While it might not seem obvious why today’s topic is at the core of your success, it’s a major aspect of achieving your income goals and learning to sell in a way that is authentic to you. On this episode, we’re talking about trusting yourself. Suppressing emotions, negative internalization, and societal pressures can hold you back from accomplishing what you’re here to do. Our guest today is Samantha Skelly, a seven-figure entrepreneur, speaker, and wellness coaching expert. She’s here today to talk about breathwork and the depths of understanding and trust it can take us.
Samantha’s journey included an incredibly difficult relationship with food. There was a deeply rooted distrust of herself in regards to food. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle the outcome. Her connection with uncertainty was a stress point. She lived with relentless self-doubts and inner criticisms that bled into every aspect of her life. Eventually, she hit a point where she lost sight of who she was. When you live without that trust and don’t have a healthy relationship with uncertainty, Samantha says, you force yourself to live only with what is known–and that’s a fraction of what’s possible. Now, with determination and resilience, it’s clear that intuition is trustworthy and it’s easier to take risks. Because no matter what happens, you will persist. When you can’t handle the ‘no’ it’s impossibly hard to chase the ‘yes.’ When you don’t attach your self-worth to rejection, you’re free to achieve.
Starting the process of learning to trust ourselves can be daunting. Samantha says it’s en embodied experience. Living through change is the only want to truly witness it. She breaks it down into three pillars of connection: mind, emotions, and intuition. Using techniques like mediation, breathwork, or whatever it is, we can really tap into the intuition aspect at a foundational level, that opens pathways to trust. In doing that, you can ask and answer so many questions of yourself and understand that the signals you feel are worth listening to. Because we have so much evidence from our mind and intelligence, it tends to override intuition. But with work, those moments are lead with in-tune actions.
So, how do you know what a “yes” and “no” feels like? Samantha suggests starting with a definite “yes” question. Then, ask a definite “no.” Begin to feel the contractions in the system. Your body knows the answer before your mind does. It takes time to reclaim a relationship you’ve lost for a long time. It’s good to create a commitment to coming home to ourselves, feelings awaken. Be gentle!
A big player in reconnecting with trusting yourself is making peace and becoming comfortable with uncertainty. Especially right now, it’s abundant. Samantha says it’s about managing your variables. Finding and creating a felt sense of safety emotionally is essential. Without it, it’s challenging to go out on a limb because you don’t have that trust built in your body. She uses breathwork to work on rooting herself in stabilizing her understanding that worthiness isn’t tied to rejection or failure. Know what your essential, concrete needs are in place, you can relax. Emotionally, know that you have internal stability that will remain no matter what’s thrown at you.
The path to healing is in no small part driven by your relationship with anxiety, Samantha mentions. It’s not who you are, but has a message and lesson that we can learn from. When you experience it, ask yourself what it is you need. How can you lean into the source and ask it? Learning acceptance of it, as opposed to resisting it, allows you to understand what its cause is and allows you to toggle in and out of it when there is something to learn.
Samantha practices and teaches breathwork. This practice helps you unhook your mind and get into the body to access intuition. For her, breathing is the path of least resistance to that. First thing in the morning, before bed, and throughout the day, breathing is a tool to recenter. Two breaths in through the chest and belly and out through the mouth, followed by a deep breath in, holding it at the top, and releasing. Just that is enough to shift the energy and clear your mind.
Tune in to go through a breathing exercise with Samantha at the end of today’s episode and try it for yourself!
Welcome to she sells radio. I am having just so much fun with the relaunch and rebrand of this podcast. And a lot of it is because we’re getting to go and I’m getting to go and kind of play in topic areas that previously just would not have been aligned either. Wouldn’t have been aligned with my brand or they violated the non-compete that I was under. And I’m now out of glory. Hallelujah. I’ve talked about that a little bit on the relaunch episode of the podcast, but I think today’s a really good example of part of why I am just having so much fun with this relaunch and our conversation today. I think what we talk about it’s, it wouldn’t make sense at first as being at the core of breaking through to your next income level and learning to sell and grow your business in a way that feels authentic to you.
But I tell you what it actually 100% is, and here’s the key in order to do those things and accomplish your income goals, build and grow your business, grow your sales. You have to know, you must know how to trust yourself. And that has been gosh, one of my biggest wounds to heal in my life. And I think, you know, you may be able to relate to this as well. I really, really stopped trusting myself, probably in my Oh man, probably my somewhere in my early childhood. And that, that showed up in a lot of different ways, but you know, it’s, as it progressed in my life and I kind of look back on my career and, you know, in corporate sales and then becoming an entrepreneur, I see how it continued to play out and how that lack of trust in myself and kind of suppressing emotions and being taught, whether culturally or just my own internalization of an experience that my opinions weren’t valid or that what I thought wasn’t right.
