Creating Lasting Legacy w/ Rita Hausken

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Welcome to She Sells Radio I am personally very excited for today’s

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conversation because if you have followed me for any amount of time you know I love talking about Quantum leaps

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and any time in my sales in my life in my business when I have Quantum leaped

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and there have been many times when I’ve been stuck too so that’s definitely part of the story but anytime I’ve Quantum

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leaped it has not been from working harder it has not been from just out

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hustling in fact those were the activities and the ways of being where I stayed stuck um when I have truly

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Quantum leave it has been from going inside and learning how to rewire and

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shift the subconscious programming that was keeping me stuck at a certain level

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to start actually seeing and believing that what I wanted was possible and so

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what I really now teach and believe is that your results will never supersede your identity and so today we get to go

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in depth with an expert in reprogramming the subconscious mind and how you remove

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limiting beliefs that could have persisted for most of your life so my guest today is Joel Bine he’s the

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founder of human Liberation and he shares a revolutionary approach to removing negative beliefs from the

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subconscious mind which I’m very excited to hear about freeing people from their unwanted thoughts and emotions so Joel

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welcome so much to the podcast I am very excited to dive in with you today and I’m ready to take notes because I know

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that I’m going to learn so much too so thank you for being here my pleasure I’m excited to be here amazing so you know

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we get we get a lot of uh reach outs for the show and when I and and most of them

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I’m like nah you know it’s just it’s not a fit or we don’t have bandwidth when I saw what you were doing and more about

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your work I was like yes we need to have you on because this is the one thing that if people can learn how to do it

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will will transform not just their results but their I I want to hear your

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thoughts on this too but their peace and their happiness and their enjoyment of the process so um so I’m so excited to

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to hear more from you and I know that anyone who has something that they teach and their passionate about they usually

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have some sort of a backstory where they had to learn it for themselves or they had to overcome challenges in order to

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um in order to create this methodology so would you share just a little bit more about your personal growth story

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and what even LED you down this path of wanting to learn how to overcome limiting beliefs and then teaching so

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many other people how to do so yeah absolutely I mean it’s funny my

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personal development story started early I think age 1819 I just found myself

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starting to gravitate towards podcasts about parenting philosophy and

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psychology and thinking about how it is how is it that children are raised in

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this culture right and thinking about how how can we create a healthy world

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for adults by focusing on the fundamentals the fundamentals are how children are raised

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right we we build these habits that that start in childhood I’ve always been interested in fundamentals I’m a I’m a

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classically trained musician very passionate about that as well and so you need to know your your scales you need

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to know your fundamentals you need to know the basics so I’m I’ve always been interested in in the fundamentals and

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getting to the root of things to actually solve the problem and actually build healthy habits and healthy ways of

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being so that’s one place that really started for me you know coming and coming out of a you know less than ideal

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childhood for sure and having you know some chaos and dysfunction and just not

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really being my authentic self not really being nurtured you know of course because of my parents own limitations

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and their own beliefs and their own unprocessed childhoods and so I started gravitating getting towards that that

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deep stuff from a young age and then doing a lot of different personal development throughout my 20s and and

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getting to know who I actually am and then in my 30s really beginning to apply

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that knowledge and and and sharing that authentic self with the world and that’s really when I came across in my early

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30s the this method that I’m now sharing with the world which has been the most powerful tool I’ve come across to

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actually to actually let go at the root of these these conditioned beliefs that

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we’re you know as kids were trying to navigate our environments we’re trying to get connection and love and safety

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and so forth and so we create stories to to make sense of things and and get those needs met but then they become

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baggage um they become they get in the way they become clutter as we as we move

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into adulthood so it’s it’s actually getting to that route and and and then

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you can free yourself fully so that’s that’s kind of the high level uh backstory wow yeah well there’s there’s

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a lot of places we could go with that and um something that we’ll talk today a fair amount about money uh if you’re

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game for it our listeners are here and they’re you know they’re either in sales or they’re entrepreneurs so they they

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want to learn how to grow their money and um well you know we’ll talk money blocks too but one of the things that

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really transformed my life was when I I understood that the reason why I was

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wanting more money wasn’t so much to have this like stack of paper sitting

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there because money on its own without any sort of emotional impact doesn’t really do anything for us it was it was

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the freedom that I thought it would create and it and to me surface level it’s like well yes it creates time and

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money freedom and that’s powerful but at a deeper level what I’ve really come to understand and I’d love to hear your

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your perspective on this we’ll go more into your story and your methodology too but the deepest Freedom that I I

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personally feel like we’re seeking is is the freedom to be fully ourselves like when we’re there when we feel that that

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to me is when everything unlocks so you spoke about being your authentic self

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and I think that that phrase I know for many years I would hear it thr I was like you know it’s it’s sounded like a

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t-shirt something nice to say but I didn’t really think it had a lot of value I was like how’s that going to make me help more help me make more

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money I don’t really see a lot of value in it and being someone who’s who’s been

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on this path and continues to be on this path there’s amazing things that unlock when

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we actually tap back into like who were we in childhood and and um who is our

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authentic self versus the the false self right and and start to close that Gap so

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um share a little bit more about this concept of the authentic self and if someone’s listening how do they know if

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they are showing up as their authentic self or if they’re not and and what why

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do we want to why do we care right for someone who’s listening they’re like I care about the bottom line they’re at least 5 10 years ago how do they why do

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why do they care to start really showing up as their authentic self and what would change or transform in their

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business and their sales I hope that question makes sense it’s a lot of questions yeah well I like that you said

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what’s the purpose of money basically it’s the endgame I mean it’s not money for money’s sake it’s to create a

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flourishing life it’s to create freedom is to have certain needs met so that you can be happy like what’s life for it’s

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to be happy right and I see happiness as how many of our needs can we get met at the highest level right so we have a

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need for security and freedom and we also have needs for for connection and

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we have a need to be seen right so it’s funny I I was listening to this podcast

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and there’s this this guy who works with he’s worked with billionaires throughout

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his career and he was giving this he was relaying the fact that there are many

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many billionaires people who have1 billion dollar who wish they had two billion do and the reason that that is

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is because they have inner inner things that they haven’t solved right it’s the

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inner game and at the end of the day you could have all the money in the world but what’s what’s the point of

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life right so if you’re if you’re lonely if you’re not being seen for who you are if you’re not expressing who you are

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then you’re not going to be flourishing right so if you zoom out and say how do I create a true you know Michael

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ellsburg and Brian Franklin their book The Last safe investment they talk about true wealth true wealth it’s not just

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Financial wealth it’s all the wealth it’s social wealth it’s it’s feeling like you can express yourself it’s

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having experiences that are meaningful all these things that that create a flourishing Abundant Life so yeah I mean

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authentic self I think if you tune in in terms of how to know if you’re being your

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false self or a true self one thing that comes to mind is just when you’re in

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you’re having you know conversations with a a close friend or a romantic

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partner like do you notice anything in your body that’s feeling guarded right you want to

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maybe this part you want to express yourself you want to say what you actually think but then

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you back yeah right because there could be some you sit on your needs you sit on

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your needs for self-expression and self assertiveness right and you you hide and

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this is I I know this very well because much of my life I’ve done this but uh

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you hide that actual self- assertiveness so that you can at least

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ostensibly create that illusion of I’m going to I’m going to stay safe and connected if I don’t actually disagree

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here or I don’t actually show up as my full self right so that’s kind of the

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one way to think about it so you said you sit on your needs right did I hear that correctly yeah that speak more I

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think this is so powerful and so important there’s there’s some follow-up questions I want to ask but I know I’ve

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had that experience many times and like I like I’ve I’ve made a I’ve grown a lot in this area and I’m still like every

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day I’m noticing ways in which I’m like oh I held back there and I wanted to say something or so I I don’t know that this

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work ever ends um but that sitting on your needs really spoke to me the way

