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Your First
Six Figures

Are you ready to say yes to your financial uplevel without grinding or hustling your way there?

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This week on She Sells Radio, Elyse is sitting down with her good friend and mentor, Rory Vaden. Rory is a NYT bestselling author, has been inducted into the Speaker Hall of Fame, and is the co-founder of Brand Builders Group. Today, he is breaking down how to sell with honesty and integrity, how to hit your first six figures in sales, how to master your mindset with sales, and how to overcome any fear in selling. Elyse and Rory will touch on masculine v.s. feminine approaches to sales and much, much more. 


To kick off this episode, Rory talks a bit about what he’s learned from his wife, AJ (check out episode 86 of Instant Impact!). One of the slogans at Brand Builders Groups is “reputation precedes revenue.” That is, in no small part, inspired by AJ. She built her career on the idea that she would do whatever her clients needed, regardless of if she was going to be paid for it. When you do that, eventually you are paid very well for it. You are always paid for how hard you work, either now or later. The biggest mistake people make is being self-centered followed closely by thinking in the short term. What AJ does, is constantly thinking about what is in her client’s best interest in the long term. 


Rory has had the life squeezed out of him and treated like it didn’t matter in a professional sales situation. The point is, your reputation follows you even after you leave. It’s not worth ruining your reputation as a salesperson for a place that isn’t giving you the compensation you deserve. People don’t care where you work when they trust you. This doesn’t mean don’t close the sale, it means that you should work hard enough to find enough people who need your product right now. Being service-centered isn’t permission to be a weenie, it’s permission to help people make the decision that is best for them. Sometimes it’s yes, sometimes it’s no. Never is it maybe, and never is it ‘buy because I need you to.’ 


Rory’s message to people trying to break that six-figure mark: you need to work harder. The question is, are you looking for an excuse to justify why you’re not there? The reality is, you just need to talk to more people. The reputation formula is: results x reach = reputation. It’s not that you have a bad product or are a bad salesperson, it’s that you’re not getting in front of enough people. Do what you need to do to get there. You’re not losing because you don’t know how to write an email, you’re losing because you’re not sending enough emails! 99% of the time, you need to get the word out there. If you have confidence in your ability to talk to 100 people, you should have the confidence that you’ll create a space of abundance. You have to have faith that you will create what you need and not worry about your survival. When you can do that, you allow yourself to sell without trying to use manipulation.  From there, you can free yourself from material need and come from a genuine place of care and intention. When there’s money in the bank, you can stand in selfless service. When you’re afraid of where your next sale will come from or how you’ll pay the bill, you are tempted to do whatever it takes to get the money. If you’re not afraid to go backward, you can bounce back quickly without being attached to things. From Elyse’s perspective, the grind for a woman can lead to burnout and over-exertion. Sometimes, it’s about finding what works best for you. Tap in, and start to feel when it gets too heavy and take a break–even if it’s for two minutes. Know when to pause and reenergize so you can show up as a genuine you. 


Tune in to hear what Rory learned from his mom, and how that impacts him today.



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This week on She Sells Radio, Elyse is sitting down with her good friend and mentor, Rory Vaden. Rory is a NYT bestselling author, has been inducted into the Speaker Hall of Fame, and is the co-founder of Brand Builders Group. Today, he is breaking down how to sell with honesty and integrity, how to hit your first six figures in sales, how to master your mindset with sales, and how to overcome any fear in selling. Elyse and Rory will touch on masculine v.s. feminine approaches to sales and much, much more. 


Rory Vaden, welcome to she sells radio. This is probably one of the interviews I’ve been most excited for for a really long time. And I’m just, I’m so pumped to have you here today,

But it is so good to be with you. And I just love you so much, and I’m so grateful for you and, you know, AIG and I think the world of you and so excited about lumber Jack and you and Jason, and anyways, it’s good to officially be with your audience and, you know, Hey, I got to see Jack for a second. So yeah.

Yes, Jack was wanting to host the show today and I said, we both learned your first words, but I bet in a year he’ll be back in, he’ll be ready to to interview you. It’ll be your biggest interview yet. Rory, no doubt. So get excited, get excited, but this is so fun and it’s, you know, so many of my listeners know of you and they know you and AIJ in my life, but this is so full circle because how you and I first connected was I started listening to your old, old podcasts daily discipline, like back in the day and yeah, like throwback, but it was, it was my first really exposure to personal development. And I had never encountered those principles before, but I was at a, you know, a tough place in my life. And there’s just a lot of stuff that wasn’t going well.

And I started listening to your podcast and it like, it shifted everything for me. And long story short, I I decided to reach out to you and ha and I was like, I’m going to stock these people and get to know them. And they’re freaking awesome. And I know I just need to know them and stocked, stocked you well enough that I got the opportunity to work with you at our old company and had so much fun and learn so much from you guys there and now getting to be, you know, a part of brand builders group. It’s just, it has been quite a journey in both UNH. They’ve been such amazing mentors to me and like aunt and uncle to lumberjack. And we’re just so great. I’m so grateful for you in my life. So this is, that was a long preamble to how happy I am to have you here today.