Or that really a lot of what we’re going to talk about today, what my body was telling me wasn’t right. Either. I see so many ways that that held me back. And there’s no doubt that you, if you’ve been in business for any amount of time you have had experiences where maybe you are working for a leader in your company who, and you’re in sales and they tell you to go hard, close a client today to bring in a number for the end of the month. And you’re like, that doesn’t feel right. That doesn’t feel right, but they are so adamant that you have to go do it, to hit that number. So you do it and sure enough, that client relationship gets ruined, or you maybe you get this kind of gut hit in sync that you need to, you know, fly across the country to go to a networking event.
And that seems totally, it feels out of the blue. It feels like, you know, maybe you’ve never done it before and it feels like something somebody else does and not you. And you say, you kind of quiet it. You said, no, that’s silly. I wouldn’t do that. And then later on you find out that your dream business relationship or partnership could have been formed at that. At that event, there was someone there who you have been wanting to meet for a long time. And so what happens particularly for us women is that over the years, we have lost our ability to trust ourselves and there’s, Oh my gosh, it’s, it is a huge problem in the world. And I’m so committed to not just for you, but for me too, this is for all of us steering us back to a place where we know that our intuition is right.
We know how to hear it. We know how to trust it, because that will be the thing. When you learn to trust yourself and trust the messages that your body and soul are giving you in terms of how to lead your life. They’re always steering you in the direction you want to go. And it’s just a matter of trusting and, and learning how to trust. Right? I understand it’s not just a snap, your fingers type of thing. At least it wasn’t for me. So my guest today is she’s a real expert on this topic. And her lens is really through disordered eating, which has been part of my own story as well. And it may be part of yours, but we’re going to talk about it today in the context of your business. And so my guest today is Samantha Skelly. And if you are not familiar with Samantha or Sam, is, she goes by both.
Let me read you a little bit about her. Samantha Skelly is a seven figure. Entrepreneur sought after international speaker bestselling author and wellness coaching expert. She founded both hungry for happiness, a movement that helps experience helps people experience true transformation and happiness. They’re trained certified coaches who utilize emotional and energetic coaching techniques and pause breath break, which has a mission to help people clear anxiety and stress through the power of the breath. Samantha has revolutionized the weight loss and self-help industries by examining her individual examining the individual and underlying causes of food body and self-love issues. She has shared her mission on an international platform with appearances on global TV, Shaw, NBC, CBC, and BBC. And she’s been featured in various publications, such as Forbes, the Huffington post, the elephant journal and the prevail project. Samantha continues to spread her message and transform the lives of tens of thousands of people through her programs, worldwide international retreats, motivational speaking engagements, the popular hungry for happiness podcast and her best-selling hay house book, hungry for happiness.
And it’s so cool. I think a lot of times people we are meant to meet or connect with. They just come in in a very divine easy way. And Samantha was someone who I, I don’t know where I had been, but I just learned about her earlier this year. And I had heard her on manifestation babe, on Katherine’s and Kenya’s podcast. And she started talking about breathwork and I had heard the concept of breathwork, but it was nothing. I thought it was just breathing in and out. So I thought I knew what it was, was like, okay, just slow your breath. I knew that that helped, but I didn’t, I didn’t know that there was a deeper science behind it and I didn’t know the depth to which it could, what you could go with it. And so I bought her breath work horse, and I’d been doing it for a little while and had started to I’ll be honest.
There were parts of it that were very challenging for me to being still the sitting with myself as sitting with my breath, that felt challenging. But I also had started to experience such fast kind of unpeeling of layers of emotions that I didn’t know I was holding on to that it was so intriguing to me. And it was kind of like, wow, there’s this whole modality to personal development. And I thought I’d done all the things. And there’s this whole modality that I’m not even familiar with that is really that I’m seeing a big impact with. And so I was just kind of doing my thing and joining her course. And then thank you to Gina. [inaudible] I coach and mentor out of the blue. I get an email introduction from Gina to Sam. She was like, at least you need to have Sam on your podcast.
And so it’s just so cool how the universe works sometimes. And so, like I said, I personally have experienced a lot of benefits of breathwork and part of what’s cool about this episode is at the end, Sam walks us through a guided breath work exercise. And so we kind of carve out it’s it’s brief it’s about 90 seconds, but take, be sure to pay attention and be there towards the end of this, to be able to participate in that I experienced emotions within about 10 seconds that I didn’t know were there that needed to be cleared and felt so incredibly light. I’m recording this for you right after having done it. I just, I feel light. I feel Tingley. I feel high vibe for lack of better, better words. And actually, no, those are great words. I feel high vibe. And so I really want you to experience that.