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that you put it because that feels very clear so what does someone if they notice they’re doing

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this what do we start to do I know you’ve got a methodology and so I don’t like obviously people would want to hire

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you to go deeper in this if they want to have the full experience but can you speak a little bit to how do we start to

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unravel that way of being and and what is the the way that you approach this with clients when when they’ve maybe had

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this pattern for most of their life how do we start to feel safe to actually show up and be visible and be seen as

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our most authentic selves yeah the the discovery process of

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figuring out what beliefs the subconscious mind has is the most

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important part because I can connect with someone and we can clear any belief

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for them very rapidly the question is what’s the belief that’s causing you the

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most issues in your life in your patterns so if that’s a fear of let’s just take that same example of of

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self-expression fear fear of self assertiveness again I start with the body like okay we we have this pattern

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when you’re talk let’s just say you’re talking to your husband and you notice that you feel guarded in that moment

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okay let’s start with that now let’s connect to the body the body is feeling this guardedness

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this fear okay often I’ll ask clients if that fear or guardedness could speak

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what would it say and that gives us the chance to see this fear this feeling as a separate

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part of you so understanding that the the psyche

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is sort of a family of parts of ourselves part of me thinks this part of me feels

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this and seeing okay it’s not that I’m fearful it’s there’s this part of me

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that’s fearful and so then we can kind of have that

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perspective oh this is this part oh and that part is coming from my past

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experience right so then we begin to dialogue with the part to to understand

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what the actual beliefs are the actual root Concepts that are filtering reality so

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there could be a belief that I’m not assertive or it’s not safe

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to express myself or I’m not good enough I’m not good enough in my experience

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working with with dozens and dozens of people is the most common belief I think

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people have in the in the world so if we can actually identify the

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conceptual you know the the language that that spotlights the actual Concepts the part of you is believing then we can

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then we can work this process and and clear the belief out um but it’s it’s really starting with the body often

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times and starting what is the pattern I have now connect to that part of you and figure out what that part of you is

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believing that makes a ton of sense once you so once we connect to that part of

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us and we’re like okay I’ve got some clarity on what that part of me is believing how do we start to shift it

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because I think you speak to and I know a lot of people will teach affirmations

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visualization and um and I have a an approach that I use in my own life but I’m curious to hear from you like is

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that is that how you shift it with your clients or have you found something that’s a more powerful approach because

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there’s a lot of people listening who probably say oh I tried affirmations and it didn’t work for me I tried a vision

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board I tried manifesting and it didn’t work so what’s the what’s the Gap and is there a different or better way to clear

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those beliefs and then create because we’ve got to replace it with a different belief right so what does that look like for you when you’re working with

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clients yeah I love I love this topic uh affirmations I believe are very valuable

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but it is the case that many people struggle to gain value from them and it’s because the subconscious part is

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believing the opposite perhaps so I mean I did affirmations for years like I’m

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enough I’m enough I’m enough and I I remember doing that and it would give me this shortterm value but then I also

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remember thinking deep down that it was it was nonsense it was BS what I was

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saying because deep down I believed I’m not enough so it’s like trying to spray the

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dog dooo on the carpet with air freshener it’s like we need to actually clear out the problem and then if you

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want to add air freshener to enhance things if you want to add the affirmation to enhance things

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I think that’s great but but what I do is is is really just about the

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unlearning process it’s deprogramming it’s not focused at all on

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learning new things on New on new affirmations on reprogramming on shifting this and changing and adding

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it’s subtracting it’s unlearning it’s pulling out the weeds it’s pulling out the weeds of the

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mental Garden you pull out the weeds and then if you want to plant some new seeds that are wonderful affirmations for man

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man estation all the good things like well now we’ve cleared all this stuff that’s getting in the way so this is why

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people have the uh you know there’s like this caricature of affirmations and like

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people are turned off sometimes by affirmations and visualization because it doesn’t work

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for a lot of people because we have all these beliefs from parts of us that that are holding on and until we actually

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dialogue with the part of us that believes I’m not good enough or I’m not enough or money is evil whatever it is

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then we’re just going to keep having this oppositional energy to the

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affirmation that’s something I’ve been really thinking about in my own life lately too and and for my clients too

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it’s just this experience of like split energy which I think so many people listening if if you’re conscious and if

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you’re paying attention you may notice in your life where it’s like I want this thing and I feel this pulled towards

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this thing and I feel bad for wanting it I tell I make myself wrong I feel like I

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always have to work so hard to get there um you know I beat myself up Etc so I I

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this is not an at leas original I don’t know who said this originally but I think this is where people get it messed

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up with Law of Attraction manifestation is they think well you just sit there and you look at the vision board all day

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or you affirm all day and and it happens and and no because in life we don’t get what we want we get what we are right so

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to your point of you got to clear out the weeds first before you can plant the

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new seeds if there’s a if there’s a weed in there like you’re going to attract based on that belief based on that

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negative belief even if it’s not what you want so I I think it’s a I love the

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approach let’s talk specifically to money and money blocks um so I don’t

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know if you see this with your clients a lot of the work I do with mine and what we see with a lot of the members of the

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community is around worthiness so you know we’ve got we got all genders in the community

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obviously more women the men here but um but what’s you

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know I see this so commonly with the women who come into our group programs where they they want another level of

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success they want another level of abundance and yet they either they don’t

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feel worthy of it they feel bad for wanting it there can be old religious wounding about you’re going to be

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punished if you go for what you H or you should feel shameful for more how do we can you speak to those a little bit like

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how do you approach those with clients how do we start to break those I know it’s probably the same process but let’s let’s make it specific to money right

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now because I know this is a hot button for the community absolutely I mean money I love

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talking about this partially because it’s the most taboo Topic in the culture

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I think yeah and so getting curious about that taboo to start with can be an

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entry point into our money beliefs again all a subconscious mind you might know that you’re worthy of success and

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abundance and prosperity and being rich and you want those things and that’s so

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amazing and then these deep childhood parts are are attached I mean I mean for

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me I I grew up in a family where there was no exposure to business there was I

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didn’t even know anything about entrepreneurship business until my like early 20s there was no exposure to that

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it was a world of my parents were both in the public sector and even

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implicitly I learned that you know making money is is greedy or rich people are selfish or money is evil even uh and

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also we just didn’t have that much money and there was that atmosphere in the home and so beginning to reflect on the

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atmosphere you had in your home growing up is is a great entry point but yeah I

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mean I I work with many many of my my clients we we’ll work on usually three to five patterns over the course of our

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sessions together but oftentimes one of those patterns is money blocks um

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there’s many people I’ve worked with that they’re making tons of money even but they still have insecurities about money they still have fear about the

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future so yeah getting conscious and just inviting awareness to beliefs like

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I don’t have enough money like I’ll invite people to listening right now just if you just sit on that belief does it

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resonate in your body I don’t have enough money if it feels if there’s a weight

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there that means the part of you has a belief that’s filtering your reality um

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if it sounds empty it sounds ridiculous like 2 plus 2 equals 5 that means the belief’s not there but that’s kind of

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the sense test I’ll help people recognize is let’s just say this belief what’s Your Gut check about it another

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common one is making money as hard you know when you actually think

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about it and this is this is the dialogue I’ll have sometime with people in their parts their parts of their subconscious

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mind it’s like making money is hard is there any actual proof of that in terms

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of our sense data excuse me so yeah I

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mean and I break this down more in in in the guide that I have um it’s actually

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atth human liberation. I created this guide that that talks more about the specifics

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about this uh people want to kind of get really into it but basically

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it’s recognizing that in these events growing up you you you saw your parents struggling with with the bills well it’s

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recognizing that you didn’t actually see the belief I don’t have enough money you just

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saw things objects people you saw things with your eyes you saw your your mom or

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dad having a certain facial expression you saw this bill and then maybe you felt feelings in your body you felt this

