that

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the case and I don’t know how big of a question this is maybe this becomes the entire interview who knows but how do we

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overcome that if we don’t feel comfortable being 100% ourselves yet no

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so lots to unpack there um you know a few things just to to get out you know from the start you’re absolutely right

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and I’m glad you picked up on that is being kind of the central theme of the book um for me what was such a challenge

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early in my career is I felt the need to have a personal identity and a professional identity I felt like I

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needed to come across a different way you know at work in front of clients in front of co-workers and that really

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created this divide in Who I Really Am versus how I was perceived by so many people that I was working with and that

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ultimately created that impostor syndrome that you hear so much about you

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know within a lot of work um what I’ve you know often found though is you know when you look at sales and you look at

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success and what do you need for not just immediate success but sustainable success it really does come down to that

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authenticity and establishing our Rapport creating trust you know differentiating yourself those are all

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key aspects of a success successful sale there’s a tongue twister but they’re all linked to authenticity so think of you

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know who are you why are you doing this what makes you different and also how

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can you make others feel because that’s a big key it’s not just about what can you sell them how can you come across

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what kind of feeling what kind of uh emotion are you going to you know evoke you know within them you because you

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want to make them feel heard invalidated understood appreciated you want them to

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feel like you know you are present and that you are their only client when you’re speaking with them you you don’t

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want it to feel like this is a sale in fact something my grandfather father pop for those who haven’t read the book he

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is a key character uh within my book and one of the reasons that I am in sales

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today one of the big things that pop used to always say is when it comes to sales don’t try to sell anything just

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provide value just try to find ways to help people overcome a problem that

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they’re having if it happens to lead to something that you can help with that ultimately turns into a sale fantastic

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but if you lead with that value Centric mindset of just trying to help people and make their lives better it makes you

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feel more fulfilled it also lowers the barrier of entry with your potential client because they don’t feel you know

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always on guard like they have to protect themselves from here’s the pushy salesman coming in they just see a

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friend a you know a colleague you know oftentimes who really just wants to help

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and to me I think that’s a a really important aspect of sales that often gets overlooked is you know don’t try to

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sell just allow it to happen naturally create an environment where a sale can happen rather than forcing

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something I want to come back to that because you talk about that in the book too that was actually a question I wanted to ask I’m glad you brought that

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up you know I think about as you’re talking about this when I first got into

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sales and I was in my early 20s and um selling yellow pages to start so I

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always feel like a dinosaur when I say that moved on to yeah right moved on to digital media and did well in that but I

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just remember feeling like I had to be someone completely different than who I was and

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being really motivated to be successful and top of the leaderboard um but just

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feeling this massive Gap in the image I was putting out versus how I was feeling

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inside and it wasn’t until I did some of the work that you now that you teach and that you talk about in the book and

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really it’s it’s kind of a returning to who you really are at your core and realizing that that person those ele

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ments that we had and that we embraced maybe as kids or when we were younger that we put away or that we thought

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would it make us successful whether it’s the Curiosity the play The Connection relationships

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creativity that when we return to that we can actually create far more sustainable success but I’m and that

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really helped me make that shift and it’s certainly been a journey but I’m just thinking about for someone

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listening who and maybe they’re like they’re like me and they’re like I was in my early 20s and I was just

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like you know the Gap felt so huge where do you where would you even

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start if you feel like you’re if someone’s listening and they’re saying holy moly okay I know there’s a gap but

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I don’t I don’t feel safe being myself with other people I don’t think I could be successful I don’t like parts of

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myself where would we even start with that yeah so a couple of interesting things there um

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and really what you touched on is fear and and fear is something that held me

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back for a long period of time within my own career it actually held me back from telling this story I have been sitting

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on inner sales child uh inside of me for 15 almost 20 years because I was scared

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and what was I scared of I was scared of judgment I was scared of rejection I was scared of failure um I actually came

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across this quote I just wanted to to read quickly um watching uh movies uh a

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week or so ago and it’s a movie After Earth with Will Smith and it talks about fear and I think this really kind of

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hits you know right on the head you know what fear is so he says fear is not real

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the only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future it is a product of our imagination causing us to

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fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist that is near Insanity

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now do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice o that

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really kind of hit home with me because I I recognized I was worrying so much about something that hadn’t even

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happened yet I was playing all these scripts you know from you know people

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are going to hate this they’re going to judge me they’re going to think that I’m a failure this message isn’t going to

