Transcript:

Elyse (00:02):

Welcome to She Sells Radio. I have a special, special episode for you today that is very personal and is also a part of my journey over this year that I’m now getting to share publicly. And it is our second pregnancy journey. If you listened to the episode yesterday, you heard me kind of mention it towards the end, and if you follow me on social, we shared about a week ago on social. But yes, we are pregnant with our second, uh, we are so excited. We’re due, uh, late February, early March of 2023. And I’m really excited to share this today. And I know that normally on Tuesdays we do interview episodes, but this was actually just something I wanna do, kind of different from how we do the short form daily episodes. And so I thought, you know, I don’t know how long this one will be, but I wanted to share behind the scenes of something.

Elyse (01:01):

Again, that’s just, that’s more personal. And there’s so much that this particular pregnancy has taught me already. There’s been so many changes internally. You know, it happened at a time when I was kind of like, you know, I’ve called this summer, My Summer of wisdom. It all came about like right in the middle of that. So it was this really interesting period where there was one part of my life that was feeling really challenging. And there was another part that was this pregnancy coming in that was like really beautiful and felt like such a gift. And so that it was just this very interesting kind of dichotomy of energy happening in our lives during that time. And it’s been a real refining process, I will say that. But it’s also been like the most beautiful journey. And I feel like, you know, second time around now, like I’m coming into my own as a mom.

Elyse (02:02):

I know I still have so much more to learn. I know I’ll never be done learning about that, but couple years in with Jack and I feel like, okay, I’m kind of like, I’m getting this, I’m hitting my stride, I’m seeing myself more as a mom. It’s funny, I don’t know about you, but for me, I know there’s so many women where it’s like their number one goal, like everything they always dreamed of was like being a mom. And I talk with a lot of women where that that has been how they thought of themselves, the whole, their whole life growing up. That wasn’t honestly mine. I always kind of leaned more into the career side of things. I felt really comfortable there, really natural there. And becoming a mom, it’s definitely been the greatest gift of my life. Like it is the favorite, my favorite, favorite part of my life now.

Elyse (02:50):

But it also wasn’t something that I just like knew my whole life. This is my sole purpose, if that makes sense. So it’s been like Jack has taught me so much. I’ve learned so much about what’s possible. I’ve learned that you really can have it all. Like you can have a great career, you can have a beautiful family. You can be financially abundant, you can be joyful. Uh, you can have health in all areas. So it’s really helped me, I think, get clear on what matters and what the real priorities are in my life. And the second time around has been in many ways an easier experience because I think I’m a lot more chill about it. <laugh> the first time around you’re like, Ah, what was that? Is he alive? Is he okay? Right? Like all of those thoughts, I’ve definitely had those moments the second time around, but not nearly as many.

Elyse (03:47):

Um, and there’s also been like other pieces of it that have been bigger challenges and that I’ve gotten to learn more and grow more through. So I wanted to share kind of these five core areas today, core lessons that I’ve learned and that I’ve really been just working through and kind of deepening in this second pregnancy, this second. Well, it’s, it’s not our second pregnancy. We have, we’ve had a pregnancy journey as, as I know you may have as well yourself, um, listening. But you know, our, our second little one truly coming into the world now. And uh, and we did find out, I should probably share this, it’s another boy, we found that out last week or no week before, which I’m so excited for too. Everyone thought it was a girl, but everyone also thought Jack was gonna be a girl. And I’m kind of loving boy mom life.

Elyse (04:34):

So, okay, with that said, let me share what I’ve been learning and hopefully share some things that you can implement that will help you as well, regardless of whether you’re also on a pregnancy journey or not. So the first is really the power of intention. And it was, I didn’t even think about this until someone commented on my social when I shared the pregnancy announcement. And she said, You know, so excited for you. Then she said, What you focus on expands. And I had forgotten. So we found out we were pregnant in, hmm, late June, I think late June. Early j yeah, late June. I forgot that at the beginning. It was like beginning of June. I was rewriting my, I do a thing with affirmations where I listen to them and like I, I basically write out my affirmations, my dream life as I wanna enlist to them, uh, you know, throughout the day. And I was rewriting those affirmations and I had written that we were pregnant with our second, that was in like early June. A couple weeks later we find out we are <laugh>. And it was, it was so interesting though just that power of intention and the power of the timing and the power of focus. Now I had really