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tension or this insecurity okay you had sense data coming in you’re experiencing

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but the actual story I don’t have enough money is not one of the pieces of sense

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data we just create meaning that’s what we do and it’s totally understandable as a kid

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especially we are trying to understand our environments we’re trying to stay

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safe we’re trying to stay connected we’re trying to fit in we’re trying to maintain attachment to our parents all

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the different like reasons that are so we make meaning we’re meaning making machines as

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humans so the the thing is we we are unconsciously making meaning when we’re

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having some of these challenges ing events growing up and so when you actually recognize

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that the the stories aren’t in objective reality it’s something you created in

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your mind and we can be free of it forever yeah and the clients I’ve worked with is just like enormous shift

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over like not even usually I work with people for 12 weeks um sometimes I’ll work with people

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I had a client who his money blocks were he he rated as a 10 10 out of 10 on week

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one and by week eight he was Zero he was like yeah I’m good like I I still blows

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my mind even sharing that like I know it might sound like I’m trying to Hype it up or something but I’m just sharing the

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real like we just keep shaving down beliefs and then is totally different

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totally different yeah oh my gosh that’s so good and and I love everything you’re saying because it it’s very aligned with

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the teaching that has changed my life and the work I do now my own life and with with clients too and I want to just

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come back to something and make sure that I’m hearing this the way that you’re you’re meaning it too so for

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everyone listening the way what I’m hearing you say is how do we know if we

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have a limiting belief how do we know if we have a subconscious pattern that’s holding us back right we we check in with our body and if it feels you use

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the word I think heavy like it’s weighing you down that’s an instant awareness that this is I’m thinking this

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is the way I think like I’m thinking something that’s not actually true for me in this moment or that doesn’t have

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to be my highest and best truth it’s it’s in conflict with what I think like my best or highest self knows and think

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so that’s the trigger is that feeling state in the body is that and you’re giving different language to it which I

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appreciate so is that am I hearing that right is there anything you would add on to that from what I said yeah I love

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integrating the the body and the mind it’s like let’s just start with the present moment what is the experience you’re having now that that feeling in

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the body that guarden this that you know maybe you’re for me I had fear about

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sales specifically and being on a sales call and and being

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in that moment where you’re making the pitch you’re saying okay would you like to become my client would you like to do this partnership

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whatever and feeling that like little twinge of anxiety right and then that’s

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the clue that’s the clue okay what do I have to believe in order for this anxiety to be occurring what is intern

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the actual cause because the the the the experience the the sales call is just

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the it’s just the external circumstance it’s not the cause the cause of your

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anxiety is from is from deeper is from your past yeah so I had a belief again I

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that I just have sort of absorbed through osmosis in this culture and in my family as well that sales is

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dishonest this is a big one I think because we don’t hear about sales in

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school it’s just that imply that sales is sleazy or whatever it is could be

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sales is sleazy sales is manipulative sales is dishonest sales is

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greedy so there’s a lot of that there’s a lot of that in our culture and so again we might consciously know people

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listening you’re experienced in in entrepreneurship or sales and you you know sales is about being authentic and

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being honest and if you actually want to have results you need to build that but the question is is there any part of you

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that’s holding on to something from the past because you absorbed it yeah through the culture so that was a big

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one for me the sales is dishonest that’s huge that’s I would

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imagine everyone listening has heard that I mean what’s the most common analogy I use car sales but like no

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disrespect to anyone who’s listening who sells cars right but that’s it’s just that conditioning and then um I I know

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so many of our listeners can relate and you go into we got a lot of listeners who are entrepreneurs or sales professionals you go into it because any

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number of reasons you you usually you want to help people you like what you’re selling and you like the idea of the

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abundance right and the opportunity for freedom and and all of that and and so it’s a beautiful way to live and yet if

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we’re held down by that belief or that you you talked about perception right it’s like this Veil that’s kind of

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clouding our perception when we’re on the sales calls it’s it’s kind of like you’re you’ve got this ankle we you’re

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just like dragging along right and you’re always moving slower than you could that’s that’s how I um that’s

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sometimes how I think about it speak a little bit more Joel like I’d love to go a little bit deeper into the the hustle

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culture and the conditioning that to be successful we need to be working

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247 um and this is I I man I remember when I was coming up in sales I I

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followed a sales leader who talked about like if you have any white space on your calendar it’s the devil and and so I got

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into this cycle where I would get up at 2:00 in the morning I’d go to bed at like 11 I was burning the candle at both

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ends I was working all the time and that was actually the season of my life where no matter what I did I couldn’t break

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past the low six figure Mark so I was working so hard all the time feeling

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like it was just like moving through quicksand but there was this like this weight and this this should of you

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should be working or else you’re not being productive you’re going to fall behind there’s the competition is going

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to get your de and this is this is pervasive in the business culture so you spoke a little bit to this before but

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I’d love to just go deeper into this if someone is realizing that yeah I’ve got this condition like I feel like I need

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to be working all the time and I feel guilty if I take a break or I like feel guilty if I go outside and feel the sun

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on my face during the day or we’ve got moms and and dad’s listening if I stop and play with my babies how do we start

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to dismantle this and and get passes and what’s what’s your take on this approach to work yeah this is one of my favorite

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topics uh because I’m a big fan of what I call high performance

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loafing uh there’s a great performance loafing yeah okay there there’s an

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author named Daniel coil who wrote the book The Talent Code and he he talks about how skill is

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grown and he went around the world studying High performers such as Elite tennis players

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and soccer players and musicians and he was trying to figure out how to these places build Talent anyway he had a blog

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post some 10 years ago talking about the importance of rest in all his research um the the the top

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performers in any area of life actually work very

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focused for a finite number of of hours and then they’re resting and they’re getting tons of downtime I mean

30:01

historically someone like Charles Darwin was like working I don’t know he would work 9 to 12 in the morning and then he

30:10

was he was playing back gamon with his family he was taking long walks he’s taking a naps like in this restoration

30:17

time is essential for having for your brain to be let’s take sleep and napping

30:25

this is a huge opportunity for your brain to process information and to have insights and have to be refreshed and to

30:31

be restoring and taking long walks with no technology having you know great

30:38

ideas and from these long walks and and refreshing your mind and getting the endorphins and and we know these things

30:44

like people listening to podcasts like we’re hearing about the self-help and make sure you take time for yourself and self-care and all that stuff but then we

30:51

have these subconscious beliefs because we’ve been conditioned we’re just a product of our conditioning and like

30:58

I’ll just zoom out for a second like I just want to invite compassion right now for everybody like we’re growing up in this

31:07

when it comes to work specifically this work hard for this for the sake of working hard this like puritanical like

31:13

it’s baked into us and like just just forgive yourself first at a metal level

31:21

for this this wheel that you’re on because it’s very hard I’ve done a lot of belief work on myself

31:28

with this and there’s still beliefs that I haven’t found yet I think because there’s so many different ways that we

31:34

we are so many different spellings if you will different beliefs about work ethic um that we want to uncover but

31:42

like what makes me Worthy is working hard the way to be successful is to work

31:47

hard um making money is hard I’m not doing enough I should be doing

31:53

more this stuff we it gets instilled in installed into us through through this

32:00

culture and so that first step is to just invite some self-acceptance I think

32:06

for that wheel that this sort of cycle that we inherited from our parents they inherited from their parents and like

32:12

but we we actually know that what matters for creating value and creating results is just that creating value and

32:19

creating results it’s not about how much your body is straining itself like is there isn’t there a distinction between

32:26

doing valuable work being productive and straining your body like

32:34

is it really necessary to have this physiological experience of

32:41

distress in order to create value in the

32:46

marketplace that’s sort of like a high level rhetorical question for people and

32:52

then when we actually investigate you know at this level of spef specificity

32:57

we again we connected these subconscious parts and see what beliefs they have but yeah I’m I’m I’m pretty passionate about