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resonate and there was so much of me in this book so much of me my family my thoughts my my own fears that I happily

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shared I didn’t want to be judged but what I came to realize you know as a

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couple things one again fear isn’t real I can choose to succumb to this emotion

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or I can power through it and actually help create you know the reality that I seek but the other thing I’ve noticed

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since sharing all of this even through the process of creating as well as after the book came out people only judge when

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they haven’t done what you are trying to do if if they’ve actually done the work

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and if they’ve actually gone through the same thing they’re not going judge you for it they’re going to empathize with you they’re going to support you they’re

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going to inspire you they’re going to validate yes me too I feel this let’s let’s you know work together on this let

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me see how I can help you maybe we can help each other you know through this process so don’t run away from that fear

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recognize that there are more people that are in the same boat you know than you may realize it’s kind of like uh

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when we were in elementary school and you would always have a question everyone always had a question question

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but you were scared to ask the question and you were so happy when someone else asked the question because you had that

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same question you just didn’t want to raise your hand and ask it and be viewed as oh well he doesn’t know but it it’s

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very much the same thing go out and try it go out and you know speak a lot of the stuff into existence show up as

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yourself have the confidence to do that because by doing that not only are you stepping into the life you want you are

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inspiring others whether you realize it or not to do the same wow yeah and I

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think it it it speaks directly to authenticity as well because we lose our authenticity when our Focus gets

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distorted and gets focused on what others going to think what are they going to say I love what you said about

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the Judgment piece that people only judge when they haven’t done what you’re doing and often when they want to do

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what you’re doing but they haven’t done it yet and I is it pree brown who talks about in the arena I think it was a

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Teddy Roosevelt original quote but was talking about are the people in the arena with you cuz they’re never going

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to be the ones who judge they’re going to be the ones who uplift and support and yeah anyone who judges is jealous

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right they want to do what you’re doing and they’re they’re projecting that so I’m glad you you did that work to get

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this out into the world right because you and I were talking in the pre-chat about just everything that’s happening for you maybe we’ll talk about that at

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the end so if um if someone is listening and they’ve been sitting on writing

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their book or getting their message out into the world they can maybe hear just even early on some of the doors that are

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opening up for you now that you’ve launched this work because it’s powerful but I want to ask I want to I want to go

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a little deeper first you mentioned this earlier and I think this is a a really

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interesting dialogue to have so you talk about making the shift from making a

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sale happen to creating an environment where a sale can happen so can you speak to that a little bit more and what do

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you mean by that sure so you’ve touched on this a little bit you know already um you know in in

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our interview today but something that you and I have actually spoken at length about in the past masculine energy

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versus feminine energy um when you first mentioned it to me years ago I had no

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clue what you’re talking about I’m thinking I’m a man I’m in sales I’m just going to go through and just do what I

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do you know and what I’ve since you know come to realize is the importance of

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being more empathetic being more open having a softer side if you will to to

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sales you know buying or finding a way to connect with people at a more meaningful deeper level rather than

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trying to construct a sale um the engineering mindset that I had and for

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those uh who don’t know my story I actually started as an engineer in my career I was always good at science and

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math and it was just natural to go into that it wasn’t until I had a VP of sales at a company I worked for that

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recognized maybe I had a little something extra that he took a chance on me in a sales role that I started you

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know down my sales Journey but early on I tried to take more of that rigid Force

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sales process check all the boxes if you do this you will be successful in sales

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approach not saying that that’s necessarily bad or wrong but you have to temper that with a more emotional

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connection connection you know with your clients you have to be able to understand that when you talk to a

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client especially in a B2B sales like I am in they have a business pain but they

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also have a personal motivation for why they do what they do um maybe it’s to advance within their career maybe it’s

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you know to to get you know that you know higher visibility and validation that they’ve always wanted maybe they

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want to you know change and go in a different direction but you know what whatever it may be tapping into not just

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the business motivation but the personal motivation can really help win them over as a champion and a long-standing client

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so trying to temper how we do sales and understand that if you’re you know

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female and are looking to you know improve your sales maybe you need to embrace a little bit more of the

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masculine energy you know into your approach but if you’re you know a man looking to to go into sales what I have

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found is creating that open environment of trust trust and understanding has

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been you know far more beneficial and productive for me in sales than just

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trying to go in knock a door open and make a sales happen yeah which is so