Elyse (05:57):

Wanted another for a while. Like when we first moved back to North Carolina, um, we were, I haven’t really shared this up, I’ll share it like we were pregnant for like a second and it didn’t, it didn’t last. Um, but that was like, I really, really knew that I wanted a second. I was working with a healer and a shaman at the time and she was really beautiful and helpful in that process. And she was like, you just weren’t quite like, settled enough, um, energetically yet you weren’t quite ready. And so that helped me kind of process that and released the attachment to when the timing needed to happen. And this time around, it’s like the timing was really, it was just really good timing for us. Like we were settled, we were feeling calm. I was also feeling unattached about whether it was gonna happen or not.

Elyse (06:53):

But I had written that down in my intentions with that, the powerful energy that creates what you wanna create where you have a clear intention and you’re also semi-detached from how and when it happens. That was really the energy I was in when I was like, you know what? We just moved from this, this great condo downtown to this bigger house in the suburbs. We’ve got more space. I’m feeling kind of more of that like settled, grounded energy. And it just felt like time to say, you know what? I’m ready and available for this if, if it’s meant to be. And so sure enough, it was meant to be. And so that I think is the first and the other piece that I’ve really been learning and practicing in terms of the power of intention with this pregnancy is being so unavailable for thoughts of fear or worry when it comes to this little life.

Elyse (07:50):

And um, and really being so clear on intending only the best for, for him, for our family. And it’s something that I personally like, I get to work on this in my life cuz my brain, maybe like yours, I’m just guessing, I have the monkey brain happen where it’s like, well what if this happens? Or what if that happens or I see this on social or that blah blah blah. And it’s like, Elise, you know, the power of intention, you know, what you focus on expands not making yourself wrong for fear thoughts or for cause. I think those, we have those pop in with anything we care about. But remembering and seeing only what I want in my life. So seeing baby happy and healthy, seeing the pregnancy be easy seeing and, and intending only the best for this child, for this beautiful soul that has, uh, you know, has come into our lives in this way and has chosen us as a family to come, to come be part of.

Elyse (08:54):

And so that power of intention is so, so strong. And that applies again to anything, not just pregnancy. The second thing that for me was really different this time around was like honoring when and what to share and what do I not wanna share? And we didn’t share this publicly until we were five months in. And I remember the first pregnancy with Jack, I was like, I was exploding. I wanted to share as soon as I found out. And I think every woman has her own journey and whether you wanna share immediately whether you wanna sh don’t wanna share it all, it’s all what feels right for you. So this is not about, there’s a right or wrong way to do it. In this particular instance, I didn’t feel like I wanted to share for quite some time. And even when I did share it fi it was, it was kinda like I needed to start sharing because there were, I can’t hide it forever <laugh>.

Elyse (09:52):

And I’ve got this amazing new social media manager who’s helping me with a lot of things and we’re like, Oh, can’t cover the bump forever. And, and so we needed to share it and it, and I was okay with the timing of sharing it too, but it was something that I really enjoyed, like keeping just for us and for very close friends and family for a long time. And I think there was definitely, there were a lot of things I’ve become aware of in this process too that impacted that. You know, the first time around I wasn’t, I was, I don’t think I’d even launched the brand yet. Yeah, the She Sells brand wasn’t launched yet. I launched it officially when Jack was like four months old. So yeah, it wasn’t launched yet. Uh, there wasn’t as much riding on me. I was, you know, working within, I was an independent contractor, but working within a company as a, I was a founding team member of another organization, but I wasn’t the ceo, I wasn’t leading it in that way.