33:02

this one because I want people to enjoy life and have that time that

33:09

downtime and and take care of ourselves but I also don’t want to people often will try to swing the

33:16

pendulum the other way and and focus on self-care and then not do the the the hard work hard

33:25

work meaning like concrete work tangible um results producing work um

33:33

which is also a form of self-care like doing the thing that you want to do that’s going to move your

33:39

business forward the most and create the flourishing life you want is a form of

33:45

self-care so yeah I could Riff on that for a long time but oh my gosh yeah man

33:50

it’s funny it’s like even as you talk I had a visceral physical reaction and likeing up in my eyes because I know

33:56

this conditioning is yeah so deep right it’s so deep and I I see this even with

34:03

we’ve got a three and a halfy old and even over the past couple of weeks he

34:08

started to bring home art from school and say look I worked so hard on

34:14

this do he’ll he’ll um be playing with a toy and he’s like he made me a necklace

34:20

the other day was so sweet and he’s like look Mommy I worked so hard on this and it’s been interesting

34:28

yeah I feel like emotionally even talking about it because I I I don’t think we we’re pretty conscious in our

34:34

household about our we’re very conscious and our household about our language I don’t think we’re really talking a lot about working hard necessarily in the

34:41

old way because that’s it’s just something that both my my partner and I are conscious to now um in our lives but

34:49

you know maybe he heard it from us if we like said something off-handed or maybe he heard it from school but uh and to

34:55

your point there’s nothing wrong with with working hard when it’s in the energy of to me creation like what am I

35:00

creating I want to bring forth and that’s but I don’t know to me it doesn’t feel like hard work it feels like Joy it

35:06

feels like fun it feels exciting um but just to see him start to say that like man this is interesting

35:13

how early this shows up and all of us had it so yeah it’s it’s it’s wild and

35:20

it’s it’s a game Cher let me let me ask you this Joel and I know you put together um you put

35:26

together a great guide for our listeners which I appreciate so we’ll we’ll have you share that again at the end but is

35:31

there anything that I haven’t asked you that I love this topic is there anything I haven’t asked you that you think is

35:37

important for our listeners to know or is is part of um your approach to

35:44

freedom and I love I I love what you do here I love the focus so is there anything that they should know or that I haven’t asked you that you want me to

35:49

ask you what comes to mind is just

35:55

emphasizing that this approach that I that I guide people

36:00

with it actually permanently eliminates the subconscious

36:05

limiting belief in 99% of the time

36:11

plus it takes about 20 minutes sometimes it takes shorter and when we actually have this

36:18

dialogue with the part of you that believes the thing then the belief’s just gone like

36:24

Santa Claus isn’t real anymore and you might have meta beliefs like

36:31

hearing that that that’s not possible and I invite awareness about

36:38

any beliefs about change that change can’t be fast change has to be hard I usually start with clients the first

36:44

session we we start with change blocks if there’s any blocks that nothing I do

36:51

Works uh it’s not going to work or I can’t change then we Free People of that and

37:00

then there’s all this excitement oh I see that those beliefs just evaporated now what now what else can I

37:07

let go of so and again just Tak the Santa Claus

37:12

example uh almost everybody growing up we just have the story going the Santa

37:19

Claus is real and it’s like a whole thing it’s a big deal and we believe it

37:24

and then when we actually realize it’s not true true it evaporates it’s not like a year later the next Christmas

37:31

time you’re re-evaluating your stance on stup it’s just gone forever so yeah I just want to emphasize

37:40

that it’s that it’s not what I’m doing is it’s just guiding people to to

37:46

unlearn to eliminate to let go to declutter whatever word you want to use

37:52

and it’s pretty simple we don’t need to we don’t need to like have these okay now I’m going to have this whole

37:58

plan for what I’m going to do um to change my life and muscle through this

38:04

comfort zone issue and make these changes in my life and here’s my new routines that I’m going to set up in

38:10

order to transform and here I just work with people we just people just show up

38:15

for an hour and we clear several beliefs each session and their whole life’s

38:21

different and then they come back the next week and it’s just everything gets better automatically

38:27

because the beliefs are gone so again I I mean I’m trying to come across as

38:34

genuine as possible with this because I know I understand that there could be skepticism about that and I was

38:40

skeptical the first time and like by all means like I’m a huge proponent of critical thinking and think for

38:47

yourself um but like it’s just my experience like it my whole life’s changed the past three years since

38:53

learning this and it’s like my like my deeper purpose is to share this with as

38:59

many people on the planet as possible and like de like help people decondition

39:05

um this is this is about this is about more than business for me this is like how do we how do we really really heal

39:11

the planet type stuff so yeah I’m with you no I’m so with you I

39:17

the thing I I say about our brand and our podcast even is like sales as the Trojan Horse because I think that what

39:24

what happens when you learn these Concepts and go deeper is like your whole life transforms and opens up and I

39:31

I I believe you about it can happen quickly because that’s the power of emotional impact it can happen just like

39:36

that if we’re open so um and I’ve had that experience myself this is this is

39:41

amazing thank you so much I know our listeners my listeners love this type of

39:48

conversation and I think you’ve added a new and a fresh perspective that we’ve never talked about before on the show

39:55

when it comes to this so so thank you so much um share a little bit more I know you put together a great guide which I

40:01

so appreciate um for our listeners so you want to share a little bit more about that and how people can connect

40:06

with you yeah absolutely this has been an energizing conversation and I just really appreciate what you’re doing

40:13

and the the guide is at thehuman liberation. El and the guide is called

40:21

get to the root the keys to permanently end negative selft talk

40:27

and yeah that guide is it expounds upon what I’ve said today in terms of

40:33

understanding how our subconscious stories play out in our adult lives and

40:39

and recognizing that we made meaning in childhood events and so one of the one of the cool things about the guide is I

40:46

I tuck in these little vignettes about my own childhood and I share specific

40:51

scenes specific memories that are attached to specific limiting beliefs that I used to

40:57

have and hopefully that can be you know um instructive or valuable for

41:05

people to just see that I you know I’ve gone through this and and I’ve had I’ve had uh less than

41:13

ideal childhood and and things like that and so much has changed for me so yeah

41:19

you can download that guide and then also like once you download the guide uh you’ll also have the chance to to book a

41:25

session with me and I’m I’m just being as abundant as possible as I build this business and the way I’m doing it at

41:32

least for now is that I’m just giving people a gift session where I’m

41:38

gonna I I’ll give you we’ll kind of do an inventory of what beliefs are causing

41:43

patterns in your life and then we’ll actually do this process we I’ll clear one belief for you so that’s totally a gift for you um so you so once you go to

41:50

the that URL you’ll and you get you um get the Guide then you’ll have the chance to book a call with me as well if

41:56

you want to just try this out that’s awesome that’s awesome I think you’ll get many calls booked um that’s that’s

42:02

amazing thank you thank you so much for that thank you for this conversation and um I’m really really glad we’re

42:09

connected and I’m excited about the work that you’re doing and um and what you brought today so thank you my pleasure

42:16

and thank you I I love your I love your Vibe and I love the the abundance that you are inviting into the world and so I

42:23

think like yeah this sort of combination of all this healthy manifestation

42:29

visualization affirmation conscious abundance creating Law of Attraction type stuff combined with letting go of

42:37

the negative stuff is just an absolute superpower like I love I love doing the the visualization I’m like I’m I’m I’m

42:45

I’ve read several of these live attraction books and like I love teaming that up with with the belief work and so

42:51

yeah really excited for what’s possible for for people as as they as they learn about these ideas yeah it’s so powerful

42:58

oh my gosh thank you my friend and uh to you my listener go connect with Joel get

43:04

his guide we’ll link it in the show notes and I’m confident that you have I

43:10

think new found I know I certainly have a newfound level of openness for what’s

43:15

possible and what can open up in life as we get clear and free from these old

43:21

restrictions and limitations that have been ruling the show for many of us for for most of our live so uh so this

43:27

is such a great conversation as always thank you so much for being a listener of She Sells Radio and I’ll see you on

43:33

our next episode bye for now.