Well, thank you for that. Yeah. Well, I, I’m excited about this. So you know, let’s, let’s talk about, I guess, personal branding for the shoe sales woman. Yeah.

Yes, let’s do it. I love it. Yeah. And one of the thing I want to do too, just as we get into it, because so many of my listeners are excited about building their brand and they’re also excited about selling more. I actually, I want to kick it off though, because a lot of this is going to be, you obviously sharing your wisdom, but I do want to ask you first because your wife AIJ, who is co-founder of brand Miller’s group and CEO. She was on the podcast too for episode 86. So if you’re listening and you haven’t heard episode 86 with AIG Baden, how to become a million dollar sales producer, go check that out. I mean, you’re a sales powerhouse, and so is AIG. So I want to hear from you first, what would you say is the number one lesson that you have learned from AIJ in terms of how to be a top sales producer?

Oh, from AIJ. Oh, this is good one. You should have prepped me for this. I know I haven’t prepped you at all. I’m surprised. I mean, here’s the thing. So one of our slogans at brand builders group is that reputation precedes revenue, right? That reputation, you don’t have a revenue problem. You have a reputation problem, which means either not enough people know about you or the people who do know about you don’t trust you enough. And I would say that word reputation is largely inspired by me watching. AIJ not as my wife and not even as my business partner, but as a sales person, AIJ built her career on reputation based on the idea that she would do for clients, whatever they needed, regardless of whether or not she was paid for it. And what happens is when you do whatever is needed, regardless of if you’re paid for it, eventually you get paid for it very well.

And you always, you always get paid for how hard you work. Sometimes it’s now sometimes it’s later, but always, eventually I talk about that in my very first book, take the stairs about you know, this kind of slinky effect where, you know, the work happens first and then the results follow. And that is true. And everybody in sales, the biggest mistake they make is they think short term, they, first of all, they’re, self-centered, that’s their number one problem is they’re completely, self-centered, they’re focused all on the them making the sale, then making the commission, them saying the right thing. And they should not be self-centered. They should be service centered. And then the other problem, which is part of this is they’re thinking short term, how can I get this sale? How can I get this dollar? How you know, is this worth my time right now?

And what age doesn’t, she’s truly the greatest sales person that I’ve ever met. And I have been around people who were record holders for record breakers out a hundred year companies. I was the all time record holder at a company that had been around for over a hundred years. I’ve worked, I’ve seen lots of direct salespeople, but AAJ is the best salesperson that I’ve ever seen. And it is because she is constantly saying what is in my client’s best interest for the longterm and trusting that if she delivers for them, as much as she can today that sooner or later it will pay off. And I think when I look back at our life, our life is somehow evidence of that, where it’s like, what constantly feel like we’re doing more than what we’re getting paid for. And yet when you look back over the course of your journey, you go, Oh my gosh, like our life is unfair. It’s unfairly blessed. It’s, it’s amazing. And I think it’s, it’s a lot because of her personal philosophy of, of, you know, what we, what we say is we, we never sacrifice long-term reputation for short term revenue. And that’s an, that’s an AIG Veda aneurysm.

I love that. Yeah. And you know what you’re sharing too, just that long-term perspective and taking care of people. I think for, for so many of my listeners, that is a very natural thing yet. Unfortunately it almost gets bred out of you by either your corporate sales training or the stuff that you watch because you’re right. It is so focused on it’s everything, right? Like get the sale, get the sale, get the sale. What’s the bottom line. It’s quota and it’s so it’s so stress creating for everyone. Right. And, and so the approach that you shared, which I love that you shared that about AIG, and I know that’s your own personal philosophy too, cause I’ve seen it in you, is it almost feels too good to be true for people they’re like, wait, can I really like, can I hit my goals and do it this way and not have to use some gross closing technique? And what I’m hearing you say is yes, you can.

Well, yeah. Number one, I would say, if you can’t then leave, right? Like if you can’t, if you, if you, if you work in a place that is that way, then just leave. And it is, and there’s a ton of them. And I say that now confidently, because I’ve been in some of those environments where I realized, you know, what, I had the life squeezed out of me because of pressure to hit revenue numbers, which I did over and over again. And then we never really appreciated for it. And then treated like, I didn’t matter. Right? So I’ve, I’ve seen situations like that. I’ve been in situations like that. And so it’s not worth your reputation because your reputation follows you, even when you leave your company. You know, when we started brand builders group, yeah. We, we have lots of clients from our past lifetime.