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much of how I was raised early on in sales how I think a lot of us are especially if you come from a more

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hardcore sales background and it’s so um it’s it’s all about the result which obviously we need to have a result right

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we we need to have that um but to your point d what I I love about what you shared and I especially appreciate from

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the perspective of a man speaking to integrating that masculine and feminine energy because even women when I mention

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that a lot of times they’re like what are you talking about that was my response uh the first time I heard that

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I thought it was strange and out there and I thought what does this have to do with my success um and for men too they

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they often have that same response and what is so powerful is we all have both

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types of energies in us right but m masculine is goal oriented it’s outcome

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driven it’s the process it’s the result which is important and and then feminine is more about me masculine is the end

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result feminine is about the process it’s about the journey it’s about the experience it’s relational um I think

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our society has gotten completely wrapped up

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in what’s the result and we we don’t even pay attention to the process that gets us there and I was I was moved when

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our almost four-year-old now it’s just crazy he’s in monu and I was learning about the Monas training curriculum and

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when a kid makes a piece of art in a lot of schooling or in I just even when I

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was growing up like what’s the feedback that they get when they share it with someone else it’s like oh that’s

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beautiful or oh that’s not that good it’s all about the result but the question that the teachers ask in

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Monas is what was it like for you to make that how was the experience of

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making it and it’s not about the result like the result will take care of itself so to

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your point I was just thinking about that while you shared that concept of the creating the environment where the sale can happen it’s let’s let’s focus

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on not just the result but also what’s the process like to get there and how

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can we create the best possible process and experience along the way that will

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if we focus on the right things create ultimately enough sales to you know for us to hit our goals and Beyond

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so aside there yeah anything you would add to that yeah so I I I think that’s a perfect marriage between the masculine

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and The Feminine because you can actually do all of that goal oriented metric based you know process creation

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but you can actually do it alongside your client to make sure that their feelings their expectations are a part

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of that and it creates this really great collaboration that I think strengthens a

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relationship yeah absolutely I love do yeah coming alongside the client being the adviser definitely you know you

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share I was laughing as I read this story and knowing you I thought oh yeah I bet he did this but it made me laugh

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you share a story um about as a child taking the telephone apart which I’m thinking now if I saw one of kids taking

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a you know obviously a different type of telephone but taking it apart I would say what is going on so anyway shout out

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to your parents because they obviously supported you but you took it apart then you meticulously put put it back

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together with fewer parts and that that I think inspired or helped introduce

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some of the concepts of efficiency and I know that’s something that you’re big on I know that’s something that you coach

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and consult clients on as well in your work and I think today obviously so many

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distractions so many interruptions unneeded but sometimes feelingly needed

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operational work and part of the sales process how do we how do we start to get

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more efficient in our work and I know that could be a dayong seminar but maybe just one or two pointers that you can

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share for someone who wants to become more efficient in their sales process sure so I think first and foremost it

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starts with having a process you have to have something documented down you understand what steps you’re taking on a

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regular basis once you have that recorded then you can do some work to

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unpack how is this furthering the sales process is it pushing it Forward is it

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effective or are you just spinning wheels are you wasting time and what I mean by that is there’s a lot of tried

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andrue sales methodology out there and I’m not sitting here hating on process by any stretch but just because it

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happens to live in a book or this is what you know so and so’s manager said this is what you need to do to be

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successful in sales it may no longer serve you or it may work for other people but it just doesn’t resonate with

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who you are in your particular approach so it’s important to take the time to look at what activities are you doing

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what are you doing with regularity which ones are working once you figure out which ones are working so that would be

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your Effectiveness then you can go one step further and start looking how are you doing those effective things are you

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doing it in an efficient manner are there some steps that you can cut out maybe there are some different tools you

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can Implement maybe there’s an opportunity to hire an assistant to Outsource some work um you know maybe

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effective scheduling so you’re not traveling all over the place you know meeting with different clients you can

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meet more within the central location so all different types of things that you can do to make the effective things more

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efficient but it starts with understand the process understand which things are effective then you can really work in

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the efficiency side of things I think far too often people immediately say I need to be more efficient and they start

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on that side and that’s where they really get tripped up without starting to look first at

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well what actually matters and moves the needle and then how do I become more efficient in those things yeah it’s the

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it’s the 8020 rule right which is very eye openening if we do that and look and I did this a while back and I realized