0:03

Welcome to She Sells Radio I have one of my favorite human beings on the planet

0:08

here for an interview today and in fact as of today she is the only guest who

0:14

has been on the show three times so you very well may already be familiar with

0:20

my guest if not uh we’ll direct you back to the other earlier episodes as well but Rita hin is like I said one of my

0:27

favorite humans on the planet she’s an original member of our She Sells Community she’s one of the ogs of our

0:34

10K and 50k Club um and she’s doing really really big work in the world

0:41

she’s the founder and CEO of sustainability she’s an executive coach a trusted adviser to women leaders who

0:47

are changing the world I’m G to keep the intro relatively brief here because you can go back to some of the earlier

0:53

episodes to hear more but we are gonna have such an amazing conversation today Rita welcome back thank you so much for

0:59

being here oh thank you so much Elyse like I was just thinking it’s a year

1:06

ago I was on and I’m thinking about wonder how much has changed in one year

1:13

that I would never have thought would be possible ever oh my gosh well and that’s

1:19

really where I’d love to start with you because you have had um you’ve had so

1:24

much happening in your world since I’ve known you um before then too of course

1:30

then even just over the past year since we had you on the show and I think today we’re going to I want to talk with you a

1:35

lot about Legacy I know that’s a lot of your work in that that concept also drives a lot of what you do in your own

1:41

life so could you share with our listeners just some of what’s been happening in your world over the past

1:47

year since we had you on the show and maybe some backstory context too for someone who hasn’t heard you on the

1:52

earlier episodes just to share more about your son Benjamin and how he’s really inspired your passion for the

1:59

work that you do now in the space of solving some of the world’s biggest problems and empowering other leaders

2:04

who do that as well yeah oh i’ be delighted to um the most important

2:09

person ever in my life has and is Benjamin um and

2:16

um just briefly he was he was diagnosed with something called mps1 or hurless

2:23

syndrome when he was 2 years old and we were told that he would die when he was

2:28

seven and and um I got a choice then to either surrender to what the doctor said

2:36

and believe their limiting beliefs or to

2:41

say I have been given an opportunity to make a difference in this world through

2:46

his uh diagnosis and I chose the latter I chose to say as long as there is life

2:54

there’s hope I chose to uh look for opportunities I chose chose to connect

3:01

internationally with other families I chose to eliminate anything that would

3:06

make me feel uh in doubt of myself and there was a period of time where I

3:11

actually turn my back to the Norwegian system because in nor way we have this tendency of thinking that everything if

3:18

it’s there it’s going to come to us instead of maybe also showing up and doing some of the work ourselves so I

3:24

turned my my kind of my back to the Norwegian system and I connected more with the British the Americans and other

3:31

communities also in Australia and I got to work with families that was like yes

3:38

the our children is suffering from this and yes what can we do and I created a

3:43

mission for myself and that was that Benjamin might die young but he’s going to have a really happy life so my my

3:51

focus was happiness and through the that happiness Focus I got in contact with experts

3:59

around the the world and we managed actually to find an enzyme replacement

4:05

therapy we were fighting for that medicine we almost did lose him when he was seven we managed to get him back

4:13

again and then when he was N9 and a half the medicine was FDA approved EU

4:18

approved and after some fight with the government managed to get it to Benjamin

4:24

and through that work a lot of children’s lives have been saved not just from his disorder but the

4:32

mindset that doctors needed I mean what I helped them see was that I remember

4:38

one doctor he said oh you reminded me that I’m here to save lives I’m not here to monitor budgets so he said from there

4:46

on he said I rather ask for forgiveness and permission so he just put children on the various treatments without asking

4:53

first for permission uh so that saved lives and and a lot of

5:01

disorders that that was and from there on Benjamin lived until he was 27 and a

5:10

half he helped me so he couldn’t speak he couldn’t he

5:18

lost his ability to speak when he was nine and a half and he was like a 2year old so even

5:26

though he progressed to over a period of time he then um went back because his

5:33

brain was um kind of destroyed and but he learn me the power of listening for

5:40

what is not being said sensing for the vibration of another human being of

5:46

Happiness understanding the language of the non-spoken so I’ve he he learned me this

5:55

beautiful ability to listen to people on the very very deep

6:01

level and when he when he passed on the 24th

6:08

of March last year in so in

6:16

2022 he left be because we realized it was time we came to this conclusion that

6:23

this is the time we’re not going to help keeping him alive because he’s no longer

6:28

happy so we had to make a very conscious

6:34

Choice Legacy for me is number one priority how do you create a

6:42

legacy and I’ve realized that every single day we receive an opportunity to

6:49

create the Legacy very often I ask my clients if you think about it if death

6:56

should come today what is your legacy y right

7:01

now and interestingly enough there are far more legacies

7:09

created than we think it’s just that we we forget we we don’t think about it we

7:15

don’t call it oh I have a legacy so for me what Benjamin taught me is the

7:21

importance of checking in with yourself every single day what have I done so far

7:27

in my life that impacted the the world the planet other

7:33

human being whatever it is in one way or the other what am I proud of that is a

7:40

legacy we don’t need to make it so Grand and so huge and so like oh you’re going

7:46

to whatever Solve IT disease no it is in every single day and he taught me that

7:52

because I thought every single day for 27 years that this might be the last day

7:57

of his life this might be the last day that I can include other people into his

8:04

life and that is something that I’ve carried with me all the time and that’s

8:10

why Legacy work is so important for me oh go wow wow you know I was speaking

8:16

with somebody yesterday about I don’t know if you’ve seen the Wayne Dyer movie the shift are you familiar with oh yes

8:23

so he talks about the shift right from ambition to meaning in our lives oh yeah

8:29

and I’m curious from your perspective so when you’re working with clients and your your passion and what you’re doing

8:36

now is really about if I’m understanding correctly I know it’s it’s broader than this too but it is around creating this

8:42

Legacy and and women who are um who are out to really solve some of the biggest problems in the

8:49

world what do you see in terms of when that shift happens in someone’s life

8:55

when we make that shift from that maybe earlier ambition right where it’s about what can you know

9:01

what kind of paycheck can I bring home what kind of Revenue numbers can I hit what kind of awards following can I

9:07

build to which there’s a time and a place I think in many of our Journeys for that um but there’s a much deeper

9:14

meaning that’s available and I’m curious I don’t I don’t think everyone gets

9:19

there in this lifetime at least I’d be curious your perspective on that but when does that happen is it usually

9:24

through some sort of a traumatic event or is it more just like a waking up one day like when do you see that happening

9:31

in women’s lives and and what does that look like yeah so very often if I’m just

9:37

thinking about the clients that come my way they seem to have the same patterns uh they come to

9:45

me through referrals and they share that I have this restlessness inside of me I

9:52

can’t shake it off I don’t know what it is I I feel I should be grateful for

9:58

where I am and I’m in great positions but there is something wrong and I’m

10:04

trying to figure it out so they come thinking they have a problem a problem that they need to some some how

10:14

fix and when I’m starting to speak with them and uh I’m starting to ask them

10:23

more about what is this restlessness and what what do you believe in what you take a stand

10:29

for what is really important for for you it very quickly comes to something that

10:35

is of profound value for them that again very often there it’s climate change it

10:43

is clean energy it is basic human needs it’s it’s really about something that there must be something we can do there

10:50

is I’m just having this thing but what they don’t see is that that is connected

10:56

to the restlessness that they’re feeling whe they’re doing is they’re judging the restlessness as something negative and