Now there’s a window where we couldn’t have certain people as clients. And so for that window, we very much abided by that. But now it’s like, we’ve got people flooding to us from all different places from our past past lives and, and different things that we have done because of our reputation. And it’s like, they’re not falling on the person. And job opportunities and media opportunities and everything opportunities because people go, you know what? I don’t care where AIG Vaden works. Or if she’s the CEO or if she is the janitor, I will follow her. And I trust her. This is a game of trust, right? And you know, trust is a longterm game. The reason why Dave Ramsey has a $200 million company, people trust him. The reason why Oprah is Oprah. People trust her. This is a game of trust. And that trust is sacred and you, it, it takes a long time to build.

Now, let me qualify that and go, don’t say Rory Vaden gave you the excuse, not to close the sale. I’m not saying you ever have to close the sale. You do need to close the sale. You should hit your quota. You should exceed those goals. You should make short term income. Why? Because if you’re selling something that really is good. If you’re selling something that really does matter. If you’re selling something that really solves a need, then you should be working hard enough to find a great, a large enough number of people who need it right now. It doesn’t mean everybody needs it right now. It doesn’t mean that you should lie to them. It doesn’t mean that you should pressure them. But look, when I say be service centered, it’s not just, it’s not just about saying, Oh, you know, it’s not letting people by being service centered can sometimes mean being a hard closer, because if the person needs the thing you have, sometimes you have to look them dead in the eye and say, you should buy this.

This is the right thing for you. You need to do this, which by the way, I’ve done that. One-On-One I do it on stage. I do it on a webinar in front of a thousand people where it’s like, if you found your way to this webinar, you just sat through 90 minutes of some of the best training I’ve ever done. You’re sitting here asking me questions. I know you want to do this and it’s in your best. And I don’t need your money. It’s not, I’m not the one who needs it. You’re the one who needs it. That’s why you’re here. Why are you waiting? What is holding you back? But I’m not doing that out of a place of, of selfish interest or self-centeredness, it’s, it’s still making a stand for the other person. It’s very similar to this, right? Where it’s like, look, if, if, if, if my brother was doing drugs, I would say, stop doing drugs.

You idiot. Right? I would say, stop doing that. Like I’m making a stand, not because of what is best for me, but because of what is best for him now, there will be times also where I tell people, you shouldn’t buy this. We’re not the right fit for you. You’re not ready for us yet. Or we don’t do exactly that. I know you want me to say that that’s what we do. And we kind of do it, but I’m telling you, it’s going to lead us both down a road that night, that isn’t the right fit. You’re not the perfect fit for us. And so we don’t, so it’s, it’s not service being service centered is not permission to be a weenie. It is permission to stand strong in the service of another person, which means to help them make the decision that is best for them. Sometimes the answer is yes, you should buy. Sometimes it is no, you should. Not never. Is it maybe? And never is it. You should buy because I need you to, or I want you to, it is a hundred percent standing in the service of them. I love that. And here’s what I want to ask

Too, because a lot of my listeners are on their journey to their first six figures. And so whether that means they’re earlier in their sales career, or maybe they’ve recently launched a business that intuitively they know in their hearts, that what you’re saying is true. That being service centered and simply helping the person make the right decision for them is, is how they actually want to show up. If you’re not, if you are still, maybe some are struggling to pay their bills month to month, or they’re not at that place yet where they feel fully relaxed, like they know exactly where every client is coming from. They know they’re going to be able to pay payroll this month for their employees, or even cover their own bills. How do you do that? How do you stay in that mindset? If you don’t have a ton of cash coming in yet?

Well, I’ll say this. If you’re not at six figures, you’re flat out not working hard enough. Ooh. I mean, that’s just, that’s just it. I mean, six, six figures in most sales jobs is doable if you’re working. And so the question is, are you batting around looking for an excuse to justify why you’re not doing it? Because the reality is to get to six figures. You just need to talk to more people like, you know, assuming you have a good product or a good service, but the reputation formula is results. Times reach equals revenue. So our reputation results times reach equals reputation. A lot of people just struggle with reach. It’s not that you have a bad product. It’s not that you’re not a good sales person. It’s not that you don’t know how to sell. It’s not that you don’t know how to close is that you’re not talking to enough people.

You have to get in front of more people. However you have to do that. Paid ads, organic traffic, cold call, like do, do in-person meetings, do free webinars. Do we host conference calls, send out flyers. Like it doesn’t matter. You just got to get in front of enough people. And if you’re not at six figures, I’m telling you, you flat out aren’t in front of enough. People like, that’s your problem. There, there is no doubt about it. And, and you need to take the stairs. You need my, my first book about self-discipline and getting yourself to do the things you don’t want to do. Because if you’re not at six figures, you’re afraid of rejection. You are losing to the fear. You’re not losing to what is actually happening. Your losing to the fear of what might happen when you make the phone call. You’re not losing because you’re sending the wrong email.

