Retiring My Husband – The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

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Welcome to She Sells Radio my friend this is h a solo episode that I am

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bringing to you from my living room today if you’re watching the video we

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have a new family member it’s not a baby I didn’t give birth again within 11

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months that would have been amazing and unpleasant I know women have done that that’s tough to you that shouldn’t

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say it would have been unpleasant it would have been a lot we have a new dog baby so she’s behind me on the couch

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this has been it’s been 7 months since we lost um Mona and then we’d lost Lucy just a few months before her so last

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year was like a big year of doggy death and all the feelings that go with that

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um and I usually would have gone and been like okay we’re getting another dog

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soon to help fill that hole and this time I was like I’m just going to like sit with it plus there was so much

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upheaval going on in our lives with unexpected move to main which actually ties in with what we’re talking about

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today and just a lot of other you know business growth and things going on and

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I was like you know what we already have two mouths to feed and butts to wipe so

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let’s hold off on adding another for a while and um we I’ll tell just like a quick backstory before I share the real

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point of today’s episode which is about retiring your husband and what that or your partner I should say um and what

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that looks like if you choose to do that but I’ll share a quick dog background because you know she’s cute and she’s

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laying on the couch and a lot of the audience I know are dog lovers um so we

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really hadn’t looked for a dog until maybe a month ago and about a month ago I was like you know what I feel ready

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like I feel like we’re settled enough in our new spot to go look so we went to the shelter met a really sweet dog that

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if it was just me like solo batch in it or me and Jason would have been fine

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with um but he was a little iffy with Jack our three-year-old and I just it’s

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like I’m not doing iffy dog energy it’s it’s not worth it so we left we

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were nonattached to having to have a dog that day and I think that’s important we

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teach that in our community and that’s a powerful tool when you’re manifesting another level is just nonattachment like

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the desire was a dog but I was we were unattached to it has to happen like right now or in this way so we left but

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we’re were like okay we’re starting the flow here and then two days ago this past Sunday I was like I just had a

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feeling today is a good day to go to the shelter and see if there’s someone else

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so we went to the shelter and there were so many dogs there this time like a ton

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there was puppies there was a line out the door for the puppies I mean it was it was crazy but we ended up meeting

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this sweetheart Maple I keep wanting to call her m um but it’s Maple she’s laying by me on

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the couch right now she’s a mama her babies are 6 months old and she has such maternal energy with our boys which I

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love so she’s a new member of the family and you may see her lying on the couch behind me as I record um instead of the

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monster trucks or maybe next to the monster trucks that Jack used to leave there because she now lays on the couch

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all the time and he has to take his monster truck somewhere else so things are always in flow and in progress in

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our lives right let’s get into what the actual point of today’s episode is today

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I’m just like having fun sharing my life on the show hopefully you at least get like a kick out of it let’s talk about

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retiring your husband so again husband partner sorry I know it

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just please know when I say husband I mean partner um the phrase that people

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often throw around is I’m going to retire my husband I’m going to retire my partner doesn’t matter if you have a vision for retiring your partner let’s

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talk about what this looks like what it was like in our lives um some things I’m

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going to share with you the highlights like the things that were that have been amazing and I’m also gonna be real with

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you and share the parts that have felt challenging because it’s it’s another level of growth and your relationship

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has to also be able to withstand that and so we definitely have had some

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friction points in our relationship with it and I think we’ve grown through it really beautifully and powerfully um but

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it’s been a growth Edge for both of us and so I I just want to share with you like what the journey has been like what

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I would say to someone where this is a strong desire and if you two want to set this intention as a couple or maybe you

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secretly set the intention and then you bring to your partner the opportunity to

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stop doing what they’re doing to do something greater right so I I did have

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someone asked me the other day she was like what does it really mean to retire your husband or your partner anyway and

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I thought you know what that’s a good question because it’s a phrase that gets thrown around especially I think you

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hear it a lot in like the network marketing space right like bring your partner home retire them because there’s so many like power couples doing the

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thing there which I love um but it may not be as common of an idea if you’re I

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don’t know I’m like I maybe in an entrepreneur bubble maybe you’re listening to this and you’re in corporate or you’re just not familiar

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with it basically what it means is you start generating so much money that your family has options to do what you want

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on a high l level and if your partner is in a role a job that he or she would

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really love to leave maybe they want to start their own business maybe they want to go back to school like my husband did

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that you have the ability financially to do that and that’s because you have allowed yourself to expand financially