11:03

every time is saying but you have to understand that you have this like this

11:08

moving like you know energy is in motion and that feels like in a particular way

11:15

and you you judge it label it as restless and I’m saying that you’re about to burst open you’re about to

11:22

crack open because your mission and my big vision is ready to hit the ground

11:29

running that is why you come to me that is what I’m here to serve you with is to help you release that wow and every time

11:36

it’s like no really like I thought I had a

11:42

problem and I said no you don’t have a problem you have a gift but you have wrapped it so tight into Conformity

11:50

into whatever speaking in a certain way or not speaking up at all about it

11:56

because you feel you can’t but now now this diamond is in a clay of mud so we

12:03

just got to crack this thing open and really that that light of that diamond

12:08

that atam that it’s so powerful that we just need to release this

12:15

thing that is usually what happens and the interesting thing it is

12:22

how how much it can scare them in the beginning because they realize how powerful they are and that’s scary

12:30

and I I also share this with them I’m I’m here to really remind you of how

12:35

powerful you really are and the reason why

12:43

I I think I can crack it so fast is that if I go back again to

12:50

Benjamin I mean I have been in the operating room or surgery room with him

12:55

so many times where we were faced with challenges during surgery and I was

13:01

always a part of surgery I always there it’s just been a part of weirdly what I’ve been

13:06

doing and in in Crazy situations I could

13:11

have an idea and I would speak this idea into the team and everyone that was

13:18

dealing with Benjamin they were real experts they were real experts so you would think that they know it all but

13:25

because I was fighting constantly for my son I had nothing holding me back from

13:30

bringing my idea into the room and so often it was like my goodness why didn’t

13:36

we think about that that’s a great idea and what I then saw when I started

13:43

my my own business back in 17 I said I believe that women possess a

13:51

unique form for creativity the world needs access to that creativity to solve

13:57

some of the greatest problems we have we just need women to get out of their own way because we need our we need their

14:03

brain at the moment 50% of the population who probably sits with the

14:09

solution to what we’re challenged with are not cracked open yet we need to make that happen so when I see a woman in

14:16

front of me and I feel this because they are the ones coming my way whether they

14:21

are clothes designers or whether they’re working in the energy industry I always

14:27

see that somewhere down there they’re working on the same thing a big shift a big impact through

14:35

whatever it is that’s what happens when I get to

14:41

work with them gosh yeah so from day one we start working on the Legacy and and this is what I do

14:49

it’s like if we stop right now what Legacy have you already

14:54

created and this is what they don’t see because you know when we’re operating from a zone of Genius is or we have this

15:00

expression what this the skies to the bird and the fishes to the water humans

15:06

are to themselves we don’t see our own Brilliance because we’re in it all the time the same goes for these women and I

15:14

say I want to map you out what have you

15:20

done that is unique and they like first triy to

15:25

really go there and we go in there and we find one gem after the other and you

15:30

can feel this energy of being proud and

15:37

wow I forgotten this

15:43

yeah we need to remind you because if this has if you not being conscious

15:50

about it has taken you here can you imagine what you can do with

15:56

Consciousness and awareness around it so what took you here is not going to take

16:02

you there because now everything has changed and I always say this even if this is the only conversation you and I

16:09

have you’re going to go out from here and your life is never going to be the same it can’t because you cannot unsee

16:16

something you have seen yes yes oh my

16:22

gosh oh my gosh you use this phrase I’m taking some notes while you talk

16:27

about the when the restlessness comes right and that that that gift is inside that

16:34

stirring is inside but it’s been wrapped so tight in Conformity

16:39

yeah so I’m curious why do you think we are so

16:46

afraid of our own power and I want to give a little context for the question some of what I know of you before you

16:52

answer it I remember I think I’m remembering this correctly you can tell me if um if I’m

16:59

not but I remember this was shortly after Benjamin had passed and you said something to me along the lines of

17:06

nothing scares me anymore it’s like I’ve been through the hardest thing someone could be through I’m not afraid of

17:13

anything anymore and there was obviously in the middle of the most unimaginable

17:18

grief also this this emanation of a deeper level of power that was coming

17:24

through you that I felt from you in that moment and

17:29

my personal take is we all have that within us right and yet to your point

17:34

it’s wrapped in Conformity and we forget it or and or we’re we’re really deep

17:39

down scared of it and I think many many of us never crack that open because we

17:45

never have a a scenario that forces us to right but but that fear that fear

17:51

that we feel of our own power deep down why is that there and what does it look like to release it h

17:59

yeah I remember that conversation I remember really well the power that it

18:04

it was

18:09

quite mindblowing because it it kind of happened when Benjamin

18:16

passed and I think there W there was a

18:22

both this feeling of releasing him from his pain yeah that meant that I

18:28

surrender to the state of no longer trying to keep control over

18:36

something and we know how much keep trying to control

18:41

things makes our life small when we control things we we we

18:48

play in a very small field and sometimes we’re supposed to kind of do that I mean

18:53

we’re doing our from our best ability and when I’m think about Benjamin it was in that form of control that I’ve been

18:58

taking was really important and when he then when he passed my physical reaction was this

19:06

surrendering to something and then in the months after that you’re living in I

19:13

experienc this I was living in this vacuum of extreme grief and at the same

19:20

time an extreme expansion because there was nothing to

19:25

control for me anymore so I could I could expand and I was constantly

19:30

compartmentalizing I went into grave and spent time and then I S out of grief and

19:37

and just felt in this it’s almost like numbness but you’re expanding and in that period I asked

19:46

myself what is really possible for me now because I didn’t care about

19:51

anything I didn’t care what anyone would say even I remember actually when when we had the

20:02

cremation you know in our family in the new Asian Society we don’t really show

20:08

and use voices and all these things and I remember how I in my head said uh Rita

20:14

you need to keep control of yourself and then another voice said what are you doing and I remember I decided to scream

20:22

out loud in this in this uh building I shouted I fell to the ground and my

20:29

family was shocked of this and I remember upside of me was saying oh this is too much Rita

20:37

like constantly like judging you can’t even grieve in your own way even that we need to control and I say I am not

20:44

having that I’m letting go of control and therefore I’m stepping into my power

20:49

because what happened was that I released a lot of things that have been holding me

20:55

back and later on I was asking myself why are we so afraid of our own

21:02

power and I think for women and again if I’m talking about

21:08

myself is that a power is so different

21:13

to what the power of what we see around the world that we will be looked upon as

21:20

weird and like who are you and and criticize

21:25

and being brought up in like people pleasing is a good thing saying please

21:31

is a good thing and all these things is everything is just against us so I think that to your question about why are we

21:38

so scared of power and being powerful I think it’s because first of

21:43

all we don’t know how powerful we are because we never give us a Grace of even testing Waters of that and when we have

21:50

felt it we can see how expansive that power is and how

21:55

people pull off they remove them themselves they go away so with power in my

22:04

experience and I’m talk about the the intention of power

22:10

right that can be scary because you can be

22:15

scared of being alone but now you’re going to go on this journey on your own nobody’s going to

22:23

like you anymore that is how I feel and I

22:29

see when I experience the power and and I

22:35

think when I felt real power it’s been because I released whatever baggage I’m

22:41

carrying with me that is a power for me it’s not necessarily other people

22:48

that have given me something or it’s like I released something that is no longer holding my me back I’m expansive

22:57

I say what I I feel I do what I feel and I see the results of

23:03

that and now 50% of the people around you are dropping off because they don’t like the new version of

23:12

Rita well it’s it’s the crabs in a bucket exactly where the the crab tries

23:19

to escape and the other ones pull it down this makes so much sense you said something earlier I want to go back to

23:24

that I’m intrigued by you said for women our power is so different from what we

23:30

see modeled I’d love for you to expand on that is that are you referencing

23:36

being able to be in the operating room and just know what needs to happen for is it the knowingness is it the intuition is it something else like