You’re losing because you’re not sending enough emails. Wow. You’re not losing because you don’t know what to say on the webinar. You’re losing because you’re not doing enough webinars. And, and you’re not inviting enough people to your webinars. I, I, you know, it wouldn’t necessarily be a hundred percent that that is always the case, but I’m telling you, 99% of the time, you not working hard enough. You not talking to people, you not getting the word out there because here’s the other thing. If I have confidence in my ability to go talk to a hundred people today, like, and I’ve done it all ways, I went door to door for five years. I was in corporate phone sales for two years. I’ve I have cold called in walking office to office building. I’ve done email marketing, I’ve done Facebook ads. I’ve done DMS. I’ve done automated LinkedIn messages.

Like I’ve done everything. But if you have the confidence to go talk to a hundred people today, then I’m not hanging on whether any one of them buys like my survival, my mortgage, my kid’s next meal. Isn’t dependent on, Oh, I need this person to buy. So if I got a hundred people that I know are coming in tomorrow, it gives me the, it creates the space of abundance for me to say you should buy this or you shouldn’t buy this. It, it creates the, the place of abundance for me to be able to truly operate in that person’s best interest rather than my own. When I only have five people to talk to today, I need them to buy. Like I need them not because I’m a selfish person. I need it for my survival. So part of how you give yourself the gift of the space and abundance, to be able to serve someone selflessly is to do the work of being in front of a lot of people. And, and you also don’t take it personal, right? If I have a hundred people coming in tomorrow, if a hundred people today tell me, no, it’s not freaking me out because I got a hundred more tomorrow and a hundred the day after it. And a hundred after that. So you got to get, you got to develop a mechanism, which has really tied more to your discipline to get in front of more people. And that, I mean, six figures, that’s the conversation.

That’s so good. I’m going to save that and replay that if anyone needs a good a good butt kicking, cause they’re, they’re commiserating about how they don’t have enough money, but it’s so true. And part of what I love about what you shared there is that we talk a lot about abundance mindset and I, you I’m big on feeling it and I’ve got meditations. I recommend for my clients to listen to, but part of abundance mindset, it comes down to the pragmatic, the action, like just literally doing the physical activity to have enough opportunities lined up where you’re, you’re not at the mercy of any one person saying yes or no to you. So it’s kind of like, we, we talk a lot on the show about about like masculine and feminine, right? So masculine energy is very linear, logical. It’s about action. It’s about structure. Feminine is more about receiving it’s about creativity. It’s it can be a little bit more illogical sometimes in a good way, sometimes not, but it’s, it’s the both, right? So the way that I I’m hearing what you’re saying, and what I like about it is it’s kind of this approach to abundance where yes, the mindset is important. Yes. We want to focus on receiving, but we also have to do the action to get into a place where you can receive a lot of money. So I yeah,

Yeah. It definitely, it definitely is that way. But, and, you know, abundance comes too from faith, right? It comes to from faith that, and I’ve been in this position before. It’s not faith of going, I have enough money today that my needs will be taken care of. It is faith to go. If all the money I had was taken away, I have enough faith in God and in myself that I would build it all back. Yes. Right. So it’s the same thing with a sale, right? It’s, it’s, it’s not just, it’s, it’s faith that it’s like, I don’t need any one sale because I believe in God and the universe, whatever you want to call it. And I believe in myself enough to do the work that I will create the sales that I need. My I’m not, I’m not worried about my survival because I have enough enough faith that I feel like my survival will be taken care of. That that trust is what frees me and sets, sets me up to go. Let’s have a conversation about what is best for you, Elise, because I don’t need to convince you of anything for me. I don’t need to manipulate you somehow to get you to do something for me, because it’s because I’ll be okay without you with, or without you. I would love to have you as a customer. I would, I would love to have you as a, you know, I’m not saying you specifically, I mean, yeah, you have to beat with us.

I, I’m pretty sure that’s a foregone conclusion,

But, but but I’m saying like, you know, it is that mentality. I mean, even in that real life context, right. To go, you know, if like, if at least wants to go start her own thing, great. Like good go, good, good luck. Like go for it. Not good luck. Like good luck, screw you like good luck because it’s like my, my survival isn’t attached or dependent upon another person it’s that faith and trust and that, you know, being service centered is extremely, comes from an extreme place of abundance because it is trusting that it’s going to be okay, I’ll I will do the work and I will be okay with, or without this one sale with, or without this one person with, or without this one opportunity. It’s the same with my speaking career. Right. There’s been huge speaking gigs where I was like, Oh man, or media appearances, like, Oh, if I could just get this one media appearance, man, it would change my life.