So this is a really beautiful conversation and I like I said, I’m just so committed to helping you tap back into trusting yourself, your intuition, your body so that you can experience all of the benefits of it in your business and just in your life in general as well. So without further ado, let’s welcome. Samantha Skelly to she sells radio Sam. I am just beyond excited and honored to have you on. She sells radio. So thank you so much for joining today. I’m super excited. Thanks for having me. Yeah, my pleasure. Well, and like we were talking about a little bit in pre-check there’s so much of your story that I personally relate to. I mean, it’s almost crazy. I got chills while I was reading your book. Because I was like, I feel like I’m reading my own life story. It’s, it’s nuts aside from some of the cool like upbringing with Tony Robbins that like the personal development.
So that was about my, my upbringing, but you know, here’s one, the thing that I think is pretty cool as Lisa Nichols wrote the introduction to your book. So by that’s amazing and what she said, actually I want to pull up a part of it because this just hit me to my core. And she’s talks about, you know, that she was holding onto this weight and that it had, it was really covering up so much pain that she had been holding and she says, one day a good friend asked me, why don’t you address this pain? I thought about the idea and my entire body contracted. If I lie down and cry, I don’t think I will ever get up. This pain has been cured deep within me for 20 years, trust yourself. He said, and I did the path began. And to me it is, it’s such a beautiful message and something that I want to really dig into with you today.
And so much of your work and your book hungry for happiness. And it was about I’m gonna let you talk about it, but I know it’s, it’s about overcoming, disordered eating and learning to love ourselves, but really it’s the purpose of this show. And what I really want to encourage our listeners to do is to learn how to trust themselves. Even though we’re talking in more of a business context here, it’s still, I think, especially for us women we have learned over the years not to trust our bodies, our intuition, and that plays out in so many ways, disorder of eating making bad business decisions, not going for the things that we really want. And so when I read that in the intro, I was like, Oh my gosh, yes, this is it’s meant to be. So that is a very long preamble to say. I’m so excited about your message and about you being here today.
So, so tell us a little bit, I think a lot of my listeners will be familiar with you cause you’ve been super visible with your message and your book and your programs. But tell us if someone’s not familiar a little bit about your backstory and particularly kind of how you started to realize that you weren’t trusting yourself, you didn’t trust yourself in your life.
It all started with this really dysfunctional relationship to food. Like I, you know, my, my mantra was like, I don’t trust myself with food. I don’t trust my body. I don’t try. Like I just had zero trust for myself and my relationships, my body, my relationship to food. I didn’t trust myself to take action on certain things that I desired because I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle the outcome. And so I had a very fractured relationship with uncertainty. And so if I didn’t know all of the little steps and what was going to happen, I’m like, I’m out. I’m not going to do this. So because of that, I, for a certain point of my time lived with a lot of suppression, a lot of doubt, a lot of inner critic. And the interesting thing was when I was younger, I was so not like this.
But then I hit a point where I just completely lost myself and I call it my diet, depression years, where I was on over 50 diets in less than four years, I would wake up every single morning. And the first thought on my mind was I can’t wait to go to bed. Not because I didn’t want to live, but because the voice in my head was so intense. And the exhaustion that I experienced from fighting food every single day was like, Oh God, I can’t do this anymore. And so I did not trust myself at all. And when we are void of trust and we don’t have that in our felt sense of safety in our body to know that we’re going to be okay. And when we don’t have a strong relationship with uncertainty, we tend to just live with what is known and what is known in this current reality is just such a fraction of what’s possible.
And this is where I believe a lot of women undersell themselves is because they’re like, well, I’m making 60 K a year right now. Like I know that that certain that’s true. And it’s like, yes, but there’s another reality that exists where you can make 600,000. And what is an end? The only thing that is preventing that reality from being here now is the belief that it’s not possible. And so I feel so deeply in my system, the contrast between completely not trusting myself when I was going through what I call my diet depression completely at odds with myself, trusting things outside of myself, way more than me. And then now it’s the complete opposite where the trust that I’ve built and, and it’s, it’s taken work and it’s taken time and it’s taken determination and resilience, but the trust that I’ve built in my system, building up the evidence to know that, well, my intuition actually knows way more than my mind.
And my intuition is so trustworthy and I’ve spent 10 years building, building, building, building, building up this infinite intelligence and this wisdom learning to trust it. Now it’s the complete opposite where it is so easy for me to take risks and go out on a whim and not know the end result, because I know no matter what happens, I’m going to be able to handle it. Even if I take this massive risk and I land flat on my, that’s okay. I’m not going to internalize that and make that about myself worth. I’m going to get up and go, okay. That was interesting. Like I totally bombed that. Let’s keep going. And I think we can get in into a lot of danger when we closely link our self-worth with our, with our actions or our rejection. Right. If something, you know, if something’s coming through and I got, I get rejected multiple times a day, but that’s because I’m always pushing the envelope of what’s possible.