23:43

speak more to that yeah because I think a lot there yeah for sure so what I’ve experienced through myself and and

23:50

through women who has broken through to really become what we say um using their

23:58

power to have a breakthrough it is always when they do

24:04

the opposite it’s always when they Ricochet it’s always when they say there

24:09

is another way of doing this there is another way of looking at this and they are checking in with themselves and

24:17

just there is this is like I don’t know how to explain but you you come to this

24:24

level where there is there is no other way this is a must

24:31

it might not make any sense to anyone around

24:37

you but this is it this is it and I’ve seen this with

24:43

clients who have I remember one client um she came to me and she was

24:50

sharing how in a she was working on a project and she was the only woman and

24:57

and all the guys were so focused on what’s the next step what’s the next step and

25:03

this woman she was a Visionary and she shared her vision

25:09

basically saying look at the end result of the project like pain done this is

25:14

what it looks like when it’s done and this is what this project is going to deliver as a solution to XY

25:22

said and they criticized her for being too out day to Future Focus to whatever

25:31

so she came to me and she said how do I communicate with them and I said to her there comes a time where you have to

25:37

stop communicating either find a new group step outside to create your own

25:43

thing uh but it’s time for you to stop holding a power back because you trying

25:48

to accommodate their rigid thinking and limit limiting thinking and you think

25:56

there’s something wrong with you you but the fact is that you have been given an opportunity you’ve been given kind of a

26:04

vision of what this is going to look like this is your gift so she said okay

26:09

I’m going to try this out with this existing team so she went back and she just said

26:16

this is how it is this is exactly how we’re going to do it no matter what we’re going to figure this one out you

26:23

trust me on this and they said okay what they needed was a a kind of affirmative

26:30

clear answer that this is the direction because she hadn’t been clear enough in that it was a mega

26:36

success wow Mega success so that is when you’re asking the question of women

26:42

stepping into the power when we are willing to let go

26:53

of the busy monkey mind that is constantly telling us that everyone else

26:58

knows more than us that when we’re letting go of fear or not being liked

27:05

and we’re stepping into what is really a must for you what is meaning of your

27:11

life what Legacy do you want to leave behind no matter

27:17

what it’s like you get access to something so

27:23

powerful and now magic starts to happen but it’s scary it is scary to go there

27:32

because people are scared of being thrown out and I say then it’s a

27:37

blessing if you’re kicked out it’s a blessing I want you to speak more to

27:44

that because this is oh my gosh this literally was coming up yesterday on a coaching call I was leading a call for

27:49

the 10K club and there are women in there right now who are launching businesses and Brands and and so caught

27:56

up in perfectionism I can’t make a mistake right I can’t what if I what if

28:02

I get it wrong what if I make a mistake and so there’s this this shrinking right and I love I’m trying to see where wrote

28:09

it oh you said this this is so good this is so good I’m like pull this out make this a tweet people need to write it

28:16

down put it on their wall by trying to control things we keep our life small

28:21

like holy crap mik Dro so you you see like I I see this and I’ve seen this in

28:27

my own life too right I think I don’t know if anyone’s immune to this but there’s so much truth in what you said

28:34

and to your point of that core fear is well if I really step into my power I’m

28:40

GNA be alone how do we get past that do we just

28:47

go into the aloneness like I I can I’ll maybe speak a little bit my own experience because i’ I’ve been through this in my own way um but I want you to

28:54

speak to it first like how do we get past that core fear of being

28:59

alone I think the first thing is to acknowledge it that this is what I’m this is what I’m scared of um because

29:07

when you know what you’re scared of then something can be done and um a client of

29:13

mine she said that to me she said like I don’t like to use the word genius

29:20

often but this is like she’s a pure genius right and she said that my my

29:28

uh the way I’m doing things I is isolating me because the people that I’m

29:33

having in my circle they don’t understand where I’m coming from and I I am catching myself trying to learn other

29:41

people’s language and suppress my own language because I don’t want to be left

29:48

alone I I you know but I asked her what do you truly want what is really

29:55

important to you and then she start to talk about about circular economy she started to talk about the sustainability

30:01

and she started to shine and I said there is just one way to do this you

30:07

create your own tribe you go out there and you create the community that you

30:14

need you call in those you admire the most go out connect with them because

30:20

you know that the biggest fear you have is to be alone well then you’ve given a gift you’re given a gift

30:27

you know that so what is that problem designed to solve that problem you have

30:34

being so scared of being alone that is designed so that you can go and create something massive important in your life

30:42

and not only in your life can you imagine what the effect of such a community with you and like-minded and

30:49

above you’re getting together and that’s what she did my gosh

30:56

looking at straight in the eye being willing to face it being willing to acknowledge it no longer afraid of it

31:03

yeah no longer afraid of it and the think so this is you know when you think about Joseph Campbell’s you know when he’s talk about the cave you fear holds

31:11

your treasure right and that fear is so holding us so hard I mean I have had

31:20

that so much and I’m I’m constantly checking in on my cave what is my cave

31:25

and what does the fear is so NE iated to this cave and this is where we often find ourselves trying to control things

31:32

because we like we think by controlling we know what’s going on but there are no

31:40

such thing as control of anything we can be in charge of our lives but we can’t control anything right so what I’m

31:48

saying is that when we see that our cave is holding a fear of being

31:56

alone that means that facing being alone will open the treasure for

32:03

you so that’s that’s what I would say uh in this in this case is like really

32:10

go in and um identify what what are you most scared of neutralize

32:19

it um ask for help that’s the other thing

32:25

you don’t have to do this alone I mean that’s why you have 10K clubs and 50k clubs and you know my communities and

32:32

everything is that we do this so much better when we are together we can go

32:38

fast alone but if you want to go further you go with others and that’s why it’s important to find or

32:45

create yeah and to call in your people

32:50

um and be brave and say this I’m I’m on this Mission and I’m on this mission to

32:57

surround myself with people who are uh working with their legacies they’re interested in solving some of these

33:04

problems I love to hang out with these people people love that yeah gosh when

33:13

you’re brave enough to put yourself out there like that and that’s actually how you and I reconnected for this interview

33:18

I saw a LinkedIn post you had done where you were sharing that you were excuse me just pushing past your

33:24

comfort zone I think asking for more support and help and I was like I love that because how many of us would love

33:33

to be receiving more support and help yet are so feel like we have to you know got it I’ve got it all together I don’t

33:39

need help I don’t need support it’s the Lone Wolf syndrome I want to come back to something you said a few minutes ago

33:46

which you were sharing with me in the pre-chat as a question that’s really framed this year this question of what

33:52

is this problem designed to solve can you speak a little bit more to that i’

33:57

never heard anyone say it that way before doing a lot of this work with your clients too in your own life tell

34:03

us more about that yeah so this question has in its in a different form

34:11

been with me ever since Ben uh received this diagnosis um we might use another form

34:20

and that is why is this happening for me that is a short version but this is this is going deeper what is this particular

34:27

problem that is in front of me designed to solve if we think that what is in

34:35

front of us is never too big for us to really deal with to

34:41

solve but it’s there to if we pull that plug that little thing now we’re going

34:48

to open up the flow for something that is so much bigger so for me this year

34:54

I’ve been leaning in towards this question all the time time I lean into it every single day even just before the

35:00

school I was leaning into this question because I had the problem with my flight

35:05

but for so this year I’ve been sick a lot I mean physically sick I’ve been

35:11

down with back pains with real scare of like um a brain stroke I had pneumonia

35:21

so I’ve had so if you imagine so I’ve been off this year I’ve probably been off work

35:27

about four months complete off and I started to ask myself what is this

35:35

problem physical problem really designed to

35:41

solve and the interesting thing is that when you ask a question you get be curious instead of blaming whatever

35:47

problem I’m thinking o this is really interesting something is cooking what’s going