The reality is I’ve gotten some of those and yeah, they’ve made a difference, but none of them are solely responsible for my survival or my success. They all contribute and I’ve lost a ton of them. And none of them were solely responsible for my detriment, right. Or any source of lack. And so the beauty about discipline, the beauty about hard work is that it’ll, if you, if you can develop a habit of taking the stairs of, of doing the, of knowing, you can get yourself to do things you don’t want to do, then it allows you to operate from this place of like, I’ll be okay. Like I, no matter what happens, I will, I will be able to do what I need to do to survive. So once that’s off the table, I can just stand in a place right here right now for you.

And when I can stand in a place for you, number one, it’s a tremendously powerful place to sell from. Because when I tell you, you should do it. There’s something about it that hits you as truth. And not as desperation as it’s like, look, you know, you need to stop doing drugs. Like you need to get your butt to the gym. Like you need to stop talking to your wife that way you need to. Cause I’m not saying it for my best interest. I’m just, I’m just delivering truth for your best interest, which is powerful. It’s moving, it’s compelling. You know, I consider my expertise as influence and I define influence as the ability to inspire action. It is influence. I can move you because of where I stand. And the place I’m coming from, the you know, but if I’m desperate or if I’m arrogant in either of those situations, I’m trying to get you to act based on me and my need and my, my goals. And, and I think that’s a low level of influence. It’s not that you can’t make the sale that way you can. We know all sorts of techniques that can cause people to buy stuff that they don’t really want or don’t really need, but longterm, it compromises your reputation.

Well, and to what you said too, one of the things I’m really passionate about is it’s just knowing that clients are not your source, right? Like what you said, God is your source universe is your source, whatever the word is that you want to use, but your clients, when you can kind of flip that mindset. And I didn’t know that for so many years, especially in corporate sales and that made it really hard for me because I thought, gosh, if I don’t get this one sale, you know, I’m not going to hit my month or there’s my bosses going to shame me because that’s what happened. But when we can understand where money actually comes from, which is your source God universe, and then you, your ability to create it, like you said, it doesn’t matter. Everything can go away today and you can recreate it.

You know, tomorrow it takes some time, but you can start rebuilding it. Yeah. Which is, which is what you’ve done with brand builders group and what I’ve been honored to, you know, to be a part of as well from the ground floor. Tell us about, so one of the things I did want to ask you about, cause I don’t think we can have you on this show without talking personal branding is, you know, for the woman, who’s looking to build her personal brand this year and we’re doing this interview at the beginning of 2021. What would you say? What are like the top one to three things she needs to be thinking about to be successful? There’s so much competing advice. There’s so many things we can be doing. We could be spending our time on, but you know, we, we’ve got someone here today for all our listeners. We’ve got someone here who is kind of redefining this space and I want to hear from you, what would your advice be to a woman who’s listening if you were coaching her.

All right. So I want to answer that question. I’m going to table. Cause I want to come back to the source thing. This is unique and you I’ve never talked about that, but yeah, so it’s, it’s having faith. Like for me, it’s having faith in God, right? Like, so I’m, I’m a Christian, I believe Jeremiah 29 11 for, I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you a hope and a future like that is written in scripture. Now you may not be a Christian, but like you, you know, whatever, whatever your faith is like for me, it’s literally delivered in scripture that like there is a plan to prosper me. So I believe that the other place that my faith comes from is me, is my own work ethic to go look, success ultimately is a numbers game.

It’s a matter of numbers. And, and I have been in enough situations and enough environments to know that if I can outwork everybody or most what most people would do, I will probably have results that are greater than most people. In any environment, any industry, I could go be a real estate agent, a mortgage broker, a car salesperson, an insurance professional. I could go start my own whatever medical center. And it’s like, if I, if I trust myself to work, there’s a lot of faith that comes from that. And then the third place that I would say this comes from is a lack of need for material items. So I grew up, I, I was born and I literally lived in a trailer park. I was raised by a single mom. You know, I, I taught a webinar last week, actually that I had never done before called higher earner her habits.

And I shared a lot of the stories of my personal childhood about growing up and you know, w over the years, we’ve, we’ve been able to acquire some money, right? We’re not the richest people in the world, but I don’t need it. Just like my clients are not my source. My car is not my source. My house is not my source. My clothes are not my source. My social media is not my source. My website is not my source. I don’t need external things. It’s not that they’re bad. The, I, you know, when you can pay cash for it, or you can afford it, buy the freaking dream home, go on the dream vacation, have the nice clothes fine, but don’t make it your source. If it’s your source, then you are beholden to it. It, you, and if it controls you, it prohibits you from being able to stand in the service of another person with, with no strings attached.