Elyse (10:51):

And so I think this time around there was kind of the reconciling of you’re the CEO of the company. I definitely understand what women go through and I’ve been learning so much more about what women go through about sharing pregnancy when they are in a, um, in a role where people are looking to them. I’ve had, if you’ve listened to the podcast, like some really powerful conversations and eye-opening conversations too with women who have been high up in companies and in organizations where they’ve been asked like just really inappropriate questions or asked to do really inappropriate things when they share that they’re pregnant. And so it’s really opened my eyes to just some of the cultural standards that need to shift, whereas women, we can feel comfortable and confident sharing this is what’s going on and I’m so excited. And of course I’m gonna continue to rock at work and of course I’m gonna get to be a great mom.

Elyse (11:51):

Like we get to really have it all. But there’s still all this old conditioning that I even found popping up for me. And so there was, I know there was an element of that in terms of when I shared it and um, it just felt like there was, there was, I don’t know how to like more riding on me this time. And what I’m really clear on now is I get to let, I get to demonstrate how you can as a woman, have the family you want, have the life you want, have the career you want, have the time you want, how you can take time off to be with your family, how you can continue to grow your empire. And it’s all just about team and support and systems and intentionality behind it. But you can do it all. And what I’m really committed to now, cause I had to kind of work through some of my own mental junk about it, What I am really committed to now is demonstrating that for my clients and, and for you as well.

Elyse (12:50):

And you’ll see me do this, you’ll see me navigate this over the coming months where I’ve basically cleared two months off my schedule March and April where the only people I’m available for are my very high end mastermind clients and my, um, my, uh, my private clients and then my team. And we’ve got everything in place to continue to support the business, support all of our clients, support everything and everyone during that time. But it’s taken intention and it’s taken, um, you know, it’s, it’s taken me like really stepping into my power and owning it’s my life. I get to make my rules, the right clients are gonna understand the wrong clients aren’t gonna understand and they aren’t the ones I wanna work with anyway. And like really being good with that and owning that and being okay with that. And it’s just interesting for whatever reason, so many of the clients who have come in recently are women who are wanting to start a family or, you know, it’s like, it’s kind of on the radar for them.

Elyse (13:54):

I’ve never had so many women come in at once who are more on that journey where having a baby, having a family is a desire for them. Not every client but for a lot of them. And I really just trust the timing that I get to navigate this in my own life and, and help them step into that as well, that they can have it all. And the other, you know, the other piece that I just wanna be so conscious of and aware of, and I think this was also kind of in my mind while this was going on for us was I, I know a lot of women this year who did have losses and who did um, have some really, really tough moments. And I’ve had clients on that journey, whether it’s pregnancy loss or child loss even. Um, and that was kind of happening while we were also in the phase where we

Elyse (14:50):

Could have shared and it just didn’t, it honestly just didn’t feel right and it’s not, again, it’s like we, everyone is on a different journey. Everyone is on a different path. And I don’t say this to like, cuz I know I have clients listening and women listening who are pregnant too. So I had to be so conscious of my mind and what I focused on during this time. And it was also just kind of this feeling of greater connectedness to these other women as well, where it just didn’t feel right to be, for me, it didn’t feel right to be sharing that in the midst of everything else. And with that I’m also very clear, like it’s not about downplaying your happiness or your joy or your, um, any, any part of yourself for someone else. So I’m not saying that, I’m just sharing a little bit on I think some of the factors and the timing for me here of sharing it.

Elyse (15:44):

But the bottom line with all of that, the bottom line with all of that is you get to choose your own timing on things. Whether that is, as it pertains to pregnancy, you wanna share right away whether it’s you wanna wait for a while, you get to share the ti you get to choose the timing in your life of anything and everything that you share. And you’re the one who’s in control with that. I, I’ll expand it a bit beyond pregnancy to talk about, you know, how I kind of like, I don’t know mother is the word that’s coming up, but like any new manifestation in my life, whether it’s a new program I’m launching, whether it’s a new, something new we’re doing as a family, I used to feel like I had to go tell everyone and like shout from the rooftops and get approval and go to my parents and be like, what do you think of this?

