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Thanks for tuning into another episode of Instant Impact with your host, Elyse Archer. Today, Elyse is talking with her longtime personal coach, Annelies Gentile. Annelies is a pioneer thought-leader with a presence-based approach to coaching, helping professionals navigate change, mindfully, creatively and successfully. Having traveled to 22 countries and 47 US states for business and pleasure, Annelies discovered that most people want the same three things: to be heard, to feel safe, and to hold a sense of belonging. She is the author of the book From Chaos to Calm: Leading Change from the Inside Out, a personal story, philosophy, and guide for resiliency in times of change. In today’s episode, she outlines how to be solid in all aspects of mindfulness. 

Elyse and Annelies start their conversation discussing chaos in the many relationships we have in our lives—be it personal, business, or professional. The first step, Annelies says, is to identify what chaos looks like. The catch is, if you realize you’re in chaos, it’s too late, so it’s essential that we can notice any possible warning signs. Elyse gives her own example of feeling a tightness in her chest or a pit in her stomach when there is the potential for conflict in a relationship. It’s important, Annelies points out, to address the problem as it is. She talks about ‘hidden grief’ that can collect like dust and influence how we perceive interactions throughout our day. 

A lot of chaos can be tied to electronic communication, Annelies mentions. A good way to notice when chaos is on the horizon and it’s time to make a different form of connection is when you’re firing off emails left and right or the opposite: ruminating too long on how we’re communicating. Her tip is to pause if you’re sending off emails too fast to ensure you’re effectively communicating your ideas, and if you’re a ruminator to back up and assess the situation and look for a different channel of communication. 

Annelies brings up an excellent point: people are mirrors of ourselves. Communicating through chaos is a good chance to self-reflect. Through direct, human connections, we can engage in a dialogue to better understand how we’re being perceived and how accurately we perceive others. 

She goes on to talk with Elyse about taking things personally. Her advice is this: if you find yourself blaming, judging, or over-assessing the situation, there’s a good chance you’re taking something personally. She says this is a waste of time, energy, and creativity. There are so many other things you could be spending those on! Noticing you’re tethered is the first step to moving past this. Lifting the anchor and processing is the way to go. 

Something that comes up in the chaos is the eternal struggle of control v.s. going with the flow. Overall, Annelies says, we don’t have much control to begin with. If we’re constantly focused on the next thing, we lose sight of our human-ness. The goal is to gain perspective. 

Finally, Annelies explains why she left Facebook, and how it opened her eyes to how vital it is to connect with people on a human level. 

What you’ll learn in this podcast

  1. How to notice and identify chaos in all its forms, and how to pause without judgment.

  2. The importance of taking three deep breaths before assessing a situation and acting on it. 

  3. How to calculate how stressed you feel and what steps to take from there. 


Annelies’s Book available on kindle and paperback
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