And, and so if I don’t need a car to impress you and I don’t need a house to impress you, and I don’t need a job title to impress you, and I don’t need nice clothes to impress you or impress anyone else. And I’m also lucky because I married a woman who married me, not my stuff, not my title, not my, my job position. And so, you know, who you select in a spouse is really important. And for one that’s for one of the reasons it’s. So anyways, I know it’s, it seems weird that like, what I spend my money on would be connected to my ability to sell, but they totally are because if I have money in the bank, I can say, I can stand in selfless service to you inside of any sales conversation. But if I’m in debt and I’m scared about my mortgage, and I’m scared about how I’m going to put food on the table, because I, you know, got a nicer car than I really needed, or I got a nicer house than I really could afford, or I overextended myself on a credit card by buying an outfit that I didn’t really needed that decision in my personal life, which is a personal character that compromises my ability to stand in complete selfless service of you in my sales conversation.

But if I don’t have that, and if I’m not afraid to go back and I’ve gone backwards, I’ve had, I’ve had times in my life where I’ve gone backwards, but you can go backwards and bounce back quickly. If you’re not attached to those, to those, to those things. So anyways, I’ve never talked about that before. That’s why I wanted to say that. Well, and I, and I can answer your other question whenever you

Okay. Yeah, no, I love that. And I and I just want to say too to kind of add onto what you’re saying, cause this is, this is a fun conversation for me, so I love that you went there. I think

It’s a very off script conversation,

Which is fun. That was kind of my, that was my hope for this. Right. And that’s why I wanted to just kind of ask you these questions and prompt you, but you know, one of the things I really do encourage all my listeners to do as well as really tap in and be in alignment with their own, their own rules. So when it comes to whether it’s your money rules, whether it’s your, you know, your version of hard work, like I love how you talked about hard work. And I think that’s, that’s something that I’ve really learned from you, like the power of self-discipline. And that is so much of the book take the stairs. And I want to give, I want to do an asterisk because I think for a lot of women specifically, the way that we see hard work is it actually, it, it basically blows out our adrenals.

So when we try to work hard, the way we see a lot of men doing it or the way we see like the hustle, the grind, the like, just push until your, you know, until like push one more, one more, one more. And that there is there’s value to that. However, there’s two different ways to do it. You can do that in a way where you’re not tapped in and tuned into your actual source and your power. And you’re literally just like draining your lifeblood out of you. That’s gonna that doesn’t to me, my experience has been that doesn’t work that ends up with you exhausted. You’re not powerful in your conversations. You’re not showing up best for yourself or for your clients, but you can also do it in a way where you’re continuously getting tapped back in to your source. So one of the things I always talk about with my clients is staying in alignment with how they’re feeling while they’re doing the activity.

And if you’re doing like right now, I’m doing a a push for masterclass I’m filling next week. And it’s a lot of like, it’s a lot of outbound, so it’s a lot of exertion. It’s a lot of outbound in the past. I would’ve just done it and done a hundred of them without stopping and taking a break because I thought that was the only way for me to get success. And I would have probably the last 50 outreaches I did would have been, I wouldn’t have gotten anything from them because they would have been so uninspired. So now it’s about being able to tap, tap in and start to feel okay, when am I starting to feel like this is heavy? Like this is exhausting. Like, I don’t want to actually talk to this person and knowing myself enough to take a break.

Even if it’s two minutes, it, I’m not saying we’re going to like stop working and go on vacation. I’m saying no when to pause and re-energize and whether it’s like taking a walk outside for a minute or meditating, or having a glass of water and getting recentered and re-energized. So I just want to make that distinction because I don’t think that’s taught in most corporate sales and most business training that I’ve seen. And it’s so important because that’s what allows you to have my experience has been that’s what allows you to go for the longterm is knowing how to refuel and re-energize is that been, is that, I don’t know if you’d add anything to that, but I think especially for women that’s important.

Well, I think what it, what it makes me think of is, you know, you hear a lot about the hard work and the hustle and the grind and, and, and, and that to me, there’s a big distinction in and take the stairs, take the stairs is not do more. It’s not work. It’s not even work hard. It’s discipline. There’s a very big distinction between discipline and hard work. Hard work is about the intensity of it. And the volume of it, you know, the amount of it discipline is do the thing, you know, you should do, even when you don’t feel like doing it, right? Like I’m not saying, go run a marathon. I’m saying workout 10 minutes every single day. Right. So the, the, the difference that’s the difference is it’s not about the volume. It’s about listening and going. What is the activity that if I’m honest with myself, I am shying away from because I’m afraid.

Not because I’m tired, not because I’m overextended, but because I am scared that is, is the difference. You know, you, you, you only need to spend a few minutes per day on the right activities to be successful. Most of us become experts at spending 12 hours, creating stuff for ourselves to do as a way of completing a bunch of menial trivial tasks so that we feel productive. Meanwhile, it’s a giant scheme to avoid doing the thing we know we should be doing that we don’t feel like doing this is what we call creative avoidance in intake. The stairs. That is, that is the definition of creative avoidance, but discipline is like most of us. I mean, heck if you’re selling, here’s an example. When was the last time you called through your past customers just to say, hi, that’s discipline that doesn’t take a long time.