And I’m, you know, told no all the time, but I’m told yes, like a lot too. And when I was younger, I just could not handle the no. So I never went for the yes. And that, that, that led me into just a lot of suppression. A lot of muting my experience melancholy, just greatness, just a lot of like, Oh, life’s like, life’s okay. You know, it was, it was a very muted experience. My emotionality was very muted. I didn’t, you know, take a lot of risks up and down because I was just, I felt caged. I felt scared. I was always scared of losing money. I was always scared of people not liking me. I was always scared of not getting the validation that I desired. I was always scared that my dreams wouldn’t be realized or actualized. And when I began to really work these parts inside of myself to go, even if you fail, you’re still loved.
Even if you’re rejected a million times, you’re still worthy. And when I really began to like restructure these beliefs, everything became kind of easy. And now I just kind of treat it as a game, like who do I have to be in order to do the craziest in the world? Who do I have to be to believe that this thing’s possible? And that’s a question I get all the time from people around me and people close to me. Like I set out to do these like ridiculous goals and ridiculous things. And people are like, how do you get the strength to do that? I’m like, I don’t think it’s a strength that it’s like coming to a place where I don’t care if it doesn’t work. Like I just wanna, I just wanna see if I can, you know? Yes. And in that quest, I fail a lot and, and I, and I prove myself wrong a lot, but then I also proved myself. Right. A lot. So it’s, it just becomes a game when we don’t make it about RNA self-worth
Oh my gosh. Okay. I have like a million questions. I want to ask her, like you just said, where, what direction to go, you know, as you talk, I think back to my own, maybe myself, Oh gosh. Almost 10 years ago now. And where I had really started to realize the path that I was on. And the fact that I wasn’t trusting myself and like I shared with you in the pre-chat, I relate so much to your story. I dealt with an eating disorder for 17 years and struggled with anorexia and then binge eating. And I never knew that it was about anything bigger than food, at least that didn’t, that wasn’t present to me for a long time. But I remember as I started to go down that path, I kind of reached a point in my mid to late twenties where I was like, this is I’m not available for this.
It was actually, I was turning 28, 28. It’s always been like my favorite number, my looking numbers born on the 28th. And I was like, I’m done with this. I’m totally, I’m going to reinvent my life. I was in a marriage that was really just not good. There’s a lot of emotional abuse and stuff going on there. I’m still dealing with disordered eating, but kind of under the hood, it was, I was functioning on the surface and I was like, I am done. But I had that. I had made that decision, but it felt so overwhelming to try to even know where to start of how to get out of this loop of not trusting myself and doing things to please other people and suppressing my feelings. And so I’m just thinking about for someone, whether they’re in that extreme of a situation right now, or maybe they’re just realizing like, yeah, you know what I’ve got some ideas that I think would help me grow my business, but this is not what I’m reading and the books about how to do sales from the, you know, the OGs who’ve been doing it for 50 years.
So I must not be right wearing the world. How do we start that process of learning to trust ourselves? Again, it can feel so overwhelming and so big. Where would you tell someone to start?
It’s an embodied experience. We can’t think about how to trust ourselves. We have to have the lived experience, the visceral experience, which is why I love breathwork so much because it is that lived experience. We are not, we’re not wondering, did I change? Did I transform? It’s a very obvious shift in the system. And so when we there’s three pillars of connection, there’s our mind, our emotions and our intuition for most of us. We’re so identified with the mind, the thoughts, the chatter, the doubts, the separation, the disconnection, the judgments, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then, and then we’re connected to our emotions, but pretty much just like the discourse, like a lot of distortion and a lot of like fear and shame and guilt and stress and anxiety and all, all of that kind of stuff. But then underneath that, we have this pure intuition, this inner guidance, this wisdom, this intelligence that is so pure and is all, it always has our best interests at heart.
But when we’re trying to fight through our mind and our emotions in order to have access to the infinite intelligence of our intuition, we’re constantly fighting through. And so we use techniques, whether it is meditation or breath, work, or movement or tapping or Reiki or whatever it is to get direct access to our intuition. Because when we’re there, we can really feel the visceral. Yes and no in the body. Do I want this? Yes. Do I not want this? No. And so we’re, we’re in tune with these emotions, we’re in tune with these sensations. And so the path of trusting ourselves is not trying to trust the part of us that led us down in the past, but it’s trusting the deeper intelligence, trusting the intuition, trusting the body. And so it really is a game of numbers because we have to convince our mind that our intuition is trustworthy.