Elyse (16:38):

And a lot of people aren’t gonna understand where you are on your journey. You know, when I invest in programs and coaching, like I tell very few people in terms of my god, my network of friends and family because it’s not gonna resonate for for a lot of them. And, and that’s okay. So you get to really, um, own your timing on things. You get to really feel into what’s right for you in the moment. And this time around that was what, that was what felt right for us. So that was the second is honoring the timing, the third, having massive grace with yourself, Massive grace with yourself. So we’re gonna talk first trimester for a minute here. I’m gonna get a sip of tea Halloween mug. By the way, happy almost Halloween if you’re watching this in real time or listening in real time. And then we’re gonna talk about where I needed to give myself a lot of grace this year.

Elyse (17:36):

So first trimester mentally for me was a bear. I think it was a combination of, there were a lot of things that felt unclear for me in terms of how, just how I was gonna navigate some things in my business. And there were also simultaneously all the hormones of first trimester going on and all the hormones of pregnancy. And I, it was the strangest thing. I know what a limiting belief is. Like I know what it is, I know how to work through it. I can, on a normal day, like I can work my mind around it and get to the other side of most any limiting belief that shows up pretty quickly. Like I know how to do that. But I couldn’t do it for myself for probably over a month. I had a couple good days in there, but there was probably about a month right around when we first found out we were pregnant where it was like, I was just like, I don’t like to use the word struggle, but I was struggling and I remember even like being, being <laugh> with Jason one afternoon and our in-laws were visiting and I felt like I was gonna have a meltdown because my brain, I, there was so many like fear thoughts going on, there was so much anxiety in my body.

Elyse (19:02):

And I remember just sitting on, I told him, I was like, I’ve gotta, I’ve gotta talk with you privately cuz we were downstairs hanging out with our in-laws and I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack, which isn’t something that I’ve dealt with for years. And I, I was like, I, we gotta go upstairs and talk. So we went upstairs, we sat in his office and I just remember sitting on the floor of his office and like sobbing and I, I said, I don’t feel like myself. Like I don’t know what’s, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t feel like myself though I felt so off. And he was, he, you know, very supportive in that moment. It’s like, what is he gonna do with that, right? You can pretty much say like, Hey, I got you babe, hang on, it’s gonna pass.

Elyse (19:46):

But there were times that felt really hard during that and whatever your own mental health journey has been and is right now, like sometimes it doesn’t, it’s, it’s easy to say, okay, I’ve got this six step checklist to work through a limiting belief and this is what I do again on a normal day. And it works. And if you have a time where things feel really challenging and maybe it’s a hormonal thing, maybe it’s a life thing, maybe I don’t, I don’t care or know what it is, but just giving yourself so much grace. And I remember talking to one of my girlfriends during that time and she was kind of reassuring me. She was like, you know, this doesn’t really sound like you, you know, my guess is by the time second trimester rolls around, this will have passed. And fortunately it did, but she talked about the power of not suppressing and not trying to flip it into a positive when it just wasn’t gonna go there for me on that day.

Elyse (20:48):

And really welcoming and kind of honoring whatever emotion showed up. And what I found was in that process, even though I didn’t wanna be feeling the anxiety, even though I didn’t wanna be feeling the fear in the process of not resisting it and not making myself wrong for it, and instead just being like, Okay, what is like, what are you trying to tell me? What’s showing up right now? Who’s showing up in this? Almost like giving the emotions a little personality, um, and accepting them and not trying to fight them. Almost envisioning, uh, Rhonda Burn talks about this like the welcome ceremony of the emotions. So imagining that the negative emotion is at your door and ringing the doorbell and you open it up and it’s like this small scared little child and you’re not going to tell it to go away. You’re not gonna like yell at it for being there.

Elyse (21:41):

What are you gonna do? You’re gonna like put your arms around it in a warm hug and love on whoever’s in front of you. So I practiced that with the emotions and sure enough, they, they did dissolve faster that way and I was able to get back to a bit of, nor like a feeling of normal, a bit faster that way. But again, like, you know, all this was going on and it, I didn’t feel like I wanted to share it yet on social. And so I was kind of navigating a lot of these things privately with the help of Jason and a few, like my mentors and some good friends and it, it was a bit of a journey. So I think just having so much grace, so much compassion, so much love, whether that’s kind of the norm for you right now, whether you’ve been going through a season of, of feeling that way or whether you normally don’t feel that way, but it’s happening right now.