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and whether you go for a bigger role in corporate whether you um you know

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whether you you just like grow your business and create enough flow there that your partner can do it whatever

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that looks like for you these are all examples of of what it could look like so I did not set out intending to do

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this I’ll share a little my backstory and then I’ll share what’s been great and what has been challenging just so

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you can know ahead of time on your on your own Journey um I did not set out

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with I’m going to retire my husband and this is my strong intention it it kind of happened as a

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byproduct of other things I was focused on more in terms of personal growth so

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when this happened for us this was not quite three years ago maybe two

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and a half years ago and um and Jason at the time my husband he when I met him he

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was a night shift worker working um as a respiratory therapist in a hospital and had been doing that for quite some time

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like he actually ended up doing that for 10 years before he um before he quit a

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couple years ago but so he’d been working night shift at a hospital and that life is crazy so for any of you I

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know we’ve got listeners with Partners in medicine or maybe you yourself are in healthc care like oh my gosh shout out

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because it was being on totally different schedules too of someone’s night shift and someone’s not it’s

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intense it’s hardcore and we lived that life for years we had finally gotten

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him on a dayshift schedule I think sometimes the details of the when and

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the what with this so I’m just going to share with you from my best recollection we had gotten him on a

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dayshift schedule I think I think yes because I remember having a Thanksgiving

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where Jack was a couple months old and I was by myself during the day because he was working day shift to the hospital yes that was right before this okay so

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we had gotten him on dayshift and that was better and he so so here’s he might tell

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the story differently than I would there’s also that he’s not here to record with me today I would normally like do an episode uh like this with him

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here so he could share his perspective but he has been on the show a few times before so you can go back and search for that and he’s usually quite a bit of

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comic relief um on the show as well but so have you ever had I’m going to share

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with you a bit of like how it came about have you ever had just a knowing for your partner before they knew it that

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there was something they were like meant to do or to be so I I remember this this was I think

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about a year before he set the intention that he wanted to do something beyond what he was doing as an

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RT and we were sitting outside on our patio at our home in Georgia and I just

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knew there was something like not that like what he did as nrt was amazing and so important so I don’t this is not me

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saying that I could feel for him there was a bigger calling that he had not stepped into and wasn’t like wasn’t

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quite ready to step into yet but he’s very he’s an amazing um healer he has

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really great energy and he also is aspirational and constantly seeking

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growth and also very educated in both the the medical side of things as well

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as the energy side of things which just because of the path he and I have been down for years now and I had really been

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like researching and studying integrative medicine and health and I was like babe I could so see this I just

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I just had a knowing I was like you’re going to do this you’re going to become an integrative Medicine physician I don’t remember if I said it that

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directly or not but I I was just like I really feel this for you in a greater way and we’ve been having conversations

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leading up to that about kind of the greater calling on his life and he was feeling some stirrings to do more so we

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had a lot of long walks in the hot summer Georgia Heat talking about that I remember that too but I remember when I

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brought it he was just he was like yeah but he was resistant I just let it go

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and it was about a year later that he he was like I’m gonna I want to go to

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medical school I’m ready to go I want to go back and do this and so he had really like set that intention and that

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vision and the challenge for us was it didn’t work with our life the way it was lined up at that point he was still

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again working night shift the hospital um but but he set that intention and and we’re like okay let’s let’s follow the

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path we knew enough at that point about manifesting and and pointing our energy

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in the direction of what we wanted even though we didn’t know the how that we started really setting that intention and we had actually gone online and

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looked at what were the top do schools so doct doctor of Osteopathic Medicine which is like a more holistic MD it’s

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it’s it’s a doctorate degree but it’s more holistic which I like um and we had found the University of New England and

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that was his first choice up in Maine we’re still in uh I think we’re still in

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yeah we were still in Georgia at this point so but we started talking about it we started what would it be like to be

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there and we started researching Maine and I I was like I’ve been in the South

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my whole life this is a very different environment but I started to kind of fall in love with the the area what I

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was seeing online so we set that intention and then I’m not going to tell the whole story of

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like my financial Quantum Leap because I feel like I’ve talked about that a lot on the podcast and different episodes you can go um I don’t know there’s

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probably one about like my first six figure month that you could research and and find and hear that story because I

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think I recorded that like pretty fresh off the first one and it was like ah I can’t believe this is happening type of

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energy and it’s it’s really fun by the way uh but that was you can go hear that on another episode in a