And the only way that we can do that is through exposure therapy is really listening. So when I was overcoming my eating disorder and I was trying to tell the difference between what is an emotional hunger key, what is a physical hunger cue? What’s my intuition versus fear. It took me time to get into my body, take a deep breath. Like, what am I actually hungry for? Is it food? Like, am I actually physically hungry? Is it my emotionality? Do I need to support my body with something emotionally? What does intuition feel like? Should I go do that thing? Should I date that boy? Should I start that business? Should I fire that client and really trusting the signals? And oftentimes your body will give you the signal. Like the yes. And your mind will go, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We probably shouldn’t do that.
And that’s how we override the intuition. And we’ve been doing this for so long. Right? We have that initial, like the body’s like, yes, go do this. And the is like, ah, no end scene. We don’t want to do this. Right. So we get into this, this chaotic relationship where we have two different narratives going on because of they’re fighting each other. And because we have more evidence of using our mind, we just go default to that unless we choose differently. And so the path of re trusting ourselves is just really getting into our bodies, feeling our intuition and just constantly taking action on that. Yes. And so this is how I run my business. This is how I run my relationship, my finances, everything it’s like, I never let, I never let my mind decide what I should do without consulting my body. And sometimes my mind and intuition are in alignment, but oftentimes they’re not. And so the path that I used to take all the time is override my intuition and follow my mind. But my mind is rooted in scarcity and survival mode and all of that. And so the decisions would often create more of that energy.
Yeah, I totally, I hear you. I hear you. And I love how you’re you kind of give that example of, you know, the body will tell you clearly what’s a yes. And what’s a no, but then the mind will jump in and we, and we tend to trust the mind more. And it was, it was funny cause I was having a conversation with my mom. Gosh, maybe a month or so ago that really opened me up to how generational this can be. And that oftentimes this is this the cycle of not trusting our bodies is passed on from generations. And, and I learned early on that I didn’t trust my body with Sensics and stuff that was going on in our home, but not being, not feeling comfortable enough to verbalize it. And so I started suppressing and stuffing and yada yada.
And then my, my mom told me the same thing that she had and she was 10. She had rheumatic fever and had to be in bed for a year. And that was the first time she learned not to trust her body. And you say in your book, let me go here. Say I was letting my mind torture my body because I didn’t trust my body. I didn’t believe my body had anything useful to tell me. And that’s part of what I love about your message because this is, I think we are at such a beautiful point in history where we as a collective culture are starting to awaken to the wisdom that is in our body. And I think that’s for both men and women, but you know, my, my heart in the show is really to help women tap into that. And what I like about how, what I like about the breathwork pieces, how actionable it is.
And I think, gosh, if I had known 10, 15, even 20 years ago about breathwork, I probably could have uncovered those yeses and those nos faster and, and learn to trust my body. If someone, if someone has buried their intuition so deeply, they haven’t yet sort of that process. I think one question they might have is how do I know? I think maybe a quicker win would be for them to start to feel like they know what a yes is and what a no is. Is there, are there any tips or guidance that you could give for someone who’s trying to figure out? What does a yes feel like in my body versus what does a no feel like in my body?
Just ask yourself a definite yes. Question is my name. Sam, do I live in San Diego? Am I drinking a pink water bottle? Like any, anything? That’s an absolute yes. Am I going to get my hair done? Say yes I am. Because it friggin needs it. Right? So like what is a definite yes. And then ask yourself, what are, what is a definite no, am I a man? Do I live in Colorado? Like definite, no. And begin to just feel the contractions in the system because your body has this intelligence that knows the answer before your mind does. And so just begin to feel that and track for that. And this part takes time. Like don’t expect your body to give you the answers right away. It’s reclaiming this relationship that you’ve lost for a long time. And so when we suppress the true nature of the body and we suppress the intelligence of the body, asking a few of these questions, you know, casually is not necessarily going to give us the answer, but when we create a commitment to those two, reclaiming our body and coming home to ourselves, these feelings begin to wake up.