Elyse (22:33):

I’ve, I, you know, I’ve got some clients who are pregnant right now and they’re earlier in their journey and it’s like, I’ve just been reminding them like, this two shall pass, this two shall pass. And remembering that for me, part of it too is looking for the blessing of, in all of this it means I’m pregnant, like it means I’m pregnant. It means we’re bringing this, this new little life into the world and remembering that. And some days that really worked. Some days it was like, Oh, I still feel kind of crazy right now. This doesn’t feel good, but this too shall pass as well. Was was something that really, really helped me. The fourth lesson slash thing I’ve been, I’ve been learning is really about expanding your vision. So I am, I, I talked about this a little bit on the show yesterday, so I’m not gonna go super deep into it, but I am so clear now on what I’m creating in my life and how much I wanna make and how much I do or don’t wanna work <laugh> we’ll just put it that way. And I am very clear that I desire to work probably about half of what I’m working right

Elyse (23:44):

Now. Again, I, I love my career, I love what I do and there’s still definitely things I do that can be delegated to other people. And so we’re very much in this process right now of like getting dream team onboarded and getting people in place and um, and I see the how of this of literally working a few hours a day and hitting our financial goals. I see it all coming into form, but that vision for quite some time, like would have felt near impossible or would have felt like I was wanting too much or dreaming too big. And I realize even now as I say this, there’s a whole nother level of the vision. There’s a whole nother level of expansion that’s gonna come beyond this. But the, the point of this is I would ask yourself like, what do you really want? What do you really want?

Elyse (24:37):

And not what do you think you can get now? Not what do you think is the next step on the path to what you really want, but like, what do you really want now? And is it what you really want? Or is it what you think you’re supposed to want or what you think is gonna get you to where you wanna go? And that was something I got really clear on, like even in the last month, so much more than I have before. Again, I think I shared this on yesterday’s episode so I’m not gonna go too deep into it, but I had incorporated some things into my business model and into my structures that I knew other eight figure CEOs were doing. And that I was like, yeah, like, we’ll, we’ll do that and that’s gonna be part of our plan. And what I realized was, and I kind of known it all along, but I’ve just been resisting it.

Elyse (25:23):

Like I don’t really wanna do that. I don’t really wanna manage that many people. I don’t really wanna lead that many people, Not right now, at least maybe down the road, I want something streamlined. I want something elegant. I want something that creates a heck of a lot of time freedom for myself to be with my boys, to be living the life I want. Um, and yes, I, and I’m unavailable to compromise on how much money I’m making from it. So it was really expanding the vision and clarifying not what has someone else done that I think I need to mimic, but what do I want, What’s important to me and what fits the life I’m building? Like what at the end of my life am I gonna be happiest that I created? And I think remembering that you are not wired like anyone else, Exactly. You are, uh, you are not meant to recreate what anyone else has already created to a t You can certainly borrow and model off of what inspires you, but your life vision is different than anybody else’s. And if there’s anything that you’re currently doing or any part of your vision that you feel is, um, that you feel like you’re doing because you have to or you’re doing because it’s the only way,

Elyse (26:42):

But it, it doesn’t really feel aligned, really check in with what’s right for you and what’s gonna be best for you. And I’m just, I’m super lit up and having so much fun in my own life thinking about this right now, of how can I do get way more out of, way less effort, not about laziness, it’s about strategy. It’s not about not wanting to work, it’s about only desiring to do the things that are in my zone of genius that I really enjoy and that I’m good at. So it’s about a honing in, it’s about an efficiency and releasing and dropping, um, the need to do anything else that just isn’t aligned. So expand the vision of what’s possible for you in your life and clarify the vision of what is gonna bring you the most happiness. What’s gonna bring you the most joint.