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nutshell I decided to quit quit playing

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small in my life I was reading I’m going to pull it up this book is actually right here because I

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was talking about it on a training the other day uh the top five regrets of the dying bronny wear which oh my gosh if

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you ever need a good butt kick to like just go live your life powerfully read this book but I’ve been reading that and

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I realized how much I was playing small in many areas of my life and how much I

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wasn’t going for it even though I was living a life that was good but not great it was like I wasn’t going for it I was holding back I was I wasn’t aware

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of this but sub consciously I was actually because I didn’t have enough

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money to do certain things that I wanted to do like create more opportunities for my family like um invest more heavily in

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myself like this and like that I was holding back and I was playing it safe and I was actually using money as an excuse in my life rather than as a tool

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and I was just like I’m done playing small made a number of choices that a lot of people would probably say what

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are you doing you’re out of your mind that’s risky size of the risk determines the size of the reward so I want you to

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remember that um but I invested like crazy in myself I made a decision to change and within six weeks of making

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that decision I was able to turn my annual income into my monthly income and

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it um think like how do I talk about what it even did in our relationship it was

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crazy it was crazy because suddenly we were in a very different reality one important thing to know though is the

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shifts came first inside me before they manifested outside so I’m I’m going to speak to that in a

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second this is part of why with our curriculum and our programs whether it’s 10K club or 50k club or private coaching

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so much of the emphasis with our clients is on making the inner shifts first seeing yourself as a woman who could

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retire her husband or a person who could retire their partner um a feeling worthy

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of the money you want because your level of income will never exceed your level of selfworth so it has to happen

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inwardly first and it did happen inwardly first in me and he was supportive so I’m grateful to that so if

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you’re listening to this support your partner in their dreams and in what they want that is critical not just to the

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success of the dream but also to the relationship that’s so so so important I

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had to train that in myself that wasn’t my conditioning and it’s been transformational for our

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relationship so when this happened we were in a place where our first son jack

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was maybe five months old six months old I think at the time that I’m like really

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elevated financially and Jason went part-time first so we both knew he wanted to move on we were clear he was

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like already I think taking part-time classes that he would need to take for his prequels to um even apply for

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medical school so we were already on that path even though we didn’t know the how we were taking the actions we knew we like we’re taking the actions we

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could take at that point that we knew to take so he went part-time and then I

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don’t remember how long it was but it was shortly thereafter when we were like we’ve got proof of concept of this in

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the business like this isn’t going anywhere it’s not changing um he he put

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in his notice and we decided for him to quit because the level of income he was

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making not that it wasn’t beautiful and wonderful and it was but it didn’t make

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a huge difference for us every month and the time he had to spend to make that money was crazy so um so when it

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happened it it was a really it was like a really cool shift and it also felt very natural because we’ve been doing

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the inner work for a while for this to um like to set the stages for this but I’ll

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share what has been amazing and then what the challenges have been so again this has been maybe two and a half years

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now that we’ve been living like this and there’s been there’s been ups there’s been Downs

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there’s been oh like everything you could imagine overall it’s incredible so

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I do want to encourage and affirm you if this is a vision of yours to be able to create that freedom for your family

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which when I read intakes from women who are either going into our events or going into our programs it’s a very

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common thread I want to create Financial Freedom and time Freedom so that there’s more options and choices for our family

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I so feel that and you can absolutely do this if this is a goal if this is a vision of yours it’s like anything else

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by law you stay focused on it you focus on becoming the person who does this and

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you’ll do it it’s just a matter of time so you can absolutely do it here’s what have been some of the

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you know what I’m G to give the challenges first let me give the challenge I was going to give the good first and then the challenges I’m going

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to do the challenges first and then I’m going to give you the good and I’m going to tell you a few things that I would keep in mind if you plan to do this um

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let’s talk about what’s been challenging first I would say there were times when

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and he would say I’m not going to say anything on here that he wouldn’t say too so just just know that like I’m very

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respectful of him in that way there were times when it seemed like he was drifting a bit where he was kind of

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undirected um and that was I think that was triggering to me it was very

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triggering to me so I got to have some personal growth through that too and it

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was also just like H for him like one of the things that we became aware of is

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like he is a social person but suddenly he went from being at his job around

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people all the time like leading other people to being home and being the primary married caregiver for our son

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and I think we thought that was going to feel more natural to him than it did and

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he definitely bumped up against a lot of growth edges there too our first son is like a Leo he is intense en I get him