We begin to feel more embodied. So just be really gentle. You know, the path of coming back into your body is slow and still and gentle. And it’s, it’s one that can’t be rushed and the easiest and most effective way is just so much kindness and so much compassion because, you know, if you’re anything like me, you’ve berated your body and, and it’s, it’s been really destructive relationship with your body for so long. And so if you, if you think of your body as this child, that you’ve been being a jerk to your whole life, you know, it’s like one question or, or one intention is not going to be enough. It’s gotta be a slow, gentle patient process of, you know, getting into body dialogue, asking your body, what are you really hungry for? How can I love you more? What do you most need right now? And really listening for those answers and not just listening, but taking action on those answers, you know, just like being in integrity with your body. Yeah,
Yeah. And the gentleness and having been someone who’s gone through your programs and done that, it’s like that is that’s a total shift. I think for many women who have berated their bodies over and over for years, we’re so hard on ourselves. We’re so hard on our bodies and we’re we’re, we can be quite cruel as well. But learning to have that gentle nature is so powerful. You know, something else you talked about that really resonated with me is getting comfortable with uncertainty and for, for whatever reason, many of us have become control. Freaks are areas of our life. I’m the first to raise my hand and say, that’s an area that I still, like, there are still things in my life where I, I am looking forward to releasing video. I’m going to be careful with my language, but looking forward to releasing the need to so much.
And you talk about, you know, a woman who’s maybe making 60 K a year and is holding on so tight to what she’s doing right now, because she doesn’t want to let that go. But you’re like, look, if you did it differently, it could be 600 or it could be, you know, 60 a month. And the, I think there’s a lot of, obviously there’s a lot of uncertainty in the world in general right now, but there’s also just general uncertainty in our lives. How did you start to get really comfortable? It sounds like you almost thrive now on uncertainty. Like it’s fun for you. Like what were some of the, how did you start to do that and get uncomfortable with uncertainty?
You have to manage your variables. So what I mean by that is finding and creating the felt sense of safety in our body is the most important thing. So after food, water shelter, we got to have safety, emotional safety. We have to know that we’re safe. And so if we don’t have that in our body, it’s going to be very challenging to take risks, go out on a limb. Is it a limb or a whim? I don’t know, but it’s one of those words, you know what I’m saying? It’s going to be very challenging to do that because it’s going to be threatening to the system because the body’s like, well, I’m not safe to quit my job and go for my dreams. I’m not safe to leave this relationship. I’m not safe to ask for more money. I’m not sick because I don’t have that built in my body.
And so breathwork is my thing. It doesn’t have to be everyone’s thing, but I use breathwork as a way to get into my body and really feel that felt sense of safety, letting my body know you’re safe to breathe. You’re safe to feel. You’re safe to experience and working on, on, on like that very like root shock, rhe stabilization work over and over and over again. And the more that I do that, the more capacity I have for uncertainty. So it’s all about managing your variables. You know, I I’m, I’m gonna relate this to something else. So it might make more sense, but Eric and I just finished a two month road trip, lots of uncertainty. We don’t know where we’re going. We don’t know what’s going to happen. You know, we don’t know if we’re going to get a flat tire, which we did a couple of times.
And so there’s a lot of uncertainty. I don’t know what my office is going to look like, but I have to know that there are certain things that must be in place for me so that I can handle some of the uncertainty. So for instance, I got to know that I’ve got great wifi. I got to know that there’s a whole foods, at least 20 minutes away. I got to know like these things so that the other variables are fine. Whatever. I don’t, I don’t care how nice or whatever the place is. I don’t care what city, but if those concrete things are in place, then I’m good. Then my system can relax. So when we look at it, so that’s like an external an external sort of example, but then there’s like the emotional example. So I got an, I got to know that I have this frequency in my body, the safety in my body, so that I can handle a little bit more uncertainty. I got to know that I’m worthy and I’m loved and I’m valid and I’m this and I’m that. So that rejection doesn’t kick me in the face. So it’s really, so it’s really about managing the variables and not, and really establishing like the core needs first so that we can kind of play in the variety.
Yeah. Which comes back to knowing yourself, knowing what what your non-negotiables are for your environment and what you need. Like you said, the wifi. And then also knowing that your real safety is really within yourself at the end of the day. I think that’s where we can get really stressed out is putting our sense of safety or security in something external, whether it’s money, whether it’s somebody else, whether it’s a relationship. It’s, it’s simply a, as we talk, it’s, it’s fun because I’m having light bulb moments. It’s like, it’s simply just a returning to self, which really is trusting yourself. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, sorry. I was going to say that wifi. That’s important.
I’m with you. I mean, it’s like, you know, all the inner work, but wifi Wi-Fi, it all goes down, revert back to like a cave woman.
Oh, by the way, I was going to ask you you’re you’re born on the 28th, what month? October? February.
Oh, but so 20 is one of your numbers too. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. 20, it’s a very significant number. My son was born on the 28th. It’s like, Oh yeah. And I knew he was going to it’s so funny. It was like that wasn’t his due date at all. I just, I just knew he was going to be so that’s awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. My husband was one day too soon. He was the 27th. So I was like, I dunno, it’s questionable as to whether we should be together or not. You’re close enough. You’re close enough. I’ll take.