But if you call through your past customers and you get referrals from them, you can do more in two hours of doing that. Then you could do in two weeks of cold calling, but some of us are afraid to call our past customers because we know we screwed them on the front end, and we’re not totally convicted that they bought the right thing and had a great experience. And we’re scared to even talk to them and to face them and acknowledge what negative experience they might’ve had. We’re fearful. But when you do everything with the longterm and with reputation, you know, you call them and every time you talk to them, they’re like, Hey, I got three people. I need you to talk to. That’s discipline, that’s reputation. That’s, long-term, that’s not work until your eyeballs bleed. There’s a total difference.

Oh my gosh. Thank you. I love that. Yes. I love that. It’s intentionality it’s and that’s, I actually just got off a call with a guy earlier today who was like, I feel like I’m just doing all this activity because it’s what I’m being told to do, but I don’t know if it’s actually doing much of anything. And that’s, I love that you shared that because it’s being intentional and, and disciplined in that way. Right? Like you said, doing the thing we’re scared to do. That’s what it’s really about. So thank you for, thank you for that.

And, and my, my rant earlier about, about the work hard thing. Yeah. I would say that was for six figures. And that’s what I’m saying. Like, sweetheart, if you’re not at six figures, you’re not working that hard. You’re full and yourself, you’re not burnt out. You’re you’re doing either the wrong things or you’re scared of a bunch of stuff that, that you’re avoiding. And you’re coming up with some victim’s story. Now beyond six figures is different right now, once you hit six figures, you talk about going to a quarter million, half a million dollars a year, eventually seven figure earner. Those are different. Those are different stories, but like typically you’re not burning out at less than six figures. If you’re burning out, you’re doing the wrong things. But chances are, it’s like, you’re just not doing the things. And you’re, you’re what you’re burnout on is failing and not succeeding and losing to yourself and giving up.

So, you know, the, the game of six figures is like, figure out the few activities that works and do them relentlessly until you get success. Until you get to six figures. Now, what got you to six figures, won’t get you to two 50. And what got you to two 50, won’t get you to 500 will get you a half a million, won’t get you to a million. In fact, we just did an interview on my podcast with a guy named Cameron, Harold, where we talk about the ones and threes that there are there’s checkpoints at every ones and threes. So you can get from basically, you know, it takes us a certain level of scale to get to a hundred, but it’ll it’ll, and, and, and, but then at 300, it’s different, but then from 300 to a million is about the same.

But then between T to get from a million to 3 million, it’s very, you know, it’s like, it’s different. Actually. I think it’s the way it’s, it’s at the hundred, a hundred to go from a hundred thousand to 300,000. You just kind of need to be more efficient at doing what you’re doing, but to go from 300,000 to a million will be a bunch of retooling and shifting. And then you can get from a million to 3 million by being more efficient and streamlined, but to go from 3 million to 10 million is a completely different set of paradigms and operations and processes and people and, and thinking. But you know, that first Mark of six figures, that’s pretty much like being honest and being real about your doing what actually drives results. And just being honest with yourself and being clear on what they are and going after and doing them.

Yeah, that’s so good. That’s so good. And I would say too, for everyone listening, listen to the influential, personal brand podcasts that Rorion his wife Aja co-hosts because there’s incredible interviews like that. One with Cameron, Harold, and especially because initially I was like, let’s talk personal branding on this interview. And I love that we did it because we did kind of, but we went in a different direction, which I love because to me it was way more powerful and important for my audience. But if you are wanting to learn personal branding from Rory and Aja, and just hear from some of the top personal brands in the world, listen to that podcast because it’ll, it’ll blow your mind. There’s so much value there. I want to ask you so two final questions and thank you to Roy for being willing to just go totally off script with this. Cause this was, this was really fun.

This is not an interview you would hear anywhere else. I’ve never done an interview like this before. Yeah,

This was, this was really, really good. So I want you to tell everyone where they can connect with you. And then I’ve got one final question for you.

Yeah, of course. Well, so if you want to connect with me personally, you can go to Rory Vaden, I do an, a video on influence every single week. You know, I consider that my area of study is, is influenced whether it’s influencing yourself, influencing another person, a group of people or a community. So Roy made Of course, you can request a call with our team. If you want to learn more about building and monetizing your personal brand, if you go to free brand for Elise Archer free brand, and you can talk with our team about how we help people build and monetize their own kind of personal brand. But so yeah, I would just say Rory Vaden, or, or, you know, free reign,

Thank you and guys, check out Rory and follow him. Like I said, like he’s been one of the most influential mentors in my life and has literally transformed the trajectory of my life, of my families like Jason and I look up to UNH so much, and we so much of even our marriage and how we model it is based upon what you guys have taught us. So so thank you for that and thank you for the opportunities you’ve created in my life. And I want to ask you to just in closing, so just in tribute to incredible women which is a lot of what the show is about. And I so appreciate your actually, I didn’t tell you this, but you’re the second man on, she sells radio as of the time of this recording. So we had, we had someone beat you to it yesterday.