Elyse (27:35):

You’re the only one who has to live your life, right? Like we all get to remind ourselves of this. You’re the only one who has to live your life. So when are you saying yes to things you wanna say no to? When are you saying no to things you wanna say yes to? And allowing yourself to really expand that vision of what’s possible for yourself now in your life and calling in your greatest good now as well. What would that look like? And then the final piece, and this is, this one is partly inspired by just Jack and being with him. And I know our, our new little guy too is gonna teach me so much about this too, but saying yes to your joy, like having joy in the little things. You know, I had a client in town this past week. She was here, um, speaking for a couple conferences and I had her over to the house on Friday night for dinner and to hang out and uh, and it was her and me and Jack and we had uh, we’d like finish up dinner and it was dark outside.

Elyse (28:34):

Yes, I stayed up past dark for a client. I mean it was, this was like a next level moment in my life cuz usually I’m in bed at seven 30, but Jack isn’t usually up at that hour either. And he was looking outside that the sun had gone down and he was like, It’s dark, it’s dark and just so excited. And he starts like with our house now, we’ve got a, uh, a screen porch that’s attached to the living room in the kitchen. And so we had the doors open cause it was nice out and he starts like running laps through kitchen, dining room, living room, the outside just screaming about how it’s dark outside, it’s dark outside. And my client said this and I was like, Oh my gosh, this is so true. She was like, Wouldn’t it be great if we just all had that level of joy and excitement about something like it being dark outside, like that level of marvel and wonder at it?

Elyse (29:30):

And I thought, oh my gosh, yes. Like it’s so beautiful to see the joy in the littlest things that park actually little things if you stop and think about them. But that so often we forget our true miracles, whether it’s the fact that it gets light and dark during the day, Like that’s pretty incredible. I just got off a call with another client who, uh, she had come from the UK over to the States for a family event and she was like, I asked her what she was grateful for and she said, I’m pretty grateful for air travel. And she was like, I know this may sound silly, but like not taking for granted that I can sit down on a plane, read a book a couple hours later. I’m, you know, I’ve moved from London over to the States. Like that’s pretty amazing. And so I think it’s just this invitation to renew our awe and our wonder at life and at what we’re at.

Elyse (30:29):

Just like the little things that we forget about. So whether it’s that you can listen to this from wherever you are and I’m over here recording it for you right now and we’re able to connect and or, or whether it’s the fact that, you know, you have the tools and the technology to build your dream business or to connect with your ideal clients, whether it’s the fact that the sun came up this morning, you know, that joy and that awe for life and for the little things be like a child, right? Jesus said, be like the little children. And there’s so much that I have learned from Dak that I know, again, I know I’ll learn from our next little one too, just about embodying joy regardless of what’s in the bank, regardless of what’s what is or isn’t happening in our lives the way we think we’re supposed to.

Elyse (31:25):

I’ve also, I didn’t put this in here, but I have learned so much from Jack about patients and things not needing to be any way that I think they need to be in terms of what order we do things in, in terms of I can have a whole plan for the day and he’s not feeling it and I just got off a weekend of solo moming. So like this is very fresh on my mind that need to be flexible. He is so my greatest teacher in that and I continue to learn in that. But those lessons we get to take with us and the other parts of our life. So those are some of the lessons so far. I’ll do a a quick recap. So the power of intention is the first, uh, the second really honoring your own timing with things and, and trusting that the third, having massive grace with yourself. Always, always, always massive grace with yourself. The fourth, expanding your vision to what’s really aligned for you and saying yes to that. And then the fifth, you know, saying yes to your joy. So I’m so grateful and excited to be able to share this with you now and I so appreciate we’ve received so much love on social already. I so appreciate, um, your messages and what you’ve shared. And

Elyse (32:38):

I know, know that I’ll be weaving this in more to what I share on the podcast moving forward. So thank you so much for the opportunity to share this. I hope this spoke to you regardless of whether you’re on your own jour pregnancy journey or not. You know, you can take these principles and apply them to really any aspect of your life that you’re working on and that was really my intention here. So thank you so much for being a listener. I’m so grateful for you and I’ll see you on our next episode of She Sells Radio. Bye for.