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because I’m like I understand you you and I are wired very similarly I’m not a Leo but I like I get him um and and he

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and Jason are very different so it was more challenging for him than we anticipated but I

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he would not like have a super solid plan for the day or would be like in his PJ super late in the day and I would be

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like I’ve been up since 4 a going for it and I’ve exercised and I’m showered and and working from home we would be like

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bumping up against each other like that all the time so that was that was challenging and I think he grew a lot

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over time with this and he now is like super directed super focused um

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on top of things I also got to notice the parts of me that felt ve very triggered by him relaxing or by him like

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not quote unquote being productive while I felt like I was being very productive and so I got to do some work on myself

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with that um but that was probably the biggest challenge and then just the other thing I would say is like there

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were times when things felt hard in the business and then I would like I would project that onto him or I would I would

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have thoughts even if I didn’t say it out loud I’d have thoughts of like oh if he was just working right now or

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supporting me like I would love to just quit and have him support me and be a stay-at-home mom not that like that is

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not my Dharma I know that that’s not what I’m here for and massive respect to

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everyone where that is your purpose my my purpose is hybrid my purpose is to be an amazing mom and also to create and

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run a really amazing company but there were times when things felt hard where I was like I’d like to just not just but

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I’d like to be a stay at home mom right now I would like for him to provide for me I would like to not have to figure this out this month we’re going to do

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this and so I would project that onto him so again personal growth for both of

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us in big ways there let’s talk about what’s been amazing and then I’m going to give you some

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tips it has been by like in spite of some of the challenges and bumps in the

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road to be able to have him around to be with the kids far more has been

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so valuable like the first couple years of the boy’s lives for him to be there to be with them really hands on I know

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that’s going to pay dividends um down the road for him and for them as

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well also giving him the freedom to just pursue his dream you know he wasn’t

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meant to stay as an RT he was meant to go to school go to medical school and become a doctor and we’re actively

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living that right now we’re living here in Maine he got in a little over six months ago so here we are and there’s

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more stories on the podcast about how we manifested med school and the med school that he wanted um is that’s been a trip

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in a but he’s now able to live his purpose and do the thing that he really wants to

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do because I was available to follow my calling so it’s always a double blessing

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Sometimes women will be like oh well what if I invest in myself and I put my family in financial ruin or this or that

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it’s like no like if you focus on that and develop a lot of energy towards that is that a

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potential path you could go down if you really want to go there sure I would highly encourage you in when you invest

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in yourself you’re like it’s a double blessing and this is what I see happening and this is the path that I would focus on is when you invest in

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yourself it elevates everyone in your family it elevates and creates freedom and choices and options there’s we would

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not be living a fraction of the life we’re living right now if I hadn’t invested in myself

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with the intention of elevating life not just for me but for everyone around me okay so

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that’s really important um but giving him that freedom and then just gosh time

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Freedom as a family like oh my gosh it’s been amazing the way and I know everyone’s scenario is different but

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because I I work from home I work wherever I want we have been able to really

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travel and do life and he’s been able to come with me to Retreats I host and events I put on and we bought an RV two

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years ago which is crazy to me my time hop showed me that it was two years ago and I thought how has this been a couple

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of years already and just going on really fun trips whether to the beach or the mountains and I I just I care so

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much about creating those memories for us and for our boys and for our family

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and we can do it whenever we want um you just pick up on a Monday and go so

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that’s so that has been amazing we’ve really transformed our life and our lifestyle through this

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process here’s what I would say in terms of what to know if you plan to do this

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so I think the first thing this is where we start with our clients on building the identity of who is the person who

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has the life that you want to live because your results will never supersede your identity right so I’m

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going to like repeat that again and again for you to really yet so you have to believe you can do it you have to

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believe you can do it if it feels bigger than you if it feels far off if it feels hard if it feels insurmountable you’re

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not ready you’re not there yet and that’s okay but I would focus on becoming the woman who does this so what

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is your identity what is the identity of someone who does this what are her thoughts what are her feelings and what are her actions so that’s that’s some of

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the inner work I would say also with your partner have clear talks ahead of

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time here’s how we’re going to navigate this situation how are you planning to

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not like micromanaging not being their boss that’s not good for a relationship I’ve like dipped my toe in that water

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and that’s not helpful or productive for anyone but just from an empowered couple

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standpoint having clear talks ahead of time so who’s doing what how are we going to navigate XYZ scenarios um who