So I wanted to ask, I’ve got a couple other questions. But one is, I wanted to ask about overcoming anxiety because there’s something else this like, this hit me kind of just, Oh my gosh, straight in my heart. You say you talking about the bad anxiety. Anxiety is a function of not being in our truth. It’s a function that gives us feedback to let us know that we are living in a reality that is harming our soul in some way. And it made me think about how many of us can almost just normalize anxiety. And we live with whether it’s low grade anxiety or really extreme anxiety. And it’s kind of, I think a lot of people just kind of take it as that’s how it has to be, but I loved your take on that. Just tell us more about, I just had a specific question so much as tell us more about your take on anxiety. I’d love to dive a little bit deeper into that with you. Cause I thought that was really powerful.
I used to identify with it so much. So I would say I am anxious. I’m an anxious person. I can’t do that because I’m anxious, I’m anxious. And so I used to wear it like this uncomfortable codes, you know, and then I realized that I don’t have to identify with this anymore. I can observe it. So the path of helping us heal our anxiety is changing our relationship to it. So two things, rather than identifying with it and thinking that it’s who you are, it’s something that you experienced in your body and knowing that the anxiety has a gift, a lesson, something to teach us. So when we are experiencing anxiety, view it from our heart view, the anxiety from our heart. So I, I experienced anxiety in my solar plexus, like right under my breast bone. And so when I have it, I’m like, Oh, I’m experiencing it from my heart.
What is it that you need? How can I love you if I was to assume that the reason the anxiety is there is to show me something, teach me something. Or there’s, there’s somewhere in my life that I’m out of alignment. How can I just lean into it and ask it? My, my emo historically has been over is overeat over work just over everything, you know, over socialized over, over. And so now I’m like, Oh, wait a second. Like, this is actually here to teach me something. And so now when I have anxiety, it’s like the first out of my mind is cool. There’s something for me to learn or something for me to uncover. And so it doesn’t become this chronic low grade anxiety. It becomes something that I toggle in and out of from time to time when there’s something to learn.
And so I’ve learned to develop an appreciation and and an acceptance for it versus a resistance and a suppression. And so when we resist, suppress and numb, it just makes it worse. Right. Eckhart totally says what we resist. What does he say? What we resist persists. There it is. So, and I used to do that my whole life. I feel anxiety. Oh, let me go to the gym for two hours, feeling anxiety. Oh, let me eat a bag of Cheetos feelings. It, let me do this. And so I don’t do that anymore. And I just welcome it in and I allow it to be there. And it’s changed like the game.
Yeah. Yeah. That’s the, I think as you talk, it’s such a beautiful reminder that our body has. So like, it literally has all the answers, it tells us everything we need to know. It’s
So crazy. We are so blessed.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. I’m curious for someone who is, you know, they’re maybe hearing about breathwork for the first time from you and they’re not even sure what it is. Is there, can you give us an example? Is there like a quick exercise they can do to start getting kind of just start to get a feel for it and to understand what it’s like? Yeah.
So I talked about the three pillars of connection. So like the mind, the emotions and the intuition. So what breath work does is it helps to unhook the mind. So we don’t have to think about not thinking like in meditation, right? We’re sitting there thinking about not thinking, and then we just think even more and it just can be a mess sometimes. And that was my experience anyway. So it helps us release the mind. It helps us really get into the body and really have direct access to our intuition. And so we do this, the breath and the body does the work for us. All we have to do is breathe. And so for me, that is the path of least resistance that gives me direct access to my intuition. And so I’ll do breath work for 10 minutes in the morning to clear my dreams and to clear everything from the evening, I’ll do it are Clare, everything from the, yeah, like the dreamland I’ll do it at night to clear my day and then I’ll do it multiple times throughout the day.
And sometimes it’s as easy two breaths in one breath out. So breathing the energy into the belly, up into the chest, out through the mouth and then taking a deep breath in holding at the top and releasing like even 30 seconds of the breath and then a 32nd hold. And a minute of that is enough for us to shift the energy, clear the mind, like stop gripping reality so much. Oftentimes we’re so associated with reality that we’re so fixated on the thing and then changing the thing. And if we change the thing, that’ll change our state and breath work helps us not do that and not fixate on the external, but optimize the internal. And it helps to shift anxiety, release stress, clear the mind, open the heart. There’s like so many, so many things that it helps with and our app is coming out in a few weeks.
And so every single track is designed for a different outcomes, whether it’s coming into presence, releasing anxiety, releasing comparison, opening the heart, clearing the mind. So every breath track helps us. And there’s the breath work helps with so many different things. And so we always say at pause, if you can’t meditate, if you’re someone who’s ever said, I can’t meditate. Breath works for you because with meditation, especially with someone who’s gone through a lot of trauma, just sitting there and trying to feel your body can sometimes feel, feel very untethering and very challenging. So when we slowly incorporate the breath to really release the mind, get into the body, it just helps us integrate deeper.