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there’s like three core things out of maybe 15 or 20 General types of things

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that I do every day that have actually created most of the revenue for our company and so when you look at that and

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everyone has the same scenario you just have to look at it but if you can look at that and hone in on those vital few

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those one to three maybe core effective things you do and then and this is the

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part I haven’t done yet or haven’t thought about intentionally which I’m excited to how do I make those core few

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more efficient things start to get exciting and probably start to multiply right so

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yeah yeah something else interesting and I know you’ve shared this multiple times since we’ve spoken but also on your your

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social sales doesn’t have to be this long drawn out time consuming you know

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24 by7 grind no you know we really can

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you know reduce everything down to its core elements just a few simple things

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that you need to do to be successful in sales and you know you can really focus on you know like you said that 8020 rule

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just get really clear and tight on that process really drive the efficiency there and you’ll find you’ll open up so

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many opportunities you know to to do other things just so much more time available maybe you reinvest that back

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in your business to further grow it maybe you look at you know other elements of your life you know personal or professional that you want to invest

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in as well so um definitely uh you know does not have to be you know that I’m

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busy all the time I’m stressed out and I don’t know what to do next I don’t have time for this if you feel that you’re in

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sales and you don’t have time to do anything else it’s a really good indication that you need to take a look

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at your process and start to figure out which things are just wasting your time because there are a lot of time waste

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when it comes to sales huge absolutely huge and and I think the other thing too

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for someone to look at if they resonate with that is the whole busyness is a badge of honor thing to me it’s a it’s a

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cover up for insecurity it’s a cover up for inadequacy raising my hand to someone who used to use it um it’s a

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it’s let me be so busy so I feel like I’m in demand so I feel like I’m valued and um and really that’s it’s a great

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opportunity for some inner work around that too and you talk about this in the book it’s about working smarter not

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harder and um but that’s a shift we have to make in ourselves so um I want to ask

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one final question before we tell people where they can get the book and how they can connect with you further you know

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you mentioned pop a little bit earlier in the interview but I know he was such a big influence on your life and was my

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guy he was your guy yeah I know and even when you and I were coaching together

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like I know we talk about him a lot and his influence and his um energy in your life even now right so I think it’s

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powerful what you’re doing to continue his legacy through this work but just giving you know honoring him uh through

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this interview what would you say is the number one life lesson that you learned from pop that you’re grateful you

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learned I’m going to give you two because I know this is a little bit more from a professional slant and I want to

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make sure we touch on that because there there is one from from that but from a personal standpoint Family First that

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that is the greatest lesson I learned from him he always made time for his family no matter how busy he was no

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matter what he was doing everything he did from a professional stpoint it was always family focused he always knew no

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matter what he was doing that was his why that that was the core to who he is that no matter how stressed he may have

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gotten during a day uh no matter how busy he may have gotten no matter how far he could have been taken away from

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his family just you know with meetings or business travel what have you he did everything for his family and with his

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family and mine so that was a key foundational element of who he was at its core and that’s something that I

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have certainly embraced and I try to live my life you know as such yeah the

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other thing and I’ve touched on this already and it’s how you make someone

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feel is more important than what you sell know why we like to think that our

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product or our service is revolutionary or the most amazing thing ever at the end of the day it’s how how do you make

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someone feel do you make them feel you know important validated understood you

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know are you helping them you know at the end of the day you know are they you

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know in a better place you know because of you and do they feel comfortable reaching out to you even if it’s hey I

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don’t know if you can help me with this but I know you and I trust you can can you just give me your thoughts and

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perspective that that type of dynamic you know seeing him embody that every

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time he would go meet with a customer and I was lucky enough to be alongside him to see that that’s what I’ve tried

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to tap into my entire sales career oh that’s powerful well I think his his

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legacy right leaving some of those lessons behind along with a lot of others is um it’s very cool that others

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will get to learn from him and take some of those lessons like you did getting to Shadow him actively just through reading

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your book and you are now creating your own legacy with this work and with

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impacting um a lot of lives with it so share let’s do this because I want you to share where people can connect with

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you and how they can get the book I also would love if you could share for a minute because you’re doing some really cool coaching Consulting speaking and um

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maybe even just share for I would love for anyone who’s sitting on writing their own book hasn’t launched it yet to

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maybe hear how things have manifested quickly for you with this um as a result

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of the book so if you don’t mind sharing that too I think that would be great for people to hear no happily and and thank