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does what for the household in the finances because it really it’s a

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partnership right so having that Clarity ahead of time so that you’re not

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standing there looking at a sink full of dishes while you also are the maybe the

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financial provider for the family and you’re like I’ve got to go prep for these meetings and your partner’s sitting on the couch snoring and you’re

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feeling resentment like no ahead of time they’re going to do the dishes at this time or we’re going to bring someone in

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to do the dishes or I’m going to do them this time but have Clarity have communication and have a plan um have

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transparency I think that’s so important again we transparency in your feelings

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transparency in your goals in Your Vision we I got to work out all of my

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old programming kinks in relationships through this I got to work out judgment

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I got to work out resentment I got to work out fear I got to work out all of it because it does shift when you are

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the provider for the family financially now that’s not the only way that the

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family needs providing for but when you are the financial provider if you’re not used to being the only one who does that

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then you get to do the inner work to feel secure and confident enough in yourself in your relationship with

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Source wherever money comes from um to feel to to feel solid in this um another

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thing let me two maybe two or three more things I would say make sure that you

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acknowledge both within yourself and to the person the ways in which they

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provide for you and how valuable that is so this was a big shift for me and I worked on this with I think maybe a

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couple of my mentors or one of my mentors around the time when I started like when we started changing our lives

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in this way was I I hadn’t recognized all the other

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ways that Jason provided for me even though it wasn’t Financial so one second

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I’m taking a quick Dr drink break and then I’ll tell you what I mean so it’s really important for men so

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if your partner is a man in empowered masculine it’s about protector provider energy which is part of

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why for many men it makes them feel really good to provide for the family financially and that this is not a

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blanket statement but again empowered masculine is provider protector energy when he is no longer providing

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financially for the family if there is not a mutual acknowledgement of other

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ways that he provides then it can create a lot of

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resistance um insecurity all of that not good

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things in the relationship so something I got very clear on and then appreciated

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in my partner was ways he provided for me outside of money emotional security was huge ways he took care of the boys

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ways he um you know would stay up at night to do things so I could sleep ways he would

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protect the family in other ways and so you feeling that within yourself and then expressing that to him is hugely

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important hugely hugely hugely important so find other ways in which he provides and then I think gratitude and

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appreciation is is so I mean gosh isn’t that the Alchemy for everything but with

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this um those times when I let it feel hard and those times when I let myself

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feel pressure financially I I wasn’t in gratitude and I wasn’t I wasn’t in appreciation and I

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would I would allow myself to go sometimes into resentment or frustration and what I’ve really learned is making

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money is a spiritual gift like some people are really like I am W I am good at making money um there’s a lot of

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things I’m not good at trust I’m good at making money and there’s a lot of people

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in our community who are as well and very likely you may be as well if you’re listening to this and just accepting

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that as a spiritual gift and then being grateful that you get to be a channel

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that money comes through in the household and and again having gratitude

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in that rather than resentment or bitterness is so important and I’ve really cultivated the belief in myself

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that the more people who rely on me and this applies to team clients family the

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more people who rely on me the bigger the pie needs to get so that everyone is provided for so it’s not like we’re all

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sharing this pie that stays the same and is finite but no if I’m providing for

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more people then more gets to flow in and just become it’s about becoming a bigger and more available channel for

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money to flow through and gosh thank you so much that I get to do this so so those are the things that I I have so

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much more to say about this I actually have a meeting in three minutes so I’m going to wrap this here but maybe I’ll

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do a part two because there’s more I could say here but let me know if this answers your questions send me a DM on

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social let me know again we get a lot of questions about this in the community so I thought it would be a fun podcast to

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record um I will so two things so again send me a DM and let me know did it resonate do you have other questions I

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want to know is this a goal of yours the other thing that I will share before I wrap here is currently I do have a

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couple of private coaching spots so if this is resonating and you’re like I really want to elevate and this is not

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the intention of this episode but I do think it’s appropriate to share here because this is the type of thing that

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my private coaching clients want to do often um so if you want that private

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support and really upskilling upscaling your life your business your career and

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my Approach resonates with you then um send me an email elysearcher.com and my

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team will get back to you and talk with you about the like what it’s like to work with me and what the application process is for that too if you want to

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if you want to do this we’re going to do this thing together for you so I hope you enjoyed this thank you as always for

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being a listener to She Sells Radio thank you so much for your time um for your

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energy for your attention for your heart and I’m grateful for you and I’ll see you on our next episode bye for now