You were going to be my first guy and I had somebody beat you to it yesterday. But but it’s still just, it’s, it’s fun. You’re in a, you’re in rare air. My friend, I’ve always hung around the ladies, my whole life. Yeah. Which I love about you. But you know, you mentioned, you mentioned your mom earlier when you talked about your upbringing and being raised by a single mom in a trailer park, and I know your mom was indirect sales and sold Mary Kay and she’s, I’ve, I’ve loved getting to know her. She and I were actually Facebook messaging the other day. And she’s, she stayed with us a few years ago in Atlanta is just so much fun. And I’m just curious for you, Rory, what is, what would you say is the number one life lesson that you’ve learned from your mom?

Mm, wow. You didn’t prepare me for these at all. You know, I, the, the, the, the biggest thing that comes to my mind is unconditional love. And I what’s awesome about that is even though I never had a father, you know, I tell a story about meeting my dad and my adopted father, who, you know, has really been my dad for the last 25 years, but I didn’t meet him until that didn’t happen till I was 10 years old. My mom has unconditional love. My mom is another woman in my life, very much like KJ, who never loved me for my, any of my accomplishments or any of my stuff, or it wouldn’t have mattered. It wouldn’t matter to my mom one bit what I ended up doing. And I think that’s, it’s been super powerful for a couple of reasons.

One is I’ve got the gift, even though I only grew up with one parent of knowing what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. And I know a lot of people with two parents who don’t get half of that. So that’s awesome. The other thing I think, I know God, because I experienced my mother’s love because a Christian, God, you know, people get Christianity all screwed up, but Christianity is so cool because it’s like, you don’t earn it. It’s not, it’s not a real, it’s not a religion where you earn your way there by being good. It’s the opposite. It’s like, we’re also screwed up and messed up that we had to be, it had to be given to us. And so, you know, if, you know, Jesus has kind of is the one that erases the sin so that we don’t have to earn it.

So that is unconditional love, right? It’s like, if I’m a drug dealer, if I’m a billionaire, if I’m, you know, a home wrecker, if I’m a Saint, it doesn’t matter. God loves me because I am his. And I think that I have a more visceral connection to what that feels like with God, because I feel that and have that with my mother. And so that is awesome. And then the third thing is that I think I am a better husband to AAJ because of my mom’s unconditional love. I am not a relationship guy, like expert. I would not, that’s not something I would consider that would be my expertise, but because I grew up with a single mom and it was around women all the time, one of the things I feel like what women want most is to be loved unconditionally, regardless of if they have a bad day, what they say, how they look right?

Like what, what they want to know that someone is going to be there, no matter what happens, they really don’t want men’s money or influence us. They want to feel loved period. And because I’ve been, because I’ve received that gift from my mom, and I’ve also received that understanding of what a woman wants, I feel like I’m able to give that gift to AAJ as a husband. And I think for anyone out there who is struggling, because you’re not receiving love, or you don’t feel loved, or you have a bad experience with somebody. A lot of times I think people are, are, are incapable of giving a gift that they’ve never received. How can I love my spouse if I’ve never received unconditional love, that’s hard. If I don’t love myself, how can I, if I how can I unconditionally love someone else if I don’t love myself? And the cool thing you know about God is no matter who you are, you can experience it. You can receive it whether or not you’ve received it from a parent. But because I received it from my mom, I feel it I’m aware of it from God and I’m capable of giving it to AIJ and to my kids. And so to me that mean that’s what other gifts would you want from a mom? And that’s definitely what she gave me.

I love that. I’m like, Oh, I’m all emotional here. This is, this is making me think about how I want to show up for Jack. And I so appreciate that. So, and shout out to Tessy major, shout out to Jesse. Totally

Your mama and, and, and, and a shout out to you at least. I mean, we love you. We love you. We just thank you. You’re the best and the coolest, and you’re, you’re so humble and so smart and so intelligent and beautiful and funny, and, and, and service centered. You it’s probably why AIJ, and I have been drawn to you from the beginning, cause like us, you’re ambitious and focused and driven, but not in a self-centered way, it’s in a service centered way. And that’s why we continue to choose to align ourselves with you. And we’re just so grateful for you and excited for little Jack and Jason. And so we love you guys. So thank you for having me.

Thank you so much. This was amazing. All right, everyone go go connect with Rory, check him out, follow him. You heard his heart and his brilliance today. And I just, I can’t recommend enough that you get hooked up and plugged in with with what he’s doing. So thank you very, this was by far one of my favorite conversations I’ve ever had on a podcast. I so appreciate you and much love to you in the family. We’ll talk

Might still have everyone see ya.

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