Oh, I love that. I love that. Would you, as you’re talking about some like, Oh my gosh, I want to do it. Would you be open to leading us through maybe just like a minute of experience, like, Ooh, this is a very focused question for me, but I’m excited. [inaudible]
Listening and you are driving a car or you’re in a body of water. Don’t do this exercise. But if you are grounded and seated definitely do it. So the breath pattern we’re going to use is called the Triax of breath, which is one of the pause techniques. And it’s again in through the belly, up into the chest and out through the mouth. So we’re going to circulate the breath like that. Let’s do it for like a minute and a half as it for 90 seconds. And then we’ll take a deep breath in through the nose. We’ll hold at the top and then we’ll release. So that hold at the top. You’ll notice right away, your mind will go, what are you doing? This is crazy. Let your breath go. And it’ll kind of get a little bit anxious. Hold on for a few more moments after that. And then just notice the calm cause your body will hit this place of just like, just like calm, connected. There’ll be beautiful. All right, we ready to go? Let’s do it. Everyone. Closing your eyes, relaxing your shoulders. Just grounding in this moment, Taking a deep breath, just to start and relax.
And when you’re ready, let’s start the breath pattern together. Let’s say letting the breath do the work, Letting the breath and the body guide, you’re safe to breathe. You are safe to feel. Do the work. That’s it. You are safe to breathe. You’re safe to release. What do you need to let go of what you need to release today to allow yourself to experience more, love, more connection, more alive, Venice letting the breath do the work. That’s it
Mm. Just notice your body. Notice the alive ness, the vibration, the energy. Just notice how alive you feel, how beautiful you feel. And when you’re ready taking a deep breath in through the nose, holding the breath at the top. Now hold the breath at the top for as long as you can.
And letting the breath go when you’re ready. And just noticing the settling of energy, the clarity in your mind, the openness in your heart And when you’re ready, opening up your eyes.
Wow. I feel like I just went somewhere else. That’s amazing. And it’s like, I’m vibrating. Like I’m tingling. My whole body is tingling. Hmm. Wow. And it was just amazing. And I started to experience this as I did your your program as well. It was almost like layers are peeled back and you start to have these emotions surface that you weren’t even aware of. Like maybe 10 seconds into that. I felt like I wanted to cry and I don’t. I have no idea what that was about, but it’s interesting that that came up.
W when we release the cause in the mind, there’s all of the protectors that say, don’t cry. Keep going. You’re strong. You’re not, you know, crying for babies, whatever it is. Right. And so when we release the mind and we don’t have those projections and those restrictions and those doubters and those protectors, we get into the body and there could be a holding pattern in your body of sadness. And it could be from your childhood. It could be from something that happened last week. It could be just the collective energy of the planet right now. And your body just needs a release, right. Where everyone is so emotionally constipated that we,
We just hold on
And we don’t let ourselves process. So think about, think about it. Like we eat food, we crap it out, right. There’s a cycle, right. With emotionality, we take in experiences that shock the body, or put the body into a freeze pattern. And we don’t allow ourselves to properly process it, whether it’s anger or sadness or whatever. That’s why we’re our world is so reactive because we haven’t properly dealt with the emotionality in the, in the system.
Yeah. So it’s a, it’s a processing, it’s a releasing it’s w we are not, most of us are not taught to do that growing up either. And you’re so right. And I think for a lot of us, you know, myself included, we hold on to decades worth of emotions and feelings. And it’s so it’s just incredible to me, how quickly you can start to release some of those. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was amazing. Yeah, that was amazing. So Sam, tell us about I mean, there’s, there’s so many cool ways people can engage with you and get to know your content better, but tell us about where we can find your book. I understand you have a certification program coming out as well. So here’s all the things of how, how we can connect with you and get more involved with your work.
Yeah. So the book email@example.com slash book, and there’s a bunch of bonuses and things like that. If you pop in your receipt number, and for those people who feel called to do this, work in the world, become a food and body coach hungry for happiness.com/certification. We launched this program once a year, every single January, and actually this year be February. And that is a 10 month journey to not only completely heal your relationship to food in your body, but learn the Phoenix formula, which is our, our path and our method to help create deep transformations in people and thrive in the industry. So hungry for happiness.com/certification is where all of that lives.
Thank you so much. That was beautiful. You are, you’re a beautiful soul inside and out. And just thank you for sharing. So generously today in your work you’ve inspired me and I know you’ve inspired everyone listening as well. So thank you. Thank
You so much for having me love. I appreciate you.