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you for this opportunity so to connect with me uh the best ways currently our

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Instagram uh at David Ray uh my LinkedIn as well that’s a great way to connect

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with me as well as send me an email David bl- derby.com

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the reason I say currently is I am in development of my website for blue Derby

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Consulting and it’s an umbrella that I’m using to launch a number of different

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Endeavors that have really all been inspired by and created by the launch of

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inner sales child things such as sales training uh

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speaking engagements um I had uh a group do a book club you know on inner sales

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out and they invited me to come out and speak on that um I have been Drafting

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and developing a new series of monthly newsletters to help not just sales reps but also sales managers increase

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engagement with their sales teams you know by providing them a monthly theme with some key topics some rhetorical

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questions to help Drive engagement as well as some links to some outside sources that I think May supplement a

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lot of their sales meetings because what I found like a lot of salespeople these weekly sometimes

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monthly sales meetings they’re really dry boring a lot of people don’t engage it’s oftentimes they’re being talked at

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this is a great way for them to have a much more open collaborative discussion on topics that are Central to improving

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different aspects of sales so I’m really happy about you know launching that as well um so be on the lookout for blue

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dash derby.com I’m hoping to have that launched within the next few weeks and uh really look forward to getting that

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out there to just evangelizing the message of authenticity and how tapping

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back into our authentic selves our unique approach what makes us different

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can really be the path forward you know to success you know within sales yeah

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and for those who are interested in inner sales child as the book it is available now as ebook as well as

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paperback on Amazon uh at the recommendation and gentle nudging of a

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lot of friends and family I’m in the process of recording an audio version of

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that as well talk about stepping out of your comfort zone good for you people

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need it yeah they they really do need it and what I found is I’m very audiobook focused as well especially when I have

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windshield time and at first I was thinking oh well I’ll just you know let some service read this no it it has to

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be me this is my story no one’s going to tell like I would so um starting the

29:31

process of getting that done which the cool part is not just the work on the

29:37

blue Derby side I’m already uh planning out my next book so part of this whole

29:43

creative process it’s inspired me in so many different ways I see so many different opportunities which it’s

29:49

interesting you talk about how quickly things can manifest because as I told you I sat on telling this story for many

29:56

years out of fear when I finally got around to doing it doors and

30:01

opportunities just started opening up for me things that I never even dreamed about so what I would tell anyone if you

30:08

have a story to tell a picture to paint a song to sing a business to start what

30:13

whatever it may be even if you don’t know how to get from A to Z it doesn’t

30:18

matter just start it don’t wait for the right time don’t wait for someday someday never comes there’s no someday

30:24

on the calendar trust me I’ve I’ve looked for it just go ahead and start and just recognize that it’s going to

30:32

change you and change everyone around you for the better in ways that you can’t even possibly imagine so please

30:39

just just do it yeah oh my gosh what a great what a great tone to complete on I

30:48

really um I’m just so happy and excited for you with what you’ve done with this book it really is powerful I encourage

30:55

everyone go get go get a card copy get the Audi book once that’s available

31:00

that’s that’s super exciting and that’s a great Act of service on your part to do that and the lessons that you’ll take

31:07

from it will they’ll they’ll help you not just in sales but in life we’ll put it that way as well so um David thank

31:15

you so much for coming on today and for sharing your wisdom and just again huge congrats on the launch of the book it’s

31:21

really exciting awesome no at least thank you so much um I can’t thank you

31:27

again for just all the help all the support all the inspiration you over the past few years and more importantly the

31:33

friendship I I I really do appreciate that and I would be remiss if I didn’t say congratulations on permission to be

31:40

powerful so as one author to the next I’m very happy it’s fun to launch a book

31:46

isn’t it it’s almost surreal when you see your name on Amazon for the first time and you’re like whoa the first time

31:52

I I ordered my copy and I actually held it in my hands it’s one of the most powerful

31:59

feelings I’ve ever felt to know that I created this yes oh my gosh I know that feeling I feel exactly the same way it’s

32:06

so cool um well to you my listener I know you enjoyed this conversation um

32:12

and you got so much out of what David had to share so we will link all of his contact information in the show notes go

32:19

check out the book go get the book connect with David on LinkedIn check out his website and um I really really trust

32:26

that your is inspired from this conversation as I was as always thank you so much for being a listener of She

32:31

Sells Radio and I’ll see you on the next episode bye for now