35:55

on in this case for a very long time I have

36:02

been writing about how I want to go to India how I want to experience being in

36:11

a an ARA clinic or

36:17

Resort but I’ve never really done it because I never had the reason to kind

36:23

of do it you know how stupid is that so what the problem I constantly had was

36:30

designed to solve something in one way bigger a desire it was designed to go in

36:37

there to solve this idea that I had that maybe I will never be able to do it to

36:43

actually say no here you go because now you’ve been challenged so much with your

36:48

body that it became a must no this one is a must I I’m going to go there right so but every day I’m using

36:56

this questions all the time like it is designed to solve something it’s designed for something so so it’s a

37:03

question that they I check in yeah every day and I ask my clients this all the

37:09

time and and the reason I also want to share why I’m saying that is because we

37:15

tend to be too caught up in the problems and when we’re caught up in the smaller

37:21

problems we try to control the problem and as I said before or when

37:27

you’re trying to control something you’re holding yourself back and the minute we getting curious about what big

37:35

stuff is this designed to solve or create or bring forth or now it’s like I

37:44

don’t focus on the how anymore I focus on what is

37:49

that now I get curious and everything changes oh wow

37:57

gosh it’s so interesting to think about it that way that whatever that small

38:02

problem is that may feel big to us maybe it’s something that’s nagged at us our whole life but that thing we’re trying

38:08

to control it’s it’s almost surface level right it’s like there’s something so much greater what I’m hearing from

38:15

you is there’s something so much greater like a solution that’s available to things far bigger than we’re even

38:21

thinking about when we ask a better question and when we look at it through

38:26

this lens so this is so good I want to ask yeah go no no go ahead go ahead yeah

38:32

and I was also thinking about this willingness to come from the big hairy audacious goal instead of coming from

38:39

what is because what is holding us back is the

38:45

most masculine of everything and that is how do we do something the minute we

38:51

focus on how and we figure out how we go into execution mode uh

38:57

but when we are putting the how I usually say this to all my clients you are not allowed to say how in in hour

39:05

conversation because I need to stretch your thinking you’re limiting yourself because you’re always saying but how am

39:11

I going to do that I don’t care about the how let’s leave the how away let’s now look at it yeah and we’re looking at

39:17

this these big acious hairy goals like I can share with you when I’m going to

39:22

thebo for cop 28 on on the uh the climate conference I’m going there with

39:28

a another um uh colleague of mine who is in 4pc and his big audacious

39:37

goal is to be one of the people on this planet that wins the Noble Prize for

39:43

solving the climate crisis wow he has no

39:49

idea of how to do that but he’s coming from that thinking what would I need to

39:57

be who am I being if I am this person who have been part of solving this how

40:04

curious do I have to be what questions do I ask how do I turn the

40:10

table that’s why when I’m asking the question what does this problem designed

40:15

to solve and then you focus on wow maybe there’s something much bigger over here that you don’t know

40:23

how and because you don’t know how you can take tiny baby steps because you

40:28

just trust the process that but I’m on the right path I don’t need to know how yes yes oh my gosh there’s so much

40:36

Freedom that comes from releasing the hell and I think that’s the only way we could actually do big work in the world

40:42

as well absolutely absolutely yeah I want to ask you I’m mindful of time here

40:48

this is so I want to have you on like every week we’ll

40:54

just but I want to ask you one one more question before you share where everyone can connect with you so I am curious

41:03

with the perspective shift that you’ve had over the past few years since

41:08

Benjamin’s passing um not quite few years now um I want to know what matters

41:14

to you now you you shared when we were chatting before the interview to we were

41:20

talking a bit on Marco Polo you said I’ve been given this this gift of %

41:26

of my time back and I’m very conscious of what I do with that

41:32

time to honor his legacy and you’re saying no to things that may maybe

41:37

before you would have said yes to so I’m really curious from this perspective now what what do you see as actually

41:44

mattering in life yeah so what really matters to

41:50

me is to

41:55

see great ideas coming out of

42:02

women that is really important to me so what I do is to really work with

42:10

women and draw out that mission draw out ignite them again um is really important

42:20

to me to yeah to get access to to the

42:26

Brilliant Minds of women uh that lits my fire um when I can work with a woman

42:34

that once had a box filled with matches that was ready to be lit any moment in

42:41

time and they used to do it but now they’re a bit like damp and they’re a bit like not so ready to spark I’m here

42:50

to to dry That Thing Up and to get them to ignite it again that is what I’m here

42:56

for I mean my joy I receive so much energy

43:02

When I See This aha moments in my client’s eyes in

43:07

particularly when they have actually done it like things that two years ago

43:13

was just a dream it was an Impossible Dream and now you’re presenting your

43:20

innovation in front of XY Z and your fundraising and money is coming and things are happening

43:28

that is so meaningful to me and as you can

43:34

imagine not everyone that comes my way is that and what I also can say is that

43:42

learning to say no to those who are not there I mean the one of the biggest

43:49

things that I’ve gone through this year had also been willingness to say no I’ve said no to a multiple six figure

43:57

contract with an organization that wanted me to train their new executive leadership team but I realized that the

44:04

CEO thought that he was excluded from whatever it was and I realized I didn’t

44:10

have a powerful um vision and therefore they were not on the mission and I said

44:16

no which was quite shocking for the organization as well and for me

44:21

sometimes I were thinking what did I do but it was the right thing to do

44:28

yeah yeah so working with that that’s really meaningful to me and

44:36

uh see the results of of my work like you know you have supported also with

44:42

kushal in India I’m getting to go there now to meet a child that you know you

44:48

have literally saved his life because you said yes to an invitation to connect

44:54

on LinkedIn because because somebody asked for help I didn’t understand that I for so

45:01

long I was asking for an opportunity to make a big a big impact a big Legacy

45:08

move from from my side how these things show up we never know for me it showed

45:16

up on a connection request on LinkedIn that I was about to say no to because I had some judgments and I said I’m going

45:22

to do it anyway and that was me receiving a gift of what I had been

45:29

asking for for a long time but I had to do something uncomfortable first to say

45:37

yes to something that I want I wasn’t certain about and then they got the gift

45:42

of saving their son I got the gift of seeing that what I do really

45:49

matters yes yeah yes wow you know one of the biggest things I’m taking away from

45:55

this is is when we are willing to look into that cave and face that fear of our

46:03

own power and the potential loneliness that could come from stepping into it and when we’re willing to look it in the

46:09

eye and take it on we release the things

46:15

that have been holding us back from actually stepping into a much greater level of connection in our lives with

46:21

everyone and everything that truly matters so I’m just I’m

46:29

wow I’m grateful and I’m blown away and I um and I really appreciate you and

46:36

what you shared just so powerful thank you thank you thank you so

46:42

much Rita please tell um tell everyone where they can connect where they can

46:47

learn more about you your work so very easy um just connect with

46:54

me on LinkedIn under r hosen um I have websites I have all

46:59

these things but that is where I stay closest to the people uh in the world

47:05

that is doing their thing so connect with me there send me a DM I love that like I just shared one connection can

47:12

really change the ball game so don’t be scared of connecting and say you listen

47:18

to this podcast and I would this that will mean a lot to me really a lot yeah

47:24

yeah amazing amazing thank you so much so much love for you

47:29

thank you Saint to you amazing all right wow I how do we even end this this

47:37

was this was one of those episodes that um I know I will go back and listen to

47:42

again and again and I really encourage you as my listener to come back to this

47:48

when you need a reentering a refocusing on what really matters and a mirror into

47:56

what’s possible in life when we release the n and the things that don’t really matter and actually are willing to step

48:03

into our own zone of genius and focus on Legacy and being in our own power so um

48:10

we’ll link all of RE’s information in the show notes thank you as always for being a listener of She Sells Radio I’ll

48:16

see you on our next episode bye for now